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Courtship Rituals	By : KHolden Category: G through L > Lazytown Views: 4632 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lazytown, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Robbie really hadn't imagined it like this. In his head, their first time had been a rousing row, followed by a round or several of violently passionate lovemaking, then a trip to the hospital, perhaps for stitches.
Instead, Sportacus had barely touched him roughly enough for him to get off at all, had insisted on using such a ludicrously large amount of lube to penetrate him that he'd barely felt it, and then fallen asleep. He didn't need a sticking plaster, let alone stitches.
The worst thing was, Robbie really couldn't blame Sportacus for how awful it had been: Sportacus apparently came from a culture where hurting your lover was a heinous crime rather than normal sex, and had been acting against everything he knew to touch as roughly as he had.
Robbie had worried that Sportacus would have difficulty stomaching providing his sexual needs, and actually sleeping with him had just proved him right.
Robbie sighed. They just weren't sexually compatible; Sportacus needed to caress and cuddle,Robbie needed drawn blood. Two years of frustrated pining, and what did he get? The worst fuck of his life, that's what. As Robbie thought this, Sportacus's crystal went off.
Sportacus snapped awake and leapt out of Robbie's bed, making a bee-line for his vest. He picked it up, a puzzled expression crossed his face, and he dropped it and came back to the bed.
"Don't you have somebody to save?" Robbie asked, and Sportacus sat down beside him on the bed.
"That's what I'm doing, Robbie. You set it off, what's the matter?"
"Wait,somebody could be getting raped or murdered in Somnia City without a peep, but it goes off because I'm a little upset? That makes no frickin' sense."
"It gets more sensitive with proximity. I can't save the whole world, and it knows that. So what are you 'a little upset' about?"
Stephanie rounded a corner in the park to find Sportacus lying on the bench, eyes open and lethargically watching the other kids play basketball. It was very odd, she'd never seen Sportacus so still while conscious.She sat down carefully in front of him on the bench, so as not to sit on him or block his view.
"Why aren't you playing?" Stephanie asked.
"I'm not feeling well," he replied calmly.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" she asked, alarmed.
He shook his head. "Being around my friends helps."
She put a maternal hand on his forehead. "You feel a bit warm," she commented.
"Can't say I'm surprised," he said sleepily, his eyes drifting shut. She watched his face with concern for a minute, before her eyes drifted downwards, landing on a bite mark that was just visible through the gap between his neck and the collar of his t-shirt. She hooked a finger cautiously into his collar, hoping desperately that this wouldn't wake him, and pulled it down so she could see the bite properly. It was, if not human, then definitely from one of the once-hidden folk. A Gremlin bite would fit, and Gremlins bit in passion. 'Well, that's interesting,'she thought. 'I wonder if this is related.'
She looked at him again, frowning with concern, and noticed scratches on his bicep, once again human, or close to it.
"Robbie Rotten," she said quietly to herself, and stood. "I think I need to go to the library. There must be something that explains this."
It was a book called 'The High Places: Elven Society and Culture' that finally explained to Stephanie.
While the marital bond formed upon intercourse is usually thought to be unbreakable except by death of the spouse, this is not strictly true.Breaking a marital bond voluntarily is, however, a difficult process that results in the death of the partner breaking in approximately half of cases. It also takes a sustained effort of will, and produces lethargy, weakness and fatigue extremely uncharacteristic for this people during the process. Elves driven to this act of desperation usually try to surround themselves with friends and family, as an Elf who is emotionally well-supported during bond-breaking can reduce their chance of it proving fatal to as low as 20.
"Why on Earth is he trying to break the bond?" she asked herself. "It must only have been created yesterday." A sudden horrified thought occurred to her. If he hadn't chosen it freely to begin with...
Robbie wouldn't, would he? She felt ill at the possibility, but decided to read a little further.
Usually, it is only resorted to in cases of abusive relationships or having inadvertently had consensual intercourse with a non-Elf who doesn't wish to pursue a long-term relationship.
That made Stephanie feel a little better, though she didn't really understand how two years of courtship behaviour could possibly add up to 'doesn't wish to pursue a long-term relationship'
Those unfamiliar with the workings of the marital bond may wonder about forced intercourse, but bonds are only formed during consensual intercourse, the failure of a bond to form being considered conclusive legal evidence under Elven law that an act was not consented to.
Stephanie slammed the book shut and went to the borrowing desk. She had a friend to stop doing something stupid. Hopefully.
"You're back."
Stephanie breathed out shakily. "Yeah."
"Where did you go?" Sportacus asked, wondering what was the matter.
"The library," Stephanie said, and made a show of putting a book in her lap where he could see the title.
"Oh," he said quietly, "you've figured it out."
"Yes. What happened?" she asked, a little sharply.
"I think you have a pretty good idea of that already, " he replied wearily.
"But why?"
"I knew I was taking a risk, but I didn't think he'd give up so easily."
She gave him a puzzled look. "Sportacus?"
"As you would know from the book you let me borrow, we have very different needs. I thought he'd give us time to adjust before deciding we're incompatible, that's all."
"And what? He doesn't care that you're risking your life breaking the bond because --"
"I didn't tell him, Stephanie. Do you think I want to force him to let me stay? Knowing the consequences to me would have meant he wouldn't have been able to make a decision based on what's best for him."
"And if you die? He's going to have to live with that, probably blaming himself. Not to mention everybody else who'll be upset."
"I have a brother," Sportacus said, aware he probably sounded distant. "You'll barely notice the difference."
There was a sudden sting of pain in his cheek accompanied by the sound of skin striking skin, and Sportacus sat up, clutching his cheek.
Stephanie's face was as pink as her hair, her eyes shining with anger. "How dare you claim to be replaceable!" she snapped.
"I'm sorry," Sportacus replied, rubbing his cheek, "but Elves aren't true individuals the way the other peoples are. You really wouldn't notice the difference."
"Your brother's not the one who noticed I came for the summer but was still here at Christmas, and made me talk about it. Your brother's not the one who was there for me when I realised I was growing up faster than the others. Your brother's not the one who had a gentle word with me about my wardrobe when my body changed. Your brother's not the one who helped me work out that I grew up unexpectedly fast and early because my father never bothered to tell Mom he's a sprite. Your brother, even if he's identical down to the last hair, is not the person who has been my friend these last two years."
Sportacus was speechless.
"You realise I have to tell him. I can't just let you do this," Stephanie added, and stood to leave.
"Stephanie --" Sportacus started to say.
"I'm sorry, Sportacus. I guess I'm selfish."
Robbie sat in his chair, brooding. He was starting to wonder if his decision hadn't been too hasty. There was no denying that he still wanted Sportacus, in spite of his sub-par performance.
He stood, and stalked over to the steps that led to the catwalk. "No," he told himself sharply. "A clean break before I get attached."
Then he sighed and sunk down on the stairs. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'm already fuckin' 'attached'."
"So does that mean you'll take him back?" Stephanie asked casually, suddenly appearing from behind a box.
Robbie started and shrieked. "Where the f... freaking heck did you come from?" he demanded.
"I'm sneaky," she replied nonchalantly.
"You can say that again," he said, wiping a hand over his brow melodramatically.
"So, going to take him back?"
"I did tell him he was awful and kick him out."
"He'll forgive you," she said confidently.
"How can you be so sure? Surely he didn't go crying to you about it, you're just a kid, and humans have some weird taboo about same-gender relations which I'm pretty sure he'd respect."
"Because Elves are obliged by their magic to be monogamous. His only other option is to break the marital bond, which is dangerous enough that even though he was willing to let you go without a fight if you wanted to, he's not going to refuse to come back if you want him; especially after I told him off for being willing to risk breaking the bond without telling you about it."
"His species has automatic magical marriage bonds, and he didn't bother to tell me at all, let alone first?" Robbie asked incredulously.
Stephanie nodded.
He sighed. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "How dangerous?"
"Even chance of killing him," she replied softly.
"Stupid blue elf," he growled, and stamped towards the exit.
Sportacus was awoken from his drowse by a rather angry Robbie dragging him up to sitting by the front of his vest.
"Are you suicidal or something?" he hissed, once he seemed sure Sportacus was awake enough to understand him. He sounded remarkably like the cat did that time he accidentally stood on her tail.
"Of course not," Sportacus replied.
"Then why --" he started to say.
"Because I didn't want you to feel obligated. Because I don't want you out of pity, or duty, or --" Sportacus never did get the next word out, because Robbie grabbed his collar and kissed him. Kissed him viciously,and then pulled away, leaving Sportacus with bruised lips, and, he realised after a second, the horrified stares of Pixel, Ziggy, Stingy and Trixie.
'Crap. That can't have looked good to the kids,' he thought. Not only was it in violation of this human culture's(weakening, but even so) homosexuality taboos, but surely it had looked more like an act of violence than an act of love. For that matter, if he hadn't already known about Robbie, it would have felt like an act of violence.
The violent impression the children no doubt had wasn't helped by Robbie,still clearly angry, grabbing his arm and starting to drag him in the direction of his home. The bond-break induced lethargy meant he didn't have the strength to break free, and trying to struggle would only make the children certain Robbie was abducting him, pretty much the last thing he needed right now.
Ziggy was the first to break out of the stunned silence, and with typical impulsiveness and resourcefulness dashed over and thwacked Robbie in a shin with his lollipop. Robbie screeched, and let go to hop about clutching his leg and swearing quietly but audibly. Real swearing too, some of the crudest language in English and the Faerie common tongue, though thankfully more of it was Faerie than English.
"Ziggy!" Sportacus protested.
"But he was ... I ..." Ziggy stuttered.
"I understand that this is confusing," Sportacus said as calmly as he could, crouching to Ziggy's level, and nearly falling over due to his dulled reflexes, "But Robbie wasn't really hurting me, and I think you hurt him rather badly."
"I think it might be broken, actually," Robbie said with remarkable composure, now sitting on the bench holding his leg. It would practically have been hysterics for Sportacus, but this was Robbie after all.
"I'm sorry," Ziggy squeaked, and launched himself at Sportacus for a hug which nearly tipped him over again.
"That's ridiculous," Trixie said, as he patted Ziggy's shoulder. "I know lollipops are hard, but do you really think Ziggy has the strength to break bones?"
Sportacus let Ziggy go, allowed the bond to reassert itself, and felt energy flowing back into him more intensely than sportscandy.
"Come on," he said, standing up, going back to the bench, and scooping Robbie up, careful of his leg.
"Whoa! Wait, where are we going?" Robbie asked, as Sportacus started walking.
"The hospital. If you've got a broken leg..."
"Oh,right," he replied. There was a pause as he glanced back over Sportacus's shoulder, then he continued, "You realise Gremlins think that taking someone to the hospital is romantic?"
"I do now," Sportacus replied, outwardly calmly, but inwardly panicking. Gremlins liked injuries bad enough to require near-immediate medical attention? Robbie had been right the first time, hadn't he?
Dr Honey was Ziggy's mother, and like her son was short, fair, plump and amiable.
"Now,once the plaster dries you'll be right to go, Mr Rotten, though I strongly suggest getting a bone mineral density test done, given how easily your tibia broke. Osteoporosis gets harder to treat as you get older," she said to Robbie. Robbie glowered back at her from his place on the examination table, and did not answer.
"Thank you," Sportacus replied for him. "I'll do my best to see he gets one."
"You're welcome, Sportacus. I'm still having trouble getting my head around my Ziggy breaking legs, though."
"He didn't mean to," Sportacus assured her, "and he thought he was protecting me."
"Still,I'll have to have a talk with him when I get home," she said as she pulled off her plaster-coated gloves and binned them. She then pulled a box of mints from her pocket, popped one in her mouth, and bustled out,leaving a rather awkward silence.
"So..." Robbie said once the silence had stretched out beyond awkward and into downright embarrassing. "Are we on again?"
"Of course we are," said Sportacus lightly. 'I can do this,' he assured himself. 'If he needs to be hurt, then it's not just all right, I have to.'
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Courtship Rituals