Little Secrets

Dean hovers on the other side of the road from Luke’s, waiting for the Gilmore girls to make their daily journey for their precious coffee. At the sight of the two women approaching, Dean walks directly over to them, appearing far less afraid than he really is.

“Rory, can we talk?” Dean asks, awkwardly. He doesn’t want to do this, but logic tells him he has to. Seeing the hope in her eyes isn’t exactly the best start to this conversation though.

Thrown by Dean’s sudden appearance after months of avoiding him, Rory stutters briefly before answering. “Sure…I’ll, uh…see you later, mom.”

Lorelai Gilmore gives Dean a warning glare before smiling back at her daughter. “I’ll be right over there. Watching.”

“Mom!” Rory moans, giving her her own version of the Gilmore glare.

Once left alone, Dean begins walking down the road with Rory beside him, trying to remember how to string words together to make a sentence.

“Cold weather we’ve been having lately.” Rory says to fill the silence. She tries to smile at him, but it somehow seems forced.

“I need to tell you something.” Dean says finally. “And it’s sorta difficult. I haven’t told anybody else yet, so…”

“You found someone else, didn’t you?” Rory guesses, hoping she isn’t right about this.

“No! Well, kinda…no, I mean…it’s not about somebody. It’s about me.” Dean tries to explain. “I think maybe…I know…I’m not…I’m…” He breaks off, wishing he could just say it casually. Like it was nothing.

Rory sees him struggle and places a hand on his arm, affectionately. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. You can trust me.”

Dean smiles, genuinely. “Thanks, Rory. But you should probably wait until you hear what I have to say first.” He takes a deep breath and forces the words out. “I’m gay.”

There’s a moment of silence, which Dean can’t quite interpret. The look on her face kinda reminds him of the time he ate the last slice of pizza without offering it to Rory first…which tells him nothing.

“Oh.” She says finally, processing it. “Well, it could have been worse. You had me thinking it was really bad!”

“You’re not mad at me?” Dean asks, a little surprised.

“No!” Rory says, a little too forcefully. She relaxes and smiles. “No, of course not. If that’s how you feel, then I guess…but you said you loved me. Not that it matters, but if you didn’t mean it…”

Dean nods. “I did. I do even… I just don’t think we’re ever going to be anything more than friends. I have found somebody else, although we’re not exactly together.” He thinks back to his conversation with Tristian. Nope, definitely not together. “I just wanted you to know before anybody else. I figured I owed you that much.”

Rory nods and smiles at him. “Thank you. And for the record, I’m totally proud of you.”

“Yeah?” Dean rubs the back of his neck absent-mindedly. “Think the rest of the town will agree?”

“They better.” Rory grins. “Or they’ll have me to deal with.” She looks over at her mom, who is watching them from the window in Luke’s café. “My mom too. She’ll back you up.”

“The Gilmore girls on my side?” Dean laughs. “Sounds good to me.”

“Can I ask? This is probably none of my business, but…” Rory bites her lip, “who’s the guy?”

“Uh…” Dean really doesn’t want to admit this. As much as he likes Tristian, despite Tristian’s obvious lack of interest in anything other than sex, he knows how much Rory detests him and he knows if Tristian’s sexual activities become public knowledge, it’ll only be a matter of time before Tristian is sent away, that much Tristian has made very clear. All in all, the less people know, the better.

“Is it Tristian?” Rory asks, before Dean can make something up.

Shocked by Rory’s apparent psychic abilities, Dean goes bright red. He really hates lying. “How did you…?”

“Lane and I saw you at the mall yesterday. She said she saw you with Tristian, but I didn’t believe her. Guess I was wrong.” She doesn’t look so proud of Dean’s coming out anymore. She looks…worried. “Dean, are you sure you want to get involved with a guy like Tristian? He has a new girlfriend every week.”

Dean lowers his head, not wanting Rory to see the conflict about the whole relationship scenario in his eyes. “We’re not…together. It’s complicated.”

Rory gets the hint and drops it, looking back over at the café to see half the town watching them from the café window.

“You can’t tell anybody.” Dean warns her. “His parents would freak out. I promised him I wouldn’t mention it. Especially to you.”

Rory nods and crosses her heart with her finger. “Our little secret. And I’ll handle the damage control with Lane. I don’t think she suspects though.”

“Thanks.” Dean says, warmly. “Look, I better go. Your mom is dying to know what just happened and I have somewhere I need to be.”

“‘Kay” Rory answers. “I’ll see you round, right?”

“Right. Later, Rory.”

“Bye!” Rory watches Dean head off and looks back at the café, hesitating before heading over. She’s not sure exactly which bits to leave out. Dean wasn’t exactly explicit on what details she could share. By the time she reaches the door, she’s decided that the less she says, the less she can be blamed for if anything goes wrong. So when her mom and Luke ask, Rory simply replies… “We’re friends.”

*~*~*~*

Soon after his conversation with Rory, the news of Dean’s sexuality begins to circulate the entire town. Dean has told his family and friends, only to find himself the number one topic of conversation in Stars Hollow. And to make it even more embarrassing, Rory soon informs him that said news has even reached Chilton. Dean doesn’t dare call Tristian after that. After all the talks they’ve had about the importance of keeping this from Tristian’s parents, Dean can only imagine how furious Tristian is with him for coming out without so much as discussing it with him. And while Dean does feel bad, he can’t help but think that his as relationship with Tristian has no emotional entanglements, such matters are none of his damn business.

Dean is pleasantly surprised to find almost everyone if supportive of his decision, but even more surprised when girl at his school finds the courage to follow his lead. The biggest surprise of all though, comes when Rory arrives on his doorstep with a fellow Chilton student, eager to meet Dean. After being forcibly left alone with the stranger, Dean finds himself being asked to a Chilton party. And while he has no interest in attending and even less in dating a guy he doesn’t know…something about it makes him say yes. Dean just puts it down to the sweet guy who has bravely asked him out, despite having only just come to terms with his own sexuality. He refuses to believe that he’s doing it to make Tristian realise that what they have is more than meaningless sex. Because that would be admitting his feelings for the irritating, but strangely addictive blond asshole he can’t stop thinking about.

And so Dean attends the party, arriving both with his ‘date’ and with Rory and Lane, who have tagged along solely to spy on him, regardless of the pathetic excuses they give him about actually wanting to go. Brad genuinely is a nice guy and once he ditches the girls, Dean finds he does get on with him. For the first five minutes. It’s then he makes an excuse to find Rory and Lane.

They look pleased to see him after standing around in a corner, being ignored by the other Chilton students. It seems their not-so-subtle spying has its price after all.

“I guess coming out did you a few favours.” Lane grins, sneaking a cheeky look at Dean’s date.

Dean blushes as he smiles. “I guess.”

“News of his sexual preference reached Chilton and next thing you know, Brad Langford comes out of the closet and invites Dean to the party.” Rory adds, proudly. “He’s a role model.”

“Hardly.” Dean argues, modestly. “But most people are okay about it. Only one threat of physical violence so far and he soon backed off when he realised I could take him.”

“Dean, can I talk to you for a second?” Rory asks suddenly, sounding quite urgent. “Sorry, Lane, we’ll only be a second.”

“No problem.” Lane shrugs and heads over to the drinks table to grab a soda.

Dean throws an apologetic look over to his date, who is also hovering awkwardly by the drinks, before following Rory into a secluded corner. “What’s up?”

Rory leans up and whispers. “Tristian just walked in. With a date.”

Dean casually looks over to the front door and spots the blond, standing next to a redhead Dean has never seen before. “Let me guess. His latest girlfriend?”

Rory nods, hesitantly. “I know you said you’re not with him, but…there is something going on, isn’t there?” At the look of embarrassment on Dean’s face, Rory quickly backtracks. “I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”

“Okay.” Dean replies, not sure why he’s suddenly so disheartened by Tristian’s appearance. It’s not like he doesn’t have his own date. “I’m gonna go spend some time with Brad before he thinks I changed my mind. If you see Tristian, promise me you won’t even let on you know.”

“I promise.” Rory repeats. “Have fun!”

Dean grins and leaves her to rejoin his date, determined not to pay any attention to Tristian whatsoever. As much as it hurts to find out he’s nothing more than casual sex, Dean is not going to let it ruin his night. “Sorry about that.” He says to Brad, taking a drink off him and sipping it nervously.

“Everyone keeps looking at us.” Brad points out. “I feel like we should be wearing signs or something.”

“Ignore it.” Dean shrugs. “We came to have a good time, we’re going to have one whether they like it or not.”

“Then we’re dancing?” Brad asks, putting his drink down and taking Dean’s off him.

Dean wants to say no, but in the distance he sees Tristian flirting with the redhead. Not usually one for revenge, Dean surprises himself by answering the opposite. “Sure, I’d love to.” Well, a bit of revenge never hurt anybody.

Tristian barely hears a word his date says, his eyes are focused in on Dean dancing with another guy. With his jaw clenched and arms held tightly around his chest, he doesn’t exactly appear to be having a good time. A fact his date has finally picked up on.

“Tristian?”

“What?” He answers, snappily.

Taken aback, the girl contemplates walking, tired of the sudden change in attitude. But the idea of walking away from Tristian DuGray is ridiculous. The girl knows how lucky she is just to be here, and so, she suffers through it. “Would you like a drink?”

“No.” Tristian replies, dismissively. “Wanna dance?”

Relieved, she smiles and nods enthusiastically, happy to follow Tristian through the crowd until they’re not far away from the couple of guys he’s been staring at the last fifteen minutes.

Dean notices the sudden close proximity and feels his chest tighten. Suddenly his little game of revenge has been taken to a whole other level and he’s not sure he wants to play anymore. He catches Tristian’s eye briefly as they dance and is dismayed to find annoyance there. Perhaps a bit of jealousy too, which is exactly what he’d wanted, but more than anything…annoyance. Dean pulls away from Brad and smiles sheepishly. “Can we go outside or something? I think I need some air.”

Nodding, Brad follows Dean out, unaware of the glare being directed at them as they leave.

*~*~*~*

The cold air is refreshingly clear after being stuck inside a room crammed with sweaty teenagers. Dean nervously lets Brad slip his arm around him as they walk, finally stopping to sit on the nearby stone wall. He barely looks at his date, choosing instead to stare up at the stars, thoughtfully. He can feel Brad’s eyes on him; can even imagine the boy trying to build up the courage to kiss a guy he barely knows. Dean has had his rejection speech planned since the moment he was asked out. He’d like to say its because he’s not the type to kiss on the first date…but after his first experience with Tristian, he can no longer pull off the innocent virgin act.

Truth is…Dean has no desire to kiss anybody but Tristian. And that’s what makes this whole stupid situation so much harder.

“So…you’re not really into me, are you?” Brad asks, suddenly, snapping Dean out of his thoughts.

Surprised, Dean flushes red and stutters his reply. “Uh…no! I mean, I…why would you say that?”

“Because you won’t even look at me? And you act like you’re not even here.” Brad explains. “It’s cool if you’re not. This is new to me too. I just wanted to be myself for a night, see how people take it.”

Dean nods. “Gotta admit, doing the same thing.”

“There aren’t exactly a lot of guys around here that I can ask out, you know?” Brad says, kicking his feet off the wall absentmindedly. “It wasn’t like I was expecting us to be soul mates or anything.”

Dean cracks a smile. “Would have been nice though.”

Brad looks hopefully at him. “Think we can still be friends? Not sure I have many left these days.”

“Well, if we’re gonna be friends, I have something to admit.” Dean begins

“That sounds ominous.” Brad teases, nervously.

“I have this…thing. With a guy.” Dean begins. He looks up at Brad and stops; realising Tristian is heading in their direction. “Uh, can we go?”

Brad looks confused as Dean jumps off the wall and tries to drag him with him. “What’s the rush?”

Before Dean can jump in, Tristian’s fist flies into Brad’s face, sending the other boy flying.

“Tristian, what the fuck?!” Dean exclaims, shoving the blond away angrily. “What’s your problem?”

The sound of shouting soon attracts an audience, a fact that both Dean and Tristian are well aware of.

Tristian casts a look back at his friends and fellow students and before he can stop himself, he sneers back at Dean. “Why don’t you two queers just fuck off home?”

Dean can’t believe he’s hearing this. He glares at Tristian, hoping he’s heard wrong but knowing he hasn’t. He has so much he wants to yell back, but somehow the words just won’t come out. “Fine. We’re out of here.” The disgusted look he gives his re-established enemy is enough to make his point.

Tristian can only watch helplessly as Dean and Brad leave, their arms around each other’s waists. Rory and Lane rush past him seconds later, stopping only to give Tristian one of the dirtiest looks he’s ever received. And all he can do is watch; hating himself so much he can’t begin to fathom how he’ll ever be able to look at himself in the mirror again. This is so far from how he wanted things to be.

*~*~*~*