SAVING GRACES

CHAPTER 19



Olivia woke with a start. She sat up and stared around her in confusion. “Bobby’s apartment…I’m in Bobby’s apartment…In Bobby’s bed…Where’s Bobby?” The aroma of strong coffee reached her. “He’s made coffee…What a wonderful man…” She rose, and after a quick trip to the bathroom, padded into the main room of the apartment. Coffee cup in hand, Bobby stood in front of the balcony door that made up one side of the room. He’d showered and wore a finely woven cotton shirt and the slacks from one of his finest suits. The jacket from that suit hung elegantly on the back of his desk chair. A navy blue silk tie hung loose around his neck, and his black shoes shone so brightly that Olivia knew she could see her reflection in them. His hair was neatly combed, his beard shaved, and he stood at attention as he surveyed the world. He was strong and beautiful and vulnerable, and it took all of Olivia’s will not to rush to him and wrap her arms around him.



“Hi,” she said shyly.



He tilted his head in her direction. “Hi,” he said with equal shyness. “There’s…there’s coffee…I can get you a cup.”



“Thanks for the offer…I can get it.” When she returned, Bobby remained at the window. All of his defenses appeared to be in full operation.



“We’ll need to go by your place,” he said softly, not turning to look at her. “We should leave a little early.”



“Yea,” Olivia said, unsure of how to approach him. “You…You look terrific this morning.”



“Thank you.”



They stopped briefly at Olivia’s apartment. Following Bobby’s lead, she slipped on her best suit, the one usually reserved for weddings, funerals, and testifying in the worst trials. Bobby offered to buy her breakfast.



“Are you hungry?” she asked.



“Uh…not really…” He fumbled with his leather binder as they stood outside her building. “But…I thought you…”



“Not really.”



Bobby was silent during the cab ride to One Police Plaza. As they walked into the building, he tentatively touched her arm. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I’ve been…But thank you…”



“You’re welcome…and I understand.”



They were the first of those working on the case to arrive. Bobby gave her a brief tour of the Major Case Squad and introduced her to the few detectives in the bullpen. He found her a chair and space on his desk. “I hate to leave…but I need to get ready…”



“Not a problem,” Olivia assured him.



Alex arrived a few minutes later; Elliott, Fin, Munch, Cragen, and Huang soon followed. “So,” Elliott said softly to Olivia. “This is how the other half lives…New computers…Lots of light…”



“Brass a few floors away…Everyone looking over your shoulder,” Olivia answered genially.



A smile crossed Elliott’s face. “Point taken…Where’s Goren?”



“Preparing for battle.” Olivia pointed at the interrogation room, and she and Elliott walked to it. Looking through the one way glass, they saw Bobby in the process of carefully arranging several folders and files on the table, almost obsessively placing them in neat, even, straight lines.



“Nice suit,” Elliott observed. “He certainly dresses well for the fight.”



“Elliott,” Olivia said, her eyes not leaving Bobby. “Thank you for not fighting about having the interview here instead of at SVU. And for not insisting on being in on it.”



“I understand what Goren’s doing,” Elliott answered evenly. “And I think it’ll work…If…”



“If Bobby is all right…”



Elliott nodded sadly.



Alex appeared at their side. “My partner looks good, doesn’t he?” she said proudly.



“So do you,” Elliott answered, and Alex did look terrific in a carefully tailored black suit and heels that combined with her attitude to make her several inches taller. “You’ve got a nice place here, Eames. It should make an impression on Bertelli.”



“Thank you,” Alex said. “We kinda like it. And the plan is to intimidate Bertelli.



“Bertelli’s here with his lawyer.” Captain Ross walked up behind the three detectives. He studied Bobby carefully. “He certainly knows how to set the scene and dress the part.” He turned to Alex. “He’s ok?”



Alex looked at Bobby with more intensity than even that demonstrated by her Captain. “I won’t lie,” she said after a moment. “I wish he’d had more time to heal…his body and his head…But he says he’s ok. And I trust him.”



“All right,” Ross said. “Let’s do this.”



Alex nodded and walked into the room. Bobby acknowledged her presence by a slight turn of his head. She followed his example by placing her files and photos with compulsive care on the table. They looked quietly at each other.



“Good Lord,” Elliot said with a mixture of admiration and amazement. “They’ve got some sort of psychic link going on.”



Bobby nodded to Alex, who walked to the door and opened it. “Bring him in,” she said firmly. She returned to sit in her chair, but Bobby stood at attention, his hands behind his back.



Bertelli’s lawyer, a harried grey man, entered first. Flanked by two uniforms, Bertelli followed. He wore the orange jumpsuit of a prisoner; his buzz cut was now a grey and uneven fringe around his head. The restraints around his waist and feet forced him to walk slightly bent over, but he glared at Bobby with undisguised hatred and rage. The guards released him from the shackles and chains on his feet, but as they moved to the handcuffs Bobby spoke.



“Leave the cuffs,” he said with quiet authority.



Bertelli’s lawyer began to protest, but Bobby silenced him with a sharp look and dismissive wave of his hand.



“He’s accused of the worst crimes imaginable,” Bobby said. “He’s threatened witnesses and officers, including Detective Eames and myself. The cuffs stay on, and he’s cuffed to the table.”



If looks could kill, Bertelli’s eyes would have stabbed Bobby as fiercely as the man’s knife had slashed the detective.



“Sit down, John,” Bobby said coldly as Bertelli briefly and uselessly struggled against the handcuffs being attached to the table.



“Don’t call me…” Bertelli began.



“This,” Bobby said coldly. “Is our room. Detective Eames and I own this room. All those detectives and police officers outside this room are our colleagues. Detective…Detective First Grade…Eames is my partner. The only person I address as Captain is someone who deserves it…People like Captain Cragen and Captain Ross. “



A stunned Olivia watched as Bobby transformed before her. It was a skill all good detectives possessed; she and Elliott were pretty good, Munch excellent in some situations, Fin brilliant in others. But Bobby was the best she’d ever seen. She couldn’t see Bobby’s eyes, so she had no idea if the gentle, frightened man she’d held in his bed the previous night lurked somewhere in them. What she saw of Bobby in the interrogation room revealed none of the man she loved, and a chill climbed Olivia’s spine. “He’s there,” she thought. “Bobby…the Bobby I love…Is there. He’s the real Bobby.” A thought blazed across her mind, and she knew what terrified Bobby. It was less that Bertelli might attack or hurt Bobby, but that Bertelli might discover, might reveal, the dark side of Bobby’s soul, the side that allowed Bobby to talk with, to understand, the John Bertellis of the world.



Bertelli was very confused and doing a poor job of concealing it. He tried to reconcile the Robert Goren who stood before him in the expensive suit and with the commanding presence with the disheveled, disorganized man who’d enraged him. Bertelli couldn’t understand the rumors he’d heard describing Goren as one of the most feared and respected detectives of the NYPD. Bertelli was even more confused with the deference and respect other detectives showed Goren. And the confusion increased Bertelli’s anger.



“I hear,” Bobby said. “That you’re having a difficult time at Riker’s. Not a bunch of boys you can frighten there. They know what you are.”



“They’re criminals!” Bertelli shouted. The restraints held him in place. “I’m not one of them. I shouldn’t be there!” He ignored his lawyer’s desperate efforts to quiet him.



“No,” Bobby said quietly as he sat across from Bertelli. “You’re worse than them…and they know it.” Bobby waved a hand across the carefully arranged photos of Bertelli’s victims. “Tell me again, John. Why did you kill these boys?”



“I’ve told you…All of you…Veneer…He told me these boys…They were evil…They sinned…They were corrupt…Evil…”



“These boys did not sin,” Bobby replied forcefully. “Gregory raped them…You both tortured them…Then you killed them…You judged them by your own evil standards…But they were not sinners…”



Bertelli continued to ignore his lawyer’s increasingly frantic efforts to control him. “No! No!” he screamed, jumping and jerking at the handcuffs. “Veneer…Veneer said…”



“It wasn’t Veneer,” Bobby said calmly. “Gregory Veneer is a coward and a rapist, but he didn’t kidnap and kill these boys. He probably would have never crawled out from under his rock to even come near them if you hadn’t given them to him. You…they trusted you…just like Tony…You betrayed them…And you killed them.”



Bertelli lurched forward again, his hatred and rage so intense that Alex fought to maintain her placid exterior.



“All right!” he screamed. “I killed them…I killed them…but for a good reason!”



Outside the room, the detectives and their captains knew they’d won. They finally had Bertelli’s confession on tape, with his lawyer present. He’d taken responsibility for the deaths. There would be no need to bargain with Veneer or Bertelli, no need to continue to torture the boys’ families. But Bertelli continued to scream his hate.



“I killed them to keep them from becoming you!” Bertelli lurched again. His wrists were raw and red from his constant battle with the handcuffs. “I know what you are! You can’t fool me! That suit…this office…all of this…doesn’t hide it…You’re evil…Women…Drink…Drugs…If you’re good at this job, it’s because you’re no better than the scum…the animals…And this bitch…” For the first time in the interview, Bertelli noted Alex’s presence. As he did, Bobby exploded.



“No!” He slammed his hand on the table; the photos and files jumped in the air and fell out of their careful arrangements. “You do not have the right to discuss her. She is a First Grade Detective. An honored cop. She is senior to me in rank and ability. You will treat her with respect!”



Bertelli shrank before Bobby’s rage. He pulled again against the handcuffs, but this time he did so in a desperate effort to get away from Bobby. His eyes blazing, Bobby leaned across the table, his muscles quivering beneath his suit. His eyes bore holes into Bertelli for several moments before Bobby slowly sat back in his chair.



“You know nothing about Detective Goren,” Alex said calmly. “I don’t see any commendations on your record, John…Not any real ones for real police work.” Bertelli flinched. “Detective Goren…Detective First Grade Robert Goren…has awards you couldn’t dream of…” Alex stood. “When we wear our dress blues, I’m surprised that he can stand, what with all the weight of his medals and commendations. Including a Medal of Honor…”



Outside the room, Elliott let out a low whistle of admiration.



In the room, Alex sensed Bobby’s growing discomfort. He hated for his exemplary record to be noted. Alex’s words clearly registered with Bertelli, but they were meant for her partner as much if not more that for the prisoner. She needed to remind Bobby of who he was, of the good and brave man he was every day.



Bertelli looked from Bobby to Alex and back to Bobby with increasing confusion. “No…You can’t be…You can’t have those awards…These boys…They would’ve become like you…”



“You mean good, brave men.” Alex leaned over the table and glared at Bertelli. “That’s what you kept them from becoming.” She sat down.



“Ok,” she thought. “Back to you, Bobby. Just remember…You are that good, brave man. You are not like this man…”



Bobby began to recover from his surprise at Alex’s spirited defense of him. “Is that who I am?” he thought as he listened to Alex’s words and watched Bertelli shrink away from them. “Am I what Alex thinks I am or what Bertelli thinks I am?” He stared at Bertelli. “Who knows you better? This…this warped, evil man who’s met you maybe three times…Or this tough, smart, brave person who’s been your partner and friend for seven years?”



Bobby rose slowly and stared down at Bertelli. “Evil, John,” he said deliberately. “Is in you…It’s in all of us…We all have the potential for good and evil…But we’re not inherently evil…We make our paths…But these boys…” Bobby slowly waved his hand across the photos. “They never even had the chance to find their paths. Because. You. Took. It. Away. From. Them.”



“No!” Bertelli raged at Bobby. “You…You’re evil…I know…It’s how you know…I…I see it…”



Alex again struggled to keep her face a mask. “Hold on, Bobby,” she thought. “He doesn’t know you…He only knows evil because he’s evil…Don’t believe him…”



Bobby stood at attention. Aside from his careful, regular breathing he might have been a statue. “Of course I know evil,” he finally said deliberately. “I see it every day….But I chose…and choose…to fight it. You chose to accept it…To revel in it. I recognize evil, John. I’m looking at it right now.”



“No…No…” Bertelli mumbled. “I…I saved…No…” He crumbled before Alex and Bobby.



Bobby leaned across the table. “No, John…They were victims of your evil….but you can save them.”



His eyes glazed, Bertelli stared up at Bobby.



“Tell the truth,” Bobby said gently. “Save them…Save yourself…”



Bertelli could just reach Bobby’s hands; he clutched at them. “You…You know…”



Bobby leaned closer. “Tell me…Tell me, John…”



The words poured out in a flood from Bertelli. He clung to Bobby’s hands as he revealed the details of the kidnapping, torture, rape and murder of the boys. The detectives knew most of these details. They had the evidence; they had the bodies; they had Bertelli’s horribly detailed accounts of the assaults. But hearing it from the man made it all worse and much more real. Bertelli was no longer the arrogant, strutting man who first marched into the SVU squad room; he was a broken, terrified old man. Bobby was no longer his greatest enemy, but his savior. Watching from outside the room, the SVU detectives and the two captains were appalled by Bertelli’s transformation; inside the room, Alex was sickened. Bobby maintained a stoic face as Bertelli spluttered to the end of his story. Bertelli’s hands released Bobby’s, and for the first time a crack appeared in Bobby’s defenses as he jerked his hands away.



“You understand,” Bertelli kept murmuring as he was led away. “You understand because it’s in you…”



As the door shut behind Bertelli and the uniforms, Bobby sat heavily. He seemed to collapse from within, and slumped forward in the chair. He placed his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands.



“Bobby,” Alex said softly and gently. She moved to turn off the speakers in the room. “Let’s get out of here…”



He didn’t respond.



“Bobby,” Alex said again, a grain of fear rising in her voice. “C’mon…Let’s get out of here.”



He looked up at her, and she nearly reeled from the pain and fear in his eyes. She steadied herself and returned his gaze.



“We need to get these files and photos together,” she said calmly. She began to collect the materials spread across the table.



Bobby stirred, and slowly rose. He started to gather the files and photos, but hesitate. “Eames…” His voice was low and hesitant. “I…I’m scared…”



Alex looked at him. “What are you scared of?”



“Of…What will they think of me?” He moved one of the photos in a small circle on the table. Alex saw it was a picture of Tony Genoa. “I…I’m afraid of what I am…”



Alex touched him lightly on the arm. “They will think you’re what I said you are…a good, brave, smart man. That’s nothing to be afraid of.”



He stared at Tony’s photo for several seconds. “Ok,” he finally said. “Ok.” He gathered the remaining files and photos and followed Alex out of the room.



End CHAPTER 19