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And then the petals fell	By : Eva Category: CSI > General Views: 2433 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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AND THEN THE
PETALS FELL �
Part 2

Catherine�s eyes
were closed and Nick was sitting next to her bed, holding her hand. He had always seen the real woman inside her,
the woman behind all those walls. The walls she thought only Grissom could
penetrate. But since Eddie died, none of them had gotten close to her since
then.

Her hand was
cold, her nails short, shorter than normal. Her skin was paler too, he noticed.
Nick has always noticed things around Catherine. And Cath?
She had never made fun of him favouring her at work instead she liked the way
he stayed too close sometimes. The way he admired her sexy outfits, her
changing hair � and of course she enjoyed him telling her how good she looked.
But she did draw
a line, painted some boundaries. They had the �talk�, telling him that she
liked their relationship the way it was, that it would never move beyond
friendship. So they worked together, were friends, and deep inside he knew
where her heart was. Even if she didn�t want to admit it, he knew that her
heart belonged to Grissom.
She wasn�t
playing with him that had been important for her to pull a line here. She liked
him and she told him that he is a good looking guy, but much too young for her
� he could easily be her son. Both know that this was a lie but who cared.

It was enough for
him that she cared, that she was important enough to her to deserve her
honesty. She had told him that she was too old for him, that he was young
enough to be her son. They both knew that this was a lie but the laughter
helped them find their way back to normal.

Now she was
asleep in front of him, her face looked so soft, carefree, and young. Even the
soft lines around her eyes and in the corners of her mouth didn�t seem to age
her. She looked at peace now. When had he last seen her at peace? Cat kept up
such a fa�ade at work, never letting anyone in. She hid her problems and all
the other things that bothered her as best as she could. But he had tried to
talk about her personal life twice in the last few days, and she hadn�t wanted
to talk. Her answers had been short and snippy.

Her hair was
tousled around her face, the soft strawberry blond he liked such a lot, her
lips softly red, her eye lashes long without any mascara. Since Eddie died
Catherine didn�t care much for make up, special cloths or her health�

~*~

Grissom carried
Lindsey to her room and on his way out he took all the dirty clothes from the
hamper with him. He had realised that there was no way Catherine had coped with
Eddie�s death. He wasn�t able to see why it was like this, she had broken up
the relationship because he betrayed her all the time, hit her �

He let the clothes
fall on the floor and went to Catherine�s room, shocked at the mess he found.
Dirty clothes were spilled all over. There were empty bottles next to her bed
and a diary, open on the night stand. Grissom told himself that he shouldn�t interfere
but he already had � he cared too much for her to turn back now.

But the first
thing he had to do was the laundry. He put the dirty clothes in front of the
washing machine, sorted them and put the first load in. It would turn into a
long night, he resigned himself to the task ahead and
thoughts of Catherine.

While the machine
was working he cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the living room and Catherine�s
small office in which a couple of boxes were stored.

Gil went to the
first one and opened it. In there were photo albums, books and CDs �everything
Eddie had left. There had been nobody to get his stuff, so she did. A pile of
unopened letters was on her desk. He noticed the sender � all stuff that should
be taken care of.
Gil Grissom told
himself that she was his oldest friend that he has to take care of Lindsey and
all the other things for a while, to get her back to her normal self.

It was nearly
midnight when things were finished and he was able to hang the first load of
wet cloths onto cloth-horse. Never before he had touched Catherine�s expensive
underwear, of course he had imagined what she would wear under those tight
pants. More than once he had seen her change, but only flashes of shirts coming
off, a hint of bra straps. How he wished he could be touching these garments
under different circumstances.

But this was
different. Gil was allowed to touch the soft silk, the lace and of course the
lovely small kiddo cotton panties with the Barbie dolls on it and the horses
from Linds.

After two in the
morning he finally decided to call Nick to see what was going on.

�I can't talk
right now Grissom.�
�Hell, where are
you?�
�Hospital with
Catherine,� he said shortly.
�What? Why didn�t
you call? I mean ��
�Don�t mean
anything Grissom; Lindsey needed you there. She doesn�t need to see you scared,
Catherine wouldn�t want that.�
Gil told himself
that the young CSI was probably right with it. He sat down on the sofa and
started to think.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
FLASHBACK
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

�I am sure that
you can help me on that,� Catherine said.
�Why do you want
me to help you, Catherine? You know I would be no good as a�,� Grissom replied
in an ice tone. Catherine froze at his words.
�You can even set
the rules on it; I just go for the resul�What do you mean
by rules,� he asked her, staring into her deep-sea blue eyes.

�You don�t have
to do it; I can also ask somebody else or get myself to LA for an anonymous ��
�We can do it at
my place. Let�s not turn this into something that it is not. No foreplay. We
have objectives to achieve,� he sighed, but he didn�t seem nervous. It was the
lack of emotion that lay heavy in Catherine�s heart. But he was right, they
were doing a deal here, why paint it as something else? �No
kissing, no sweet talk, no pretending.�
Catherine
couldn�t show him her hurt soul; she buried it deep inside, next to the wound
where Eddie had hurt her. She had known that Gil had a problem with closeness
but she had hopped that things would work out between them, and that this
request wouldn�t start any problems. And it didn�t. He was cold, a businessman.
So she added, �No
right of custody, and no sign of your name in the birth certificate.�
�Okay, if that�s
what you want. You get normal maternity leave and no one will know that I was
involved in this, in any way.�
Catherine stood
up and went towards the door which she had closed after she entered. Her shift
was nearly over and she just wanted to go home, and cry. The look hurt, but he
was helping her, helping her to get rid of this feeling deep inside her, the
feeling of loneliness.
Lindsey was
growing up and she saw her chance, to be a good mother, in a second child.

She adored
nothing in this world more than her daughter. She knew she would never love
anyone as much in her life. Except this new life she was trying so hard to
create. She knew that she needed to spend more time with Lindsey, needed to
make her smile again. Thing were going to change.

�We have three days, starting in two days. I
will be there. If you change your mind, let me know on time so I won�t miss my
change this month, and look for somebody else.�

Of course she
knew that there would be nobody else this month, and nobody else the next. And
in case he wasn�t helping her, she would go to a sperm bank. She had read of a
good one in LA where also a couple of scientist had donated, even some Hollywood
stars.
She never wanted
to have a baby from a star, she wanted one from Gil. Her best
friend, a best friend who was pulling away from her. Was this Lady
Heather�s doing? Or worse, was it Sara?
Grissom just
nodded in response to her request, so she escaped to the locker room intent on
going home. But the need to react was so strong, she couldn�t stop it. And the
tears came.

�Catherine,� a
soft Texan voice cam from behind, startling her. His rested
on her shoulder, making her feel all the worse for his kindness. It was too much;
she wiped away her tears and left him alone with his concerns.

Nick already saw
that something was wrong. He had never been able to take his eyes off her, and
off the fact that she admired Gil with all his mistakes and his incredible
stubbornness.
For a long time
he had seen them getting closer, getting more familiar with each other, but not
this time. Catherine Willows, the strong and independent mother, had been
crying and Cath cried rarely without occasion.
He had never seen
her cry like this, except maybe on a tough case if there were kids involved.
Kids that reminded her of her daughter and the precious gift she was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
FLASHBACK END
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Warwick was still
sitting at her bed, caressing her hand. She had softly stirred in her sleep and
that had woken him from his trance.
The doctor had
already told him more than he was allowed to, since he was not family. And it
was bothering him that he hadn�t a clue why she had been in hospital before and
that Gil knew about it but nobody HAD wanted to tell him.

A soft know on
the door made him turn around and he saw Nick Stokes standing there, looking
tired beyond reason.
War made his way
to the door, closed it behind them and they sat down in the room outside.
�Cath�s alcohol
problem is serious the doc told me. And then he added something, Nicky, that
made me think; he said that Cath has been here before. That he remembered her
that she always refused to call anyone. But the thing is that Grissom knows
about it.�
Nick was silent,
he had a clue what this was about, but he had ignored the evidence. He had
heard some hushed shouting from Grissom�s office a couple of weeks ago, but he
had tried to ignore it, let it be. There were shouts of �you never did Gil� and
�you are as cold as an ice rock�.
�Where is
Grissom,� Nick asked War, who had his face buried in his hands � sighing
deeply.
�He�s with
Lindsey. I talked to him a couple of hours ago, Linds needs him moran san she
does now.�
�Yeah � and where
is Sara, do you know?�
�She�s in the
lab, working through the evidence of the Lautrec-Case.�
�Sara never liked
Catherine you know.�
�I know but Cath
didn�t exactly make any effort either.�
�Nick, you and I
both know the problem between the two of them has always been Grissom. Cath has
known him forever, and you know he adores Linds. But Sara, she and Grissom have
a spark too � and Sara is the one who had the guts to talk about her feelings.�
�And you�re
forgetting Lady Heather, that didn�t help Cath and Grissom.�
�I know,� he
remembered how Cath had started to withdraw more when she found out about Lady
Heather; he remembered howhad had changed the older couple�s relationship.

~*~

Gil hadn�t slept
more than four hours but he was used to it. Silently he went to Lindsey�s room
to see if she was already awake, she wasn�t. The little girl in her bug pyjamas
was curled up into her baby blue blanket, Bubo placed on her desk.
She looked so
perfect. Her strawberry blond hair, which�s shade was just a little lighter
than her mum�s, was spilled over the pillow, her moth slightly open and he
could see her small white teeth and the soft red tongue.
He was surprised
at how much the sight of her comforted him.
He went into
Catherine�s bedroom and opened the windows wide to let some of the sunny fresh
air into the room. He had changed the sheets on her bed before he had made
himself a bed on the sofa last night.

Her diary was
still on her nightstand, open. He had told himself the whole night that he had
no right to read it. But he cared for her even if he wasn�t able to show.

�220^th Entry:
I lost it again. I lost our baby, our son. I
know the first time it happened it was too early to tell the gender, but this
time I had to know. They told me it was a little boy, that he would have been
my little boy. I wasn�t showing yet, but I was looking forward to it, I looked
forward to tell everybody about it. The father would have been my secret, but
the child was ours � mine and Gil�s.
I shouldn�t have been on this case but I
wanted it so much. Grissom needed to be persuaded that I could do it. Maybe he
gave in easily to avoid another confrontation. Maybe he just wanted to get rid
of me.
As soon as I knew, I told him I was pregnant
again, but there were no smiles, nothing. All I wanted was for him to hold me a
moment. But that wasn�t to be, all I got was coldness, ice. So I left him, and
came home to write this, to weep.
But Nicky disrupted this, coming over with the
purse I�d left at work. He let me cry, he held me. He wrapped a blanked around
me and held me tight in his strong arms. He held me all night as I cried, but
still I kept my secrets, not wanting to come undone anymore than I already had.
I felt like I was betraying this kind man by my silence, this kind man who was
becoming one of my only real friends.
But all I can think about is that I lost my
baby, my last chance. I can't try again. My wish will never come true. I will
never have a baby with Grissom. I will never be a mother to his child. Lindsey
will remain my only child. I should have tried for more children while I was
still with Eddie, maybe a second child would have stopped him from being such
an ass. But Eddie is an ass, when I told him about my pregnancy, when he was
picking Linds ue jue just smiled. There were no kind words or questions about
the father. He already knew.�
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And then the petals fell