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Time	By : cr8zymommy Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 4585 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story

Chapter List
- 16
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Though their intention had been to go to sleep, neither man moved from the living room floor for a while. Both of them were in their own thoughts, drawing comfort off the presence of the other as they sat there. How long passed, they didn’t know. But Morgan was the one to finally break the silence that surrounded them. “I was thinking, kid. We brought you to your place to try and help bring you back to yourself. But, in some ways, your home seems to scare you.” There was a slight pause, though the hand stroking Spencer’s hair never stopped. He was still lying with his head against Morgan’s chest, secure and safe in his arms.
Eventually Morgan spoke again, sounding almost hesitant. “What you need is a good night’s sleep in a bed. Not on a couch or a floor. I understand that this place bothers you. It makes sense, really. You were taken from your home. The safety here has been violated, like with Elle when she was shot. So, I thought maybe you might like to come stay at my place for a while. Just until you feel comfortable coming back here. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I mean. It’s just a suggestion.”
Again that silence surrounded them. Yet it wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t terrifying for Spencer, or even awkward. It felt normal and…ok.
He let himself think about Morgan’s words for a few moments. The apartment really did feel almost violated. Horrible things had happened here in the one place that he had always thought of as safe. The one haven against the terror of the world. A place where he could shut things out and hide and not be surrounded by blood and death. But that had changed now.
He knew there was no way he was going to ever be able to be in his bed. Not ever again. But, did that mean that he wanted to go to Morgan’s house? Here, he was in his own space, no matter how scary it was. This place was his. Could he really stand to go to someone else’s house and stay there? What if they didn’t want to let him leave again? What if someone tried to keep him, just like Master had?
Unable to stop himself, Spencer lifted his head, his eyes seeking Morgan’s. The truth to any soul was in their eyes. He’d seen that so many times over the past few years. No matter how much Master tried to hide it, his intentions were always written in his eyes. Right now, Spencer needed to see Morgan’s eyes to see if he could read what was written there.
What he found left him speechless. There was compassion; that one was easily seen. A small hint of exhaustion, which meant that Morgan must be really tired for it to even show. Sadness, Spencer thought. But what stunned him the most was the love that was there. The same love that had been in JJ’s eyes, and Aaron’s, and Garcia’s. That love and faith and warmth that he saw from the others, but brighter. Just…more. It filled parts of him, pushing back a few of the shadows, lighting up places he’d long thought were dark.
“I’d like that.” He found himself answering. Though he hadn’t intended on answering yet, he didn’t take the words back. They were right. He would be safe at Morgan’s house, under his supervision. Morgan wouldn’t let anyone take him ever again.
The smile that curved Morgan’s lips was beautiful. “I’ll text the others and let them know to meet there for dinner, then. You want to help me gather up some stuff you’d like to take with you?”
“I don’t need anything.” Possessions had lost their importance to him. He’d lived without them all for so long. What was here that he would need to take anyways?
“What about clothes? You can’t wear the same outfit every day.”
Oh. Clothes. That had Spencer grimacing and dropping his gaze again. It was hard enough for him to sit here in the clothes he was in. The idea of taking more with him, of wearing them every day, was more difficult than he’d imagined. Even now he had to fight the urge to take them off; Master would be furious at seeing him dressed all day, all the time.
Casually, almost as if it was no big deal, Morgan stroked his hair again and told him “You know, kid, I was thinking something else. When we go in public, you have to wear clothes because it’s, well, normal. We can’t have you being arrested for indecent exposure.” He paused and they shared a small smile. “But, here at home, or at my place, you don’t have to be, well…as dressed as this. You could just throw on a pair of sweats or even walk around in boxers. I wouldn’t mind that. Would it make you a little more comfortable?”
How did Morgan know just the right thing to say at just the right time? How did he know the fears that Spencer couldn’t even put to words? Grateful, Spencer nodded.
“All right, then. Let’s gather some clothes for when we go outside and we’ll get some comfortable pants for you.”
Together the two moved off the floor, Spencer trying not to wince as his body protested. His mental blocks against the pain only worked so well. He didn’t so much block the pain as he’d learned how to ignore it. If you dwelled on how much you hurt, it did nothing but hurt you more. A person could go crazy that way. So he’d learned to ignore anything that wasn’t life threatening. Not to mention that his tolerance had gone up in comparison to a normal person’s.
The two worked together in silence, making their way to Spencer’s bedroom and over to the dresser. Morgan left him there for a minute to grab a duffel bag from the closet. Then, still silent, they picked out a few slacks and shirts and even two sweater vests for outside wear. Next Spencer opened the bottom drawer on his dresser where he kept his casual, relaxing clothes.
It amazed him how many little things he was suddenly remembering. Where he stored things in his house. When he had bought some of the items. But parts of his past, memories of people and faces, seemed too hard to access. They were still so jumbled together.
Between them they gathered two pairs of sweats and three cotton plaid pajama bottoms. Morgan started chuckling suddenly. He rose, a pair of blue cotton pants in his hand. They were covered with little yellow ducks. “Ducks? Seriously?” He teased.
Though Spencer didn’t smile, his eyes showed some of his mirth. “Garcia bought those for me.” He said without thinking. “She said I needed something a little fun in my wardrobe.”
Neither of them commented on the fact the memory had come on its own, without any blanking out or trauma. It had just slid effortlessly into his mind.
The silence was back when they put boxers into the bag, as well as socks. Though Morgan did chuckle as he pulled out a bunch of mismatched socks. They put those in and then Morgan was zipping the bag shut and slinging it over his arm. He helped Spencer back out toward the living room. “You sure there’s nothing else you need, kid? A few books, maybe? I don’t have your style of reading material at my house.”
“No. No books.” Spencer felt a quiver down in his stomach. He didn’t want to think of those books. They either held too many memories of his mother or of Master. Of being made to recite them for Master even as he was being hurt.
Morgan nodded and helped him sit on the couch. Then he brought over a pair of shoes and, to Spencer’s surprise, squatted down and put them on for him just like he was a kid. Spencer didn’t protest to it. He lifted his eyes, looking around his apartment. It was so strange to thin that he’d been gone for so long and yet the place looked just like he’d left it.
“You guys kept my apartment.” He said softly. His eyes drifted over a painting on the wall he had always loved of the ocean coast. “Everything looks the same. There…there’s even power on.”
When he looked back at Morgan, it surprised him to see a flush in those dark cheeks. Morgan kept his eyes on the laces he was tying as he answered. “I uh, I couldn’t let it go. I never gave up on bringing you home and I didn’t want you to have to come home to everything being different. So I, uh, I paid your rent and utilities. So it’d be waiting for you when you got here.” His head ducked down just a little more. “I came here, every now and again, to clean and such. Keep the dust away. It made me feel…a little closer to you. Helped me keep my faith that you were alive and that we’d find you one day.”
The emotion in Morgan’s voice was humbling. Spencer looked at a man he had known for years and he found himself amazed once again by the depth there was to Morgan. He was so much more than what people saw. There was so much more inside of him than he let on to anyone.
Though his hand trembled, Spencer leaned forward and briefly touched a few fingers to Morgan’s cheek. When his hand dropped back to his lap, he met Morgan’s eyes. “Thank you.”
Morgan’s smile was soft and sweet. “You’re welcome.”
Once his shoes were tied, the two men rose again. Morgan grabbed the bag and held out a coat, helping Spencer into it. Then, just as silent as when they’d come in, the two men left the apartment and headed outside.

At the BAU, the rest of the team was meeting in the conference room, gathering together as a unit to try and process everything that had happened in such a short time frame. All of them needed to be together at that moment. They need to find a way to prepare themselves for what they were walking into. Aaron and Dave had called the meeting, hoping to prepare the others as best as possible for what they could expect at dinner. They wanted to keep the potential trauma for Spencer down to a minimum.
Garcia wasn’t there. Everyone had agreed, after Morgan text and told them that she had been sent home to sleep, that she needed the rest. This had been especially hard on her, being the person that Spencer had clung to the most at first and being as she was not as…hard…as the rest of them. She was a gentle soul underneath all the laughter and smiles and this had been difficult for her. They wanted her to have a chance to recuperate a little.
Standing beside the table, Aaron looked around at his other agents. His family. Dave looked slightly tired and concern was there in his eyes for those who knew how to look, but he had a determined cast to his face. Emily looked like she’d finally gained back some of her control, though Aaron had a feeling it was held together by thin threads. JJ was sitting with her head bowed, valiantly fighting back tears. This had hit her so hard and they all knew it would take her a short time to regain control of herself.
“I know that we’re all eager to head over to Morgan’s house.” Aaron said, having received the text from Morgan saying that they were moving things over to his house just fifteen minutes before. “But I wanted a few moments to talk to you first. In a typical work-related situation, I know all of you are capable of dealing with victims. To one degree or another, we’ve all done it and we all have the skill. But I also know that this time is different. It isn’t some victim we’ll never see again. This is Reid. And that makes it infinitely harder for us.”
“He…he’s so broken, Hotch.” JJ whispered. Her eyes lifted to him, full of a pain so strong it made the others ache just to see it. “You saw him there. Your cell phone vibrating set him off into a full blown panic attack.”
Before Aaron could say anything, Emily spoke up. “Flashbacks are a part of PTSD. There are going to be things that trigger him and sometimes they’ll probably be things we would never even think of.” Her eyes held so much for a split second; like a glimpse into that part of her they all knew she tried so hard to keep hidden. A part she never let anyone see.
Nodding, Dave leaned back in his chair. “As hard as it is for us to watch it happen, we all need to accept the fact that panic attacks will happen. There’s no way around that. This is going to take a long time for Reid to even start to heal from. We’re going to have to be careful, but at the same time we need to let him know that we’re there for him. That we’re going to be there no matter what.”
“He wants to come back to us.” JJ said gently. She brought a hand up, wiping at the single tear that escaped. “He’s trying. When…when we left, he asked me for a hug. Even though I could tell it scared him, he still wanted that hug. For a minute he clung to me.” She smiled, briefly, remembering the feel of him in her arms. It had been so wonderful to hold him and know that he was home and he was alive.
Then she remembered something else. Her eyes lifted toward the others, confusion written there. “When he hugged me, it was with just one arm. The other hand he kept on Morgan the entire time, like he was afraid to let go. I don’t understand. At first he latched onto Garcia because she was the only one he could remember. That made sense. She’s female and he’s obviously protective of females. But this thing he has with Morgan…it doesn’t make sense. From someone in his condition, shouldn’t he be afraid of Morgan? He’s a large, muscular alpha male.”
“It does seem a little odd.” Dave agreed. His eyebrows furrowed down as he thought about it. “When he went to speak with Vincent at the station and you gave him a choice of who could go with him, Hotch, I thought it was odd he chose Morgan. At the time he only remembered Garcia, and JJ’s right. Morgan should have looked like a threat to him. But he chose him, the biggest and strongest of our group.”
This had been part of what Aaron wanted to talk about with the team. He had his opinions on this and he wanted to share it with them. Not only so they understood, but so it made them all better prepared to deal with what they might see at dinner. He sighed before taking a seat at the table. “All of us know that Reid and Morgan had a strong friendship before Reid disappeared. Out of all of us, those two bonded the closest. Especially after losing Elle and then Gideon leaving. They just seemed to be closer. Then the case in Georgia brought them closer still.”
Everyone nodded, following along with him. He linked his hands together and rested them on the table. As much as he hated opening up something that was between two other people, he felt his team needed to know. They all needed to understand.
“Before Reid disappeared, I’d been watching the two of them. I noticed that Morgan was going out to the club less and less. It was more common for him to invite Reid over for a few drinks at his house, or to grab a bite to eat. Reid also seemed a little more relaxed around everyone. Happier than he’d been in a while, really.” Pausing, Aaron watched the expressions around him, seeing the recognition start. He continued talking. “Once Reid was gone, we all saw how hard Morgan was hit by it. We all were, but it hit Morgan the hardest. He kept Reid’s apartment. He even kept the power on in there. There are a few times I know for a fact that he went and spent the night there.”
The room was silent. Leaning forward, Emily fixed her boss with a surprise stare. “Are you telling me you think those two were…dating?”
Aaron shook his head. “No.” He said firmly. “I know they weren’t. That wasn’t what I saw between them. What I think is that they were getting close to that stage, though. Maybe working up to admitting to themselves first. Reid…I think he accepted who he was and how he felt, but was probably terrified to say anything to Morgan. As for Morgan, I think he was getting close to admitting it to himself. If they’d had another month, I think they would have started dating.”
“Wow.” JJ breathed out. Her eyes were wide.
A small smile was tugging at the corner of Dave’s mouth. “So, even when he didn’t recognize him on a conscious level…”
“…His subconscious remembered what he felt for Morgan and knew that he was safe with him, no matter what else was going on.” Aaron finished the thought.
Emily looked thunderstruck. “That was why Vincent flipped when he heard Morgan’s name.” Her voice was just a little hoarse. Horror had leaked out. “Reid…he probably cried out for him. Vincent probably knows exactly how Reid feels about him.”
That thought filled the room for the moment, silencing them all. Each one of them felt their heart break just a little at the thought of Spencer being hurt. The idea that this monster most likely used what Spencer felt for Morgan as another way to break him.
Aaron cleared his throat, drawing attention back to their conversation. “The only reason I brought this up is because I wanted you all to understand what things will be like. Also, what kind of role we should take in things. I think that the bond between us and Reid is going to take some time to fix. He wants us to be there, but part of him can’t help but be afraid. He can’t help but be terrified that something is going to happen once again.”
“So, what? We’re just supposed to step back and let Morgan take care of everything? Just foist our friend off on him and come back when he’s better?” JJ demanded. She sounded offended at the idea.
“That’s not what he’s saying.” Dave interjected. He looked at Aaron and the two men passed a silent message. Turning back to the girls, Dave leaned in, resting his forearms on the table. “We’ll be there for Reid in any way he’ll let us. We’ll visit him and talk to him and try to help him. We’ll be there to listen. But when push comes to shove and he’s terrified, we all need to understand that it’s most likely going to be Morgan that he turns to. Morgan will be the one who’ll get him to calm down. And, as much as we try to fix things with him and us, we need to try and let those two form this bond. It could be the one thing that will bring Reid back to us the most.”
“I also wanted to prevent any hurt feelings.” This comment brought all eyes back to Aaron. He gave them his serious, no-nonsense face, trying to impress the importance of this part on them. “There are going to be times that our touch or words or actions scare Reid. There may be times he doesn’t even want us close to him. But, based on what I saw today, I have a feeling that won’t hold for Morgan.”
Emily looked over at JJ, who seemed stunned by the news, and then back to Aaron. “So basically, Morgan and maybe Garcia are the only ones who get to freely breech his little personal ‘bubble’ right now?” She asked. At Aaron’s nod, she sighed. “Well, I guess I understand that. Some trauma victims latch onto one ‘safety’ person. If what you say about them is true, about how they feel and such, then it’s logical that Morgan is the one he lets in.”
“Just remember not to let it offend you.” Voice gentle, Dave looked at his family. “Nothing Reid does is going to be with the intention of hurting us. Nothing.”
When everyone nodded, Aaron let out a soft sigh of relief. That had gone a lot easier than he’d thought it would. “Ok, guys. Let’s get out paperwork done.” He said, rising to his feet. “In a few hours we’ve got an important date to keep at Morgan’s house, so let’s all make sure we’re ready to go.”
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