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Infatuation	By : Ridgley-Warfield Category: M through R > MASH > MASH Views: 2026 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own MASH or the characters. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
Title: Infatuation
Characters: Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce/ Father John Patrick "Dago Red" Mulcahy
Rating: M for Sexual Content/Language
Summary: There's a difference between seeing someone and noticing them.
Author's Note: Based on the characters from the book/movie. This is Hawkeye's POV. Please ignore any typos. I don't always catch them all. Thanks for reading.
Additional note: I really didn't proof read this one very well because I got emotional just writing the damn thing. Forgive any glaring typos. I'll fix them eventually.

I woke up the next morning alone in Dago's bed, wrapped in a quilt and wondering where he was and what time it was. I hadn't intended on staying the whole night with him, but I was fairly certain Mary wouldn't mind too much, and I certainly never minded sharing a bed with him.
I got up, wrapping the quilt around me and drug myself out to the kitchen where Mary, Dago, and the boys were eating breakfast. There was a plate sitting at my usual spot, waiting for whenever I'd decided to wake up. I was surprised to find my boys animatedly talking to Dago, who was listening with either real or feigned intrigue—even I wasn't sure.
"Morning." I yawned as I wandered in, ruffling Dago's hair as I passed him, and sat at the table, leaning over to kiss Mary.
"I'm glad you've decided to join the land of the living," she teased.
As the boys continued to talk to Dago, I loaded up my plate with homemade pancakes and sausage.
"What time are the McIntyre's supposed to arrive?" Mary asked, passing me the maple syrup.
"Not sure," I said, stuffing a bite of bacon in my mouth. "Probably around noon."
After breakfast, Dago and I went out back for a cigarette while Mary made the boys help her clean up the kitchen before they would be allowed to go play.
"Did you talk to Mary?" I asked, reclining on the steps next to him.
"Yeah, everything's okay. She's very understanding."
"She has to be," I grinned. "She's married to me."
Trapper's arrival brought as much mayhem into the house as Mary's homecoming had. Dad, who had met Trapper on previous occasions, had been quite taken with him, and promptly came over shortly after seeing Trapper's car drive up from the main road. Mary was introducing Louise to the newest addition of our family, and Trapper and Dago greeted each other with a warm handshake.
"Sorry to hear about your friend, Red," Trap said. I'd told him last night over the phone that Dago was staying with us and would probably be going to Jersey with me until he found a place to go. Trapper asked how we'd come back in contact and I lied and said Dago had written to me about the death of his friend and that Mary and I decided to take him in for a while until he got back on his feet.
Dago looked surprised by Trapper's comment. "Oh…Thank you, Trapper."
Introductions were made between Dago and Louise and Trapper's two girls, then all 4 of the children went out to play as the rest of us settled in the living room. Trapper and I, of course, found ourselves talking about golf and how we couldn't wait for the snow to start melting so we'd be able to hit a few without losing our white balls in the white snow.
"Louise got me this great new chipper that I've been dying to try. Has the best damn grip on it."
"You should have brought it up," I commented. "It'd be worth losing a ball or two to see what she does.
"I tried, but I would have had to leave one of the kids behind to fit the clubs in the car." He said forlornly.
Mary and Louise eventually wandered into the kitchen to fix everyone a late lunch, and Dad talked Trapper into going over to see the improvements he'd made on his fishing rig for crab season. Though, I was sure Trapper was less than interested, he humored Dad, leaving Dago and I alone in the living room.
I peeked over my shoulder into the kitchen to make sure neither of the girls were watching, then I grabbed Dago's hand and wrenched him off the couch, pulling him down the hall to the guest bedroom. I pushed the door closed and pressed him up against it, kissing him passionately. He moaned softly into my mouth, sliding his arms around my neck. We pulled back after a long minute and he slowly opened his eyes to look at me.
"What was that for?"
"Because I feel like I'm neglecting you."
"You're visiting with Trapper, Hawkeye, I don't need your constant attention." He chuckled. "Just because I'm not saying much doesn't mean I feel ignored. I just don't know enough about golf to say anything of value."
"I just don't want you to feel left out."
"While I certainly don't mind being swept away and kissed with such zeal, I don't feel left out." He smiled at me reassuringly.
I kissed him softly, wishing we had time for a quick fuck, but knowing we didn't, then released him and we returned to the living room, chatting idly about places Dago might want to go for missionary work. I wasn't surprised that India was on his list, as it was close enough to Tibet that he and Tseten might actually be able to visit each other once in a while.
"Have you heard from Tseten recently?"
"Not since I left Vietnam," he shook his head. "I haven't given him an address to write to yet."
"You know, you could still meet up with him in April for his pilgrimage thing and come back here for the summer festival."
"That's true; I hadn't thought of that." Dago said, his expression suggesting he was seriously considering the option.
We spent the day eating and talking and playing games. The girls wanted to play charades while we men wanted to play a good game of poker. Since the women were outnumber, dad made Dago the deciding vote. He looked between us and them as he tried to make a fair ruling. Mary and Louise were making pouty faces, trying to win him over, so Trapper and I got down on the floor, bowing at his feet as if paying homage to him.
He laughed, but ordered us to get up and stop behaving like children, which made Dad and girls laugh. "Sorry, fellas, but I have to side in favor of the ladies."
We groaned good naturedly, but divided up into teams, with Dad now nominating Dago to be on the women's team since he "got us into the fix." I tried to protest Dad's appointment, knowing that Dago had quite the lucky streak when it came to winning, and charades seemed like the type of game that was right up his alley, but dad didn't listen and Dago's smug smile didn't allay my concerns.
Turns out, I was right. I wondered if most of the movies Dago had seen as a kid hadn't been silent pictures. He was quite animated with his hands and able to easily express whatever he was supposed to be acting out. It was a shame that Vaudeville had lost its audience…Dago could have been quite the performer. We ended up losing to him and the girls by a landslide, and as a result, we had to take them out for dinner.
"Do you think Alice Tuttle would come babysit for us on such short notice?" Mary asked. "I'd rather not take all the kids."
"I'd be glad to stay and watch them," Dago offered. "Now that I'm not receiving pay from the army or the church, I have to watch my expenditures a bit."
"Oh, John, we'd be glad to pay for your meal," Mary told him. "Besides, you're part of the winning team, you have to come."
"Thank you, that's very kind, but I'd feel more comfortable with just staying here."
Mary and I both looked disappointed, I noticed, but we ended up leaving him in charge of all the children, as well as the baby as we headed into town.
"Does Dago even know anything about kids?" Trapper asked from the backseat.
"The basics, I'm sure," I replied. "You know, not to let them play with fire or sharp things."
"He's quite good with the boys," Mary told them, sounding like a doting mother. "I just hope the baby doesn't cry the whole time.
It was well past nine o'clock by the time we made it back to the house after dropping dad off across the way. I smiled softly as I saw the front porch light burning and the rest of the lights dimmed in the house. We quietly made our way inside and could hear giggling coming from down the hall. Mary, Louise and I crept towards the sound of the giggles as Trapper headed for the toilet.
The door to the boy's room was open and we peered inside, seeing Tommy and Charlie in one of the twin beds together and Becky and Kathy sharing the other. Dago was sitting between the beds with Charlotte's Web in his hand, reading from the latest chapter. He made the characters come to life by giving each one of them a different voice and I watched him with wonder, thinking to myself—not for the first time—that he would make a magnificent dad.
Mary and Louise spent much of the next day preparing a rather large meal in honor of New Year's Eve, and I ended up inviting Me Lay and his wife and children over to celebrate with the rest of us. The house was full of talking men, chattering women, and cooped up kids who alternated between playing outside until they were frozen and playing inside until they were thawed.
Dago spent much of his time drifting between our conversation, helping the women, and horse playing with the kids. While he'd assured me the day before that he didn't feel left out, I couldn't help but wonder if that were still the case. I was glad, at least, that he and Mary had talked things out, and now they even seemed to be almost like brother and sister.
We let the kids stay up as long as they could, but they were all crashing out by 10:30. We moved Tommy, Charlie, Becky and Kathy into the boys room, and put Me Lay's kids in the guest room so that whenever Me Lay retrieved them to leave, he wouldn't wake up the others.
At 11:50, I started pouring the champagne, and at 11:59:50, we began the countdown. I knew I couldn't kiss Dago at the stroke of midnight, so instead I had him under one arm and Mary under the other. At midnight, I kissed my wife and hugged my lover tightly against my side. When Mary and I broke apart, she put her hands on Dago's face.
"Happy New Year, John." She told him before she kissed him on the lips in a friendly embrace, then she moved to do the same to my Dad, Trapper and Me Lay. I turned to Dago and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Welcome to 1954, baby," I grinned, dropping a quick kiss against his neck.
He was blushing softly as we pulled back, but smiled at me. "Happy New Year, Hawk…"
The day finally came for Dago and I to head out for New Jersey, and I suddenly didn't want to leave my wife and children, though I knew I'd see them soon enough. Dago and Mary hugged goodbye and she was adjusting the collar of his jacket.
"You can come with Hawkeye on the weekends he visits, John. You'll always be welcome in our home."
"Thank you, Mary. Take care of yourself. And thank you for your generous hospitality." Dago looked at me with an expression that said he'd wait for in the car and to take my time. I appreciated the fact that he knew this part wasn't easy for me.
I waited until he was in the car before I pulled Mary to me and kissed her fiercely. "You're sure you won't come back with us? The kids can stay with Dad."
"No, this is my home, Hawkeye. I refuse to go back to that dump. You'll have Dago to keep you company and I'll see you often enough."
"I love you."
"Don't start with that mess," Mary said softly, pulling my head down and kissing my forehead. "I love you, too, you crazy lunatic. You drive safe and call me when you get there."
We kissed again, then I said goodbye to Karen and the boys, who were already eager to mark off the days on the calendar to when I'd be home again. It made me ache to leave them, but I knew I had to do this. I had to get this board under my belt or I'd never make it in the private sector. I'd worked too long and too hard to be screwed over by the fucking war. This would be cake next to Korea.
Determined not to break down and cry in front of them, I kissed them all one more time, then headed to the car. Dago and I both waved as I turned the car around and slowly drove away from the house with Tommy and Charlie chasing after us as far as they could. Once we reached the highway, Dago looked over at me.
"You're a good man, Hawkeye."
I reached over and took his hand. Though I was sad to be leaving Mary and the kids, I was glad Dago was going to be with me. It was almost like what I'd fantasized about in Korea—dividing my time between him and my family. Maybe it wasn't permanent, but as he'd said…that didn't have to ruin the time we had now.
When we reached the apartment in Jersey, and carried all of our things in from the car, Dago looked around the drab little hole-in-the-wall two bedroom flat before he looked at me.
"Better than the tents in Korea," he offered with a shrug.
Since I'd been gone for several weeks, we had no groceries in the house, but it had been so long since I'd gone shopping or had to cook for myself that I really was a bit clueless on where to start. Dago laughed at my pitiful list of cereal, bread and beer.
"Maybe you should let me do the shopping and the cooking." He said as he took the list and sat at the small kitchen table. "What kinds of things do you like to eat?"
"What can you cook?"
"Not much," he admitted. "But that's what cookbooks are for. I'm sure I can find one at the market."
Dago fleshed out the grocery list to include milk, eggs, meat, lentils, vegetables and a few other items. We headed down to the car, drove to the grocery store and Dago wrangled the help of an elderly woman who was doing her own shopping.
I listened as he introduced himself as Father Mulcahy, and watched as the women suddenly seemed more interested in helping him locate a cookbook, and offer suggestions of what meals she liked to cook for her and her husband. Dago thanked her and the two of us made our way around the market, loading up on the necessary items. As we went to the register, Dago started to reach for his billfold, but I stopped him.
"I'm employed," I told him. "You're not."
He blushed softly, but nodded.
When we made it back home and put everything away, Dago sat at the kitchen with his new cookbook and started flipping through it to figure out which of the suggested recipes he would cook first. I kissed the top of his head.
"I'm going to go call Mary and let her know we're here and settled in."
I headed into the living room and told the operator to connect me to HOpkins 3-5579, then waited for the call to be put through.
"Don't tell me you've just now gotten there," Mary teased by way of greeting.
"Nah, we got in a bit ago but we didn't have one crumb of food here so we had to go get groceries."
"You? Bought groceries? I think I'd better sit down…"
I laughed softly. "Well, if Dago hadn't been here I'd be eating cereal with beer right now. I don't know a damn thing about cooking."
"Don't I know it!"
Mary and I talked for a little while before we hung up the phone, and I wandered back in the kitchen to find Dago at the stovetop with the cookbook laying open on the counter next to him as he followed the recipe instructions for something involving chicken.
"Need some help?" I asked as I hopped up on the counter and picked up the cookbook, looking at the recipe.
"You can hold the book for me," he replied with a slight smirk, obviously not trusting me with any other task, which was probably wise of him. Watching him cut the chicken into squares before adding them to a hot skillet seemed so strangely domestic all of a sudden, and I couldn't help but laugh a little. "What's so funny?"
"It's just weird watching you do women's work."
"You know, Hawkeye," he replied, not looking up from his chicken. "If I wasn't here right now, you'd probably starve to death."
"Yeah, that's true; but when I used to fantasize about living with you, I didn't bother to think about who would do the cooking or the cleaning or the laundry or take the trash out…"
"Probably because your brain automatically assumed I would do it." He glanced up at me with a soft grin.
"Also true," I grinned back at him, leaning in and kissing him.
Dinner was surprisingly good, but the company was even better. Being with him helped me not miss Mary and the kids. I helped him clean up the kitchen after dinner, then drug him with me to the shower. I undressed us both, not letting him removing any of our clothes, as I kissed his lips, jaw, throat, and shoulders. I bit the top of his shoulder, sinking my teeth in deeper and deeper until he cried out at his threshold. He looked almost dizzy as I pulled back from him and I smirked, triumphantly, pulling him with me under the hot spray of the water. I kissed him deeply as the water rained down over our heads, then turned him around and gently pushed him up against the tile wall. Dago looked at me over his shoulder as I pressed myself against him, using a bar of soap to slick my dick up in the absence of lube.
He shuddered slightly as I entered him, moaning softly. I held onto his hands as he braced himself against the wall, making sure not to hold too tightly or make him feel pinned down. It felt good to be inside of him, tight and warm and familiar. Even though we'd fooled around a little here and there over the past week, the last time we'd had full-blown sex had been the night before Mary had come home from the hospital. While hand jobs and blow jobs were certainly terrific in their own right, there was just something more satisfying about being physically connected to him.
"Harder." Dago breathed as I fucked him. He pushed back against me and I released his hands to grasp his hips as I thrust into him harder and harder. The wet slap of our bodies coupled with our moans of ecstasy echoed in the shower stall, moving us both rapidly towards our orgasm. Dago had taken himself in one hand, jerking his cock in rhythm to my thrusts. Watching him pleasure himself was almost too much for my mind to process and I growled and bit down hard into his shoulder, making him cry out once again. I didn't let up this time, holding him there between my teeth as I crashed my body into his. Dago clawed at the tile, gritting his teeth as he continued jerking off. I could feel him holding his breath and knew that he was concentrating solely on cumming. He was nearing the finish and I didn't let up.
"Hawkeye!" He called out hoarsely as he threw his head back. I pushed deeply into him as his orgasm hit, making him shudder and moan as he spilled himself into his hand and onto the tile. I came seconds later, spending myself deep inside of him and growling continuously against his shoulder, where my teeth were still latched onto him. As my body jerked with the last passing wave of my orgasm, I let up on his shoulder and leaned heavily against him, completely sated.
Dago dropped his head against the wall, panting. I could feel him trembling ever so slightly as he relaxed his taut muscles. We stood there for several long moments, letting the spray of the shower wash over us before I put all my weight back on my own two feet, pressing a kiss at the base of his neck.
We took our time showering, in no real hurry to do much of anything except simply be with each other. When we finally did get out of the shower and toweled off, I noticed the dark bruise forming on Dago's shoulder in the shape of a ring of teeth. I winced slightly and ran my fingers gently over the bruise.
"Sorry."
He glanced at his shoulder, smiling softly. "It's alright."
We put on our pajamas, and I grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge before we sat on the couch to watch a little television before bedtime. Having watched enough television with him over the last couple of weeks, I'd learned that Dago seemed drawn to comedies like I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners and variety shows like the Colgate Comedy Hour or Spike Jones, but not very interested in the sci-fi shows I was partial to. He did, however, humor me by watching them with me, though I could tell he never truly got into them like I did.
By 10pm we were both barely able to hold our eyes open, so we called it a night and went to bed. I was due at the hospital at 8am, which meant getting up by six. I hated early shifts. Surgeries were always scheduled for either mid-morning or early afternoon, so I never understood why I had to be there, but figured it was just another way for the chief surgeon to dog my ass.
I cocooned myself in the blankets with Dago as he curled up against me and—as he usually did—rested his head in the crook of my arm. It still felt so strange to be lying down to sleep with him, as I'd always left him about this time in Korea.
"Goodnight, Hawkeye.," he murmured sleepily, draping his arm across my stomach.
"'Night, baby." I replied, kissing the top of his head.
When the alarm went off, I felt disoriented as I reached over to shut the damn thing off, having forgotten in my sleep that I was in Jersey and not Crabapple Cove. Dago stirred next to me, reaching over and rubbing my back gently.
"Want me to make you breakfast?" He mumbled, still half asleep.
"Nah, s'ok." I yawned and rubbed my eyes. "You go back to sleep."
"Okay." He said, dropping his hand back on the bed. I headed for the bathroom to shower and shave, hoping it would wake me up enough to function, then went to the kitchen to make some coffee and eat a bowl of cereal. I got dressed in a pair of slacks, button down shirt and tie—as required by the dress code at the VA, then sat on the edge of the bed next to Dago, who had already fallen back asleep. I leaned over and kissed his lips lightly, making him stir once again.
"Hey," I said softly, smiling. "I'm off to the hospital. You'll be okay here by yourself?"
"Yeah, I'm sure I'll be fine. What time will you be home?"
"Depends on what surgeries are scheduled today and how much of a dick my boss is going to be after me being gone for most of December, but hopefully by six."
"Okay. I hope you have a good day."
"I'll do my best," I leaned down and kissed him again, then headed off to work.
As it was, there was only one surgery scheduled, but that didn't get me off the hook for a long, hard day. Jimmy was in a bah-humbug sort of mood, and set me to doing follow-ups for all the patients who had had surgery in the last few weeks, most of whom had already been released and I ended up having to call. While none of the work was particularly grueling, it was grunt work that was teaching me absolutely nothing about thoracic surgery. Sure, follow-ups were a part of being a doctor, but I wasn't the one who'd done the surgery.
The holidays had also done nothing to change the fact that Jimmy was on me every chance he got like some kind of rabid dog—barking about how sloppy I looked, or how I shouldn't take a smoke break, or just generally tearing into me for no good reason. By the time I left the hospital, I had a killer headache and I needed a drink.
I drug myself back to the apartment, noticing that it was already well after six. Dago was sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the small coffee table, reading a book as I came in. He looked up and smiled at me cheerily, but I couldn't muster up the energy to do the same. I could smell something cooking in the kitchen and it made my stomach growl, as I'd barely gotten time for a sandwich in the VA cafeteria some 7 hours earlier.
"How was your day?" Dago asked, closing his book.
I groaned in reply, dragging myself over to the couch and flopping down to put my head in his lap. Dago gently stroked my hair.
"That good, huh?" He teased lightly.
"Jimmy Gargan is a real son of a bitch." I muttered, closing my eyes. "I can't wait until I finish my residency with him and can tell him just what a piece of shit he really is."
"Maybe you should tell him to lighten up a little." Dago offered.
I laughed softly. "That would just make it worse. I swear to God, if my shoes aren't tied just right, he threatens to write me up."
We were quiet for a moment as Dago continued to stroke my hair and lightly massage my scalp with his fingertips, helping my headache to ebb a little as I relaxed against him.
"What's for dinner?"
"Stew, hopefully. It's been cooking all day."
"Smells good."
"If you want to go get changed, it should be done pretty soon," he said softly. "Do you want a beer?"
"I'll take a scotch actually." I sat up and kissed him, then headed to the bedroom to change.
Dago and I quickly established a comfortable routine in which I would wake up, kiss him goodbye, then come home to dinner almost ready. He would pour me a drink as I changed clothes, we would eat, clean the kitchen, then either watch the T.V. or fuck, or sometimes both before showering and climbing into bed by 10:30. Mary had called to tell me not to come home the first weekend after I'd been back at work because both of the boys were sick and she, too, was feeling under the weather. By the second weekend, though, I was ready to see them all. I felt somewhat guilty as Dago seemed to sense my anticipation of going home, and politely declined my invitation for him to come along.
"You haven't seen them in two weeks, Hawkeye; whereas you've seen me every day. Go home and be with your wife and children. I'll be here when you get back on Sunday."
By mid-February, his answer never changed, and I stopped asking him to come along. It seemed strange that whenever I was with Dago, I rarely thought of Mary or the kids, and when I was with them I rarely thought of Dago. I wondered at how my brain could shut out two equally important parts of my life, but was at least glad that it kept me from missing one or the other.
I could tell, though, that Dago was getting restless. I always asked what he did during the day, or on the weekends when I wasn't there, and his answer—again—was always the same. "Not much." He would say with no real detail. I knew he was feeling depressed, but I wasn't sure exactly why.
"Are you unhappy here, Dago?" I asked one night as we laid in bed, neither of us able to sleep for whatever reason.
"No, not particularly. Not with you, anyways." He amended gently. "I'm just beginning to understand why Mary wasn't happy here. It's lonely when you're not here, and I have nothing productive to occupy my time with other than prayer. I need to find a job, Hawkeye…"
"Maybe you could come work at the V.A. with me for a while," I offered. "We have a chaplain there already, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind splitting the work with you. I could ask the director…if you want."
"Would you?" Dago asked, hopeful. "Even if I don't get paid, I need to do something other than sit in this apartment all day."
I brushed my lips against his. "Sure, I'll talk to 'em tomorrow morning and see if there's something they can work out."
"Thank you," he said sincerely.
The director told me they could use another chaplain on a part-time pay basis, and asked me to have Dago come in to talk to him. When I got a minute for a break, I called the apartment to tell Dago the news and told him to come up to the V.A. if he had time.
"Ha. Ha." He deadpanned at my mockery. I gave him directions on how to get here by foot, wished him luck, then went back to work.
It was about two in the afternoon, and I was just getting ready to scrub in for a surgery when I eyed Dago walking down the hall with the V.A. Chaplain Robert Babbitt, or as I called him, Rabbit. Rabbit was a tall, skinny fellow with cottony white hair and a nervous tic, but a swell enough guy that seemed to care a lot about the patients at the hospital.
"Ah, Doctor Pierce," he called upon seeing me, and motioning me to meet them halfway down the corridor. Dago was trying not to smirk. "Allow me to introduce our new part-time chaplain, Father John Mulcahy. Father, this is Doctor Pierce."
"Look here, you mackerel snapper," I said, narrowing my eyes at Dago. "I don't care for your kind, so you stay out of my hair and I'll stay out of yours."
"Doctor Pierce!" Rabbit sounded scandalized as he looked at Dago. "I'm sorry, Father…he's just a resident here."
Dago and I both laughed, and he explained. "Don't worry, Robert; Hawkeye and I are well-acquainted. I'm actually staying with him for the time being."
"Oh, thank God," Rabbit sighed in relief. "You really had me there, Doctor."
"I've got to get to surgery," I told them with a laugh. "See you around, Rabbit. Bye, Dago."
Dago seemed to be back to his normal, cheerful self in no time after he started working at the hospital. Even though he wasn't getting paid for half the time he spent up there, Dago started getting up with me in the morning, going in with me, and staying until I got off work. It threw off our established routine a little, as it took a little longer to get dinner ready, but I felt that so long as he was content, and had something to do, he wouldn't leave anytime soon.
March 17th rolled around on a Wednesday, and I somehow managed to wake up before the alarm went off. I shut it off, and watching Dago sleeping until it was time to get up, then I leaned down and kissed his lips softly until he slowly woke up.
"Happy birthday, baby." I murmured.
"What?" He said, sleep still fogging his brain. "Oh…gosh, I nearly forgot what day it was."
I laughed quietly. "I've got something for you. Do you want it now or tonight when we get home?"
"You didn't have to get me anything, Hawkeye."
"I know," I brushed the tip of his nose with mine. "I wanted to."
"What is it?" He asked curiously.
"Wait here." I smiled, kissing him again before I slid out of bed and found the cigar box where I kept my valuables. Dago turned on the lamp beside the bed, sitting up and rubbing his eyes as he watched me pull an envelope out of the box. I handed it over to him, sitting next to him on the bed.
"What is it?" He asked again.
"Open it."
He carefully tore open the seal on the envelope and pulled out the contents, staring at it as if he couldn't comprehend what he was holding.
"It's a plane ticket," I told him. "A trans-Atlantic flight from New York to London, where you'll then fly to India, and hop a train to Nepal."
"Oh, Hawkeye…" he said breathlessly. "This must have cost you an absolute fortune…I can't accept this…"
"Yes, you can." I told him, wrapping my arms around him. "I want you to go and see Tseten. I wasn't sure exactly when he would do his pilgrimage thing; your letter just said between April and May, so this isn't an actual ticket yet…it's more just a reservation for a seat whenever you decide to go."
Dago hugged me so tightly that I nearly couldn't breathe. "I don't know how to thank you, Hawkeye. This is…gosh...it's just too much."
"You don't have to thank me, baby. I wanted to do it, and I had some money tucked away, so it's not putting me in a bind. You should probably thank Mary, though. She did a lot of the leg work talking to the airline to work it all out."
He kissed me deeply, looking at me with a sincere expression. "Well, thank you…both of you. I'll be sure to call her up later and thank her myself, but…thank you."
I laughed and ruffled his hair. "Stop thanking me and get out of bed before you make me late for work."
Rather than relying on the mail to deliver the news of his visit to Tseten, Dago sent communication by wire instead, which took several days for a response, rather than several weeks or even months. The two of them managed to work out the days they would meet in Lumbini, and Tseten informed Dago how long he planned to stay so that Dago could make arrangements for his return trip home.
On April 7th, I drove Dago to the airport in New York. He looked somewhat nervous as he checked in and got his boarding pass and I walked with him to the boarding zone, gently bumping his shoulder with mine as we walked.
"What are you nervous about, Dago?"
"Everything," he admitted. "It's been so long since I've seen him."
"I'm sure he hasn't changed any more than you have," I offered.
"Yeah, I know…" He sighed and turned to face me as we'd reached as far as I could go with him. "Thank you for this, Hawkeye; though I do with you'd let me repay you for at least part of the expenses."
"You can work it off in trade," I grinned, winking at him and making him blush.
An awkward silence fell over us as we stared at each other, knowing we couldn't exactly hug or kiss out in the open. I sighed softly, but smiled at him all the same.
"Take care of yourself over there. Don't get arrested or exiled."
"I'll do my best," he said with a soft laugh. "You take care, too."
"Yeah, well, it's a good thing I've been watching you cook, otherwise I might actually starve during the week."
He grinned and held out his hand.
I took it, squeezing gently. "See you in a month."
"In a month," he nodded, releasing my hand.
I watched him board the plane, then stood by until they closed the door and started to taxi to the runway. I waited until the plane thundered across the stretch of pavement before the nose lifted into the sky and it began to ascend into the clouds, then I went home—alone—to the apartment in Jersey.
Without Dago, Mary, or the kids, the apartment was lonely and quiet and I started to realize what they'd all gone through whenever they were stuck there while I worked. It helped me understand Mary's decision to remain in Crabapple Cove, and Dago's insistence that he needed a job. I was only there for about 4-5 hours a night before I went to bed and started my day over again, and it was depressing me. I didn't know how either of them had been able to stand it for so long.
I talked to Mary and the boys every night and looked forward to seeing them every weekend. April seemed to creep by without Dago with me during the weekdays, but I was glad that he was visiting with Tseten.
Jimmy Gargan's personal vendetta to make my life a living hell continued for that month, making it harder and harder to come home to an empty apartment. Mary had listened to me gripe about Jimmy for a couple of weeks before she told me to suck it up or pack it in, but that only made me feel resentment towards her whenever I had a particularly bad day and couldn't tell her, but I knew she was right. Jimmy was a hard ass, but he was a damn good mentor.
On May 8th, I drove back to the airport in New York and waited around for a couple of hours for Dago's plane to land. I paced nervously back and forth, hoping that I remembered the day right and hoping he'd made the plane. I had no doubts that Dago could take care of himself, but there was that fear in the back of my mind that something could have happened to him.
When his plane finally landed and I saw him step through the door and descend the steps, relief flooded me. He smiled as he saw me and I couldn't help but smile back, waving excited at him. I saw him laugh a little as he gave me a small wave back, and this time I didn't stop myself from hugging him as he came up to me, noticing immediately how sunburned his face was.
"Looks like you got a bit of sun," I teased as we hugged tightly.
"Yeah," he laughed. "Just a bit. I even wore a hat every day, but it didn't help."
"How are you? How was the trip?"
"It was great. Tseten sends his greetings and his thanks for your generosity in sending me over there. He's also sent me home with a few things for you, Mary and the boys."
"Oh?" I asked curiously.
"They're in my bag; I'll show you later. How about you? How have you been?"
"Lonely," I told him. "I see now why you and Mary couldn't stand to be in the apartment all day alone."
"I'm sorry. I hope it wasn't unbearable."
"I think I managed okay for the most part."
We drove home and Dago told me all about the trip and seeing Tseten and the festivities to celebrate Buddha's birth. It all sounded so exotic and exciting; I was almost sorry that I hadn't gone with him.
When we got home, the door had barely closed before I grabbed Dago and pulled him into a fierce kiss. His tongue slipped eagerly into my mouth and we began to pull at each other's clothes, hungry with the longing to be together. We carefully made our way to the bedroom, dropping shirts, kicking off shoes, and puddling trousers along the way until we fell naked into bed.
I wasted no time in slicking up my fingers with one hand, pushing them inside of him, and spitting into my other hand to moisten my dick. Dago moaned and panted on the bed, looking up at me as I withdrew my fingers and positioned my cock. I met his eyes and waited for just a breath before I pushed into him.
The sex was frantic, but we tried about a million different positions, staying off our orgasms as long as humanly possible to prolong our enjoyment. We were dripping with sweat by the time neither of us could last a moment longer. We both knelt on the mattress, facing each other. I took hold of his cock, and he mine as we kissed deeply and finished each other manually. We came almost simultaneously; moaning into each other's mouth. I felt his cum hit me in the stomach and knew that mine must have landed somewhere near the same place on him. I felt it dripping off my fingers onto the sheets. Sometimes there was just nothing better than hot, dirty sex…
I pulled Dago down on the bed, laying with him as we both tried to catch our breath. I glanced at the clock, grinning as I realized we'd been fucking for over an hour. I felt Dago's body growing more and more slack as his breathing evened out, and I suddenly realized that he'd fallen asleep. I smiled to myself, holding him a little closer as I closed my eyes and dozed off with him.
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night to Dago gently shifting out of my arms and off the bed.
"Where you going?"
"I'm thirsty," he said, his voice raspy from a dry throat. "And we could probably use a shower. I smell like sweat…and sex."
I grinned. "Finest kind."
I heard him laugh as he headed out towards the kitchen, padding through the apartment naked. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was about 2:30 in the morning. I was glad it was Sunday and that I didn't have to be at work in a few hours. I stretched and got out of bed, following Dago into the kitchen where he was pouring a glass of orange juice.
He gulped about half the glass down in 3 large swallows, then offered the rest to me as he licked the pulp from his lips. I took the glass, finishing off the juice and set it on the counter just as Dago placed his hands on my face and kissed my lips sweetly.
"Happy birthday," he said softly as he pulled back. Dago had intentionally arranged to come back home on May 8th so that he would be here for my birthday the following day.
I smiled and pulled him back into a kiss. "We're creeping up into that old man status, Dago."
"Hardly," he laughed. "You're still in your 30's. Let's go take a shower."
We showered, shaved and dressed in boxers and t-shirts. As I used the toilet, Dago opted to change the soiled sheets, and not only had re-made the bed by the time I came back to the bedroom, but was also sitting in the middle of it with several items wrapped in brown paper.
"What's all this?"
"These are for you," he said, pointing to the largest parcel and one other small one. "Those are for Mary and the children."
I noticed there were four gifts, which meant that Tseten had included Karen in whatever gifts he given us. I smiled and reached for the smaller gift first, and Dago alerted me that it was—indeed—from Tseten. I carefully tore open the packaging to find a small statue.
"It's a Medicine Buddha," Dago said as I looked at it carefully. "Tseten thought it appropriate that a doctor should have a good luck charm for his own health and wellbeing."
I laughed, appreciating the intricate detail of the carving and carefully set it on the nightstand on my side of the bed. "What did he get for Mary and the kids?"
"For Mary, he found a bracelet made of brass, turquoise, lapis and coral; for the boys, he sent Lapsi candy; and for Karen he sent a gift that she can probably use as a blanket now, but is actually a type of silk clothing worn by women called a saree."
"He really didn't have to do that," I told Dago, surprised by Tseten's thoughtfulness.
Dago just smiled and handed me the largest of the packages. "Here, this one is your birthday present from me."
Just from sheer experience, I could tell it was a bottle. I tore into the paper and found a decanter full of a pale liquid. There was no label on the bottle and I couldn't even venture a guess as to what type of beverage it was.
Naturally, Dago enlightened me. "It's called Chhaang. It's kind of like beer in the fact that it's brewed with either barley, millet, or—in this case—rice. The Tibetans call it the 'Nectar of the Gods' but I actually got this in Nepal. There it's called 'thoo-n'. It doesn't keep particularly long, but it's quite good. Given your affinity for alcohol, I thought you might enjoy sampling something a little more unusual."
I smiled at him, leaning in to kiss him. "Thank you. If it wasn't almost three in the morning, I'd suggest we crack it open and have a glass."
"It's best served room temperature in the summer, and warm during the winter, though I doubt that'll keep until winter."
"Well, we'll be sure to finish it off before it goes bad." I set the bottle next to the Buddha figure on the nightstand and moved the other packages out of the way before taking Dago in my arms and laying down with him in the bed again. "I'm glad you're home, baby…I've missed you so much."
"I missed you, too, Hawkeye."
We ended up falling back asleep and sleeping until after 10am when the phone rang with Mary and the boys calling to wish me a happy birthday. Dago seemed really jet lagged and tired, so we made it a lazy day, just lounging around the apartment, watching television, and dozing off on the couch.
I decided to break open the bottle of Chhaang he'd brought back and poured us both a glass of the pale beer. It had a strange taste, almost like Japanese sake, but it wasn't unpleasant, and it did seem to be rather refreshing. It certainly seemed to be a little stronger than regular beer, and I decided I probably shouldn't risk a second glass.
After a light dinner, Dago still seemed really lethargic and opted to just shower and sleep to try and reenergize his body. I wasn't tired, so I ended up watching T.V. alone until about 10:30 when I decided to turn in as well.
The next day he seemed a little more like his normal, chipper self and we got up and headed to the V.A. hospital together, jumping right back into our normal weekly routine.
He ended up asking if I minded him coming with me to Crabapple Cove that weekend so that he could give Mary and the kids the gifts from Tseten, saying also that he had something he wanted to talk to me about, but not giving me any more information than that. I felt disturbed by the fact that he wouldn't tell me, knowing from the seriousness of his request that I probably wouldn't like whatever he had to say.
On Saturday afternoon, Dago finally asked to speak to both Mary and me, together. We sat in the kitchen and Mary and I both looked at Dago anxiously as he gathered his thoughts.
"Being in Nepal and traveling through the countryside has rekindled the passion I have to do missionary work. While I wasn't on official Church business while I was there, I was able to witness to several people, and realized that there was no one to minister to those people." Dago paused, looking briefly at both of us before his eyes focused solely on mine. "Earlier this week, I contacted the Maryknolls to suggest a mission to Nepal and…offered to lead a new church. They haven't made a ruling yet, and they will have to do a bit of research, as well as petition the Vatican for support of a new parish, but…I thought you should know that there's a possibility that I'll be returning to Nepal in the near future."
"How near?" I asked, stunned by the news, and devastated by the thought of being separated from him again.
"I'm not sure. It could be a couple of months, it could be longer."
A slight anger began to burn in my stomach. "Why didn't you tell me about this before, Dago?"
"I knew it would upset you," he said softly. "I didn't want to say anything if there wasn't a possibility of it actually happening."
Mary reached over and took my hand, comfortingly. "Well, John, I for one think it's a wonderful opportunity, and I'm glad that you seem to have found your path again. Aren't you, Hawkeye?"
I wasn't happy in the slightest. I'd known the day would come that Dago would go back to the church, but I had hoped it wouldn't be so soon. "Yeah…great. It's just great." I answered, unenthusiastically.
Dago seemed disappointed but not surprised by my response and I saw him sigh softly.
An awkward silence fell over us and I finally just excused myself and went over to Dad's to get away from Dago for a while. I knew it wasn't intentional, but I felt somewhat betrayed…or maybe just responsible for all of this. I was, after all, the one who bought him a plane ticket to go over there and see Tseten. I should have known Dago couldn't leave the whole God thing behind.
It was selfish, but I wanted to be angry with him. Dago had always made it very clear that the arrangement we currently had was only temporary until he figured out what to do, but wasn't the V.A. good enough for him? Wasn't I good enough? Couldn't he at least stick it out with me until I finished my residency? Then, I could go home to Mary and he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Didn't I get a say in any of this?
When I finally came back home in the early evening, Dago and Mary were out on the back porch watching the boys climb a tree. Dago was leaning against the rail, smoking a cigarette with a contemplative look on his face while Mary sat in a rocker with Karen, giving her a bottle.
"Dago…" He looked over at me with a blank expression. "Can I talk to you…alone?"
"Of course." He answered, putting his cigarette out and following me off the porch and down the path of the driveway.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets as we meandered along, looking down at the ground. "I don't want you to leave."
"I know you don't," he said carefully. "But it's not up to me, Hawkeye."
"What do you mean it's not up to you?" I asked, stopping abruptly to face him, the anger quickly surging again, despite my attempt to be calm and rational about this. "Who the fuck would it be up to, if not you? You're the one who contacted those goddamn Maryknolls behind my back."
"I didn't contact them behind your back," he countered, clearly hurt. "I told you, I didn't want to say anything until it was more than just a thought because I know how you feel about my leaving. You've made it quite plain that you think I should give up my entire life for your every whim, Hawkeye, but even as much as I love you, I can't do that. I gave my life to God long before I met you. It's completely unfair of you to make me choose between you and Him."
"I've never made you choose between me and your God, Dago," I told him bitterly. "I've respected your faith as much as I can, I've tried to understand it, I've tried to realize that He's more important to you than I am—"
He gave an exasperated laugh and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. "Oh…Jesus wept…can't you see how wrong you are about that, Hawkeye? While I love and serve God as best as I know how, I have sacrificed my relationship with Him for you. I have broken my vows, sacred laws, I have risked eternity in Hell just for the chance to share in this love with you. Whether you realize it or not, you have made everyone around you sacrifice something just to be near you, Hawkeye."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"If you really don't know, then I'm wasting my breath," he said sadly. "Do you think it's fair to your wife and children that they should have to share you with me?"
"Yeah? And what about my sacrifices, Dago? The sacrifice of not seeing them for 2 years while I was in Korea, the sacrifice of letting them stay in Maine and only seeing them on the weekend while I finish this residency? I've sacrificed for you, too, you know."
"How?" He asked skeptically.
"I swore to my wife to always be faithful to her. Being in Korea…we were so far apart that I felt those promises I made to her didn't matter, or somehow didn't count. So I fooled around with Dish and Becky and you. I told myself I wouldn't make plans for the future with anyone, that once I went home, I'd go back to my wife and that was that. The three of you would just be a whimsical smile on my face that Mary would never understand. I sacrificed the trust Mary had in me for you."
"I never asked you to."
"And I never asked you to risk Hell for me."
We stared at each other for a long minute, both quietly angry and hurt.
"I know you don't want me to go, Hawkeye…" Dago said softly. "But I have to. He's calling to me. This is what I'm supposed to do."
"And what about me, Dago?" I asked tightly, feeling dangerously close to breaking down. "What about us?"
"It doesn't have to be over between us," he told me, swallowing hard. "I'll still try and see you whenever I can."
"'Try'?" I laughed sardonically. "'Try' to see me? That instills so much confidence in me, Dago. When will you 'try' to see me? Once a year? Twice a year?"
"I can't answer that." He said, quietly seething at my mockery. "I would hope to see you a few times a year but—"
"Oh, save it, Dago." I cut him off. "We knew back in Korea that an on-going relationship was a pipe dream."
"So, rather than give it a shot, you'd rather just say to hell with it?" He asked in a defeated tone.
I didn't know what I was saying at this point. It certainly felt like this was all going to hell in a hand basket. I sighed and looked at him, feeling nothing but resentment for the first time since realizing how I felt for him. It made my heart ache. "You're not leaving me much of a choice."
His eyes watered and I watched him swallow hard. "Why does it have to be all or nothing with you, Hawkeye?"
I didn't answer him and had to look away as he wiped a tear from his eye.
"Do you at least still love me?" He asked quietly, his voice trembling.
"Right now I just resent you." I admitted, my voice colder than I intended it to be.
Dago looked as though I'd punched him in the stomach. I watched the tears roll from his eyes as he started at me, completely devastated. I wanted to tell him that I still loved him—of course I did—but I was angry and hurt, and didn't see the point in making promises about a future that would never happen. I turned, unable to stand there any longer…knowing I would break down as well at any moment…and walked away.
I heard him sob before he stifled the sound, and my own tears started to leak from my eyes. I kept walking, willing my feet not to turn around and run back to him. I knew I'd wounded him deeply, maybe irreparably, but we'd both have a good cry, deal with our angry and whatever else, and then fix it later. That's the way it always seemed to work between us…
When Dago didn't come back to the house by nightfall, fear clutched at my stomach and a million thoughts filled my head at once. What if something had happened to him? What if he had done something to himself? What if he was out there, alone in the dark, completely destroyed because of me. I grabbed a flashlight and headed for the door.
Walking down the driveway, I called out for Dago, shining the light every which way for a glimpse of where he might be. By the time I made it to the end of the road, I felt in a near panic. I ran back to the house, fast as I could, hoping that maybe I'd somehow missed him and he'd slipped by me back to the house.
"Is he here?" I asked Mary, completely out of breath. "Did he come back?"
"No… you didn't find him?" There was obvious concern in her own voice.
I went to the phone and called Dad. "Pop…is Dago over there with you?"
"Dago? Why would he be here?"
"He's gone missing. I can't find him anywhere."
"He ain't missing," Dad said, with slight confusion. "He asked me to take him to town . Said he couldn't stay 'til tomorrow but didn't want to bother you or Mary for a lift. I thought it was strange, but he seemed a might upset, so I took him up the station. There was a bus scheduled to leave 'bout an hour ago headed south. I suppose he got himself on it."
"He's gone?" I asked, my knees going week. I sank down in a chair.
"What's the matter with you, Hawkeye? I didn't stutter, did I?"
"No…I'm just…surprised." I felt like I'd been sliced from nose to navel and my guts were spilling out on the floor. "Thanks, Dad… I'll talk to you later."
I hung up without waiting for his reply and dropped my head in my hands.
"Hawkeye?" Mary asked, still concerned.
"He left…Dad took him to the station in town and…he left. What have I done, Mary? What have I done?"
Mary wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. "I'm sure it'll be alright, Hawkeye."
"He asked me if I still love him," I sniffed as tears began to fall again. "I told him I just resented him."
"Oh…Hawkeye…" Mary whispered, sadly.
"I didn't mean it…" I cried, swallowing hard. "I was just upset. He knows that right? He has to. He has to know I still love him."
She didn't try to reassure me even though she continued to hold me, and somehow I knew that Dago was gone from my life forever…
The thought nearly crippled me, and I cried on Mary's shoulder, consumed by the loss of my friend and lover.

TBC
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Infatuation