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Night	By : kattanon Category: S through Z > The Shield Views: 1080 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Shield, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Disclaimer: - I don�t own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX.
Night � Chapter 19.
He had to know why. It struck Dutch that his question was a little like the old movie cliché when the hero is facing death and buys some time by asking the villain to explain his plans, of course the daring escape or rescue would be missing from this scenario, but he really did want to know why before he died. He had the feeling that just like the baddies in those films Simon wouldn�t be able to resist the sound of his own voice as he explained his warped thinking. Oh Dutch understood the psychology of someone like Simon, a psychopath with no empathy for those around him intent only on his own gratification, but why him, why policemen that�s what he wanted to know? So he�d simply asked after Simon�s latest attentions,
"Why?"
Simon reached forward a hand gripping his shoulder and pulled him upright, turning him around and pushing him back against the table, it�s edge cutting uncomfortably into his lower back, just one more pain to join the rest. Dutch almost welcomed the physical pain now as it sublimated the emotional pain which he could feel constantly eating away at his psyche. He felt he could reach out and grasp his physical pain, touch it and watch while it would eventually fade away and disappear. However, he knew the psychological pain was different after all he�d spent years with his demons locked away deep inside of himself, but they�d always been there never fading just repressed, snarling and howling for release.
Simon pressed forward into his personal space, his pelvis pushed against Dutch�s, his hands on either side of his body gripping the table imprisoning him and his face just inches from his, eyes staring, a smile on his lips.
"What took you so long? The others asked that long before now and I took you for an inquisitive detective with a thirst for knowledge, for the truth." Simon said.
"Tell me�I want to know�to understand. Why policemen�why choose me?" Dutch asked, trying but failing to hold Simon�s gaze. Those cold almost inhuman eyes made him shudder and he couldn�t prevent himself from looking away, even though he knew Simon would see his reluctance to maintain eye contact as a victory.
"Why policemen�because I was set up, framed and spent 10 years of my life locked up in a cell because some dirty cop planted evidence in my car. The bastard planted hairs from this dead kid in my trunk and then leaned on that idiot Newman to get him to implicate me in the kid�s death. That was back in 1986, I got life with no chance of parole, and I had to spend the next ten years in prison until they caught him out doing the same thing in another case. Ten fucking years wasted then they give me a pardon and a shit load of cash and expect me to what, forgive and forget�just fuck off and get on with life�no way."
"You were innocent and this is what�your way of getting back at the police." Dutch asked.
"Innocent�Jesus you really aren�t as clever as I thought you were boy. I was guilty as sin�yeah I killed the little shit, fucked him and strangled him, but I didn�t leave any evidence. No that shit for brains cop had to plant some because he couldn�t find any�because I was smarter than that, smarter than them. The only way they could pin it on me was to cheat�made it look like I was just some dumb fuck who couldn�t clean up after himself properly. Well they don�t think that now do they. Christ, I even leave them clues and they�re still too stupid to catch me. Do you know the feds even know who I am? They went back to Hamilton and asked a lot of questions about me and they still can�t catch me, they still can�t save you. See I�m smarter than them, superior, and so it�s only right I can have what I want, who I want." Simon told Dutch.
Dutch tried to digest all that Simon had told him. If it was true that the FBI knew Simon�s identity then why hadn�t they caught up with him by now? Maybe Simon had been right, maybe they had given up on him. Here he was thinking there was some big search underway for him and instead everyone was just getting on with their lives, and he was fading from memory. The lack of emotion this thought elicited in him didn�t surprise him; he was tired and felt as though he was merely marking time now until this whole mess was over. He almost didn�t ask his next question, not sure if he really wanted to hear Simon�s answer, not sure he�d want to see the reflection of himself the answer might provide. However, he�d gone this far and so taking a breath he asked,
"Why me�why did you pick me? What�what was it you saw in me that made you choose me?"
Simon stepped back from Dutch which surprised him and he looked up at Simon�s face, startled to see something that almost resembled pity there.
"I�ve told you before I didn�t choose you, you chose me."
Genuinely confused Dutch shook his head,
"I don�t understand?"
"The moment I saw you I knew you were the one. Everything about you called out to me I could sense your need, your insecurity, wanting to belong somewhere, to someone. There�s something about you, about all of the ones I�ve chosen, a vulnerability that calls out to people. It makes people react to you in one of two ways either they want to look out for, li, like your partner Claudette, or else they�re like me and want to take that vulnerability and use it, enjoy it, make you cry. You were made for this, for me, that�s why you belong to me, you always have."
Dutch could see from his expression that Simon was totally sincere, he completely believed every word he�d just said and he realised that he did as well. Of course Simon was right that explained everything, his entire life he�d been walking around with "victim" emblazoned across his forehead, he couldn�t see it but everyone else could. His father, Lucy, the friend who�d been Lucy�s sponsor at AA and had ended up getting her pregnant and taking her away from him, Sean Sally�s killer had seen it that day in the interrogation room and Simon had seen it. Perhaps his whole life had been leading up to this point fate made it inescapable. Why try and fight it, why try and hide from it? It was better surely to accept it, embrace it even. At the very least it would be easier.
"You�re going to finish it tomorrow?" Dutch heard himself asking Simon; a little proud of the fact that his voice remained steady when he asked the question.
Simon was watching him carefully when he replied,
"Yes�it�ll be your time."
Dutch actually felt relief flood through him at Simon�s words, his eyes sliding shut. It was going to end, it was going to be over and he knew he was glad. Feeling Simon�s gaze on him Dutch opened his eyes and looked back at him, not flinching when Simon reached out and cupped his cheek in his hand.
"Now you see it don�t you�now you realise I�m right�now you know you belong to me. We can be together one last time and the choice is yours, either I can bend you over the table again like last time and hurt you or you can lie down on the bed with me and I�ll be gentle, prepare you, use lubrication the choice is yours?"
Dutch knew he should refuse to chose or be defiant and opt for the table, validate himself with the pain but he couldn�t. He knew that in the long run it didn�t matter anymore so why be a masochist, why chose pain when he didn�t have to. So he silently turned away from Simon and slowly walked over to the bed aware of Simon following him.
- 18
- 19
- 20
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