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Hunting Humanity IV	By : greenwizard11 Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1064 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Supernatural universe. No money is being made from this story.

Chapter List
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“This sucks,” Sam sighed as he sat back in the passenger seat of the car. “I haven’t been home to see my family in like three weeks and we’re just chasing our tails with Pestilence.”

“Easy for you to whine,” Astiratu said from the back seat. “You are not the one that’s going to have to get near that thing to kill it. Me and my special golden sword have to do it. Famine usually drives me nuts, but this time I was too busy dealing with a broken heart to care about food, sex, and liquor. Pestilence is usually smelly and slimy and makes me want to vomit. Also, you’re not the one that’s going to have huge chunks of memory missing.”

Dean glanced in the rear view. “Okay, so this is no picnic for any of us. But we will get the other two rings and get the bastard caged again. Then maybe we can take a family vacation to recover from the stress.”

“Say, I've got an idea,” Crowley appeared in the backseat beside Astiratu. Dean swerved and slammed the breaks. “Fancy a fag and a chat? You're upset. We should discuss it.”

“You want to talk?” Sam growled. “After what you did to us?”

“After what I did to you?! I gave you the Colt!”

Sam snorted. “Yeah, and you knew it wouldn't work against the devil! You set us up on a suicide run!”

Crowley glared at him. “Look, everything is still the same. We're all still in this together. I can give you Pestilence.”

“What do you know about Pestilence?” Dean asked.

“I know how to get him. That's got your interest, doesn't it?”

“Are you friggin nuts?” Sam looked outraged.

“Shut up for a second, Sam!” Dean held up a hand and looked to Astiratu for some input.

“Oh, a demon can be trusted when it wants something. I’ve always found them to be very forthcoming and honest when they want me not to hurt them anymore.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve heard about you,” Crowley looked at him. “You can make hell seem like Disneyland.”

“If I’m properly motivated, yes. The angels had Alastair two days and couldn’t get a peep from him. I cracked that bastard in twenty two minutes. A total waste of twenty two minutes unless you count it as stress relief, but still… What I want right now is for you to look me in the eye and tell me what you want.”

Crowley stared him dead in the eye. “Nothing's changed. I still want the devil dead. Well, one thing's changed. Now the devil knows that I want him dead. Which, by the way, makes me the most buggered son in all of creation. They burnt down my house! They ate my tailor! Two months under a rock, like a bloody salamander! Every demon on hell and earth's got his eyes out for me! And yet, here I am...Last place I should be, in the road, talking to Sam and Dean Winchester, under a friggin spotlight! So come with me. Please. Do you want the horsemen rings or not? Yes, I know all about that. Shall we?”

Dean looked to Astiratu. “Is he lying?”

“No,” Astiratu answered. “He can be trusted about as far as I can throw him.”

“Okay then,” Dean nodded. “Where are we going?”

Crowley led them to an abandoned house and led the way in with a deep sigh. “Here we are, my life on the lam. How the mighty have fallen. Single pane glass, used contraception in the fireplace. The water damage alone...”

“My heart's bleeding for you. Now, how do you know about the rings?” Dean asked.

“Well, now, I've been keeping a close eye on you lot.”

Sam’s eyes narrowed. “We got hex bags. We're hidden from demons.”

“All but one. That night you broke into my house, our first date, my valet hid a tracking device in your car. A magical coin that easily trumps your little bags o' bones. It allows me to hear things too, and my, the things I've heard. So you want to cram the devil back in the box? Cunning scheme. I want in.”

“You said you could get us Pestilence,” Dean looked at him.

“Well, now, I don't know where Pestilence is per se. But I do know the demon who does. He's what you might call the horsemen's stable boy. He handles their itineraries, their personal needs. He's who you want, believe me. He'll tell us where Sneezy's at.”

“Well, how do we get him to spill? Rip out his toenails?” Dean asked.

“Well, nuts at his pay grade don’t usually crack, but if we can get him back here,” Crowley looked to Astiratu. “We may have just the hammer to break him.”

Astiratu crossed his arms. “I’ll need things, things that might seem a little strange.”

Crowley grinned. “Whatever the maestro needs to make the instrument sing the maestro will have.”

Dean sighed. “Alright, so where's this demon of yours?”

They started getting ready to go and Sam looked to Dean. “Why are we even listening to him, Dean? This is totally insane.”

“I don't disagree,” Dean answered. “But this is better than chasing our tails.”

Crowley came in. “One big happy family, are we, then? Fantastic. Sam, Astiratu, keep the home fires burning.”

“Why aren’t we coming?” Astiratu asked suspiciously.

“Because Sam I don’t like and I don’t trust. You, you’re smart and powerful, but just a touch too crazy. Not to mention when you’re setting a rat trap you don’t put a flashing neon sign that says certain death by it.”

Astiratu raised an eyebrow. “If anything happens to him...”

“I know, I’ll wish Lucifer had gotten a hold of me. I know your reputation well, and now that I’m standing in your presence I don’t doubt it.”

Dean looked to Astiratu. “I’m trusting your judgment here.”

Astiratu sighed. “Go with him, but watch your back. Love you,” he pulled Dean in for a hug.

Dean hugged him back. “Love you too.”

Sam and Astiratu watched Dean leave with Crowley. Sam turned to his companion. “Now what do we do?”

“Wanna have sex?” Astiratu smirked evilly.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You’re joking.”

“Only mostly. Bad sex is still better than staring at a wall.”

Sam approached Astiratu and pulled him in for a deep kiss. The two walked together to the room with the bed and they broke contact long enough for Sam to pull the shirt off Astiratu and push him down on the bed. Sam climbed on top of him and started nibbling at his neck. Astiratu slid his hands up Sam shirt and pawed at his chest.

Sam sat up. “Holy shit, you actually would!”

Astiratu smiled. “Or I knew you were bluffing and I called it.”

Sam sighed. “I think I’m gonna call Natalie. I’d like to think you wouldn’t cheat on my brother.”

Astiratu put his shirt back on. “Of course I wouldn’t. I’m in need of a little stress relief, but...”

The Impala pulled up early in the morning. Crowley appeared in front of them. “Now, for the record, I'm against this. Negotiating a high level defection, it's very delicate business. I begged Dean not to come back. We should be miles away from you, Sam.”

When Dean came in Sam looked to him. “What's going on, Dean?”

Dean sighed. “I need you to stay on mission, okay? Focused. I'm doing this because I trust you.”

“Trust me to what?” Sam looked confused.

“Sam, is that you?” a voice came from the kitchen.

Dean took the bag off Brady’s head. “Brady?” Sam was shocked.

“Brady hasn't been Brady in years. Not since, oh, middle of our sophomore year. That's right. You had a devil on your shoulder even back then. Alright, now, let it all sink in.”

“You son of a bitch!” Sam shouted and started to charge him but Dean held him back. “You introduced me to Jess!”

“Ding, ding! I think he's got it!” Brady laughed.

Sam struggled against Dean. “I'm gonna kill you!”

Astiratu dragged Sam out of the room. “Breathe, okay?” he looked Sam in the eye. “Look, I get it, you got screwed with, welcome to my existence. You have to push emotion aside and look at the bigger picture here. We need to find Pestilence, and that schmuck in there is the key so we’re told.”

“Because Crowley said so?”

“Like I said, demons can be trusted when they want something. And I’ll find out in a few minutes. If we are being played I kill both demons, no great loss. Just sit tight and listen to the screaming.”

Crowley came out into the kitchen. “Alright, everything you requested is waiting for you. What you’re going to do with some of those objects I don’t think I want to know.”

“No, you don’t,” Astiratu assured him and headed into the kitchen. He circled Brady like a shark circling prey. “Now, Brady, you could just tell me what I want to know and I’ll just send you back to hell, but really, that would ruin my fun.”

“I know who you are and what they say about you, but you’re never getting anything from me.”

Brady was suddenly naked. Asturau picked up a long skinny silver probe. He examined the length, and then examined Brady’s hips before making the probe a little longer. “We shall see. Let’s start with one of my favorites.” He knelt down to grasp Brady’s penis in his hand and put the silver probe right at the slit.

“What are you doing, you sicko?” Brady asked, squirming uncomfortably.

Astiratu slid the probe just inside the tip making the demon whimper a little. He looked into the demon’s eyes as if daring him to chicken out. “Oh, good, you’re not going to ruin my fun after all.”

Dean was sitting with Sam when the first scream was heard. “I wish it was me in there,” Sam sighed. “I can get pretty creative too.”

“Not as creative as that bastard,” Crowley chuckled. “He asked for salt and plenty of holy water, sure, but a water pick, silver probes, bobby pins, long rubber gloves, and lube… I don’t think any of us wants to know.”

The screaming got louder and more intense as the minutes passed. It had been almost an hour when the screaming finally stopped. Astiratu emerged. “Tough nut to crack indeed, but not impossible.” He handed his demon killing knife to Sam. “I’ll warn you now, he’s naked, broken, and bloody. You would pretty much just be putting him out of his violated misery at this point, but knock yourself out.”

“Wait, why is he naked?” Dean asked.

“I needed access to orifices that normally aren’t accessible when one is wearing clothing.”

“Crowley is right, I really do not want to know.”

Sam entered the kitchen and was unsettled by the sight in front of him. Brady’s head was hanging and he was panting, but he looked up at Sam with his blood covered face. “I bet this is a real moment for you, big boy. Gonna make you feel all better?”

“It’s a start,” Sam said as he plunged the knife into Brady’s gut. Then he went back out to the living room and handed the knife back to Astiratu. “He was naked and there was blood steadily dripping from literally every hole in his body. I need a drink.”

During the drive to the address Sam turned to Astiratu. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I think you should say yes to Lucifer.”

“What?” Astiratu stared at him stunned and a little hurt. “You locked your brother away to keep him from saying yes, but me you’re just gonna toss like a piece of meat? You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“Yeah, I kinda do. And you’re not just a piece of meat to me. Hear me out. We get Lucifer’s cage open, that’s great, but how do we get him into it? I mean, get him inside you, and I know you’re strong, you could take control and throw him in.”

“No!” Dean shouted. “That is not a risk I am willing to take.”

“Not your decision,” Astiratu reminded him.

“Wait, you’re actually considering this?”

“Considering, yes. It makes sense from a logical standpoint.”

“I don’t wanna make sense,” Dean argued. “I want...”

“I know,” Astiratu argued. “Just shush and let me think.”

They pulled up to the nursing home and peeked inside. Sam sighed. “Great. A whole building full of people. We don't know who's human, who's demon, and who's Pestilence. So what do we do?”

“You two go in and gain access to the security room,” Astiratu told them. “The camera will flicker when Pestilence appears. I’ll wait here until it’s time to bat.”

“Of course you will,” Dean sighed as he got out.

Astiratu waited, staring in the windows until he could feel in his gut the time was right. Then he lay back and closed his eyes. He appeared in a room with sword in hand. Pestilence was sitting on a bed with Sam and Dean on the floor coughing up blood. He struck quickly from behind, then walked around to face his latest victim. “If it didn’t cross your mind that I was nearby, you really are an idiot.”

“It doesn't matter. It's too late,” Pestilence choked as he died.

Astiratu turned to his companions, who seemed to be okay again. “I’m kinda liking this team approach, distract and ambush.”

Dean picked himself up to grab the ring. “Easy for you to say, you weren’t stricken with scarlet fever and meningitis.”

Astiratu kissed his cheek. “You’re fine now,” he smiled before disappearing.

When they got back to the car Liam was crying in the backseat. Dean tossed Sam the keys and climbed in back with him. “What’s wrong?” Dean pulled him close.

“I don’t know what day it is or where we are.”

“I know you’ve been ridden pretty hard. It’s just, we really need our angel friend, and he really needs your body.”

“Don’t angels need permission?”

“Not this one. He’s a special exception to the rule, and he chose you because you’re very special. I wish things were a little different, but Babe, please hang on a little while longer for me. How do you feel?”

“Tired, hungry, and I have to pee.”

Dean stroked his hair. “Okay, we’ll take care of all of that for you. Sam, find a place with a bathroom, then we’ll grab a bite.”

They went back to Bobby’s and Dean glared at Astiratu. “You know, you really should take better care of your body.”

“I could say the same to you. We’ve all been getting the bare minimum we need on everything to stay alive. Don’t get sanctimonious on me.”

“You let your human self have control back and he was crying. Whenever he comes back he never knows what’s going on.”

“Tugged at your heart strings did it? Yes, unfortunately, my human self is drawing the short stick at the moment, but all this will be over soon, will it not?”

Sam sighed and crossed his arms. “Last thing Pestilence said. It's too late."

“He get specific?” Bobby asked.

“No,” Dean shook his head. “We're just a little freaked out that he might have left a bomb somewhere. So please tell us you have actual good news.”

“Chicago's about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die.”

“I don't understand your definition of good news,” Castiel looked at him strangely.

“Well, Death, the horseman, he's gonna be there. And if we can stop him before he kick starts this storm, get his ring back...”

“Yeah, you make it sound so easy,” Astiratu snorted. “Just get a ring from a horseman I’ve never been able to gank.”

“You what?” Dean raised an eyebrow. “I thought you’ve done this before.”

“The other three, like riding a bike. Death has always been the biggest bitch. Never once actually killed him. Chased him back underground, sure, and it wasn’t easy, but killed, no.”

“Fucking fantastic,” Dean sighed.

“Bobby, how'd you put all this together, anyways?” Sam asked.

“I had, you know, help.”

Crowley appeared in the kitchen. “Don't be so modest. I barely helped at all. Hello, boys. Pleasure, et cetera. Go ahead. Tell them. There's no shame in it.”

“You sold your soul?” Astiratu put two and two together.

“Oh, more like pawned it. I fully intend to give it back,” Crowley said.

“Well, then give it back!” Dean shouted.

“I will,” Crowley insisted.

“Why not now?” Astiratu asked.

“It's insurance. What would you do in my position?”

Astiratu could only shrug. “He’s got a point. It’s smart.”

“I'll return it after all this is over, and I can walk safely away. Do we all understand each other?”

Sam walked out to the car where Dean was preparing. “Let me guess. We're about to have a talk,” Dean looked to his brother.

“Dean, I know you hate my idea.”

“What, just handing half my world over to Lucifer? Nah, it’s a fucking fantastic idea,” Dean said sarcastically.

“Dean, if I could think of a better way, really… Astiratu is one strong willed mother fucker. I think he can handle the job.”

“Except we’re doing what everyone else has done to him and asking him to sacrifice his personal comfort for the greater good.”

“And...Scene,” Crowley approached them. “There's something you need to see,” he handed them a paper.

Sam took the paper. “Niveus pharmaceuticals is rushing delivery of its new swine flu vaccine to stem the tide of the unprecedented outbreak. Uh, shipments leave Wednesday.”

“Niveus pharmaceuticals. Get it? You two are lucky you have your looks. Your demon lover, Brady? V.P. of distribution, Niveus.”

“So, Pestilence was spreading swine flu,” Dean guessed. “But not just for giggles. That was step one. Step two is the vaccine. And you think...”

Crowley nodded. “I know. I'll stake my reputation. That vaccine is chock full of grade A, farm fresh croatoan virus.”

Sam leaned against the car. “Simultaneous, countrywide distribution. It's quite a plan.”

“They don't get to be horsemen for nothing. So, you boys better stock up on, well, everything. This time next Thursday, we'll all be living in zombie land.”

“What do we do?” Sam looked to his brother.

“You take Cas and stop that vaccine. I’ll take Astiratu and we’ll go after Death.”

“Cas is losing his angel juice. What good is he?”

“I don’t know, teach him.”

They packed everything up and Dean looked to his brother. “Alright, well...Good luck stopping the whole zombie apocalypse.”

“Yeah. Good luck killing Death.”

Crowley walked up behind them. “So, shall we? Bobby, you just gonna sit there?”

“No, I'm gonna riverdance,” Bobby growled.

“I suppose if you want to impress the ladies. Bobby, really wasted that crossroads deal. Fact is you get more if you phrase it properly. So, I took the liberty of adding a teeny little sub A clause on your behalf. What can I say? I'm an altruist. Just gonna sit there?”

Bobby stared at Crowley as he slowly got out of his wheelchair. “Son of a bitch.”

“Yes, I know. Completely worth your soul. I'm a hell of a guy. Can we go?”

Crowley got into the passenger seat and they drove to Chicago. “Up ahead. Big, ugly building. Ground zero. Horseman's stable, if you will. He's in there,” Crowley pointed.

“How do you know?” Dean asked.

“Have you met me? because I know. Also, the block is squirming with reapers.”

“That’s not where he is,” Astiratu said. “He’s in there,” the half angel pointed to a pizza restaurant.

“And how do you know that?” Crowley asked.

“Hunting these bitches down, it’s what I do. I can sense him.”

Dean swallowed hard. “I take it you want to do the distract and ambush thing again.”

Astiratu shrugged. “We do what works.”

Dean got out of the car and headed into the restaurant. Everyone was dead except for one older gentleman at a table. “Join me, Dean. The pizza's delicious. Sit down. Took you long enough to find me. I've been wanting to talk to you.”

Dean’s heart was pounding in his chest as he moved to the table and sat down. “I got to say I have mixed feelings about that. So is this the part where you kill me?”

“You have an inflated sense of your importance. To a thing like me, a thing like you, well...Think how you'd feel if a bacterium sat at your table and started to get snarky. This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that's barely out of its diapers. I'm old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you,” he gestured to the pizza. “Eat,” Dean took a small bite. “Good, isn't it?”

“Well, I got to ask. How old are you?”

“As old as God. Maybe older. Neither of us can remember anymore. Life, death, chicken, egg… Put down the sword Astiratu, if you want that body of yours to keep breathing.” Astiratu dropped it and it clanked to the floor before disappearing. “You are a stubborn creature, aren’t you?”

Astiratu joined them at the table. Dean looked at Death. “Not to complain, but why are we still breathing, sitting here with you? Uh...what do you want?”

“The leash around my neck off. Lucifer has me bound to him. Some unseemly little spell. He has me where he wants, when he wants. That's why I couldn't go to you. I had to wait for you to catch up. He made me his weapon. Hurricanes, floods, raising the dead. I'm more powerful than you can process, and I'm enslaved to a bratty child with a temper tantrum. I understand you want this,” he flashed his ring. “I'm inclined to give it to you.”

Dean looked shocked. “But what about...?” he looked around.

“Chicago? I suppose it can stay. I like the pizza. There are conditions.”

“Okay. Like?” Dean asked.

“You have to do whatever it takes to put Lucifer in his cell.”

“That's the plan,” Dean nodded.

“No. No plan. Not yet,” he looked to Astiratu. “We both know you’re not stupid. You know what needs to be done.”

Dean got a little emotional. “What, you think…?”

“I know. So, I need a promise. You're going to jump right into that fiery pit. Well, do I have your word?”

Astiratu was quiet for a moment. “Okay, yeah. Yes.”

Death handed Dean the ring. “That had better be a true yes. You know you can't cheat death. Now, would you like the instruction manual?”

After Death left Liam blinked and looked around. Then he started crying again. “It’s okay, Babe,” Dean stroked his cheek. “We got the fourth ring. I know that doesn’t quite make up for three weeks of your life being pretty much a blank, but...”

“Three weeks?” Liam’s eyes widened. “But...” he started sobbing again.

“Please, take a breath. Is there anything you need?”

“My three weeks back,” Liam blew his nose on a napkin.

“I can’t give you that, but I can give you some really good pizza. I don’t remember when either of us last ate.”

They made it back to Bobby’s and Dean was sitting outside with the rings. “Where’s Liam?” Bobby asked when he came out.

“Lying down. He’s tired, but afraid if he falls asleep another week will disappear on him again. Can’t say I blame him. How'd it go at the Rockettes audition?”

“Well, high kicks, fair. Boobs need work. Drink?” Bobby handed him a beer.

“Check it out,” Dean showed him how the rings fit together.

“So death told you how to operate those? The whole deal?”

“Yeah. It's nuts. Of course, I got bigger problems now.”

“Like?”

“Before he gave up the ring Death made Astiratu promise to say yes to Lucifer. He promised. Then as soon as Death was gone Astiratu retreated and left me with a hysterical Liam. It’s cruel really, getting him back but knowing I’ll lose him, probably soon.”

“Maybe only for a little while. Maybe Sam and Death know what they’re talking about. Who knows how to manipulate that son of a bitch better?”

“I see the logic in it, but that is one thing I didn’t want to give up for anything, you know?”

“I know,” Bobby nodded. “But desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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Hunting Humanity IV