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You Can't Fight a Tidal Wave	By : madradena Category: Star Trek > The Next Generation Views: 1693 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own ST:TNG nor Dreamland, nor the characters from either. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
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- 19
Emma had a horrible night. She had to study for her exam, so she stayed up late, but she had to read every paragraph at least four times to comprehend it at all. Actual studying was out of the question. She had to admit, she was preoccupied. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate. At around midnight, she decided to finally give it up and went to bed. After an hour of tossing and turning, she fell into a fitful sleep. Then at around four in the morning she woke up.
The hour of the wolf, her old aunt Susan used to say. According to her, the best thing to scare the wolf away was Vodka. Real Vodka, not synthetic of course. But she couldn't afford getting drunk now.
She sighed and gazed into the darkness. Come on, just face it. You won't get any sleep, if you don't face it.
Data. What am I doing to you? You SHOULD hate me! I'm seducing you knowing full well that you want to be left alone. And then I push you away. She sighed again. But... running away is not the answer! You have to face and then deal with emotions not turn them off! You should just think it through logically. And just be angry with me! That's the correct answer!
She sat up.
"Computer! Is Commander Data on the Bridge?"
"Negative."
"Okay, so you're at home. Good thing you don't need sleep, because I don't think I can wait until tomorrow." she mumbled as she got out of bed.
As she dressed up and walked (jogged) to his quarters, she felt a tinge of excitement around her heart - and in her abdomen. She wished she could determine whether it was because of what she wanted to tell him or just because of the thought of seeing him. In the middle of the night. Alone in his quarters.
Just stop it for god's sake! You cannot get turned on every freaking time you see him, if you want nothing from him! He deserves a lot more than to simply be the object of desire! Besides you're going there to make him angry at you, so he can move on from feeling any kind of attraction towards you! So just cool down, bitch! Kill that hunting instinct of yours off!
She got to his door and took a deep breath to gather courage. Then pressed the door chime. Nothing. Pressed it again. Again nothing. "Oh, come on, Deadpan! Do we have to do this every freaking time?!" she called frustrated. Still nothing.
What the hell... Maybe he was not home after all... "Computer! Locate Commander Data!"
"Lieutenant Commander Data is not aboard the Enterprise."
"WHAT?!" Emma's jaw dropped, then she thought she figured out "Oh, you stupid gadget! You don't know where he is, because he has no organic life-signs, do you?" she didn't know that the computer could in fact locate inorganic life-signs as well...
"Unable to process inquiry or request."
"That's because you are a pile of scrap.... Locate Lieutenant Commander Data's combadge!"
"Lieutenant Commander Data's combadge is located in his quarters."
"Oh, really? So you ARE at home after all!" Emma suddenly grew angry. She pressed the door chime again "Hey, you ... don't you play games with me! Open the freaking door, or I WILL use a battering ram!" No answer came, and Emma's eyes blazed with fury "You wanted it, pal! Computer! Medical emergency override! Security code Crusher Theta Alpha three six four! Open the freaking door, before I use an axe!" she had known Beverly's passcode conventions from Academic years. She followed the same logic in changing her passcodes ever since, she just had to calculate a bit to find the current one.
The door slid open, and she stepped into the sleeping area of Data's quarters. He was nowhere to be seen, so she turned her head around to look into the workspace area. Her heart was gripped by the coldest fear as she saw him there lying on the floor on his back, unmoving with Spot scooping on his chest.
She literally jumped to him "Oh, my god, Deadpan!" she whispered as she crouched to him. "Let me check him, little girl!" she told the cat as she pushed Spot out of the way. The cat disappeared in the sleeping area with a distressed meow. Emma checked his pulse on the neck, and to her complete dismay, she found nothing. She looked into his lifeless eyes, and her own eyes filled with tears. Her reflexes set into motion, and she measured on his chest, where his heart could have been to give him basic first aid. She gave his chest a few hard pushes, but she didn't feel the familiar rise and fall that a human chest would give. She couldn't move his ribcage even an inch.
She gave it a few desperate tries before sitting back on her heels exhausted. Finally, it dawned on her that she was not all alone on a planet without any help, so she pressed her combadge: "Jones to Crusher." she moaned and wiped the tears and sweat from her face.
The computer answered instead of Beverly: "Doctor Crusher's combadge is currently in Do Not Disturb mode due to conducting an emergency operation on Ensign Lark. Only senior staff members are allowed to initiate incoming communication."
"Oh, shit!" Emma breathed. She took a shaky breath and touched his chin with her fingertips "Okay... let me think. You ...you don't need medical help. You need an engineer, right? I'm stupid..." she shook her head pondering "What was his name? Some George or... ahshit..."
"Computer! What's the name of that blind engineer guy?"
"Unable to process inquiry. Querying personnel by medical records is restricted to medical staff with medical degrees only."
"Hell, I'm medical staff, you idiot!"
"You are currently limited to a restricted access to medical files until you have taken the Medical Differential exam."
Emma's eyes filled with tears again, this time it was out of frustration. Here was all this technology, and it was doing nothing but tripping her over her own feet. Let's just fall back on what I have.
She took a deep breath to clear her mind then looked into Data's lifeless eyes: "You... you are a machine. Even if you don't have a pulse, and your skin is cold as if you were dead, you cannot BE dead, right? It's just something is out of place. Or it's only my wishful thinking... Focus, Emma! ...Let's see, maybe you're hurt. Somewhere. Would you be able to bleed, if it was so?" she started to unbutton his uniform at his throat. "Maybe you don't bleed at all, and you can be hurt without blood to sell it off." she quickly started unbuttoning his uniform. "This was definitely not the way I imagined undressing you." she whispered, and her voice broke. What if he WAS dead? What if there was nothing to be done for him anymore? Her tears landed on his uniform front and disappeared on the black fabric.
She pressed her combadge again: "Jones to Crusher"
"Doctor Crusher's combadge is currently in Do Not Disturb mode due to conducting an emergency operation on Ensign Lark. Only senior staff members..."
"Okay, shut up! Just tell her I called, and it's an emergency!" she moaned.
She gasped from crying as she finally finished unbuttoning his uniform front. She pushed the fabric aside from his chest just to find a black under-shirt below. "Oh, come on, why are you so wrapped up, if you don't feel the cold?" she muttered as she tried to push the fabric of his uniform off his shoulders. But it was impossible, his body was too rigid. She was breathing now heavily from the physical effort. She jumped up to check around the quarters for something to cut the front of his under-shirt in two. She was not familiar with most of the gadgets she had found, and the rest was useless, but finally, she fished out from a drawer something that was remotely similar to the laser-knives she used to use on the colony.
She knelt back next to him and cut into the fabric of his under-shirt. She didn't dare to cut it all the way with the gadget fearing she might injure him with the sharp instrument. She ripped the shirt apart up until the top and pushed the thin fabric to the sides. She swallowed hard as she took in the curves of his body.
There was no injury. None that she could see. Having no other choice, she went on with her examination as if he was a human. She knew she had to check for internal injuries as well. So she gently put her palm on his skin. She ran her fingers over his collar bones then over his sternum. They all seemed intact. Vaguely, she noticed that his skin was unblemished and smooth without any chest-hair. She put her hands under his armpits and ran her fingers over his sides. His ribs - or whatever she could feel under his skin to be his bones - were all intact. No injuries there either. She slowly pressed her fingers into his flat abdomen - she couldn't push the flesh in, and the realization once again hit her that he was not a human.
"I need to turn you around to check you." she whispered gently. She tried to turn his body over using a basic first-aid technique, but failed. He seemed extremely heavy compared to how skinny he looked, and if that was not enough, his limbs were rigid, unmovable - a haunting similarity to rigor mortis... She tried to turn him around three more times and failed, and she sat back on her heels gasping from the effort. "Okay..." she breathed wiping the sweat from her face with the sleeve of her uniform "Then I'll need to check you the way that I can." she took the laser-knife looking gadget into her hand again, and cutting the upper part of his uniform into shreds, she slowly peeled it off of him. Once his upper body was naked, she set to examine him again. His arms seemed uninjured, and she put her hand under his shoulder to feel his bladebone. Checked it on both sides, no injuries found, but she couldn't squeeze her hand between his backbone and the floor. She went on from his waistline up. She tucked her palm under him and felt her way upwards.
Suddenly, her hand encountered a narrow hollow in the small of his back. "What's this, Deadpan?" she asked frowning confused. At first, she thought she'd found his injury! But then she also found tiny projections in the hollow. It didn't seem to be something caused by damage, the hollow and the projections were all too orderly, as if they were there by design. She ran her fingers over them - it would be so good to see what I'm doing! "I don't think, I can do any more damage... or I hope so!" she said on a weak voice then pressed one of the projections. Nothing happened. She pressed the other one - still nothing. She felt her finger slide more deeply into the hollow, and there she found another button! She pressed that one too and jumped back shocked as all at once Data sat up and looked ahead.
She gasped staring at him, her heart wanted to jump out of her chest, and she suddenly noticed that she was trembling all over. Data seemed to look around confused for a few moments - as would anybody who had just risen from the dead - then looked at her, where she was kneeling beside him:
"What has happened?" he asked. He checked his chronometer: it was only 05:02 hours. AM! And he was naked from his waistline up! "What has happened to my clothing?"
"I-I had to cut it off to check you out! What the hell has happened to you?! Who did this to you?!" she asked still in distress.
"What are you doing in my quarters?" he asked back looking at his uniform in shreds around him on the floor.
"Would you just stop answering with questions to my questions?! I came to see you, and I found you here! ...You were dead! No pulse, no breathing, nothing!"
He started to get up, but she immediately stopped him by grabbing his shoulder and arm: "Don't get up! Just stay where you are! You may still be injured! Somebody needs to check you out! Somebody who is more knowledgeable about you than I am! I forgot the name of that engineer guy! Georgesomethin... We need him to check you! What's his name?"
Data was completely taken aback by her flood of anguish: "Geordi..." he replied silently.
"Yeah... We need to call him here!" she told him, and he could see tears forming in her eyes - and saw the streaks past tears had left on her cheeks.
He frowned at this confused. Then again his emotions took over his rationality, and he moved without thinking ahead. He slowly raised his hand to her face and gently touched her tears rolling down her cheek with tips of his fore- and middle-fingers. She stopped talking, her breath was caught as he studied her face for a long moment, then cupped her cheek in his hand and wiped her rolling tear off with his thumb. He felt her hands on his arm and shoulder, and felt them tremble, and her palms to be damp. "I am fine." he replied silently as he felt an irresistible warm feeling spread around in his body at seeing her so torn by worry about him. For that short moment, there was no fear, no pain, no desperate loneliness. Only this tender touch and that warm feeling.
She swallowed hard: "You are? Cause if there's something still out of place..."
He put his hand on her shoulder lightly: "I am fine. I am sorry I scared you."
"Oh, you!" she moaned and embraced him tightly, her arms clasped around his wide bare shoulders. She buried her face into the nape of his neck, and he could feel her hot tears rolling down his still cold skin as he gently put his arms around her waist. He could feel her trembling in his arms, and her warm breath in his neck as she spoke: "I thought... I thought I will never be able to ...talk to you again..." she finished not daring to confess anything else she had on her mind, then instinctively pushed her lips to his neck.
She didn't want to let him go. She sighed as she felt his embrace tighten around her waist pushing her up to his bare chest. She kissed his neck again then turned her head and kissed his shoulder. You scared me so much! she thought still in anguish, and her hands wanted to tighten into fists, but with his skin under her palms, she just sank her nails into him.
He felt the change in her embrace, and had no time to think clearly as once again his sexuality program pushed to the front. He simply buried his face into her hair to inhale her fragrance. He felt helplessly aroused by the sensation of her palms on his bare skin, and her nails sinking into his flesh. All his thoughts were only on how he would undress her, how he would kiss every inch of her body, how he would feel when he would finally enter her fully. He gave a small grunt as he slid his hand up to the back of her neck and wiping her long strands away, kissed the curve of her ear.
She sucked in a breath at the feeling of his lips on her ear and couldn't stop herself from kissing his neck again. This time, she wanted to taste his skin, so kissing him again, she opened her mouth and flicked her tongue across the skin of his neck. He didn't taste like a human would. His skin was not slightly salty. His taste was unique, unlike anything she had ever tasted. And she wanted more! They moaned in union as she went on kissing and licking the skin of his shoulder. He was so skinny! His bones almost pricked his skin from underneath.
He ran his hand down her back, and grabbing her butt, he pulled her across his lap. She moaned again in pleasure as she felt his hot arousal. Oh, god! "Please..." she mumbled as she went from kissing his neck to kissing his jawline up to his chin. She scraped his chin with her lower teeth gently before letting him go. Then their gazes locked, and they both knew that they didn't want to stop there!
A small cry of pleasure escaped her lips as he suddenly turned them around and lay her on the floor beneath him. He was cautious not to hurt her and put his hand under her head as he lay between her legs. "Ahh..." she moaned helplessly as she felt him there and squirmed her hips under him wanting him to be close, closer! He couldn't stop himself from rolling his hips against hers as he felt her writhing just under his arousal. His rational thoughts told him, she might not be ready for that, but his sexuality program won over all conscious thought-processes. And she didn't seem to mind! A sensual tremor rippled through her body as she felt his arousal grind against her own. Her eyes closed involuntarily, and he bowed his head to kiss her on the lips finally!
She felt his warm breath on her mouth, then his sensual lips touched to hers with a feather-like touch. As she was about to push herself up to meet him, her combadge went off...
"Crusher to Jones." they heard suddenly, and they sobered in an instant. They lay there on the floor frozen to the spot, hearts racing, skin wet wherever their lips had touched and gazed at each other wide-eyed, confused.
"Crusher to Jones. Emma, do you hear me?" they heard again, and this finally made them disentangle from their embrace. They got up from the floor, Data in one smooth motion, then as he saw that Emma required some help with her balance, he helped her up by the arm.
She glanced at him then pulling her arm away, cleared her throat and pressed her combadge "Bev... Here I am, I hear you." she said breathlessly.
"Em, what's wrong? I got your message! What's happened?!" it could be heard that her voice was full of worry.
"Nothing, Bev... It's not me, it's..." she stopped suddenly as she felt Data's hand on her arm, and she gazed over at him. He let her go, but stood there looking at her with pleading eyes shaking his head. It was plain he didn't want Bev to know about this incident. Emma sighed - she was still a bit out of breath - "Bev, it's nothing. I solved it. Don't worry about any of it."
"You sure? The message said it was an emergency."
"Yes. I'm fine. I'll talk to you later, okay?" Emma asked on a slightly tired voice "Sorry, I disturbed you, sweetie!"
"Okay..." Bev seemed to let it go, but it was plain that she was not convinced that everything was fine "See you later. Crusher out."
Emma took a deep breath and looked over at Data. He just looked at her with an unreadable expression then nodded "Thank you." he told her on a silent voice and walked over to his sleeping area.
"I will need to lie to Beverly, if I want to keep this all a secret, Deadpan." Emma stated and walked after him. He didn't reply just pulled out an under-shirt from one of his drawers. His modesty program kept prompting him to wrap himself up.
Now that he managed to bring most of his rational thought-processes into the foreground, and his mind defogged from the attraction he seemed not to be able to fight, their conversation from the previous evening vividly came into his mind. She doesn't want you, he reminded himself as Emma stood beside him, and he looked into her eyes. "Are you planning to tell me, what this was about?" she asked now rather irritated and demanding - the worry seemed to wear off.
"I am planning to change clothes, so if you would excuse me..." he told her on a cold voice.
"Do you really think I would leave? Just like that?"
"I was hoping you would." he told her as he pulled the shirt over his head.
"What in the hell's name has happened?! Why were you practically dead for hours? Who did this to you?! Data!" she grabbed his arm as he tried to walk out on her again.
He looked into her eyes then on her hand on his arm. He could see that she would not let go, so he just pulled his arm away: "This is none of your concerns, Ms. Jones. I would appreciate it, if you did not ask me about this incident ever again. Thank you for your visit."
Emma gaped at him for a moment longer. He walked back to his workspace area to clear up the remnants of his clothing still on the floor. She walked up to him stunned "NONE of my concerns?! And you are telling me this after almost screwing me through our clothes on your goddamn floor?!"
Data gave her a look for a brief moment then went back to collecting the cut fabric: "Your words are unbecoming of a Starfleet officer, Ms. Jones." he told her on a low voice as he stood up with the trash and walked over to the disposal slot.
"Excuse me for my colonial-dialect, Mr. Commander, Sir! But just what do you think you're doing--"
"Taking out the trash." he told her nonchalantly, before she could finish her question.
She looked at him with a look beyond irritation: "Not that, dumbass!" her voice rose with every sentence "What do you think you're doing to me?!" she demanded stepping up to him "I come here to talk to you! To apologize for seducing you and to straighten our relationship. To tell you that you shouldn't turn off that emotion generating chip of yours, but that you should rather be angry at me for being so inconsiderate. THEN I find you here. Mostly dead! Have you any idea at all what it felt like finding you lying there?!"
"You had no businesses in my quarters!" he snapped, finally feeling THAT anger she was talking about.
"So sue me I came in! I wanted to help you! And I did!"
"No one asked you to help! No one asked you to come here! No one asked you to as you say 'straighten our relationship'. I believe we have already discussed the matter and agreed on our terms. What more there is to discuss?"
"A lot more, Deadpan! I cannot just stand by and watch you suffer!"
"I do not suffer from anything!"
"Yes, you do!"
"No, I DO NOT, Ms. Jones! I believe I have already stated my desire to be left alone! I would be grateful if you could abide by my wishes!"
"Left alone? Alright! What would have happened, if I left you alone tonight? How long would you have lay there, if I hadn't come in?"
"Until 15:50 PM." he answered honestly.
And finally, the obvious dawned on Emma: "YOU did this to yourself." she breathed. She stood there gaping, and Data had the impression that all life was drained from her. Then just as abruptly, she ran to him and tried to hit him with her fists: "You SON-OF-A-BITCH! What sick game do you think you are playing?!" she shouted. He avoided her blows, but she didn't give up.
"Ms. Jones, stop it!" he ordered finally, but she just went on trying to hit him with all the might she had.
"What can make you play such a twisted game?! How can you be such a prick?! You scared me shitless! I thought you were dead, you unscrupulous piece of shit..." she then broke down in tears, her body finally completely exhausted, and her mind unable to cope with the emotional roller-coaster she had been experiencing that day. Data had to catch her and hold her up by the waist to save her from collapsing. But she was not able to carry her weight anymore.
He gathered her into his arms and gently picked her up. Holding her to him, feeling her burying her face in his chest crying inconsolably, that warm feeling took the place of anger. He couldn't resist it. It came as a tidal wave and flooded all his mind, all his body.
He then went back with her to the sleeping area and put her down on his bed. She was still sobbing uncontrollably, and she turned her back on him and crawled away to the other side of the bed, but had no energy to get up and just leave. He watched her agony for a moment longer, then he couldn't stop himself from lying down next to her. He took her into his arms from behind. Though she didn't have the strength to pull away, her body was rigid, and she just held onto the bedclothes tightly burying her face into the blanket as her sobs rippled through her. She tried hard to get a grip, but she was exhausted, and the last half an hour was just too much to handle...
He felt ashamed. You were scared. You were scared that I was dead. You tried to help me. And I made you cry. I caused you pain. Suddenly, he felt he would give almost anything, if he could take her pain away, if he could just find a way to comfort her. He had never felt like that before. The thought made him hold her as close as he could. Please stop... he pleaded as he felt his heart break under her tears. But somehow just couldn't utter the words.
Then slowly she calmed down and stopped crying. She relaxed into his embrace, and they lay there listening only to each other's breathing. He stroked her abdomen through her uniform slowly, with a light touch. This time, it was not erotic, this time, it was soothing. And before long, Emma's eyes were closing, and reality started to slip away as she lay their in Data's secure embrace.
"I am sorry." she heard his silent voice, and she tried hard to blink her sleepiness away "I did not mean to scare you. Or anybody else." She waited patiently for him to go on, but he just lay there in silence.
"Were you actually dead?" she asked on a thin, tired voice.
"I... I cannot be dead. However, it might be an adequate analogy. I was unconscious. Deactivated is the correct term."
"Why? Why did you need to be 'dead'?" she asked on a breaking voice.
And he felt a catch in his throat once again "Because I cannot bear the emotions I experience."
"Because of me?" she asked the question she dreaded most. Her voice was only a whisper as her tears started to come again.
"No." he tightened his grip on her and buried his face into her hair and shoulder "Because of her..." he whispered on such a low voice that she wasn't sure she heard well.
He then suddenly let her go and sat up turning away from her "It would be better if you left..." he told her on a flat voice.
She gazed over at him above her shoulder through her tears. He was sitting there slouching, gazing ahead at something only he could see. Then wiping her face into her uniform sleeve, she gingerly sat up and crawled beside him, where he sat on the edge of the bed. She slowly slid her hand down his arm, and taking his hand in hers she buried her face into his shoulder.
Data knew she would not leave. Maybe he should order her to. He was her superior after all.
"Tell me about her." he heard her muffled voice from his shoulder.
He swallowed hard: "There is nothing to tell."
"Was she beautiful?"
He sat there in silence for a long minute. Then replied on a whisper: "She was glorious."
"Did you love her?" she asked innocently, and he knew he had to answer.
"I... I did love her in the physical sense of the word."
She slowly raised her head from his shoulder and slid opposite him to look into his eyes still holding his hand firmly in hers. He sat there motionless, still slouching, gazing ahead listlessly. She gently touched her fingertips to his chin and made him look at her. "There is a distinct difference between making love and having sex, Data." she told him now on a firm voice.
He shook his head slowly: "I do not see any difference." he bowed his head again.
"But there is a whopping big one. Satisfying bodily needs, let that be yours or hers, is just sex. Nothing more. Has nothing to do with love." she tried to explain, but he remained stubborn:
"It is still the highest form of intimacy between two beings."
She decided to let it go for now... but she had to ask the painful question she knew she couldn't avoid "Did she make you do it?" her voice was low and slightly trembling.
He gazed back up at her and slowly shook his head confused: "I did not think about what other choices I had. I wanted it. So it was my choice." he whispered. He swallowed hoping that the catch in his throat would disappear "She accepted me. In all ways possible. She wanted me. As I am. With all my dreams and aspirations. She... was so close. And yet so far away." Emma waited patiently for him to go on. It took him some more time, but he did go on "I see her in my dreams. I see her in my memories. And... yesterday... yesterday I saw her here. In my room. She told me, she would never leave." his voice broke on the last word.
"Do you want her to leave?" Emma asked on a firm voice.
Data looked into her eyes questioningly. She did not think he was crazy for seeing a dead woman in his quarters! She did not condemn him for feeling tenderness towards their lethal enemy!
He again shook his head confused: "I do not know."
"Because you are still attracted?"
He gaped at her for a moment shocked realizing what bold questions she had asked him. It was not usual with humans, they never asked such things as directly as she did. And he somehow felt he needed to answer! Needed to be as honest in his replies as she was in her questions. "I am not attracted to her anymore... Ever since I know you." he confessed.
A small smile flickered over her face: "And I'm not attracted to my abusive husband ever since I know you." she equalled then shrugged slightly "You see how complicated feelings can be, Data?" she asked him stroking his cheek tenderly "You may find yourself feeling guilty for leaving somebody who was essentially not good for you."
She DID understand. And he opened his mouth to speak! Words rushed to his lips all of a sudden, a thousand words! He grabbed her hand firmly - it almost hurt. But she could see his utter desperation. She needed to help him through. "Because you do feel guilty, don't you?"
"Yes!" he replied almost shouting the word "She was our enemy! She killed many of my colleagues! Even friends! And I let myself enjoy making love to her! I not only enjoyed it! It was the best thing I ever felt! I had previous experiences. I knew the sensations. But nothing prepared me for what it actually feels like to make love! I betrayed my own by giving in to pleasure from her... And then... I had to betray her as well. We were intimate! We engaged in the highest form of intimacy! And I lied to her. I lied I was on her side. She accepted me, she believed every word! She trusted me implicitly. And I betrayed her trust. And finally, no other choice was left... but to kill her."
"You killed her?" she asked on a whisper dreading his answer.
He looked into her eyes, his gaze once again beyond desperation: "Yes! Yes, I did! The highest form of intimacy. And I killed her with my bare hands." he shook his head "What kind of a monster am I? Who would understand this? Who would not look at me and think: he is a monster, worse than a monster, a heartless, soulless machine, with no conscience at all? Killing the woman I was inside of just hours before. I am a murderer." he covered his face with his palms thinking that he would cry. But only a sob escaped his lips, and no tears came. He felt empty inside. Dead inside.
Emma slowly snuggled up to him and gathered him into her arms. She held him close, his head tucked under her chin, her hands gently rubbing his arm and back. She let him hold onto her and just hugged him securely. She planted an occasional kiss on the top of his head. Then slid her hand from his back up his spine to his hair and stroked him there gently as if she was stroking the head of a little child.
After a while, he felt his racing heart slowing to the rhythm of her monotonous caresses. He felt calmer than he ever had in the last two months. How could she do that?! And how could she still be here? In one room with a murderer!
He slowly disentangled himself from her arms and looked at her confused: "Why are you still here?" he asked in a whisper.
Emma bowed her head as her heart sank "You still want me to leave."
"No!" he replied almost sooner than she finished her sentence. She looked at him questioningly, and he went on "But... why do you not hate me? Why are you not afraid of me? I... I killed a woman, whom I was attracted to. Whom I was intimate with. ...We, you and I are attracted to each other. Are you not scared?"
She couldn't help but chuckle at this: "You need to think so logical, don't you, Deadpan? It always has to make sense." she sighed trying to think of what would console him the most, but then just started to tell him everything she had "...I could tell you... a lot of things. I could tell you that what you feel now is though not rational but certainly very human. I could tell you that what you did was necessary. That the situation you were in was a lose-lose one, which nobody, not even with your abilities could have turned. And that you made the right choices for your friends and crewmates. You saved them. I could tell you that I have been in an abusive relationship, where I was made to think that all my choices were mine throughout. Whereas if you are left with no choice but one, then that choice is not yours at all. I could tell you that I cannot imagine you being violent with anybody, if it is not absolutely necessary. With the strength you possess, it's a huge thing, you know. But... these are all things that a therapist could tell you, or could make you understand. A therapist can make you forgive yourself the way you now think others could never do. But what I need you to know is... that I don't want to be anywhere else right now. Only with you. And that despite the fact that I'm constantly scared of you, right now, I feel no fear. No fear at all."
He shook his head still exasperated: "But THAT does not make sense! No sense at all!"
"Feelings are like that, Data. Don't try to fight it! Accept what I feel for what it is! Do you think you can do that?"
"I do not know!"
She squeezed his hands in hers tightly "Then this is part of your problem. You still try to define yourself as the android who has an emotion-chip. Why don't you try to begin to define yourself as a person?"
"I am a person! My sentience was proven years ago. I DO know that I am a person!"
"No, Data, you don't! If your only reaction to frightening emotions is to turn them off, then you don't know that you are a person. People are not able to turn their emotions off. We fight them, accept them, run away from them, whatever, but we don't have the ability to simply dismiss them."
This seemed to hit a nerve, but Emma was not sure why or how. She waited for him to talk again. And he did:
"When I was found... and I was evolving into sentience, I repeatedly had issues with integrating more complex thought-processes onto my neural net. At times, I was considering resetting myself to system default values to start all over again, it was so difficult. Then after a while, I realized I should view my obstacles as difficulties to be overcome instead of constantly considering starting over again. What you are suggesting is that integrating my emotion-chip into my net is creating a similar situation I had encountered early in my life."
"You can put it that way if it's easier for you to digest." she smiled stroking his hand with her thumb "For what it's worth, you may as well try to enjoy having emotions. Don't tell me that only negative experiences emerged from having it so far, because the ceiling might fall on us."
He tried to find a reference and failed so he gazed up to the ceiling then back at her: "Why would it fall on us?"
She laughed out loud: "It is a saying on Epsilon. If you tell a lie, the ceiling might fall on your head."
He shook his head ever serious: "I am not going to lie, I did have positive experiences since I had the chip. Some of them... involved you." he confessed suddenly, but still wearing the deadpan expression he usually did.
She couldn't help herself and cuddled up to him again. He held her close as she buried her face in his shoulder inhaling his clear scent deeply. She slipped her arms under his armpits then slid her hands down his back and held him by the waist. His nearness sent her mind into a trance-like state once again. All her rational thoughts somehow were dismissed, and she wanted nothing but to continue what they had started on the floor. All her fears, all her doubts forgotten.
She pulled away a little to be able to look into his eyes. Her pupils were dilated, and her chest heaving from breathing heavily. She stroked his cheek tenderly: "Would you like to..." she ran out of breath, her heart was racing! "...to make more positive memories and return me the favour of helping to undress?"
His mind went blank again. Undress you. Undress you! "Yes, I would like to." he whispered just as enchanted as she was. She smiled seeing his expression and guided his hand to her throat to find the fastenings of her uniform. He started to pull it down, and a smile flickered over his features as some of her soft skin appeared under the fabric of her clothes. He opened her uniform top and watched as if a spell was cast on him as she took the garment off and threw it away carelessly.
"What is it?" she asked a bit frowning at his expression.
He gazed over at her upper body covered only by a thin, sleeveless under-shirt - and it was plain she had no bra on underneath... He then stared into her eyes with childlike wonder: "You are so beautiful!"
She searched his eyes as if to make sure that he really had said what she had heard. It'd been a while since anybody had told her anything like. She slid as close to him as she could and pushed herself up against his chest sliding her arms around his neck. She embraced him gratefully, hoping he could somehow feel how valuable that one, innocent sentence was for her.
He took her into his arms, and struck by a sudden idea, pulled her across his lap. She smiled at the unexpected motion, and straddling him, she looked down into his eyes as she took his face into her hands. Their lips were an inch away, and she smiled mischievously down at him: she wanted his lips now so bad, she needed to tease him and herself a little more!
She ran her fingers through his hair making him lean his head a little backward, and she lowered her lips onto his upturned chin. She kissed him there touching him first only with her lips, then kissing him again at the exact same spot, she flicked her tongue over his skin. The sensation drew a small moan from him. She then went slightly upward with the kisses following the slight hollow between his chin and his lower lip. She then kissed the very edge of his lower lip. He tried to turn his head to claim her mouth, but she raised her head and looked down at him again. He was only looking at her mouth, and she could see how much he wanted to kiss her. But she was not yet done with her teasing.
She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs and lowered her lips to the bridge of his nose. She then slowly kissed her way down his nose. At the tip, she stopped for a moment "I love your nose..." she breathed as she kissed him there gently. Then went lower again towards his lips. She kissed the skin between his nose and upper lip. When she got to his lips, he moaned and tried to catch her lips with his once more, but she again pulled away playfully and just gazed at him smiling.
"Emma..." he moaned frustrated and searched her eyes.
"Hmm..." she chuckled softly lowering her lips again to his skin "so it takes to sit on your lap to be on first name terms with you!" she murmured against his chin then planted another kiss there.
He gave her a needy grunt at this and tried to look into her eyes: "Do you not want to kiss me?" he asked, and his innocence again took her breath away. He gazed at her lips, as if he was hungry - a sensation she knew he had never felt.
She smiled at him lovingly and stroked his hair again: "More than anything." she whispered "Only to want it feels good. To want you..." she confessed.
He was not sure he comprehended in any way that could be considered rational. But he felt he understood. He smiled at her amazed, but before he could close the distance to finally kiss her, they suddenly heard a desperate meowing coming from the floor beside them. They gazed in the direction of the sound just to see Spot jumping up on the bed next to them. Emma chuckled, Data just stared at his cat questioningly. Spot was walking up and down in circles next to them on the bedclothes and was meowing as if her life was in danger.
"Spot, could you give us a..." he started, but the cat put her forepaws on Emma's knee and literally drilled her head under Data's armpit to be as close to him as possible "Spot!" he gazed at her exasperated.
Emma laughed out loud "Come here, little girl!" she told the cat and pushing one of his arms away, helped her sit between her and Data, in his lap "Oh, you're heavy! Come now, don't be jealous! Daddy loves you the same as always!" she told her rubbing behind the cat's ear.
"She is NOT jealous." he told her disillusioned "She is just ... ready to starve to death before our very eyes. She usually gets food at 6 in the morning." he explained and couldn't resist a small smile, his lips curving upward almost on their own accord as he was stroking his cat's head lovingly "We cannot be a minute late, can we?" he asked Spot cocking his head to one side.
Emma watched them with a tender smile for a moment longer, then a thought struck her: "What time is it, Deadpan?" she asked as if waken from a dream.
Data looked at her still absently stroking his cat's fur with one hand and Emma's thigh with the other "06:12. Why?"
This time, she cocked her head and frowned at him suspiciously. She looked around to see where he could have spotted the time "You sure? How do you know?"
"Checked my internal chronometer." he mumbled a bit slowly as he was trying to figure out what he should do first: give food to Spot or try to kiss Emma on the lips. "Come here..." he breathed, when he finally decided and tried to push his lips up to hers.
But instead of rewarding his patience with a kiss, all of a sudden, Emma pulled away! She disentangled from his arms and jumped up "I'm late, Deadpan! I'm screwed!" she started to look for her uniform top "Ah shit, where is it?" she swore swirling around.
Data sat there as if a bucket of cold water was poured right into his neck. He looked at her almost shocked "Emma! You are not planning to leave just now, are you?" he asked before he rationally thought it over, meanwhile tried to fend off Spot's flattering that started to be a bit violent. The cat was trying to climb up his chest, into his neck with her nails out, and though he could feel no pain, he hated when Spot tore his clothes.
Putting on her uniform top, Emma gazed at him standing a good meter away from him, and had to smile at the scene. He was sitting there totally frustrated at the edge of his bed, while the cat was all over him. She laughed out loud "I suppose there's someone in this room, who is a lot more willing in taking her affection to the physical level than I am at the moment."
He slouched, and after a moment of conscious effort of stifling his arousal, he stood up with Spot still in one of his arms and crossed to Emma "I feed her, and she will nap for half a day, just wait a moment, please!" he asked almost desperate.
She laughed again "And what am I gonna tell at sickbay?" she asked reaching up and stroking his hair and ear "That my superior officer ordered me into his bed? Hmmm?"
He bowed his head. She was right. He was being ridiculous. "You would get into trouble because of me..." he looked into her eyes with his innocent yellow gaze "Forgive me. I was not thinking straight."
"Oh, come on..." she whispered and taking him into her arms along with Spot, she planted a kiss on his shoulder "Thinking straight was not one of my virtues tonight either." she whispered to him lovingly.
He put an arm around her pulling her closer and whispered into her ear "You go to sickbay now. I feed Spot. And we will continue with the mutual exploration of our bodies after you have finished your shift."
She laughed out loud again: "I LOVE it when you talk dirty!"
Data looked perplexed for a moment running his last sentence through his databanks on sexuality to look for any 'dirty' talk. When he failed to find anything, he decided that Emma was once again teasing him.
"Are you planning to keep up with teasing me even after we commenced our bodily relationship?" he asked looking into her eyes.
She grinned mischievously: "I hope I won't have any reason to tease you about that!" He looked at her seemingly shy, and Spot meowed in complete dissatisfaction seeing that nobody was paying attention to her. They looked at her in union, and Data finally put her down on the floor gently. The cat ran up to her bowl and seemingly tried to flatter the bowl itself to produce some food for her. They smiled at the scene.
Emma then took Data's hand firmly in hers and gazed seriously into his eyes "Promise me something." she asked on a low voice.
He wanted to say 'Anything.', but that would not have been in correlation with the truth. So he just asked: "What do you wish me to promise you?"
"Promise you go to Counsellor Troi today and talk to her. About what you told me."
He bowed his head suddenly totally dismayed: "I have told YOU. Is that not enough?" he asked pleadingly feeling ashamed.
She shook her head: "No."
He turned his head away sulking, but she didn't let him. She put her fingertips below his chin and made him look into her eyes: "Listen to me, Deadpan. I have seen people with post-traumatic stress before. I went through it myself. With all the flashbacks, even hallucinations, and the nightmares. I can recognize it, if I see it, and..." he tried to turn his head away still not wanting to admit to what she was telling him. She turned his face towards her again gently but firmly by the chin "...and you ARE having a problem! Telling me about it was a huge step. And I'm not gonna belittle the trust and courage it took from you to do it. But you need help. And I cannot give you that, because I'm not a therapist. Believe me. It's like a roller-coaster. Sometimes you feel okay, the next moment, it's worse than ever. You need to treat it, before it consumes your life. You can come and talk to me about it anytime you like. But I want you to get the best help that you can." she stroked his cheek "Okay?"
He bowed his head a little, and she squeezed his hand in hers. He gazed into her eyes and nodded finally: "Okay." he replied and felt fear grip his chest once again. He had what? A few hours free of it? Would it ever go away completely? he thought bitterly.
"Don't look so desperate, please, because it breaks my heart!" she told him, and taking her by surprise, he held her close. Maybe her nearness would be enough! Now that she was here, everything seemed easier. Maybe he just had to hold on to her. And everything would be fine again. He took a deep liberating breath and closed his eyes.
After a minute however, she stroked his hair gently "Data, I need to go..." she whispered kissing him on the cheek, and he reluctantly let her go.
She looked back at him from the doorway and smiled "Have a nice day, Deadpan! See you at the rehearsal." And she was off.
On impulse, he threw himself over his bed and lay on his back spreading his arms wide. He took a deep breath closing his eyes. Her fragrance was still there in his room. A human wouldn't have sensed it. But he did. His lips curved up into a small smile.
How could his world turn just like this in a few hours?! He felt free, completely free! No more fear! No more shame! He was himself again! And even more than himself! Something new, something wonderful was around him and even within him! Something he had never before felt.
There was still almost ten hours until the rehearsal. He needed to do something till then - but nothing seemed interesting that didn't have her in it. He sighed. Right at the moment breathing seemed the most interesting thing he could have thought of doing.
At the next moment, a bomb of fur landed upon his chest drawing a grunt from him. Opening his eyes, he locked gazes with Spot, who looked down at him with ultimate resentment. He smiled at her a slow, lopsided smile, then suddenly grabbed the cat in an almost violent display of affection and held her close. Spot was so surprised that she didn't even utter a whimper as Data pressed his lips to her forehead lovingly. The next moment, he stood up with her in one smooth motion "Let's get you some breakfast." he told her and went to the replicator to the cat's great satisfaction.
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