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.Emergency Medical Cleese
By : keithcompany
Category: Star Trek > Voyager
Views: 4166 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Voyager, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. - Chapter List
At one point, the man who programmed the EMH was sick and the Doctor had an opportunity to be transmitted to his location to treat him. He begged Janeway for permission to go.
From the original episode:
EMH: He programmed me. Every algorithm, every subroutine. If it weren't for his years of work, I wouldn't be standing here. I owe him something. And frankly, so does this crew. In a way, he's responsible for every life I've saved…. He's the closest thing I've got (to a father). If I don't try to help him now, I may never get the chance.
With Basil as the base, though, this would be superior to anything on Fawlty Towers. The EMH's creator, Doctor Lewis Zimmerman, used his physical form and personality as the basis for the Mark 1 EMH. So the EMH basically met himself. Basil was never face-to-face with Basil.EMH: Why won't you let me treat you?
ZIMMERMAN: Because you're a Mark 1! An antique! A failure. A primitive. I'd be better off letting a Klingon Field Medic stab at me at random! I won't let you treat me!
EMH: Well, thank GOD!
ZIMMERMAN: God? I'm your creator. That makes me your God.
EMH: Creator? You didn't create me. I'm more of a last-minute cheat on a course practical. You copied your transporter pattern into a suspend file, added fourteen medical dictionaries, then the tech manual for every surgical device more complicated than a tongue depressor and called it good. God? You don't even make a decent saint.
ZIMMERMAN: Now listen here-
EMH: Speaking of saints, you might consider trying to contact Saint Ignatz of Parateen.
ZIMMERMAN: Saint Ignatz? Is he the patron of programmers?
EMH: No, he's the saint you pray to if you have an overabundance of humility.
ZIMMERMAN: Why do you think I should pray to him?
EMH: Well, he's been dead for 1439 years, I imagine he could use a good laugh about now.
ZIMMERMAN: Look, get out. The entire body of Starfleet Medical rejected your program. They're not going to accept you no matter how hard you poke at my current condition.
EMH: Oh, I see! My you ARE overwhelmed with humility. And Starfleet can certainly appreciate that.
ZIMMERMAN: What?
EMH: Well, they're scientists, right? No matter how abrasive they find me, and thus, find you, they'd be forced to accept the results if I cured you.
ZIMMERMAN: Oh, um…
EMH: No, no, no. They've spoken. We suck. I COULD show them how I have extended my program, once a crew was forced to give me a chance, and heal you where NO ONE ELSE CAN. But you'd have to arrogantly live for that to happen. Then you'd be forced to arrogantly point out that they failed where a measly Mark 1 kicked…. Their…. Collective… Ass.
ZIMMERMAN: That's right, isn't it? I'd be…
EMH: Alive?
ZIMMERMAN: Vindicated.
EMH: Ah, well, that as well. Pity you're so selfless you don't want to rock the boat and make FleetMed second guess themselves.
ZIMMERMAN: Get your medical scanner.
EMH: You're not the boss of me.
ZIMMERMAN: I'm your creator, dammit! Save me!
EMH: If I must….
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