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Cupid's Little Helper	By : Scribe Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 3620 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Cupid's Little Helper, Chapter Two

Cupid's Little Helper
Chapter Two
Gettin Called On Tha
Carpet
FLASH
Look, don't evah
tell anyone this (cause ya know what I can do if ya cross me), but I've
nevah been really comfortable with transportin. I mean, it's convenient an' all
that, but it's pretty fuckin disorientin as far as I'm concerned. I've nevah
liked it, cept for tha cool reactions ya can get from tha mortals when ya pop
in.
Anyways, every
time I do it I get just tha eentsiest bit whoopsy. It's pretty easy ta covah up
when yer as naturally pale as I am an' have tha rep for bein loopy all tha time
anyway, but it's always there. So maybe ya can understand why I kinda hung onta
Cupe when we flashed in. I can't tell ya how much of a relief it was ta have
someone sturdy ta lean on.
Tha relief lasted
just long enough for me ta realize what I was doin an' pull away. Or try ta
pull away. Cupe wasn't lettin go. "Ya can turn me loose," I muttered.
"I ain't gonna run." He held on ta me. I pulled again. "I said
I ain't gonna run."
"You haven't
noticed where we are yet, have you?"
I looked around.
"Oh, fuck!" I whispered. Zeus's throne room. It was empty at
tha time, but just bein there meant that I was in some deep shit. I seriously
reconsidered that statement about not runnin. Maybe I could go visit Hades for
a few decades till whatevah this was cooled down. I tugged frantically.
"Lemme go, Cupe!"
He gripped my
arms an' shook me. "Stop it! You're going to have to face up to this,
Strife, and there's no point in panicking till you've had the really bad
news."
My mind was racin
with all tha hideous possibilities that coue woe worse than just Zeus on my
ass. "Well, it ain't Unca Ares or he'd be wearin my livah right now, an'
if it was Mom she'd be usin my balls for earrings, so what could possibly be
worse than...?"
A horrible thought
struck me. My mouth dropped open, an' I gave Cupid a stricken look. "Aw,
no! Not both of 'em?" He nodded grimly, but I think I saw a little
sympathy in his eyes. Now I clutched at him, pleadin. "Say it ain't so,
Cupe!"
"I
can't."
"Then
fuckin lie ta me!" I screamed, startin ta fight.
All right, he's
bigger'n me, but I was trained by Ares, an' I was scared shitless. I got loose.
I pulled out a few feathahs in tha process, but I was too worried about othah
things at tha moment ta care. Once I got outta his arms all I could think of
was gettin far enough away ta keep him from grabbin me again when I tried ta
think my way outta there, so I headed for tha door.
I was goin too
fast ta stop when it disappeared, so I ran inta tha wall, full tilt. Mebbe I
couldn't see tha old man, but he was there. He's tha only one who can make
those structural changes on his own place.
I mighta been
groggy if I hadn't been so spooked, but I just bounced off an' headed for a
window. Cupid tried ta snag me as I passed, but I can be a slippery bastard
when I wanna. I was headin for a windah when tha fireball caught me in tha back
an' knocked me ass ovah ears. I could tell who'd thrown it from tha way it
felt. Yeah, each of tha gods has a different feel ta their power bolts. Most folks
nevah feel 'em often enough ta be able ta tell tha difference, but with my
history, I could be blindfolded an' creamed by every deity on tha hill an' I
could tell ya who'd blasted me every time.
I was on tha
floor tryin ta shake my visiock ick inta focus, an' I heard Cupid sayin,
"That wasn't necessary!"
Huh? Since when
did anyone try an' save me from an ass kickin?
I didn't have any
time ta consider this, cause a cold voice was answerin him. "What's
necessity got to do with it? He deserves it, if not for this fiasco, then on
general principles."
*sigh* Ya know, I hear that some
mortal gran'mothahs bake cookies an' shit. Whatta concept.
Then I felt
strong hands liftin me up, settin me on my feet. Cupid was pushin hair up outta
my eyes, peerin inta them, frownin. "Are you all right? Do you need to see
Aschlepus?"
Hera an' Zeus
both flashed inta tha throne room, an' Hera snorted. "Oh, please! Don't
coddle him, Cupid. You've always been far too soft-hearted where he's
concerned."
He was? I looked
at him in surprise. He repeated, "Do you need to see Aschlepius?"
"Uh... no.
I'm awright." I heted. &qu "Thanks." He nodded an' held on
anothah minute, I guess ta be sure I wasn't gonna drop when he let go.
Zeus was starin
at me, arms folded, tappin his fingahs on elboelbows. Maybe ya heard tha old
story bout some girl who gets blessed so's flowers or jewels drop from her lips
with every word she speaks? Ya mighta b'lieved Zeus had tha same type of spell
on him, cept he spat out ice chips--that's how cold his voice was.
"Strife, do you remember Prometheus?"
I shivered.
"Yah."
p>&qp>"I'm
considering letting the eagle eat your liver AND your eyes each day."
"Whaddid
I do?"
Hera was winding
up with another fireball. Cupid snapped, "Grandma!"
Ooo. Not
tha best idea. Even a goddess who can go a few centuries between wrinkles don't
like ta be reminded she's a grandma. But he deflected her a little. Instead of
pastin me in tha face or tha breadbasket, she pitched tha fireball at my feet.
Not much damage,
but it still hurt like Tartarus, an' I jumped a few feet straight up. When I
came down I landed in Cupid's arms, like some dopey village maiden bein carried
across a puddle by a local swain. For a second I was tempted ta just stay
there. I figured they wouldn't be so quick ta toss stuff if he might get hit,
too. But..., well...
It was kinda
nice, bein held by someone who wasn't fixated on whoopin my butt at tha moment.
I felt like buryin my face against that tanned neck, but I just ducked my head
undah his chin.
Hera had whipped
up anothah fireball. She was itchin ta throw tha thing, yah could tell, but
Zeus said, "Put it away. If you kill him we'll have all the hassle of
getting him back. He's not going to get to spend any time lolling around in the
underworld. He's going to help fix this mess he's made." She frowned, but
tha ball of energy faded out of existence. "Cupid, put him down. Neither
one of us is g tog to annihilate him. Not right now, anyway."
Cupid set me back
on my feet. I figured a little butt kissin couldn't hurt anythin, so I dropped
ta my knees right away. There was a hairline fracture in Zeus's wall of anger.
Tha old goat sure does love grove an an' I can toady with tha best of 'em.
Hera wasn't havin any of it, though. "Oh, get up!"
I stood up an'
said meekly (yeah, I can manage meek when I hafta. Makes me wanna go out an'
start a riot aftahwards, but I can do it), "I don't understand what tha
fuss is all about. I just messed up one little wedding. It's my job."
"Anieli is one
of my grandsons," Zeus said.
I looked at him.
"Okay, yeh, I can see that. Damn, ya really get around, dontcha? But why's
tha old la..." I caught myself in time, or else they'd have been pickin
pieces of me up in Thrace. "I don't undahstand why such an important
goddess like yerself would be interested. I mean, let's face it--ya usually
ain't too supportive of his pet projects, are ya?"
She stalked
toward me, an' I braced myself for slaps or kicks. Instead she just put her
face up in mine an' growled, "Damara is one of my priestesses."
"Uh." I
flinched back. Goddess or not, her breath didn't smell nearly as good as
Cupid's. "But ya mean ya want wunna yer gira maa marry wunna his
gits?" I was thinkin about how Hera treated Hercules. I mean, tha bitch
was responsible for his family dyin, so it hardly seemed likely she'd favah
wunna her followers marryin another of Zeus's part-mortal offsprings.
"Yes, well,
the blood has thinned out a little. Anieli isn't so bad. I am the
Goddess of Marriage, you know. It would hardly be good public relations to
discourage one of my followers from marrying. Anyway, Damara loves him."
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "She did love him."
Cupid put a hand
on her arm. "She still does. The love is battered and bloody, but it's
still there. We just have to nurse it back."
"What about
Anieli?" Zeus was pacing. "All I've been getting from him since the
incident is jumbled thoughts, very bitter."
Cupid shrugged.
"That's because he's been drunk. Bacchus would be proud. He's on a
monumental binge right now. His pride is hurt, but I'm certain that he loves
Damara. Still, he's very conscious of his masculine image. Damara attacked him
in public, and he feels humiliated." Zeus nodded. He could undahstand doin
somethin stupid because of hurt pride. "There's no point in going back
over what happened. It's done, and it can't be called back. It has to be
corrected."
"I still
don't undahstand what tha big stink is all about," I whined. (Hey, I'm a
champion whinah. I can break glass when I really get goin.) "All Cupe
hasta do is stick 'em both. Problem solved."
Hera scowled.
"It won't work."
p>&qp>"Why
not?"
Cupid sighed.
"Because, against my better judgement," he glared at his parents.
Zeus got busy lookin at tha ceilin but Hera met his stare levelly. "a certain
god and goddess do not want to be accused of meddling in their lives. They got
me to nudge them together without the arrows."
"Ya mean
they didn't consider that meddlin?" Okay, mistake. I dodged tha
thunderbolt an' fireball, but Zeus was gonna hafta do some redecoratin later
on. "Ya know, yer right. Ya were just bein concerned about their
welfare."
"Strife..."
An' that was a judgement pronouncin voice if evah I heard one. I kinda gathahed
myself in. "Since this fiasco is your fault, you must help redeem it. You
will devote yourself to this task until it is resolved."
Okay, there was
an out. "Well, gee, I'd liketa, but I don't think Unc would be too happy
havin me tied up like that. Ya know how it is, dissention ta spread, hostility
ta forment. Busy, busy, busy."
"I've
already talked to him. He wasn't best pleased with your efforts in the last
clash with Rome. He was quite agreeable."
I wilted. Well,
fuck. If War ain't gonna take up for Mischief, who is? I nevah really
felt like I had a big support group anyways, an' right then I felt pretty damn
alone. So I was kinda surprised ta feel Cupid's hand on my shoulder. "It's
all right."
"Whatta ya
mean, all right? They expect me ta get those two back tagethah. What kind of
experience d'ya think I have in that? I'm the expert at bustin things up,
remember? If I hafta work on this till it's solved, both tha mortals will have
long grey beards, and ya know how long that takes ta happen ta a woman."
"You won't
be doing it alone."
I snorted.
"What, they gonna send Dischord ta help me? That'd fit if they was already
married, but it ain't gonna do much ta bring 'em tagethah."
"No. Strife,
this hasn't been explained very well." Another pointed look at Hera and
Zeus. This time Gran'pa got interested in tha patterns on tha tiles, and
Gran'ma just looked bored.
He turned back ta
me. "We'll be working together."
I gaped.
"Wha?"
The eyebrows went
up in that I-really-don't-believe-you're-either-stupid-or-deaf-so-you-must-be-playing-ignorant
expression. I think he learned that when Bliss was born. It must be standard
issue for all parents. "I'm not allowed to use the arrows, but you must be
aware that those aren't my only methods. A lot of time and effort goes into
making those, Strife, and I try not to be too lavish with their use. Besides, a
love that grows naturally is much more... spial.&al."
Well, I thought that
deserved a good laugh, but I already had more'n one ridiculous concept ta deal
with. I could feel tha grin stretchin my mouth. "Love an' Mischief, workin
tagethah?"
Look, don't give
me any shit about laughin at that, all right? It woulda got a giggle
outta Cerebus, an' if it was enough ta make a three-headed dog laugh, what
chance did I have? I howled. I mean, I did the whole holdin my sides, tears on
my face, lemme-sit-down bit.
Cupid just tapped
his foot, waitin for me ta calm down. When I subsided inta snorts an' giggles
he said calmly. "You through yet?"
His tone sent me
inta anothah fit, but it didn't last long, even if it did include rollin
on tha floor. Finally I sat back up, wipin my face. "Yah, I'm through
now."
"Good. Then
we ought to have dinner and get to bed. I want to get started bright and early
tomorrow."
"Kay.t;
t;
I hugged my knees. "Where ya wanna meet? Back at tha village? My place?
Your place?"
He reached down
an' snagged a handful of leathah at my chest, then hauled me up. Damn, he
seemed ta be makin a habit of pickin me up. "I see it still hasn't been
fully explained. Until this is over, you're under my command. That means you
stay with me."
That sobered me
up. Me? In tha home of wunna tha Gods of Light? "Hey, waitta minute,
Blondie..."
Tha fist turned,
takin anothah twist of leathah an' pullin me in closah. He leaned down an' his
face was only a coupla inches from mine.
Damn, he was
beautiful. I couldn't stop lookin, even though I felt like I oughta close my
eyes, cause havin that much prettiness that close was bound ta be bad for
someone like me.
His voice was
soft. "Strife, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Let me remind
you that your Mom and my Dad are not the only one's who can kick your ass. I
wouldn't enjoy it like they would, but I am capable. Haven't you ever
heard what a bitch love can be?"
I swallowed, an'
gave him a sickly grin. "Whoa, ya can cut the bitchiness dial way
back, cuz. Here I am, ready an' willin ta do whatevah ya say."
I thought that
might get me turned loose. Instead he twisted tha leathah a little tightah,
pullin me in a little closah. "I wonder. Did you stop for a minute to
consider all the different interpretations that could be put on that
offer?"
I noticed Zeus
an' Hera givin each othah funny looks when he zapped us both outta there.
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Cupid's Little Helper