A Matter of Honor | By : purenightshade Category: M through R > Mutant X Views: 1578 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Mutant X, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Episode 18: Moth to the flame
Adam made it through the woods to the larger path and looked around. If he hadn’t been in such a hurry to find Claudia, he would have found the scenery to be quite lovely. He turned to the right as Honor had instructed and headed down the path. He was in luck.
“Claudia!” he shouted, running towards her.
She stopped and turned around, startled, pulling the headphones away from her ears. “Adam, what are you doing here?”
“You weren’t there when I woke up. I was concerned so I came to find you.”
“That’s touching, but I’m fine as you can see. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to my jog now.”
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
She sighed and hit the stop button on the CD player. “What do you want?”
“Did you get any sleep at all?”
“Some. It wasn’t very restful though.”
He nodded, relieved. “Did you pull the blankets over me?” She nodded. “That was very thoughtful of you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Look, Adam, you have something to say to me, so just out and say it.” She folded her arms. “I’m not going to read you to find out, either. I’m making you do this the hard way.”
He swallowed. “Fine. Have it your way then.” He reached out and grabbed her shoulders. In one swift movement, he pulled her up against him and kissed her. Not a friendly peck on the cheek, but the deep kiss of a man to a woman he cared very much for. As he kissed her, it started to rain.
She stiffened in shock and brought her hands up to push him away. She placed them on his chest and tried to push, but couldn’t. It wasn’t that he was just to big for her to move. It was more that something kept her from doing so. He pulled back, hands coming up to cup her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Claudia, but this is one promise I can’t keep any longer. I know you’re hurting and I’m sorry for all the pain in your life, but I need you. You’re the one irreplaceable thing in my life. I can’t do this. You know me and know how I feel better than I do.”
“Adam-“ she started.
“Don’t. Don’t say anything. I’m only asking for one thing. I just want to hold you close, to pretend for a little while that the last thirty years didn’t happen. I know. You’re going to tell me that you know quite well that I want more than that, but even if that party hadn’t happened, if you’d never been hurt, I still would never have a chance with you. You don’t feel the way I feel. I also know how you feel about…” he paused.
“Sex,” she finished. He blushed and she rolled her eyes. “Adam, you’re almost fifty years old. Shouldn’t you be able to say that word, or even not blush when someone else says it?”
“Where you’re concerned, I’m still nineteen,” he explained. He would have said more, but the rain that had started earlier was pelting down hard enough to be uncomfortable. “We should get back to the house.”
“It’s a little late for that,” she told him. “Honor showed you that little side path?”
“That’s how I got here so quickly.”
“It’s not going to be passable now. It turns to mud very quickly when it rains. It will take at least half an hour to go back down the main path.”
“I’d rather not be out in this any longer than necessary.”
“There’s a little shelter a short ways up the path. I’m not sure why its there or who built it, but I’ve hidden out from the rain in it before, so its sound.”
“You like the rain even less than I do.”
“Normal rain I can deal with, but this is pushing it.” They raced down the path for a few minutes with Claudia in the lead before ducking into the bushes. A short ways in, they came across a small, simple wooden building. Claudia pushed the door open and let him go in before stepping inside and closing it behind her. Inside, the room was fairly small with barely enough room for the two of them to move around. There was a metal stove on one wall with a wood pile in one corner. There was a thick cot near the stove with a pair of thick blankets folded up on one end.
“Well, I needed to change clothes anyways,” she said, making a face. “These ones are soaked!”
“Why don’t I make a fire to warm us up?” he suggested. “We can lie our clothes out to dry while we wait out the rain.”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m sitting around with no clothes on.”
“And you were accusing me of being immature earlier. Wrap yourself in a blanket if you’re that shy.”
“That’s not the point, Adam.”
“And what is?”
She sat down on the cot and turned her back to him. “I guess you didn’t see these earlier,” she said as she stripped her soaking wet sweatshirt and t-shirt off, revealing her almost bare back. Just beneath the line where the top of her tank top had been were thin red scars of varying lengths. “Remember what I said about being tortured?”
He sat down behind her, tracing his finger down one of the longer marks. “Once again, I feel like an idiot. I never thought that you’d have scars from that. I’m sorry.”
“Sometimes, Adam, you think too much, but lately you haven’t done an awful lot of that,” she said, examining her t-shirt. “This one’s hopeless. A blanket it is, then.” She turned to look at him. “About that fire?”
“Oh, yes. Right, I’ll get right on that.” He got up and took some wood from the pile and put it in the stove while Claudia removed the rest of her clothes and wrapped a blanket around herself. When he had the fire going, Adam got up and took the remaining blanket after undressing. To give him the pretense of some privacy, Claudia kept her back to him and closed her eyes, opening them again only when the cot moved slightly, indicating that he’d sat back down.
“How long do you think this rain will last?”
“It can last all day, but I doubt it’ll go for any longer than a few hours.” She shrugged. “I occasionally get stuck out in it, which is why this place has what it has.”
“Clever of you.” Adam pulled the blanket tightly around himself.
“I thought so.”
“You didn’t answer me earlier,” he added.
She turned to look at him. “What do you want me to say, Adam? Do you really want me to do something that goes against how I feel?”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I’m asking you for.”
“But it’s what you really want.”
“You expect me to deny that I want to sleep with the most beautiful woman I know?” He snorted. “Not likely.”
“You think I’m beautiful?”
“I always have. I was just too much of a coward to say anything. I don’t keep our grad picture around just for sentimental value, you know. I also didn’t kiss you just out of friendship.” He reached out to touch her cheek. “I love you. I always have.”
She looked torn, unsure of how to react or what to do. She reached up to place a shaking hand over his. “I wish you hadn’t said that.”
“You knew I felt that way.”
“There’s a difference between knowing and hearing it out loud. It makes it more real.” She pulled his hand away from her cheek, resting it in her lap, putting her other hand around it as well.
“Exactly how do you feel about me, anyway?” Adam asked. “You’ve never told me. You make vague references to it, but never really say anything. It’s not really fair of you.” She turned away from him. “Claudia? You can tell me.”
“No, Adam, I can’t. I won’t.”
“Why not?”
She looked back up at him. “Because those feelings will only complicate both of our lives. When this is all over, all I want is to go back to my job teaching at the university. I just want my life back.”
“Outside of your hatred for me, I wasn’t a part of that life.”
“That’s the point. I don’t know if it’s wise for me to be around you with you feeling how you feel. If it could just stay as a friendship, I would be more than happy to keep you in my life, but I don’t think I can now. I’ve been burned too many times to go near the fire.”
“You might be able to keep me out of your life, but now that I know you’re alive, that you don’t hate me, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to keep you out of mine.”
“That’s not my problem, now is it?”
“No, I suppose not,” he admitted. He pulled his hand away from hers. “I’ll go put some more wood on the fire.”
Claudia watched him get up and grab another log from the pile and put it in the stove. He crouched down to their clothes and turned them over so that the backs could dry as well. That done, he sat down with his back against the wall opposite from the cot.
“Claudia, I know I’m sounding repetitive, but I need to know how you feel about me. You don’t even have to use words if you don’t want to. You’re a telempath; project them into my head. I’m not really picky about that.”
“Once again, you don’t now what you’re asking of me.”
“In this one thing, I’m willing to look past that. Besides, I think you do kind of owe me one favor for trying to kill me. Don’t try and squirm out of that by reminding me that you let me stay with you last night. You asked me to. If that isn’t reason enough, recall that I was the one who helped you fight off Ashlocke.”
“You’re blackmailing me,” she said accusingly.
“Damn right I am. I don’t care how much complication this will bring. Even if you’d explain how that would happen, I’d be happy.”
She sighed and shook her head. “Just remember that you asked for this. Come over here. It’ll make this easier.”
He sat down on the cot, facing her. Taking a deep breath, Claudia put her hands in his and locked eyes with him. Before he could ask what she was doing, he was swept up in a torrent of emotion.
Feelings that covered the entire spectrum battered at him from all sides. On one side was the friendship and protectiveness she felt for Honor, her suspicion of Jesse, and her deep sense of grief at the loss of her first cat, Sneaky Paws. The more trivial emotions faded away. The ones he felt now were a catalogue of how she felt towards him, starting from her earliest memory of him, the first time they met, and going up through nearly fifty years worth of mixed emotions. He followed through the stream up to the party.
Things got both fuzzy and very clear at the same time. He felt feelings similar to the ones he’d been starting to feel at the time. There was also a very fuzzy sense of attraction there. He assumed the fuzziness was due to the drugged beer. Adam’s mind reeled at the intensity of the hatred and pain she felt for the next thirty years.
Finally, when she showed him what she’d felt starting from when she saw him again up to the present time, realization dawned on him. Everything made perfect sense now.
“You lied to me,” he said accusingly. “You feel exactly the same way that I do.”
She nodded and pulled her hands away. “Now that the cat’s out of the bag, yes, I do. Do you understand now why I refused to tell you, why I lied?”
“Fear. Fear of being hurt, of getting close to anyone, of what that implies. When it all comes down to it, you’re terrified of having any sort of relationship with a man because of your past experiences. While this is completely understandable, it’s also really ridiculous.”
She stood up and glared down at him. “You’d better explain that,” she warned.
“Claudia, if you felt this way about any other man, I’d understand and support you completely; however, that’s not the case and it’s me that you have these feelings for. You should know better. I’m a little hurt that you won’t trust me not to hurt you. I would never, ever cause you pain.”
“Well you’re doing a very good job of it right now.”
He stood up, letting the blanket drop to the ground as he walked towards her. “I’m sorry for that. I don’t mean to make a mock of your feelings; it was never my intention to do so. All I’m saying is that I know what you’ve been through. How many people can make that claim?” He put his hands on her shoulders. “I may not have great powers or be a fighter of any sort, but I want to have you near me, to protect you from things that would hurt you. You’ve been through so much in your life. You don’t need any more. If you doubt my intentions, read me. My mind will always be open to you.”
She couldn’t hold it any longer. “Adam, I’m going to ask you to wrap yourself back up in that blanket and say that again. I’m sorry, but I wasn’t actually listening.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” she giggled. “You look very silly like that.”
Adam looked down at himself. He was standing there in his socks and underwear. “I fail to see what’s so funny about this,” he said indignantly, causing her to giggle even harder. “Right, and you look fine in your underwear?”
“My appearance isn’t in question here,” she gasped.
“We’ll see about that,” he said, reaching out and taking the blanket out of her limp hands.
She reached out and grabbed the end of it as it went past, blushing furiously. “That’s cheating, Adam.”
They stood there with the blanket between them looking like a very odd game of tug-of-war. He stared at her exposed body, letting go of the blanket. “I take back what I said earlier. You’re not beautiful. You’re more than that.”
“Yes, I am,” she agreed. “I’m freezing to death.” She wrapped the blanket around herself.
Adam shook his head. “You’re amazingly gorgeous.”
“You’ve seen the scars on my back.”
“They don’t matter. They’re a part of you, so I love them as they are.”
She took a cautious step towards him. “Really? You’re not afraid of touching my back for fear of irritating them?”
“They look old enough that you’ve gotten used to them. I swear I’ll be gentle.”
She took another step. “I can trust you not to hurt me?”
“You can. I am yours for as long as you want me.” He took the last step towards her and folded her up in his arms. “I love you, Claudia DaVinci.”
He bent his head and kissed her. This time she didn’t try to push him away. She leaned into him, touching his cheek with one hand before running it back through his hair. Adam tightened his grip on her, kissing her with all of the passion that had been pent up for thirty years. To his great surprise, she kissed him back, the blanket falling to the ground. Tentatively, he ran his hands over the scarred skin of her back. She made a soft noise in the back of her throat and broke the kiss.
“Whatever you do, don’t stop. It feels great.”
“Really?”
“People are always afraid to touch my back.” She sighed happily as he put a little bit of pressure on it as he ran his hands up and down. “Mmm. Just like that,” she said happily. “I think I’d be inclined to keep you around for this if nothing else.”
“I should hope that you have other reasons to do so.”
She twirled one finger though a lock of his hair and leaned back to better look him in the eye. “If it makes you feel better, you just keep on thinking that.”
He snorted and shook his head. “Maybe I should just stop,” he teased, moving his hands away.”
She reached behind her and grabbed his hands. “Don’t you dare. I might never forgive you.”
“We can’t have that, now, can we? Would you like to lie down so I can do more of that?”
“It would seem that you’ve found a weakness that I didn’t even know about,” Claudia said, lying face down on the cot.
Adam lay down on his side beside her, his head propped up on one hand while the other gently caressed her back. She made soft happy noises as he did so. A few minutes later when his hand felt like it was going to fall off, he stopped. She rolled over onto her side to look at him.
“What is it about you that makes me relax like this?”
“I have no idea,” he replied. “Just lucky, I guess.”
“I’ve fallen asleep three times since seeing you again, and all three were with you near me. Your hand on my back feels better than any hot tub ever has, and you willingly open your mind to me regardless of the consequences. No one has ever done as much for me as you have.” She snuggled up to him. “Is this why I love you?”
“Maybe. Incidentally, how long has it been for you? Your emotions were a little vague on that score.”
“Longer than you have, I’ll tell you that much. You’ve always been kind of dense in that regard. I think it started when we were eight. All I know is that by the time I turned fourteen, I was lost. I kept it hidden from you. I waited for years to see if you would ever clue in. I took a gamble telling you about my thoughts on sex. I thought that would have clued you in, but it didn’t.”
“So Terence was right,” Adam muttered. “He told me at the party that girls never tell a guy that they have feelings for him, especially if they’re close to him.”
“We don’t. I’ve never really been clear on why. We just don’t.”
“Terence also mentioned a pool they had going regarding when we were going to get together or sleep together if we hadn’t already.” He smiled, running one hand up her arm. “I don’t think anyone won. His bets were on the second option. He also referred to you as a babe.”
“Terence always was a little odd,” she commented, listening to his heart beat.
“I wonder what he’s been up to,” Adam mused. “I haven’t really kept in contact with anyone from school.”
“I see Karen and Daryl every so often. They give guest lectures at the university. I bumped into Greg once, but he didn’t recognize me.”
“You haven’t changed that much. I’ve never seen anyone age as gracefully as you have. Your hair is shorter and there are a few lines on your face, but otherwise you’re the same person I knew.”
“That’s the first time you’ve said anything about the hair.”
“I like it. I mean, I like the long hair more, but this is really nice. It suits you just as well.” He paused. “Claudia, I think the rain’s stopped.”
“Good for it,” she grumped. “I’m comfortable.”
“Won’t Honor worry?”
“No. She’ll assume I carried on with my jog. If anything, they’ll miss you.”
“If I leave, you’ll be upset.”
“You’ve got that right. You’re my pillow right now.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I hate to bring this up with you so comfortable here and all, but before anything else happens, we need to figure out just what we’re going to do.”
“You did have to do that, didn’t you?” She pulled back enough to look at him. “Well, we might as well do this now so that we don’t have to later.”
“My thoughts exactly. So, are we together officially, or what? What do you want?”
“I think it would be best if we just start off slowly. You know, go out a few times and whatnot. Let’s see if we can do this before we make any solid commitment.”
“That’s a very intelligent answer. I agree with you. Let’s ease back into this. It’s been ages since we’ve spent any time together.”
She nodded, relieved. “I’m glad that you’re willing to wait.”
“This is a large adjustment for both of us.”
“I never would have guessed that men were capable of this kind of patience.”
“I didn’t say that it would be easy, it’s just better this way. If all goes well, it’ll all be worth it in the end.”
“And if it doesn’t work?” she asked.
“I’m not thinking about that now,” he said, toying with the ends of her hair. “Let’s just see how it goes, ok?”
“Sounds good to me.” She lay back down and snuggled back up against him. “For now, I’m just going to lie here and be comfortable.”
When she settled back down, Adam wrapped his arms around her, running his hand over her back. “We’ll head back when you’re ready,” he whispered to her, holding her as close as he could.
“Adam?” she asked drowsily.
“Mmm?”
“I feel like a moth.”
“Why’s that?”
“You’re like fire. You’re warm and comfortable, but you’re also very dangerous to me. I’m taking a big risk in this. Moths are always drawn to the fire even though it could hurt them.”
“That’s an interesting parallel. If it makes you feel better, I’ll never singe your wings.” He ran a hand through her hair. “They’ve been damaged too much as it is.”
She smiled into his chest and closed her eyes. “It does. Thank you.”
He rested his head on hers, letting the scent of lavender surround him as they dozed peacefully in each other’s arms.
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