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Broken	By : MidnightBard Category: G through L > Lois & Clark Views: 2191 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
The days both flew by swiftly and dragged on for an eternity each as the trial progressed. It was difficult for Clark to sit through the graphic photographs of the unearthed bodies that Alex's journal had led the police to. Most were nothing more than bones, stained with dirt from the shallow pauper's graves Alex had dug for them, to cover up his heinous deeds. Each body had been carefully documented in still photographs, starting from breaking ground, to finding the body, to reassembled skeletons on shiny metal autopsy tables in the various coroners' offices.
                Some of the bodies were much fresher and sported varying degrees of rot and putrefaction, the skin sloughing off the bones and crawling with maggots. Those were the hardest to look at, not just for Clark, but for all the gathered people in the courtroom. He saw even Arnold and Lillian Harwood turn green and avert their gazes from those images. He felt bad for the members of the jury. They had no choice but to look, and look well, on those photos, so that they might be able to render their verdict at the end of things. At least the judge was used to such disturbing images, though even he looked perturbed, knowing that the journal spoke of the disgusting things Alex had done to each of those children before he'd murdered them.
                Children.
                That's what they were. Though they had been a variety of ages, the oldest hadn't been more than sixteen, the same age Clark had been when Alex had repeatedly raped him. The youngest had only been ten, according to the devastated parents who'd had their hearts ripped out when the police had confirmed their children's deaths.
                Slow and torturous.
                That was the only way to describe those days, as each designated police officer from each investigation gave his or her detailed report on finding and exhuming the bodies of Alex's victims. And yet, those words were grossly inadequate to describe what it was like to see and hear the anguished parents as they recounted all they could remember of the last time they had seen their child alive.
                And yet, the days flew by for Clark. Each one brought him closer and closer to taking the stand himself, to recount the things Alex had said and done to him, while he'd been fostered in the Harwood household. As much as he could, he tried to push thoughts of that day from his mind. But always, they crept back in, hiding in the shadows of his thoughts and springing themselves on him when he least expected it. Twice, unbidden thoughts of the trial had prevented him from initiating sex with Lois, though, just moments before, his ardor had been a raging wildfire. Some nights, the impending questioning he would endure kept him from falling asleep. There were times when he barely tasted his food, or stared blankly at his computer screen when trying to write up an article for Perry.
                For his part, Perry went easy on Clark, a fact Clark noted and appreciated. He was spending most of his days at the trial. He covered what stories he could, during court recesses and on weekends, needing to prove to Perry that he could handle juggling both the case and his regular work. Or, more accurately, he needed to prove it to himself.
                A few times, Perry pulled him aside to let him know that he didn't need to run himself ragged, but Clark would not be swayed. Working, for the most part, gave him something else to focus on, a way to purge his thoughts from the events of the trial. It ate into his time with Lois somewhat, or would have, if he hadn't continuously employed his super speed to propel himself through writing his articles.
                For her part, Lois all but moved in with him in the days following their first successful sexual encounter. Some nights she did spend at her own apartment, but those were few enough and usually only when Superman was needed on big emergencies or when Clark was so tired he simply went home and crashed in his bed for the whole night. They talked a little of making the move official. It made more sense for them to pay only one rent, and, as it was, Lucy was moving back into town and was looking for an apartment of her own. Ultimately, it was decided that Lois would move into Clark's place at the end of January, when Lucy would be in town full-time and would move into Lois' old place.
                Clark felt guilty that they hadn't really discussed the possibility of moving to Lois' apartment. But, as Lois had pointed out, his place made more sense. His rent was cheaper and the apartment close to the same size as hers. More importantly, his apartment had the terrace, which gave him a safe, unobserved place to take off and land when he needed to get around as Superman. Lois' windows were all too visible from the surrounding buildings. Clark's terrace was situated so that no one could see it from another building. In fact, it had been a major selling point to him when he'd first taken the place.
                At last, the dreaded day arrived. Clark knew, with absolute certainty, that he would be called to testify against Alex. Just the day before, Ryan Mann and Denny Miner had both recounted their own stories before the jury. Now it was Clark's turn. His turn to tell the world what had happened to him. His turn to admit that he'd carried such a terrible secret. His turn to find out if the parents of the rest of Alex's victims judged him as badly as he did himself.
                As he had on the first say of the trial, he painstakingly picked his suit that morning, though this time, Lois was there to help. He put on the maroon jacket at her suggestion, to go with his white shirt and black pants. Lois rummaged through his ties before coming up with a maroon tie with black swirls.
                "Well, I've seen nicer ties before," she quipped as she handed it to him. "But this one is fairly tame."
                "You don't like it?"
                "It's...okay. I don't think I've seen you wear that one before."
                He shook his head, examining the strip of cloth in his hand. "Where'd you pull this out of? I barely remembered I even had it."
                "The very back of the closet."
                "That would explain it," he said, tying the knot around his neck. He turned toward her. "So, how do I look?"
                "Like the sexiest man in the world," she replied, reaching around him to playfully slap his butt.
                "Lo-is," he said, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.
                "I'm serious! You look great. And you'll do great."
                "Thanks," he said with a sigh, feeling far less confident than Lois apparently felt he was.
                As they had on all the previous trial days, Lois drove them both to one of the local breakfast places; this time, a donut shop. Clark's normally steel stomach was twisted in knots. Eating was completely out of the question. It wasn't like he needed the food anyway. He only ever ate because he enjoyed food, not for nourishment. He ordered a coffee for himself, but after three sips, he decided he couldn't stomach that either. He unceremoniously tossed it into the garbage on his way back out of the shop, once Lois had finished eating.
                "Sweetie, you need to relax," she told him as they got back into the Jeep.
                "I can't."
                "It'll be over before you know it."
                She was trying to be helpful. He knew that. But her words fell on deaf ears. He knew he would never be able to relax until he was off the stand for good. And even then, he knew the tension might linger. As it was, he'd floated in his sleep all night long, an outward indication of how stressed he really was. And that was when he'd actually managed to sleep, which had been for few enough hours.
                The drive to the courthouse felt like a death sentence. Every mile brought him closer to the inevitable. A cold sweat broke out on his brow and his palms - he rubbed his hands dry on his pant legs and cracked his knuckles nervously. His tie felt suddenly too tight around his neck, so he loosened it microscopically. He didn't need to worry about his uniform showing beneath his attire. He hadn't bothered to pull on the constricting Spandex that morning. Superman was taking the day off. Clark simply couldn't fathom trying to focus on his work as the superhero that day. Not when so much was relying on Clark Kent.
                He walked past the teams of reporters who, on a daily basis, flanked the stairs of the courthouse and hurled questions at him. As always, he ignored them all, not giving them even a single grunt that could be taken for acknowledgment, nor making any kind of eye contact with them. He studiously kept his gaze ahead of him, on the doors to the building. If he could reach them, he could shut out the press behind him, at least until they too entered the courtroom and ringed the back bench seats and walls.
                With a sigh of relief, he reached the doors, pulled one wide open, and escorted Lois through. When they reached the actual courtroom, they slid into seats near the middle. Clark, as usual, sat on the end, knowing he would be called before the jury at some point during the day. Lois clasped his hand in a silent show of support, sensing, perhaps, that he didn't want to talk at all. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, telling her how much, in that simple movement, he appreciated her love and support.
                It was just after lunch when Clark was finally called to the stand. Lois whispered a quiet "I love you" as he stood from his seat, to which he gave a tremulous half-smile. As he'd done as Superman, he answered all of Mayson's questions first, once he was sworn in. This time, he noticed that there was no hidden animosity in the Assistant DA's voice. And yet, since that night when she'd shown up on his doorstep and learned of his engagement to Lois, all traces of her former over-friendliness were gone. Clark didn't mind. The courtroom was no place for that, and, truth be told, her attempts to make advances toward him had made him feel uncomfortable enough, not because of the mental scars he bore, but simply because he knew he could never love anyone but Lois.
                It wasn't easy for Clark to recount his life in the Harwood home, even under Mayson's straightforward, and somewhat gentle, questioning. More than once, he shot a quick look at Lois to gather his courage before answering and exposing the most embarrassing, and most painful, moments of his life. Then it was Jeff's turn. This was the part Clark was truly dreading, when the defending attorney would try to destroy his story to cast doubt on Alex's guilt. Clark took a deep, steadying breath as he awaited the first question.
                "You claim that my client began this...when, exactly?"
                "The night of my sixteenth birthday," Clark answered.
                "You're sure of this?"
                "Completely. It's not something I'm ever likely to forget."
                "You claim my client raped you."
                Clark nodded. "Yes."
                "I see. And you never stopped him. Never told him to stop. Never told anyone else about what was going on."
                They were accusations, not questions, Clark realized.
                "That's not entirely true," he said evenly, fighting the impulse to argue. "I asked him to stop, every time. It fell on deaf ears."
                "And the rest? You never, I don't know...shoved him away, to make him stop?"
                "No," Clark admitted.
                "Any particular reason why? Perhaps you enjoyed his advances."
                Clark shook his head. "No. I just...I was afraid of him. Afraid to stand up for myself. Afraid that if I fought back...things might get worse for me. That's why I kept quiet about things."
                "You say things would have gotten worse for you. How so?" Jeff pressed.
                "I didn't think anyone would believe me, for starters," Clark said, remaining clam, though he was irritated by the earlier suggestion that he'd enjoyed the times when Alex had forced himself on him. "And, to be honest, I didn't fit in where I was. I was so out of place. Alex's parents were pretty much absent, and my classmates didn't want any part of me. I was completely alone. All I wanted was to fit in, not make waves."
                "There wasn't a guidance counselor? A trusted teacher you could have told?"
                "Not really. I pretty much kept to myself. I felt like no one really knew how to interact with the 'orphan boy from Kansas.' And I had done a lot of 'shutting down' myself, trying to deal with the situation. I guess I just wanted to fit in. So I didn't say anything about what was going on at night, behind closed doors."
                It was the truth, or at least, most of it. Clark's main concern had been someone finding out that he wasn't human. He hadn't known how much Alex knew or suspected back then. In retrospect, he was certain Alex hadn't realized that Clark was more than what he seemed. Of course, he couldn't say any of this. He hoped only that the attorney would drop that particular line of questioning.
                "So, you thought it was better to stay silent."
                "At the time, yes, I did."
                "And now?"
                "I wish I'd reported it the very first time it happened."
                "Could it be that now, what with your success as a prominent news figure, you feel the need to put yourself in the limelight with your accusations?"
                "What?" Clark blurted out, unable to contain his shock. "Of course not! I spent years wishing I could forget about what had happened and move on with my life. The only reason I'm speaking out now is to ensure that justice is served. If I can speak out about what happened to me, maybe I can help get some justice for those whose voices have been silenced forever."
                He looked down briefly and swallowed hard. He didn't think he'd ever stop blaming himself, in some degree, for the deaths of so many innocent children, simply because he'd chosen to stay silent, so many years ago.
                "I will regret not saying anything sooner until the end of my days," he added in a quiet voice.
                "Isn't it true that you begrudged my client the fact that he still had parents? And now you're taking that out on him?"
                "Objection, your honor!" Mayson called out, standing from her chair.
                Judge Grimes considered for a moment. "Answer the question," he instructed Clark.
                Clark nodded at the judge. "Yes, sir." He swiveled his gaze back to Jeff. "No, I didn't. Not then and not now. Besides, I'd hardly call Arnold and Lillian 'parents.' They didn't seem to take any interest in what their son was doing. If anything, I pitied Alex when I realized that. I wished he'd had parents like mine had been - who'd always made time for me, no matter what else was going on."
                Jeff leaned back against the desk and crossed his arms. "You claim my client raped you multiple times."
                "Yes."
                "Can you give us an estimate?"
                Clark thought for a moment. "I'm not sure how many times, exactly. But, twice or more times a week, for the most part, from the end of February until I finally fled the Harwood's home in June."
                "So, many times?"
                "Yes."
                "And you never stopped him."
                "I already told you that I didn't. And my reasons why."
                Clark was doing his absolute best to keep his rising anger in check. He reminded himself, again, that Jeff was simply doing his job. He'd been hired by the Harwoods in an effort to keep their son out of prison. Or, at least, to give Alex his best chance at the lowest possible sentence if he was found guilty.
                "Isn't true that you liked the attention you were getting from my client?" Jeff said, looking Clark in the eyes.
                Clark had to force himself to not laugh. "No. I hated every minute of it. I survived what he did to me, but that was the extent of it. What he did...it's haunted me ever since that first night." He let his gaze wander to Lois. She was his pool of strength, and he needed to draw from that now more than ever. "It left deep emotional scars. Scars that I'm only just now learning how to overcome."
                "Care to elaborate?"
                Not really, came his immediate thought.
                Instead, he carefully chose his answer. "Until recently, I never dared to even dream about being in a relationship with anyone. I couldn't imagine opening up to anyone - to allow myself to be vulnerable in any way."
                "Funny, because it's well known that you and Miss Lane, also of the Daily Planet, are an item. Engaged to be married, if the rumors are to be believed."
                Clark didn't miss the undertone of sarcasm in Jeff's voice. "The rumors are true," he said, unable to stop the slight upward curving of the corners of his mouth, though he did not allow himself a full smile - he was still far too nervous and uncomfortable for that. "But I got lucky. I found someone who accepts me, flaws and scars and all, who has been more than patient with me. She's the reason why I've been able to heal at all."
                He saw Lois give him an encouraging smile and a slight nod of her head. Warmth spread through him as he basked in that small gesture of love. Like an actual ray of sunshine, it restored him, even if it didn't stop his stomach from doing somersaults in his abdomen. He locked eyes with her, hoping to convey his thanks.
                "Mr. Kent, the other parents, as well as Mr. Miner, are seeking monetary compensation from my client. What is it, exactly, that you are seeking?"
                "I don't want anything," Clark answered truthfully. This question, at least, he felt he didn't have to carefully craft an answer for. He had nothing to hide, nothing to protect with his answer. "As I said before, I'm here because I want to see justice done. Not so much for me. I've survived what's happened to me, and I'm learning get past it. But for the others - two innocent boys - one of which escaped before Alex could do anything and one who wasn't so lucky. And for those who haven't survived - the kids whose parents sit in this courtroom in their place, the kids listed in that notebook. That's why I'm here. That's all I want to see come out of this trial. That Alex can't hurt anyone else again."
                Jeff had some more questions for Clark. It seemed like hours he was on the stand. Every nerve was at attention. Every muscle was tense. His heart raced the entire time and his palms remained slick with nervous sweat. He could feel small tremors run through his body from time to time. Some of the questions Mayson objected to. And occasionally, the judge agreed with her. Clark was ever grateful for those moments, when a momentary reprieve was granted to him and he didn't have to divulge as much about himself and the things he'd endured.
                When he was finally excused, he felt completely drained. Even walking back to his seat to sit next to Lois seemed an almost impossible task. He checked his watch when he sat down. He'd been questioned for just shy of forty minutes. He leaned heavily against the back of the wooden bench and allowed Lois to slip her hand into his. She was his only lifeline when he wanted nothing more than to curl up and vanish from having the world know some of his deepest, darkest secrets. He supposed he should have been thankful that he hadn't had to talk about his sex life, or lack thereof, while on the stand, but in the grand scheme of things, it felt like a minor victory. He wondered if people wouldn't guess or speculate on his performance issues anyway, now that he'd publicly admitted to being repeatedly raped by Alex. True, his physical inability to have sex had since faded into the past, but his scars lingered nonetheless. He feared they might once again cause him problems, sometime in the future, though he prayed they would not.
                The end of the court day could not come soon enough for Clark. But first, he watched as Alex himself was put on the stand. The man coldly recounted his memories of the attacks he'd made, always attempting to put the blame on the victim. Denny had tried to steal from him; his actions were his own brand of justice. One eleven year old boy had been the son of one of his ex-girlfriends; the bitch had cheated on him with someone else and had deserved to have her baby boy taken from her. Another boy had allowed his dog to urinate on the side of the camper he'd once been living in; Alex had shown him no mercy. Clark had been an unwelcome addition in his already unhappy home life and his status as the local orphan freak had made him an easy enough target to begin experimenting with. And so on, with each victim he'd taken.
                A plea was made stating that Alex was insane and could not be held accountable for his actions, but a team of psychologists had evaluated him as he'd sat in prison, awaiting trial. Their findings were that he was not insane at all. He'd known what he was doing and, worse, he had no remorse for what he'd done. Only two of the doctors were able to present their findings before court broke for the day. The rest would be heard when the trial resumed after the weekend.
                Clark threw himself onto his couch when he and Lois finally reached his apartment. He set his glasses on the coffee table and leaned back, shielding his eyes from the world with his arm and groaning tiredly. He felt, rather than saw, Lois sit next to him. For a moment, she didn't say a word, she simply gave him time to collect himself.
                "That was brutal," he finally said, pulling his arm from his eyes.
                "You did great though."
                "I don't know..." he stared to protest.
                "No, really. You had a perfect answer for every question. Especially those that Jeff Kingston had for you. The nerve of him! Almost trying to make you out to be the bad guy!" she said in a very indignant tone.
                "It's his job, honey," Clark reminded her.
                Truth was, he was glad Jeff had chosen to target him over Denny during the trial, though the man hadn't exactly gone easy with his questions to the boy. Clark could handle himself. But poor Denny was just a terrified kid.
                "He's supposed to cast doubt on everything I say and to protect Alex," he continued.
                "I know," Lois grumbled. "Doesn't mean that I like it though."
                Clark chuckled. "I know you don't."
                "So, you're okay with what happened today?"
                Clark took a deep breath as he thought. "I'm just glad it's over," he finally said. "I never want to go through something like that again. It was like...answering those questions, I mean...it was like reliving it all over again. I thought it would get easier, but it hasn't. When I told you about my past...I knew you wouldn't judge me. Wouldn't ask questions that I couldn't answer. I knew you'd understand why I did what I did. And why I didn't do what I didn't do.   But all these other times...giving my story to Henderson and Mayson...and especially today, in front of a bunch of total strangers and news people...I know that everyone's judging me on my deepest, darkest secret."
                "I guess that would bother me too," Lois admitted.
                "I'm so used to carrying this alone. It seems so weird for me to have other people know."
                "At least you were able to protect your other huge secret," Lois teased, trying to break him out of his somber thoughts.
                He had to laugh and allow her ploy to work. "Yeah, I guess there is that, huh?"
                "Mmmhmm," she hummed in agreement.
                "What a day," Clark said after a couple of minutes of silence lapsed between them.
                "At least the worst part is behind you now."
                "Yeah. Thank God for that."
                "Do you think the trial will last much longer?" Lois asked.
                "I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I guess it depends on how many experts they pull in to try to prove or disprove Alex's insanity defense."
                "Do you think they'll be able to? Back up his claim, I mean."
                Clark shook his head. "I wish I knew. I guess part of me anticipated the insanity plea, but it still kind of caught me off guard. Although, those two doctors who took the stand today are pretty well respected. Hopefully, they and the others can convince the jury that Alex is quite sane, even if he is one disturbed human being."
                "I'd hesitate to call him a human being," Lois quipped. "Amoebas are more human than that monster."
                "Lo-is," he said, giving her a hard time in an attempt to lighten the mood. He was tired of thinking about the trial.
                "What?" she asked innocently.
                "Nothing," he said, giving her an innocent act as well. "Are you hungry?" he asked, switching gears. He could have sworn he'd heard her stomach rumble.
                She nodded.
                "Pizza?" he suggested.
                "Mmm...actually, I'm more in the mood for a calzone."
                "Ooh, nice choice," Clark said. "I'll go place the order. You don't mind, do you, if I just have it delivered instead of going out?"
                "That's fine. You really are exhausted, aren't you?"
                He nodded. "How'd you guess?"
                "I know you. The way you carry yourself. The inflections in your voice. I can tell when you're fine and when you've completely drained yourself." She shrugged, as if it were no big deal. "You should probably go to bed early tonight, and rest up. We'll keep some shades open so you get the morning sun too."
                "We'll? So, you're staying tonight?" he teased.
                "Well, I wouldn't be a very good wife-to-be if I left you all alone after such a trying day," she said, giving him a wink. "I should probably stick around in case you need anything." She reached over and loosened the knot of his tie.
                "Like?" he asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.
                "Like your coffee made. Or a back rub. Or...well, you get the picture."
                He did. He understood exactly what Lois was offering him - the chance to make love if he wished or the opportunity to steer clear of it for the night if he wasn't mentally and physically able to do so. He didn't think he was, but just having her in his arms was always enough to recharge him, at least mentally.
                He picked up the phone without commenting on Lois' words and swiftly dialed their favorite Metropolis-based pizzeria. He placed their order and hung up, getting the money from his wallet and leaving it on the coffee table for easy access. Twenty minutes later, the delivery boy knocked on his door. Clark paid the college-aged boy and brought the calzones to the couch.
                "Dinner is served," he said with a flourish as he set down the box.
                He still wasn't particularly hungry, but he forced himself to eat. The place he'd ordered from made some of the best calzones in the city. But even so, he chewed it in a disinterested manner, more to give himself something to do, as well as to keep Lois company. They turned their conversation to menial things; their list of songs they might have their first dance to at their wedding, an upcoming show they wanted to watch on television, Jimmy's newest girlfriend, who they doubted would be around for very long. As they chatted, Clark felt some of his earlier tension finally uncoiling, though he dared not call himself relaxed.
                Still, he was more than ready when with came time to turn in for the night. Lois joined him in the shower, though she did not pressure him for intimacy. But as the hot water rolled down their bodies, she held him tightly, letting him know, in her own way, that she would be there for him, no matter what. He allowed himself to melt into her embrace, feeling his body tremble with residual anxiety from the day's events. She stroked the back of his head comfortingly, letting him hold her for as long as he needed. When he felt more composed, he pulled slightly out of her embrace and kissed her chastely on her lips, silently thanking her. She responded by kissing him back, just as innocently. He closed his eyes, letting Lois do with him as she wished. She moved down, kissing his collarbone and his muscular shoulders, each one taking away more of his bleak mood.
                Innumerable kisses later, they finished their shower and readied themselves for bed. Clark climbed into the bed on what had swiftly become his customary side, while Lois dried and brushed her shoulder-length hair. When she finally settled in next to him, Clark was fighting to stay awake. But, low energy reserves aside, he still took her into his arms. She laid her head on his bare chest, her ear pressed against him so that he was pretty sure she was hearing his heart beating. For several minutes, she just stayed this way, not saying a word, until she finally shifted her body so that she was more comfortably cradled in Clark's arms.
                "Clark?" she said in a sleepy tone.
                "Yeah?"
                "I'm really proud of you. It took a lot of courage to do what you did today."
                "Thanks. I'm glad you approve."
                "You really are my hero you know. Not Superman," she clarified. "In a way, until this afternoon, I don't think I fully appreciated that. I knew it, I mean. I knew I admired you, Clark, the man beneath the suit. But I still looked at Superman as more of the hero, even if I gave credit to Clark for all the things you do when you aren't wearing the suit. I just didn't realize until today just how heroic you are when you aren't donning the blue and red."
                Clark shrugged slightly, careful not to disturb Lois as she rested against him. "I'm not a hero, Lois. All I did was answer their questions, truthfully, while trying to protect the larger secret. That's all."
                "Yes, but you never once lost your composure. I can't say I would have been able to do the same."
                "What? You mean...Mad Dog Lane might have had more bite than bark?" he gaped in mock surprise.
                "Watch it, buster," she playfully warned him, twisting slightly and jabbing a finger into his chest as she spoke. "Or you might see Mad Dog Lane yourself."
                Clark snorted. "I've seen it and survived it before," he said airily, teasingly dismissing her mock threat. "Besides, anything I do, you'll eventually forgive me."
                "Oh yeah? What makes you so certain?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.
                "Same reason I can never stay mad at you," he explained, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Love."
                "Ah, see, now you had to go and get all cute on me," Lois said, grinning.
                Again, Clark gave a partial shrug. "I know."
                Lois laughed, which tapered off into a yawn. Clark too yawned, unable to contain it.
                "Anyway, I'm sure things will be easier from here on out, with the trial," Lois said, her voice even heavier as she grew more tired.
                "I hope so," Clark replied. He leaned over and kissed Lois. "Night."
                "Night."
                "I love you."
                "Love you too, Clark."
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