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A woman's worth.	By : SpikesSlayer08 Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 4517 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The walking dead or its characters. This is not for profit only fun.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Things get a little dark here and there is some strong violence so please be warned. Also some of my chapters have lyrics in them and I just wanted to state that I do not own any of these songs or lyrics. This chapter has some MA rating for strong violence. Big thank you to Jaded79 for beta-ing this for me. Hope you all enjoy.
Chapter 19
Disappearing into the darkness.
A week passed since Carol had sliced Ed’s name from her thigh. It was now just an angry scab. Hershel said it was healing well but it would leave an ugly scar. Carol was happy with that as long as Ed’s name was no longer permanently branded on her body. She was still spending a lot of time alone but she did take the time to talk to Andrea. Carol seemed to be able to relate to her and Daryl was just glad she was talking to someone, even if it wasn’t him.
She knew they were taking another supply run in a few days and she wanted to go along but Rick had been more than hesitant to agree when she had approached him with the idea. He had insisted she discuss it with Daryl before he agreed to anything. She found him in their room getting ready for his shift walking the wall. Moving into the room, she took a deep breath.
“Hey,” she spoke softly getting his attention, he turned smiling at her.
“Hey.”
“Andrea was telling me that you guys are taking a trip into town in a few days.”
“That’s right, why, do you need me to pick up something?” he asked moving to stand in front of her.
“Actually I want to come on the trip.”
“Forget about it, if you need something I can pick it up for you.”
“Daryl…,” she sighed but he quickly cut her off.
“No forget it, this happened last time. We argued and in the end you ended up going and something terrible happened. I’m not letting something like that happen again just for the right size dance shoes or whatever crap it is this time,” he snapped.
“You know nothing!” she hissed her anger getting the better of her.
“Then why don’t you enlighten me.”
“He is out there, I know it, I feel it and I have to find him, I have to make him pay,” she all but yelled tears burning in her eyes.
“You’re wrong, Ed is dead. There is no way he got out before Rick set the explosion off,” he replied shaking his head as he started to pass.
“You don’t know that, not for sure. I mean we got out before the explosion, he had heaps of time.”
“Maybe,” he sighed turning to face her.
“No maybe, it’s a fact. He shouldn’t have survived the attack at the camp but somehow he managed to get from that tent to the car without getting bit or scratched, he never should have made it off the farm, there was walkers everywhere but somehow he managed to get out alive,” her voice was getting louder and louder the more she went on. “He is like a fucking cockroach, just when you think you have squashed him, he skitters out from under your shoe.”
“If he is out there, then he more than likely thinks you’re dead and I would like to keep it that way, you’re safer here. I will find Ed if he is still alive and I will make him pay.”
“No, he did this to me, he beat me, tortured me, raped me,” she cried, unaware Sophia was listening in. Sophia knew Ed and this Governor had hurt her mother but she had no idea they had done half of that stuff. She felt tears well in her eyes and couldn’t listen anymore; turning and leaving, she headed for the library to get some time alone. “I have to stop him; I have to make him pay.”
“I know why you need this but I can’t let you go, I’m sorry.”
She knew he was just trying to protect her but she couldn’t help but feel anger and annoyance. “I don’t need your permission and I’m not a prisoner, I’ll go where I please,” she snapped turning to leave. He couldn’t stop himself from grasping her arm and turning her to face him.
“I’m getting sick to death of your attitude!” he spat. “I’m trying here Carol, I’m really trying but you just keep shutting me down and shutting me out… I want to help you, to understand but how the hell am I meant to do that if you won’t even fucking talk to me, hell I can’t even get you to look me in the eye half the fucking time!,” he yelled, his face red with rage. He was angry at her, but he was also angry at himself for letting this happen to her in the first place; he blamed himself.
“You know what, go, go ahead, I’m sick of fighting with you, of trying to keep you safe when all you seem to want to do is run off and get yourself killed so go right ahead cause I’m through,” he snapped, grabbing his bow and storming past her and out to start his shift.
He didn’t mean it, of course; he loved her but he was just so tired and so scared of losing her. He wanted to turn around and go back and tell her he was sorry but he was still too mad. Deciding to wait till after his shift, he continued on outside; he would make it right when he got back tonight.
She knew he was right, she had argued to get out on that trip and look what had happened. She had been taken and beaten and raped and it was her own fault; if she had just listened to him and stayed at the prison, none of this would have happened.
She had brought this on all of them; they were better off without her, all she brought was pain and heartache. She knew he would keep Sophia safe and loved and that he would move on and meet someone else, someone better than she ever was. Her mind made up, she wiped the tears from her face, feeling a sense of peace as she decided tonight would be the night, the night she died.
After dinner, Carol had cleaned up and then asked Lori if Sophia could spend the night with them telling her she wanted to surprise Daryl with a night alone for them. Lori had been so excited for her, agreeing and giving the woman a tight hug before bouncing off; Carol felt bad for deceiving her.
Once she had written a letter to Daryl, she headed to the dance room with the note and her gun. Shutting the now fixed door, she sat the note and gun next to the IPod speakers. Turning on the music, she decided on one last dance but when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she stopped and stared in disbelief.
Who was this woman staring back at her? She didn’t recognise her at all. Tired and worn out, she bore the marks and scars of a battered life. Skin pale and a sickly grey colour, her eyes were dark and hollow and she felt rage build knowing the Governor and Ed had done this to her, but worse yet she had let them.
She couldn’t control her actions jerking the speakers from the wall the IPod shattered to the ground, she swung the speakers smashing the mirror in front of her. Moving to the next and the next and the next shattering a total of five mirrors before her knees gave out and she fell to the floor sobbing.
She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there sobbing but she noticed the broken bits of mirror all around. Her hands and knees were bleeding from little shards that had cut into her when she collapsed. Slowly standing, picking up a large shard of mirror as she did, the tears stopped as she brought the blade to her wrists making a clean cut on each wrists long ways, she watched almost amazed as the blood oozed out, life seeping out of her, she smiled softly she hadn’t even heard the door open.
“What the hell is going on?” Her head jerked up at the sound of Daryl’s voice. Placing her hands behind her back, she looked around at the mess she had made.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered looking down. She heard him sigh as he moved across the room, the broken bits of mirror breaking even more under the weight of his feet.
“Don’t worry about it,” he replied wrapping his arms around her hugging her. That was when he noticed the gun sitting on the table behind her. “What is that gun doing in here?” he asked stepping back slightly to look at her, she looked around guiltily as she tried to think of a reasonable explanation but nothing came to mind.
“I’m sorry I’m just so tired Daryl,” she whispered taking a step back so that she could feel the table on her lower back.
“Were you thinking of opting out on me? On Sophia?” She could hear the anger in his voice but she could also feel herself growing weaker as the blood still oozed from her wrists.
“I made a mess of everything, if I had just done as you asked that day and stayed here none of this would have happened, I wouldn’t feel like this…. I’m sorry I let you down, I should have listened to you and I’m sorry about today, I’m sorry I make it impossible to love me,” she whispered tears springing from her eyes again; he moved fast cupping her cheeks.
“Hey, you listen to me, what happened that day wasn’t your fault and I’m not angry at you, it’s me who should be apologising for being so hot headed and impatient. You have been through hell and here I am yelling at you… I love you woman, make no mistake you don’t make it impossible to love you, you make it impossible not to love you,” he moved kissing her lips softly and for the first time since the rape she didn’t stiffen under his lips. She just sighed contently and kissing him back cupping his cheeks she pulling back slowly.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be stronger for you, for Sophia but you will keep her safe won’t you? You’ll love her like a parent should?”
“We will both keep her safe.”
“When it happens, I want you to be the one to do it.” His face scrunched up in confusion.
“Do what?”
“Put me down, I don’t want to turn so you should do it once I’m gone, just don’t hesitate.” He looked at her now even more confused, that’s when he noticed her hands were ice cold and wet. Grasping her wrists, he jerked back seeing her cut open and blood soaked arms, he went pale with shock as he looked up at her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as her eyes rolled back into her skull and she collapsed into his arms.
“Carol, Carol sweetheart please wake up,” he begged shaking her. “HELP ME, SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!” he screamed at the top of his lungs as he tried to stop the bleeding, he heard footsteps running down the hall and prayed it wasn’t too late.
- 18
- 19
- 20
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A woman's worth.