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Nocturnal	By : dragonfall Category: 1 through F > Firefly Views: 9315 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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�� It was too
close.
�� River
trailed her fingers over the bulkhead, feeling the Black trying to worm its way
through the cracks. They shouldn't be here, it whispered. The Black wanted to
have them, to make them one. Suck at them with greedy mouths until it broke
them; dissolved gases expanding as the solids and
liquids were forced apart. Bubbles of air coming out of
solution and forming in the tissues and blood. Skin
blowing up like balloons and underlying tissues rupturing and dancing where
they shouldn't be. Like Subject 785 during testing. He'd screamed at
first when they pushed him into the airlock, then screamed in her mind as they
opened the doors to the outside...
�� She
shied from the image, forced the screams away. She didn't like remembering,
knowing, feeling what he felt as the blood in his body betrayed him. It wasn't
really the Black, anyway. A memory of someone who'd died here, alone. Vented out into space for her crimes and lonely now, so lonely and wanting
others to play with. There were better things to think about; like Kaylee humming in her bunk and thinking what her Simon
tasted like.
�� Heavy
heat flashed behind River's eyes and she stomped on it until it shattered into
little pieces and floated away. No mad at Kaylee,
ever. Kaylee who smelled like fruit and smiled like sunlight. Couldn't help wanting Simon; too close to the fantasies of home and
youth and a Prince Charming just waiting to sweep her away. Too much in
need of being saved and Kaylee loved saving people
and Simon liked her and they danced around each other like supernovas always
close but never touching.
�� Simon.
�� She'd been
careless; high on smell and touch and taste and hadn't heard the big bad wolf
knocking at the door. Too close; too close to being seen, to
having Simon taken away from her. Too close to being
alone again with nothing but needles and nightmares waiting with jagged teeth.
She'd have to stay away, wait like baby bird for the right time to spread her
wings again.

***********************************************************8

�� "You
noticed anythin' strange 'bout River lately?"
�� Zoe didn't look up from the dough she was kneading. The
flour was a gift from a woman she met during their last job; a baker whose
business they'd saved through no trying on their own part. Five
pounds of flour wrapped in burlap and practically thrown into the hold before
they took off. She hated baking, but real flour wasn't cheap and she'd
be damned if they didn't use it when they got the chance. "You mean
besides her sayin' the ship wanted to have babies
last night at dinner?"
�� Mal let out
a short laugh. "Yeah, and all the other usual crazy things the girl
does."
�� Zoe pressed hard into the dough and stepped back, eyeing it
with the venom she usually reserved for people about to be shot. "Don't
know, sir. That cuts out a lot."
�� The captain
nodded in agreement. It had been two weeks since he saw the girl outside her
brother's bedroom complaining about nightmares. Two weeks of River Tam acting
stranger than she normally did; hiding in corners, following him with her eyes.
Hell, there were a few times he swore she was stalking him she showed up so
much. Half the time he didn't even know she was there till he looked around, or
up. Gorram girl needed to wear shoes so a body could
know where she was.
�� The sound
of flesh hitting dough brought Mal out of his thoughts. Apparently, Zoe thought she could beat their dinner into submission.
"Just wondered if you'd noticed anything. You know. Special
crazy."
�� "She's
been a mite antsy for a bit," Zoe grunted. "Maybe being on the ship's startin'
to get to her." She used the back of her hand to wipe hair out of
her eyes. "Person you should be worrying about is Simon. He's been acting
strange."
�� Mal nodded
in agreement. Right about the time River started going
buggier than usual, her brother decided to take a turn as an oddity. Boy
practically haunted the infirmary, hardly slept, barely ate. He'd say it was moonin' over Kaylee, but their
mechanic didn't look too pleased at the recent change. Even River seemed to
stay away from the doc.
�� The captain
could have laughed. Bad enough having one moonbrain
on the ship, he couldn't afford two. Even if one of them was good at patching
holes and the other had a nose for when trouble was headed their way. Simon he
could deal with, Mal was sure, but he didn't know if someone already crazy could
get Black madness and didn't want to find out. "I'll talk to the
Doc." He dropped his cup in the sink. "Don't go beatin'
that too much more. Need somethin' to eat with
dinner."
�� Another
grunt answered him, the sound of dough being thrown into a bowl followed.
"We're coming up on Blue Bell, soon, sir?"
�� "Wash
said about another four hours or so 'til we hit atmo."
Good thing too. If it was the Black making River tick out more than usual,
being on solid ground would be good.

�� Mal was walking down to the
infirmary when he saw it; a flash of pale linen flying around the corner in
front of him. Only two people wore dresses on his boat, and Inara
wouldn't move that fast if an avalanche were coming down on her. That meant
River.
�� Damn it
all, the girl really was spying on
him

�� Simon Tam
rearranged the contents of the anesthetics drawer for the third time in as many
days, carefully sorting the contents by manufacturer, then name, then treatment
option. The infirmary was spotless, even more so than usual; every piece of
metal gleamed, not even a speck of the dust that seemed ever-present on the
ship was visible. All in all, things were exactly the way he wanted them.
�� His room
was in the same state of ultra-cleanliness. It would probably even pass muster
with his mother, if she could see it. Cleaned, polished, a place for everything
and everything in its place.
�� Except for his mind.
�� He shut the
drawer with a sigh, knowing he'd only go back and rearrange
everything again in a few hours. It was a need he'd had since childhood, to
compose the space around him so it made sense when he didn't. A need filled in
adulthood by working on patients; mending bone and organs so they came together
the way they were supposed to, oftentimes better than they did before.
Unfortunately for him, no one had so much as sprained an ankle since his
troubles began.
�� River.
�� He could
see her as he did in his dream; arching beneath him, pale skin flushed and
needy as he thrust into her again and again. The feel of coming inside her and knowing it was his sister who did this
to him as she spasmed around him and whispered his
name. Even worse was the feeling that followed; of being whole for the first
time since she was sent to the Academy.
�� It had been
a dream, but far too real for his sanity.
�� Waking up
the next morning had been worse. Feeling the space next to him, searching for a
warm body he thought should be there and between one breath and the next
realizing exactly who that body belonged
to. The revulsion that followed threatened to gag him, if the guilt didn't kill
him first and the residual desire didn't drive him insane.
�� His eyes
flicked to the small data pad sitting innocently on the counter; the only thing
that was out of place in his little world. Filled with articles anyone on this
ship would kill him for having if they connected it back to him. Genetic attraction. Sexual attraction
between siblings. Incest. He'd nearly choked
when he'd asked Inara to borrow her Cortex connection.
She gave him privacy to look up the subject before he erased any evidence of
even being there. The data pad held hundreds of papers on the phenomenon now;
possible causes, diagnoses and methods of treatment. Two weeks of studying them
and he was no closer to figuring out his dream than the morning he woke from
it.
�� River had
avoided him that entire time.
�� He'd let
her. Only mandatory dosages given after breakfast to help
keep her calm. Because she was quiet, if withdrawn, and he needed the
time to review her charts and think on another course of treatment. Because it was easier if he didn't have to see her to forget his
dream. Because she meant so much to him and the thought that he'd
somehow twisted her need for him, her love, was tearing pieces out of his soul.
�� "Simon?"
�� "Qingwa cao
de liumang!"
�� Mal didn't know what was funnier;
Simon cursing like a back-alley saw bones or the fact that the boy jumped damn
near a foot straight up, and in his fancy shoes, too. When he turned around Mal's humor faded.
�� The lights in the infirmary weren't
flattering to anyone, Mal knew that, but the doc was looking downright pasty at
the moment not to mention gaunt and scared near to death. Damn it all to the
edge and back, he hoped crazy wasn't catching. "Doc."
�� "Captain."
All chilly tones and civility, now. That was more like
it. "Something I can do for you?"
�� The older man walked into the
infirmary. "I'm hopin' there is." He
settled against the table. "I've been wonderin'
on River."
�� If it were possible, he would have
sworn the boy got paler. "River?"
�� Mal's eyes
narrowed when the boy turned around, busying himself with one of his drawers.
Simon Tam was hiding something. "Yeah. You know,
'bout yea high, crazy as all get out. Was wonderin'
if you'd noticed anything different 'bout her recently."
�� The doctor shrugged before turning
back to face him, hands leaning on the counter top. "She's been acting
more distant than usual," Simon started, calm as you please. "She's
been avoiding me for a few weeks now."
�� There was a real flash of pain at
that admission and Mal sighed internally. Girl was the only blood family Simon
had left. "It ain't just you,
doc. Girl's been dodgin' everybody but me." He
felt silly saying the next few words, but he knew they needed to be heard.
"I think she's been following me."
�� "Following you?" Simon
laughed the words.
�� A blush fought its way up Mal's neck and he forced it down. "Hangin' around, bein' creepifyin'. Well, more than usual. Ain't said a
word to me, or anyone else, near enough as I can figure. And I ain't the only one. Seems she's been actin'
stranger than usual. Even Kaylee's startin' to worry." A slight exaggeration, but he was
sure his mechanic would feel that way when he asked her, "Started about
two weeks back, did it?"
�� The boy swallowed. "I believe
so, yes."
�� Mal scratched his head. "I
found River outside your room two weeks back. Said she'd had a nightmare and
didn't want to wake you. Think that has anythin' to
do with it?"
�� The doc looked even worse now.
"I... don't know..." he trailed off, eyes looking anywhere but at the
man across from him. "She hasn't mentioned
nightmares to me. I haven't heard her having any, either." His eyes came
back to the captain. "I'll talk to her about following you around the next
time I see her."
�� The captain started to talk about
Simon's own turn at strangeness, but decided against it. The boy looked like he
was under enough strain. He gave a curt nod and headed out of the infirmary,
eyes searching corners for a flash of linen. He was so intent on finding out if
River had followed him that he didn't notice Simon leaning heavily against the
infirmary counter, hands covering his face.
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Nocturnal