SAVING GRACES

Captain Danny Ross sighed as he left the Chief of Detectives’ office.



“That man,” Captain Don Cragen said. “Can be an ass.”



Ross nodded wearily. “I can’t blame him for wanting to clear the case…I want to clear this case…”



“I don’t know anyone on our side who wants to keep it going,” Cragen responded. “I’m not sure that even a few of the defense attorneys want to end it…”



“I wish the Chief didn’t think the way to end it is to use Goren.”



“He could say no.”



Ross punched the elevator button with more force then he intended. “Don, you know Goren a little…Do you think he’ll say no? Either because of his sense of duty or his curiosity, or both, he’ll want to be in on this. And it’s not just Goren’s head I’m worried about…I’m not sure he’s physically ready to be back at a desk, let alone in an interrogation room.”



“I’m not the enemy,” Cragen said. “I don’t know Goren as well as you do, but I have to agree he won’t stay away from this.”



“What’s worse,” Ross said as the two captains stepped into the elevator. “Is that, as much as I hate to admit, the Chief may be right. Letting Goren at Bertelli might end all of this.”



“I don’t envy you,” Cragen said. “Having to deal with Goren…and Eames…on this…”



Ross leaned against the elevator wall. “Yea…and I know I’m not going to let Goren anywhere near Bertelli without Eames there to back him up.”



“I’ll talk to them if you want,” Cragen offered. “They might take it better from me.”



“You are one of the good guys, Don,” Ross smiled weakly. “No…I’ll take the responsibility…but I’d appreciate the backup…”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



“How you doing?” Alex asked Bobby as she handed him a cup of coffee.



“Not bad.” He gave her one of his most winning little boy smiles. “Thanks for the coffee…” He looked at it skeptically. “Who made it?”



Alex smiled. “I did. It’s safe and strong.” She sat across from him. “SVU is going to miss us and our coffee when this is over.”



“Yea.” Bobby sighed. “But I think they’d be willing to trade us for the end of the case.”



“You really ok?” Alex asked quietly. It was his first day back, and just a week ago he was lying in a hospital bed. Alex and Olivia protested his quick return to work, and Alex sensed Captain Ross was not entirely happy with the timing of Bobby’s comeback. Bobby’s doctors had cleared him for desk duty provided he take it easy. Bobby promised, but Alex and Olivia were skeptical. “After all,” Alex said. “They don’t know what a good actor he is.”



But both admitted Bobby was on his best behavior on his first day back. He paced himself carefully through the morning, avoiding any major physical activity and restricting his work to a perusal of the files and interviews. The case had reached a plateau. Gregory Veneer was willing to turn on John Bertelli, but only if he received concessions the DA couldn’t make. “He’s not an innocent,” an ADA told the detectives. “He has to take some responsibility.” On his part, Bertelli continued to rant and rave and lay much of the responsibility for the crimes on Veneer. In spite of the evidence against him, Bertelli maintained he acted to save the boys, and Dr. George Huang reported that the ex-cop held a particular obsession with Detective Robert Goren. “I don’t think he’s insane,” Huang said. “But I’m not sure we can go to trial.” The press frenzy surrounding the case had eased, and Alex and Olivia were grateful that there was no horde of reporters waiting for Bobby upon his return to work. He’d ignored the many interview requests during his recovery, and the Chief of Detectives never did get his photo op. The subject of all this attention was remarkably calm—even happy—on his first day back. He’d cheerfully paid for a particularly complicated pastry from Alexis’ favorite bakery when she picked him up and happily bought lunch. Munch, noting Bobby’s attitude, inquired “So, what drugs they got you on, Goren?”



“Nothing I can get for you,” Bobby replied dryly.



Even those who knew Olivia and Bobby well wouldn’t have seen anything unusual in their encounters with each other that day, but Alex and Elliott, who knew both much better than well, saw the quick, quiet smiles between their partners. Bobby especially seemed calmer, more at ease, more focused, when Olivia was near, and Olivia seemed to find many reasons to walk by Bobby’s desk.



“So,” Alex said. “Fin and Munch have invited us to grab a drink after work. I think Stabler’s coming too, which means Olivia’s probably going.”



Bobby flushed slightly and shuffled several papers. “Uh…I think Olivia might not be there.”



Alex looked up with interest. “And why do you think that?”



“Uh…because…uh…I’m taking her to dinner tonight…”



“A date?” She tried to control her voice. “A real date?”



“I admit it’s been a while since I had one,” Bobby said dryly. “But this seems to fulfill the requirements as I remember them.”



“Where are you taking her?” Alex asked excitedly. “Mancini’s is really nice…And don’t forget the flowers…”



Bobby studied her carefully over the top of the computer. “Eames…Who’s going on this date, you or me?”



It was Alex’s turn to blush. “Sorry…It’s just…I’m happy for you, Bobby.”



He smiled. “Thank you…I…I have to admit I’m nervous. I’m afraid I’ll start babbling or something and scare her or bore her. I mean…Most of the time I’ve been with Olivia…I’ve been at work…or flat on my back…”



“You know,” Alex said with a gleam in her eyes. “Some men would like that last thing.”



“Eames…behave,” Bobby said and struggled not to laugh.



From across the SVU squad room, Elliott Stabler watched Bobby and Alex. He fought briefly against a wave of jealousy. “Not their fault,” he thought. “Don’t blame Goren and Eames for having a good partnership…a great partnership…just because you’ve upset your own…” He glanced at Olivia, who was smiling at Goren and Eames. “Goren makes her happy…God knows why…He is a great cop…and a good guy…Weird, but good…”



“Liv.”



Olivia looked at her partner and hoped he hadn’t noticed her close and affectionate study of Alex and Bobby, particularly the latter. “Yea?”



“Munch and Finn are going to grab a drink as soon as we can get out of here. Eames is coming, which means Goren’s probably coming if he’s not too wiped out. You joining us?”



Olivia took a deep breath. “Actually…Bobby is taking me to dinner…”



Thoughts flooded through Elliott’s mind, but he managed to seize the one that was happy for Olivia. “A real date?” he asked cheerfully.



“Yea…and…I’m a little…actually…a lot…” Olivia was enormously relieved that she felt she could confide in Elliott. “Nervous. I mean…Most of the time I’ve been with him we’ve been working on the case, or he’s been hurt, or we’re in the middle of some crisis. We…we haven’t just been together a lot of time…He’s such a bright guy, Elliott. All those books in his apartment…He’s got a brain the size of a planet and he uses it. I’m afraid I’ll bore him.”



Elliott smiled. “I can’t imagine you boring anyone, Liv. Besides, Goren would probably like reading to you. I wouldn’t worry.”



“Hey,” Munch said as he walked up to Olivia and Elliott. “Captains…unhappy looking captains…in the room.”



With a sinking feeling, Olivia watched Cragen and Ross approach Alex and Bobby. The dread increased as Bobby followed the captains into Cragen’s office. Olivia shared a concerned with Elliott, stood and walked over to an unhappy Alex.



“What’s going on?” Olivia asked.



“I’m not sure,” Alex answered, her eyes on the door to Cragen’s office. “All I know is that Bobby’s not in trouble. Cragen and Ross both promised us that. But I head the Chief of Detectives mentioned.”



“Well.” Olivia sat across from Alex. “Maybe the Chief is insisting on that photo op with Bobby…”



“Maybe,” Alex said uncertainly. “But I get the idea this is a lot bigger than that.”



Very little work occurred in the SVU squad room for the next minutes. Its members’ attentions focused on their Captain’s office. After a half hour that seemed more like several hours, the door opened, and a grim faced Bobby emerged followed by an equally morose Ross. The Major Case Captain murmured a few words to Bobby, and his hand briefly hovered over Bobby’s shoulder before Ross left the room. Bobby rubbed the back of his neck and returned to the desk where Alex and Olivia waited for him.



“What’s going on?” Alex asked, making no effort to conceal her concern.



“Just…just…” Bobby hesitated. He couldn’t lie to them. “The Chief of Detectives and the Brass…They want this case ended…They…”



“They want you to end it,” Olivia said softly.



Bobby, staring at the desk, nodded.



“They would,” Alex said angrily. “They want you to interview Bertelli…”



“Yea…They think I can rattle him into a confession that will stick.” Bobby returned to rubbing his neck.



“I can’t believe they would…” Olivia began.



“This is what happens when you’re the Department’s last resort,” Alex said, bitterness creeping into her voice. “They’ll use you up…”



“It’s not Cragen or Ross’ fault,” Bobby said quickly. “And…there’s a possibility…” He grabbed several files and tapes from the desk. “I…I need some time…” He walked away towards one of the interview rooms.



“Don’t worry,” Alex said to a stunned Olivia. “He needs some time alone. We go after him now, he’ll snap at us. Give him about fifteen minutes, and he’ll have some things worked out and we can talk to him.”



“I’m going to talk with Cragen before that,” Olivia said angrily. “They can’t possibly think that a man who’s barely recovered from…” She watched Bobby pace in the room. “He knows he can…He should…say no, doesn’t he?” she pleaded with Alex.



“I don’t know if he does,” Alex said. “He’s certainly not good at it.”



As Olivia watched Bobby paced, she recognized that Alex was right. He grew calmer with every step, his mood moving from anger to resignation.



“People.” Cragen appeared in the doorway of his office, his hang dog expression even wearier and sadder than usual. Trying to hide their anxiety about developments, the detectives gathered around him.



“Where’s Goren?” Cragen asked.



“Interview room,” Alex replied. “I’ll get him.”



He was leaning over the table and intently examining a photo when Alex entered the room.



“Cragen’s called a meeting,” she said as she leaned against the doorway. “You’re going to do this…”



Without looking at her, he nodded.



“Olivia is very upset.”



He rubbed the back of his neck.



“Not so much with you,” Alex continued. “With the Brass…But she doesn’t understand why you’re putting yourself through this…”



“Because,” he answered. “It’s what I do…It’s what I am…I have to do it…” He swept up the files and papers and brushed past Alex.



Alex and Bobby found a major storm brewing when they reached the SVU detectives. Alex was pleased that the SVU members were as upset by Bobby’s potential interview of Bertelli as she was, but she was surprised that one of the most vehement opponents was Elliott Stabler.



“I know what this is,” Stabler said, his blue eyes blazing. “It’s the Brass…trying to save their rears…”



Cragen reddened, and Alex knew Stabler’s dart hit home.



“It doesn’t matter,” Bobby’s flat voice came from the back of the group. “I’ve agreed…”



“But why, man?” Flynn asked angrily. “Just to make the Brass look good?”



Bobby shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Aw, come on, Finn…You know I don’t care about the Brass.” He failed miserably in trying for a light tone.



“What is this, Goren?” Munch asked darkly. “You got some desire to make up for your sins by dealing with Bertelli?”



Alex and Olivia’s eyes met, and a lightning flash of understanding swept between them. They both looked at Bobby, whose face was a carefully controlled mask. “Even I’m not that weird, Munch,” he replied lightly, but Alex and Olivia sensed the undercurrent of fear in his voice.



“That,” Olivia thought. “May be a little too close to the truth.”



“It’s wrong,” Elliott fumed. “Goren shouldn’t have to do this.”



“I may be the one person Bertelli hates enough to lower his guard around,” Bobby said quietly. He stared at the floor. “Truth is, no one should have to do this.”



Cragen stood desolately in the door to his office; Alex couldn’t recall seeing him look more desperate throughout the case. “People,” he said sorrowfully. “I don’t like this. Captain Ross doesn’t like it. But we have to make sure Veneer and Bertelli get what they deserve. And letting Goren interrogate Bertelli may be the only way to it.”



Bobby was already headed back to the interview room; Alex followed him. The bright mood had disappeared, and a dark cloud settled over the SVU squad room. She stood in the door. “What are you doing?” she asked.



Bobby turned his hand slightly in her direction. “I’m looking at the tapes of the interviews with Bertelli. And these…” He pointed to several bulging files. “Huang and others’ assessments of him.”



“Bobby.” She willed him to look at her. “You don’t have to do this…Maybe it’s too soon.”



“It’ll always be too soon, Eames,” Bobby said flatly. “Admit it…You’re not worried about my physical condition…You’re worried about inside my head.” His voice lacked any sense of confrontation.



“Yea,” Alex said after a beat. “I am.”



“It…” He started to pace. “I can’t argue with you about it. Maybe it is too soon. Maybe I’m carrying too much baggage. But I’ve got to get used to carrying it if I’m going to do the job…I have to…”



“Can you at least let others help you carry the load?” Alex asked gently.



There was a long pause; Bobby paced back and forth. “I…I’ll try,” he finally said. “But I’ve carried so much by myself for so long…I…I don’t know if I can change.”



Alex smiled sadly. “Yea…You’ve carried your baggage and everyone else’s.”



Bobby glanced at her shyly.



“So,” she said, leaning against the doorframe. “What’s the plan?”



“I’d like to talk to you…and the SVU guys…about that,” Bobby said.



It was late when the detectives finished their consultation. “C’mon, Fin,” Munch said wearily. “We might be able to have one drink before I collapse.”



“Elliott…Alex…You coming?” Fin asked.



“Yea…I’ve gotten through the last two hours by dreaming of margaritas,” Alex answered.



Elliott walked up quietly behind Olivia, who closely studied Bobby in the interview room. Bobby had resumed his intense study of the tapes and files after the detectives’ meeting.



“I suspect,” Elliott said gently. “You’re not getting dinner tonight.”



Olivia shrugged and smiled sadly. “I suspect you’re right,” she agreed. “But I know what the job is like. And how and why he does his work are two of the reasons I…I care about him.”



“You want to come with us?” Elliott asked. “Try to get Goren to come along?”



“I’ll talk to him…But I doubt he’ll come…”



She met Alex at the interview room door, and the two women shared a sad smile.



“Sorry,” Alex said ruefully. “I’m afraid…”



“I know,” Olivia said.



“I’m pretty sure he won’t want to get a drink,” Alex said. “But at the very least I wanted to try.”



“What…what does he usually do before these?” Olivia asked, her attention focused on Bobby.



“What’s he doing now,” Alex responded, joining Olivia’s study. “Looks at a lot of tape, listens to tapes, checks files…He prepares. He wants to be alone…It’s why I won’t press him…He tries, at least, to get something to eat, to rest.”



“You’re worried about him.”



“Yea,” Alex admitted. “I worry about him during interrogations anyway. They’re brutal…You know that…And Bobby can be rubbed raw by them…Left bleeding…And with everything that’s happened recently…and this case…I’m worried.”



“We’ll be there,” Olivia said firmly. “We’ll help him.” She looked fiercely protective. “You go ahead, Alex…I’ll make sure he gets out of here and gets some food and rest.”



Alex hesitated. “You’re sure?”



“Yea…I’ll call you if I feel like I need reinforcements…but…I feel like he’s my responsibility in some ways now.”



“Ok.” Alex smiled. “You know, you’re another new factor in everything, too. But you’re a good one. Don’t worry…I don’t mind sharing.”



As Alex left the office, Olivia took a deep breath, knocked on the interview room’s door, and entered.



For several moments Bobby, lost in a file, was unaware of her. He finally sensed her presence and looked up. He realized with growing alarm that long shadows filled the windows and that the office was nearly empty. He felt equally dark and empty.



“Oh, Olivia…I’m sorry…”



“No,” she said firmly. “You don’t have to apologize. You’re doing your job.”



He looked at her with enormous gratitude. “She understands that, at least,” he thought. “She knows what the job takes…” He ruffled the file’s edges. “Olivia…I’m so sorry,” he said. “Dinner…”



“It’s ok,” she said. “We all got blindsided.”



“No…It’s not ok,” he said in despair. “You deserve…You deserve better…I…I didn’t even remember to call for a reservation…”



“Bobby,” Olivia insisted. “It’s ok…really.”



He rubbed a large paw across the back of his neck. “You’ve done all of this stuff for me…and I can’t even remember…”



Olivia plopped on the chair next to his. “Stop it!” she said severely. “It’s not your fault and I’m not going to let you blame yourself for it.” She tenderly touched his cheek and turned his head towards her. “The Chief of Detectives, maybe, but not you.”



He calmed.



“When this case is over,” Olivia said warmly. “I look forward to that date. So, let’s get this over with.”



“Ok.” Bobby took a deep breath. “You…you should catch up with everyone…”



“Nope.” She shook her head. “I promised Alex that I’d get you out of here and some food in you.”



“Olivia,” he said hesitantly. “I…I don’t know what Eames told you…but…before these things…If I know they’re coming…I…I usually…alone…”



“That’s what Alex said,” Olivia answered calmly. “And if you want to be alone, I’ll leave you just as soon as I know you’re fed and trying to get some rest.”



Bobby sat staring at the files for several of the longest moments of Olivia’s life. His eyes shifted from the files to the pile of tapes. “Ok,” he finally said, and she felt ridiculously triumphant. “Could you help me put these away?”



They stopped at a diner not far from Bobby’s apartment. He ordered pancakes and a glass of milk; Olivia ordered the same.



“Comfort food?” she asked. “I understand why no coffee…”



“Yea,” Bobby admitted. “I’m going to have enough trouble sleeping tonight.” He tore at the edges of his napkin. “And pancakes…It’s one of the first things I learned to make.”



“Me too,” Olivia said. “And eggs…There always seemed to be eggs and the stuff to make pancakes in the house even if there wasn’t much else.”



He raised his eyes to meet hers, and, after a moment, reached out to seize the rope she’d thrown to him.



“Yea…We always seemed to have cans of soup, too…My Mom…Sometimes she’d go on these binges where she’d buy cases of it…It was one of the more…benevolent…symptoms…of…” He took a long drink of milk. “I figured out a lot of ways to make tomato soup more interesting.”



They finished eating in a comfortable silence.



“You…you don’t have to come all the way to my apartment,” Bobby said tentatively as they left the diner.



“If you don’t want me to, I understand,” Olivia said quietly. “But I confess that I’d feel better if I did.”



A breeze, just cool enough to be on the edge of being uncomfortable, eased down the street. Bobby shoved his hands into his pockets. “You know,” he said, looking down the street as if he searched for the breeze’s source. “I…I think I might feel better if you did too.”



END CHAPTER 17