Undertow
See Straight Through Me
Title: - See Straight Through Me
Author: - Katt
Rating: - NC-17
Pairing: - Vic/Dutch
Series: - Undertow – Part 2/?
Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know
Archive: - Archived at the Shield Fanfiction Archive
Disclaimers: - I don’t own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX. The song "Shiver" is performed by "Coldplay" and was written by Berryman/Buckland/Champion/Martin.
See Straight Through Me – "Our Gang"
"So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention do you
I know you don’t listen to me
Cause you say you see straight through me don’t you
But on and on, from the moment I wake
Till the moment I sleep
I’ll be there by your side
Just you try and stop me
I’ll be waiting in line
Just to see if you care
Did you want me to change
Well I changed for good
And I want you to know
That you’ll always get your way
I wanted to say
Don’t you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I’ll always be waiting for you."
Confusion – it seemed that everything in Dutch’s life at the moment was confused. His feelings, his emotions, his thoughts, all of them a maelstrom. Random thoughts, that would make him blush, would enter his head at the most inappropriate times. Vivid dreams would disturb his sleep leaving him panting, with the evidence of his guilty secret drying on his groin. He’d never experienced anything like this before. Well, that wasn’t strictly true, he’d had crushes before, and not just over women either, but he’d never experienced anything so intense. What the Hell was it about Vic Mackey that meant he was having wet dreams like an over-hormonal teenager?
Of course Vic didn’t even know he existed. Well, that wasn’t strictly true, he was vaguely aware of Dutch’s presence, but he totally dismissed him. Dutch wasn't sure which was worse. At least if Vic just didn’t notice him he could still hold out some hope, but Vic had made his disdain for him perfectly clear earlier today in the interrogation room,
"Those of us who venture out past our desks sometimes get shot at."
"Who should I have had watching our backs – you? I’d hate to have to change your diaper afterwards."
It was pretty obvious that Vic didn’t think very much of him as a cop, or a man. Mind you according to Captain Aceveda, Vic wasn’t alone in his opinion. Christ, what could he do to get a little God damned respect? Maybe he should consider changing his style, becoming more pro-active, more…more what? More like Mackey and his men. Yeah, maybe if he kicked down a few doors, and knocked some heads together, maybe then Vic would invite him onto the Strike Team, maybe Vic would show him some respect, maybe Vic would want to fuck him.
Not in this lifetime, Dutch thought to himself bitterly. Besides maybe it was better if he steered clear of Vic. Vic Mackey was trouble. Always walking the edge, bending the rules, but not quite breaking them. That kind of trouble Dutch could do without. Then there was the whole question of Detective Crowley’s death. That was just plain fucked up. He wasn’t sure what Aceveda was trying to prove, but surely he couldn’t possibly think Mackey had a hand in Crowley’s death? Surely he couldn’t believe Vic had pulled the trigger himself? Dutch turned that idea over in his mind. The idea that Vic could’ve killed a fellow cop. No, no it was too much, too ridiculous. Aceveda just had it in for Vic because he refused to show him any respect – Vic’s "not even on Cinco de Mayo" comment had already gone down in Barn legend.
Yep, the sensible thing would be to push Vic Mackey from his mind, concentrate on Danny perhaps. Then again he’d watched Vic and Danny talking in the break room today. He’d watched as Danny had touched Vic’s shoulder, and it wasn’t that he’d wished Danny was touching him like that, it had been the thought of his fingers trailing down over that muscled shoulder that, even now, made him shiver and left him half hard.
So instead of fighting it maybe he should just take the easy path, and just watch Vic and hope. Although Dutch wasn’t entirely convinced that would be the easy path. To have to see Vic everyday, and to know that he meant nothing to him. To know that Vic felt nothing but contempt for him, the pain from that was sharp, and twisted deep inside his heart. Still Dutch knew that he really didn’t have any choice in the matter. As much as he’d like to be able to control his feelings he knew that he was lost, all that he could hope was that this burning desire would eventually consume itself. That way he would no longer dream of feeling that hard, compact body moving under his. He’d no longer dream of being on his knees, taking Vic’s cock in his mouth, feeling Vic thrusting, taking his pleasure in his mouth. He’d no longer dream of being able to give himself over to the strength and power of the other man, to be able to lose himself in his arms.
"And it’s you I see
But you don’t see me
And it’s you I hear
So loud and clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I’ll always be waiting for you
So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me."