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Home Unknown	By : katecooley Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 15191 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
See part one for all the semi-legal song and dance. And Joxer�s godhood will be determined at a later date! He�s still coming to terms with being a god, f�r Chrissake!
You guys have been so great and patient with me and my way too infrequent updates that in the next chapter, I'm gonna throw you guys a big bone� well, a big bone's gonna get thrown, that�s for sure. ;)

***

Part 19 - Someone to Watch Over Me

"I don't know the first thing about chaperoning anyone," Joxer sighed, fussing with the long robes he'd been given.
"There's nothin' to it," Strife straightened a few of the garment's lines, though not in any way that Joxer might want. "Ya just follow Mom an' Herm', make sure ya stay in plain sight so's everyone can see ya� an' don't sweat it. This is one-a those things that's virtually screw-proof."
Well, that made him feel a little better. After all, this was his first official god-job and the thought of turning it into a full-scale Olympic War made his head go a little woozy. "I'll try."
"Yer gonna be fine." Strife took a deep breath and sounded very uncomfortable when he let it out. "Thanks fer this, by the by."
"Hey, I'm in your service, aren't I?" Joxer managed a small chuckle and tried to find his hand in the voluminous sleeve fold that currently enveloped it. He wasn't sure about that look on Strife's face, but soon, that confused puss faded into a big, not-at-all-creepy grin.
"Aw, c'mon!" Strife jostled him all over, grabbing two fistfuls of cloth and giving him a jiggle. "You're not still on that, are ya?" He kept it up until a smile broke out on Joxer as well. "Yer doin' this 'cuz Mom picked ya. Cuz yer the most neutral dude we know we can trust with this kinda thing." Cool, thin fingers grasped Joxer's chin and directed his gaze to meet Strife's. " Cuz yer the best man fer the gig. Cuz we trust you. Cuz we like you. 'K?"
"OK."
"Good." Strife let go of Joxer's chin, going back to arranging the long raiment. "Now, any last questions?"
"Um� yeah. Is everyone going to know who I am?"
"Kinda. Sorta. In a way. I mean, those that know ya will know ya. The rest� they�ll know what yer up to, since yer gonna be the officiatin� god there, but since you don�t got a house yet or a godhood, they�ll just hafta mumble inta their sleeves about it." A broad smirk painted the Mischief God�s face. "I should be gettin� a nice, steady buzz from the confusion, so thanks ahead-a time, Bud!"
"Glad I could help," Joxer resumed hunting for his hand inside that sleeve, not gaining too much headway on that front when Strife set something slightly heavy atop his head, adjusting it a few times until he was satisfied.
"There. Pitcher-a godly supervision." Strife nodded to himself, pleased with the new god in front of him. "Now, hustle! They're waitin' on ya." And with a slight shove, more of an encouraging push, Joxer was out the door to the War Temple, Strife trailing a few steps behind him.
A long whistle greeted him, Hermes grin widening as he stopped mid-pace on the well-kept walkway that led up to Ares� domain. Still in his official frockery, all shined and glittered to the nines, he was wearing a groove in Ares� front path as he waited, though now his nerves had a little distraction. "Hey, Jox! Nice! The whole �god-look� thing works for ya!"
"Like a charm, though I�m sure we�ll be gettin� a vote for the other gear, too, dontchathink?" Strife chuckled as he sidled up next to Joxer.
With the conspiratorial laugh that came out of Hermes, Joxer wondered how he ever got the job of God of Gamblers. Not much of a poker-face there. "Yeah, ya may have a point. But I like it. It all but hollers �chaperone�, which I gotta thank the Tartarus outta ya fer doin� fer us, Jox. You�re a real stand-up kinda guy."
"Thanks. I�m glad to do it, even if I don�t get why two grown gods, one with a grown son, need anyone to escort them anywhere." Joxer managed to finally detangle his hand so he could accept the arm-clasp the God of Messengers was offering.
"If yer gonna do somethin�, do it right, I always say." Hermes squeezed and released. "Old-fashioned courting calls for an old-fashioned chaperone. An� for the record, Rissy ain�t the only one with a grown kid." A solo eyebrow arched up and for some reason, Joxer was struck with the impression he�d seen that smirk before, accompanied by much mustache-twirling and goatee-stroking.
"I�ll keep that in mind," Joxer smiled and looked around the area for their other party. "So, where is Discord, anyway?"
In answer, a fanfare trilled in the air before a dark sparkle deposited the goddess in question at the doorstep of the Olympian Hall of War. Eyes widened and jaws dropped as she came into solid view. Someone had been tinkering with her a little - Joxer would probably guess Aphrodite from the abundance of pink flowers pinned in her upswept hair. But those had probably been a concession, since the rest of the goddess� attire seemed to fit more in with her usual image. Expertly wrapped around her were robes of a purple so dark, it was almost black, with gold symbols embroidered into the trim. Joxer could recognize some of the words, picking out �Defender of Greece� in there, along with �Avenger of Widows� and a long litany of descriptives, most of which probably went along with the whole Goddess of Discord position. One, most prominent on a fold situated above her heart, told him that listening to stories in taverns was a foolish pasttime, even if the storyteller was your friend. In large stitches that spilled down over her shoulder and across her chest, was �Mother of Strife, God of Mischief�, worn up front as her most important title.
"Wow. Mom." Strife approached her slowly, taking in the image of his mother in her ceremonial attire. It wasn�t often she wore it and why was obvious. Any image she wanted to keep of being evil itself would be dashed to bits if she showed up looking this soft and girly. But for today� soft and girly would do just fine. She snorted to herself and adjusted some of the folds and tucks. Tomorrow, someone�s getting gutted. Just to keep things even. "If I didn�t know ya� I wouldn�t even know ya."
Instead of answering, she reached up and tweaked his chin, tossing him a wink before heading over to her gaping suitor. "How �bout you, Herm? Would you know me?"
A quick, but respectful sweep of his gaze over her and his smile shone brilliantly for her. "Even if I wasn�t looking atcha." He cocked his elbow and held it out to her, straightening up a little more when her hand slipped into the crook. "Milady. Shall we?"
"Jox? You coming?"
Shaking himself out of his minor stupor, Joxer pulled up the rear, keeping a few good steps behind the couple. "So, all I have to do is escort, huh?"
"Escort, accompany�" Strife stepped up to Joxer�s ear. "Keep things decent, if you get my drift."
"Loud and clear." Joxer didn�t need for him to elaborate. He might have been a fool, but he wasn�t dumb. That part had pretty much been self-explanatory from the start. "So, what�s the plan?"
"Just a stroll around the joint, take in the perpetual spring," Hermes led his date up the path away from the Hall of War at a comfortable pace. It was no problem for Joxer to keep up with that lazy gait. This would be a piece of cake.

***
The next person who mentioned cake to him was dead. It didn�t matter that he didn�t know how to use any of his new god-stuff or that he really wasn�t the best guy in the world with a sword. There would be destruction and that was all there was to it.
Joxer groaned as he shucked off his sandals - possibly the best shoes he�d ever owned. Surely a sight better than the pair he�d had when he�d fallen asleep in Strife�s little temple. These actually fit, as if they were crafted especially with his feet in mind - which of course they were. But fitting like a dream didn�t help when you were on a nine-hour hike with two lovey-dovey gods. His feet definitely felt better once they were released, his arches howling in delight. He hadn�t thought gods could feel aches or fatigue but there they were.
About an hour into the trip, he�d figured out the real reason behind today�s stroll. They�d made their way past each and every temple on Olympus, a light fanfare preceding their arrival by a few seconds, and had been greeted by every god available. Including a very misty-eyed Queen of the Gods. This hadn�t just been a little walk. This was an official presentation. And not only of the intended couple.
Joxer was grateful for the flowing robes now - he felt like he was going to bust. He�d been plied with so much food and drink at each stop that he was grateful for the walk to get it all moving. He hadn�t eaten this well or this much in years, including these past weeks� months? He wondered how long he�d actually been on Olympus anyway�
"One full moon cycle," that deep grumble of a voice rolled over him as he sprawl-lounged on the bench in the arbor behind the Hall of War. Joxer had sneaked off once Eris was returned to her home temple� and just before the gaggle of peahens descended to hound her for every last detail. He�d figured the night air would help his digestion a little. "Thinking of leaving us so soon?"
Joxer heard the smirk plain and clear and one of his own rose up to meet it. "Yeah, I�ve been missing sleeping on bare ground and a steady diet of burnt rabbit. Not to mention, nobody�s slapped the back of my head for a while�"
"Easily remedied." But as Joxer craned his head in the direction of that lush voice, he could see the twinkle of teasing in those soil-rich eyes. "Let me guess� it�s all just sitting in there like a rock."
Joxer groaned again and rubbed his belly with both hands. "If a rock can be made out of dried fruit and bread, yes." A light flush tinged his skin, unnoticeable in the ebony night. "I made a pig of myself out there."
"No you didn�t." Ares� voice got closer as Joxer let his head loll back a little. "It�s actually part of the courting tradition that the family of the suitor tries and sway the chaperone with food and drink. They�re trying to persuade you to accept him. The more they feed you, the better you�re supposed to feel about turning Eris over to him. It�s to show he�s prosperous. To turn any food away would have been a sign of disapproval."
"But as a god, can�t he just flick up what they need?" Joxer wiggled his fingers in the air to demonstrate, though he didn�t put any power behind it. Food was not on his to-do list tonight� or probably tomorrow, either.
"Of course, but it�s symbolic." Ares stood over Joxer�s prostrate body, contemplating the reaction he�d get if he simply pounced. "So� you convinced?"
Joxer sniffed a laugh and propped himself up on his elbows. "Any more convinced and I�ll be yakking all over the landscape." Ares� eyebrow lofted up and a small bucket appeared next to the bench. OK, so pouncing was out of the question. For now. A belch that smelled of cheese worked its way out of Joxer before he could cover it up. "Sorry."
"Don�t be. Just be glad you took Eris home. She can be� fussy about that sort of thing." Ares chuckled a little. "Sometimes."
Joxer tried not to imagine the times that she might not be. "I guess with Strife around, you get used to creative burping."
Another laugh came from the war god, this one fonder than before. "Strife, Deimos, Phobos, Anteros, Cupid� it was an interesting decade or two there for a while."
"You had all of them living here? And you kept the Hall standing?"
"It was touch and go for a while, especially when the twins figured out how to transport each other at will." Ares couldn�t help but smile at the memory of having to hunt for either Deimos or Phobos all over Olympus. At the time, he�d been just this side of frantic, looking for a wailing godling in every nook and cranny of every temple and garden, but now, a few centuries removed from the search, he could see the humor. "I�d hear �bye-bye� and then spend the rest of the day trying to look like one of my children wasn�t lost."
"Wow. I couldn�t even imagine." As if it were even possible, Joxer�s opinion of his god rose� and suddenly a major question barged into his head. "Uhh, Ares? Do I, um� worship you anymore?"
A filthy, snarky voice that sounded an awful lot like Strife gave an answer in the back of the War God�s immortal mind, but he was able to kick it in the pants and make it whimper away. While he had plenty of things in mind for Joxer, some �worship� included, this was of the more official variety. "Technically no." Joxer�s demeanor sagged just a little. "It�s different now. You�re a god. You�re not going to need protection and guidance anymore, at least not the way you used to. All you need to do now is ask. Though, I will say I�ll miss your prayers. They are� unique."
"Yeah?" Joxer wasn�t entirely sure he liked the thought of being Entertainment for the Gods, but on the plus side Ares did say that he�d miss them. There were worse things in the world than being missed, especially by your god.
Ares sighed and materialized a seat for himself. "Joxer, when was the last time you prayed to me for something?"
Under the scrutiny of his god�s eyes (now former god, he supposed), Joxer blushed and looked away. "Um. Actually, this morning. I wasn�t totally awake and kinda just did it out of habit."
Ares smiled, and there was no hint of the patented cruel smirk. "That�s not what I mean. That was just your usual �good morning� prayer. I mean, the last time you prayed for something. Like power or money or even lunch."
"Oh." And Joxer went to work thinking about it. And Ares got to watch it for a minute or two, enjoying the twists and turns of the former mortal�s mind played out on his face.
"You don�t. And believe me, there have been times I wish you would have. I�d have only been too glad to get you a better sword or a thick gag for Blondie." A quick, wicked bend painted his grin. "I came close to just bestowing that one a couple of times."
Joxer caught and matched the smile, slowly hoisting himself up to a sitting position. "I�ll have to keep that in mind� Maybe do a little �bestowing� of my own some day." He waggled his eyebrows at the immortal next to him, feeling a little tingle race through his skin when Ares laughed. "But, that�s not why I did it. You�re not just supposed to worship a god for what they can give you or do for you. It�s supposed to be because� well, because you believe in them. The stuff they do and stand for."
"And exactly how many warlords and generals do you think have caught on to that little notion?" It was rhetorical - they both knew the answer to that was �few to none�. "Exactly. And wheedling cuts down on the impact of prayers. True faith is so hard to come by. Especially in my line of work. But when it does�"
Ares missed the subtle turning of wheels in Joxer�s head. "So, technically, I COULD still pray to you." Faint surprise flashed in Ares� eyes and Joxer bit down a smile. "Well, since I don�t pray to you FOR anything, it wouldn�t make a difference. Especially�" pink rose up faintly around the edges of him, heat tasting at his skin, "if I still believe in you."
Those words alone infused Ares with enough energy for the next three days. A smile curled on his lips that Joxer had a feeling he was going to enjoy.
-tbc-
- 17
- 18
- 19
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