Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

Home Unknown	By : katecooley Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 15191 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
Sorry this took so long - RL has my number.
See part one for all the semi-legal song and dance. I may have said it before, but I'll say it now - I have the world's best reviewers! Big smoochies and Chocolate-Covered-Gods (a subsidiary of Willy Wonka) to all of you!
The title is thanks to Paul Williams, singer, songwriter and honorary Muppet. If you know it, please feel free to sing along. I won't mind.

***

Part 18 - Just an Old Fashioned Love Song

"Jox?" The pained look and groan Harmonia received was no joke. And since it came up from between Joxer's fingers as he sat with his head between his knees, there was little doubt that something was majorly wrong.
"I�" a throbbing in Joxer's temples cut off any further postulating. "Ugh. Wow. My head�"
"Should I go get Ace again?" the young goddess laid her hand on her new friend's head.
"Nah, I'll live. Forever, it seems," Joxer chuckled, rubbing his temples to chase the soreness, wishing he could do the same for his chest and crotch. The two seemed to be having a contest on which would explode first. "Maybe ambrosia doesn't agree with me."
"You and the rest of us. I think each god on Olympus has tried to fix the taste of that junk and it's still like sucking on rotten olives that have been sitting in a jug of snails for a week." Harmonia winced and made a face, complete with a little tongue sticking out.
The former mortal groaned, that description coming in right on the money and making his stomach want to leave through the nearest exit. "Don't mention olives." Harmonia gave a smile that was both reassuring and commiserating as she rubbed his back in what she hoped was a soothing fashion. A mingled flash arrived right in front of them, its travelers appearing quickly.
"What in Tart's goin' on around here? Did someone implode?" Hermes looked around quickly for the source of the massive energy output that had pulled on him so insistently. "The whole joint's buzzin'."
"And where's that cranky twin of mine?" Eris' eyes narrowed as she surveyed the landscape, her hand firmly tucked into the warm crook of Hermes' elbow, where it was happy to set up camp. For now. The stray lust lingering in the air made her wonder off-handedly if there was someplace on him more inviting to stick it. "I could smell him all the way across Olympus."
Joxer's mouth made to move and speak, but there was no way for him to find the words for this. Harmonia interrupted quickly. "It was Joxie. He� I can't do shields yet. I'm still carting around one from Daddy myself. Someone else has to cover him for now."
No one got a chance to do it before a familiar feeling came to Joxer - that of a hand palming his head. His nausea doubled, stomach cramping a little with nerves as he waited for the inevitable yank of hair that never came. The long fingers seemed to radiate a cool power that seeped over Joxer's body in a calming wave that pushed everything else away, blocking out all those things ricocheting back at him. Eventually, he could sit back up and he cast a look over his shoulder, finding a familiar plain of black shiny leather and random metal fastenings.
"Bettah, bud?" Strife's grin wasn't his menacing best, looking more goofy than dangerous. He quickly plopped down on the bench next to Joxer. "Don't worry. We'll get Aunt 'Dite ta show ya the best way to block out the noise around here. I'll fix this one on ya 'til then. Don�t wantcha to short out on us, right?"
"I guess not. How's Aphrodite going to help me?" He'd been the recipient of her 'help' before and newly bestowed divinity didn't help him shake the uneasy feeling about getting it again.
"OH! Mommy's totally the best with shields," Harmonia chirped and landed herself a seat on Strife's lap.
"Yeah, Aunt Dite's tops. Then, we can get to work on the othah stuff, too. Y'know, fireballs, glamours, telepathy� all the basic junk." Strife looped an arm around the cousin on his lap, his hand finding a casual roost on her side to keep her steady.
"Thanks," Joxer could feel the heat in his cheeks, embarrassed a wee bit about having to be so much bother.
"No prob. We all hadda do it. Cupe, Dei, Ace� Me. Hey, even Unc hadda learn somewhere, right?" Strife chucked Joxer on the shoulder with his fist, though he made sure to keep it gentle. "We'll set ya up and you'll be bona-fidey in no time at all." Joxer nodded, at least that was something. He didn't envy whoever it was who got stuck teaching him, though. Judging from the way Xena went about it, trying to impart any lesson on him was a trial. "Kewl. Now," still with his cousin on his lap, Strife turned to face his mother and the man she was currently hooked to, "since I get the feelin' we're not gonna get too many chances ta hash this out, let's discuss." A table and two chairs appeared in front of him, deliberately clashing with the style and sense of the surroundings. The God of Mischief gestured for the two older gods to sit and Hermes never felt more like a teenager than he did right now. "So. You wanna date Mom."
Hermes nodded almost dumbly, his mind flashing over the proper procedure. He and Eris had gotten a little bit of time alone while the mad scramble over Joxer happened and sitting with her in the main courtyard had only cemented his resolve. He wanted that. Wanted to squire her around good and proper, all puffed up like one of Hera's peacocks because this beautiful goddess was on his arm. He wanted her to smile at him shyly, like she had before that wave of energy made everyone go haywire. Did he 'wanna date Mom?' Every fiber of his being screamed yes. That and more. "I got� intentions." One of Strife's eyebrows raised slowly. "To declare." That ebony curve didn't even twitch. Hermes rooted around in his toga and came up with an official-looking scroll. "Here's my legacy, what with all the duties and position and powers and followers and stuff outlined there."
Strife took the rolled paper and examined it. Yep, it was in order. "�K. Terms?"
"Terms?" Hermes sounded a mite befuddled.
"Yah, terms. What's the deal gonna be, provided all this junk checks out," Strife waggled the paper in the air a little before deftly rerolling it with his free hand.
"Oh. Sure. Umm� I'd like to come and call on her. Maybe a couple days a week. Annnnd, we can go for walks. Take in a play or two." Hermes was actually squirming around a little under that icy blue glare. He was glad the rest of his house wasn't here to see this - he'd never hear the end of it. "Oh! There's that festival at Delphi coming up and maybe I could take her there." Strife nodded slightly, which was a little encouraging. "And I wanna claim the Right Of Escort at all family functions."
Eris gasped a little. She hadn't been expecting that one. The whole ugly Olympian crowd would know what was going on because every meeting, every gathering, every little party or shindig would have him perched by her side. The Right of Escort was as official as you got short of getting Hera involved. This was real and serious and she wasn't blushing. No. Not happening.
Joxer, for his part, was trying desperately not to giggle. Not that he found this amusing or anything, because actually it was kind of a nice surprise. He just figured that the gods just took what they wanted and to Tartarus with the consequences. That was the impression he'd always gotten and, frankly, it had fueled many an Ares-related fantasy. But this was official, with Hermes looking suitably uncomfortable in his best toga and Strife sitting there, giving him the hard once over.
Strife. Now there was something unexpected. The usually goofy demeanor had been shelved and those eyes had Hermes pinned in place, almost daring him to step out of line. And that was what was killing Joxer, but not for the obvious reason. It was that look, that serious, no-nonsense, just-try-me expression that was going to do him in.

He looks like Xena. Oh, gods!
Joxer bit the inside of his cheek, hoping he could control himself just a little. Braying laughter would wreck the whole deal and he'd probably get a little fried by everyone involved. But for the young woman still perched on his knee, her own face a study in seriousness, Joxer could picture Strife bridging his fingers in front of him and looking down his nose at the golden man on the other side of the table� Just like he'd seen Xena do when negotiating with an opponent.
That was it. He had to stop thinking about it or else he was going to snort and giggle and make a general ass of himself. And he absolutely had to stop thinking of Strife wearing Xena's armor.

He doesn't have the chest for it. Joxer shivered as a warm, deep voice invaded his head, making the need to giggle take a step back, though not a big one. He didn't look around, but he could feel Ares nearby, like a tickle in the back of his mind. Summoning up the strength and energy he had, Joxer concentrated and thought back at the unseen god.

His ass isn't big enough, either. A bark of laughter rang through his mind and Joxer felt a pinch inside his chest. He wanted to see Ares laugh like that, head thrown back, eyes crinkled with mirth� strong neck exposed� He half-cursed himself. Apparently becoming divine made you lose all self-control. A nudge in his pants made him shift position and he almost giggled again, thinking about what everyone's reaction would be if he got a big stiffy sitting there listening to Hermes and Strife ramble on about courting and family responsibility.

Joxer� are you all-right? An odd question, especially since Ares could easily just check him out and know that. A trickle of warmth eased into Joxer - Ares wasn't just asking to ask. He wanted to know. He cared.

I'm� better. Thanks. Strife has me shielded, so I should be fine until I learn, right?

Of course. He learned from the best. A lighter laugh, one more casual and conversational� and there was a thread of nervousness in there, too. What was THAT about? Joxer, I think� you and I need to talk.

Joxer didn't need to play the fool. He knew exactly what needed discussing between him and Ares and that queasy twitch returned to his stomach. That big explosion of new-god-power had been thick and horny coming out of him and some of it had to get back to Ares. Not that Joxer had been completely at fault. What was Ares doing thinking about him like that anyway? Sure, he was a god and could do and think what he liked, but still� Yeah, I think we do. Should we go somewhere?

Before the thought was finished in his head, Ares arrived in all due pomp and sparkle, announcing his arrival. A cursory nod came from Strife and the two he was grilling, but Harmonia all but launched off of the lap she was on and wrapped a big hug around her father. Joxer had a brief vision of Aphrodite doing the same thing to Zeus and he didn't bother hiding the chuckle this time as Ares set his youngest back down.
"I'm taking Joxer to eat before he keels over again." There was a whole conversation going on behind those words, orders and requests and plain statements that carried over just on the tone of his voice. Joxer couldn't help but be awed at that. In a blink, the scene around them changed to black and shiny and Joxer knew they were back in the Hall of War, but he wasn't sure about the room. He didn't think he'd seen it before. Much like the rest of Ares' domain, the walls were dark-colored marble, but there were several wide, well-appointed windows letting sunlight in. It almost looked cheery, but for the blood-red upholstery and weapons hanging hither and yon. "Make yourself comfortable." It didn't sound like a command, and yet Joxer found himself almost rushing to sit as Ares made himself comfortable by disarming himself and hanging his weapons on some ornate hooks sticking out of the wall. His boots came off next and it struck Joxer that there was a very good reason he'd never been in this spacious room before.
It was Ares' room.
That thought alone was enough to make him hyperventilate, never mind that Ares had intentionally brought him there. And it was� nice. Ares had good taste. There were curtains and cushions and it wasn't a dark and horrible torture chamber like he thought it would be.
A table materialized in front of Joxer with all manner of food on it, making his mouth water, to say nothing of what the image of Ares, dressed in a casual pair of breezy black pants and nothing else, did for him. The God of War, obviously in 'relaxing' mode, barefooted his way back over to Joxer and parked himself in a chair right next to the new god. "Dig in. You'll feel more centered with a full stomach."
"You HAVE to teach me how to do that," Joxer chuckled weakly as he automatically reached for an apple sitting in a bowl within his reach.
"Do what?"
"That thing with your voice." Joxer took a bite and relished the sweet crispness of the fruit in his hand before continuing. "Everything you say sounds like you're so sure of yourself. Like you know you couldn't possibly be wrong."
"Well� I can't." And Ares said it with a smirk that Joxer wanted to nibble on. Rein it in. This is what started all that before�

"I should know how to do that, shouldn't I? I mean, if I'm a god, I can't go around stuttering and talking to my boots all the time, can I?"
"You seem to be doing fine right now," Ares watched with rapt interest as Joxer took another bite. Mother's green apples sure are lucky�

"Yeah, well, I guess�" Because I'm thinking about jumping on you and that's overriding everything else.

"I don't know that it's anything I can teach. You just need to be more confident, and that will come in time."
"See? That! I need to do that!" Joxer stood and circled the table to hunt out something else to eat. That apple really got him going now. "I'm gonna have to, aren't I? I can't very well just appear and say 'pretty please' and 'maybe' and all that, now can I? My followers would�" He stopped dead in his tracks, hand on a leg of some grazing animal roasted to a crispy brown. "Oh wow�" His eyes darted to Ares and the war god's breath caught in his throat at the simple beauty of this man's wonder. "I'm gonna have followers."
"Depending on what godhood you receive, possibly a lot of them," Ares stayed in his seat, watching Joxer pick at the meat until he pulled off a sliver to pop into his mouth. "You'll be fine." The look on Joxer's face told Ares that the former mortal thought otherwise. "You will. Followers are the easy part. They do what you tell them."
"For you, maybe. You're the God of War. You're not tripping or falling or flailing or� me." That word felt very small to Joxer, as he usually felt himself. A very serious frown found Joxer. "You point and say 'Go!' and a whole platoon of soldiers storms off that way. You say 'Stop' and all of Greece slams to a halt. I have to learn how to do that or else� everyone's just gonna laugh at me."
Ares sniffed a sad laugh to himself, just such a thing all too familiar to him. "Remind me to tell you about Crete later." Ares found a grape or two in the bowl Joxer had raided and ate them thoughtfully, a little lost in the story he didn't want to tell now, before turning his attention back to Joxer. "Don't worry about that. Anyone who would laugh at a god deserves whatever they get."
Joxer wanted to ask, but he thought better of it. Besides, there was a subject hanging between them now that was more pressing. "Um, Ares, about before�" There wasn't the time to address it, though, as an echoing voice plowed through Joxer, calling his name and making him wish he was sitting. Ares perked up as well, cocking his head to the sound and giving a faint smile.
"We'll discuss later. Strife needs you right now." War stood and in a flash was back in his official duds. "I'll take you. It'll be quicker."
"That was� an official summons, right?" Joxer took a deep breath, a little relieved that he didn't have to explain to Ares why he'd been having some wicked, lusty thoughts about him before. But Strife in official mode didn't sound like something to be trifled with.

"Yeah, from Strife, so how official could it be?" Ares snorted, a little relieved that he didn't have to explain to Joxer why he'd been thinking about him in a loincloth before. "Come on." He motioned Joxer closer and clamped a hand on his shoulder, holding him firmly but not to bruise.
A quick flash of light brought the two immortal men back to the Garden of the Mind and Strife, Hermes and Eris. The table was gone and there was still distance between the messenger god and Ares' twin, but there wasn't any palpable tension or scorch-marks in the area, so�
"Everything OK?" Joxer asked once his head stopped its quick spin.
"Oh yeah, everything's peachy. We just need one more thing to make this all official-like." Strife grinned and it was that grin that made mortal men quake. Joxer didn't feel too good about it either.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"You."

-tbc-
- 16
- 17
- 18
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Home Unknown