Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

Lexx: Xev's Ordeal
By : lexxfan4life
Category: G through L > Lexx
Views: 1088 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Lexx or make any profit from it.
Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Xev wakes up with a start. She's lying on the floor backstage. She gasps, looking at what looks like the remains of the poodle. Kai is watching her from behind one of the 'eye' curtains. Xev gets up from under a table. She clings to the edge of it, then sees the pool of blood on it. She wretches, bringing up blood.

Xev: Kai? Oh, Kai.

She picks up a hank of long black hair - it's covered in blood. She whispers something to it, then sinks back under the table, sobbing. Kai watches impassively. After Stan is found, they take a moth back to the Lexx. Stan, Xev and Kai walk onto the bridge.

Kai: Hello 790.

790: Oh Kai - you've come back to me! Take the head in your arms. Squeeze me! Please me!

Kai: The dead do not squeeze and please.

790: There's always a first time.

Stanley: Well you know, in spite of seeing you here 790, it's still good to be back on the Lexx - alive! You know, I for one do not ever want to go back to Earth again - stupid Type 13 disaster planet. Still, you know - I can't shake the feeling that we forgot something.

790: You did. You forgot to disembowel yourself - but we can take care of that right now.

Xev: I don't like Earth very much either, but how long can we stay up here on the Lexx without the key? Wherever it went after Lyekka stole it from you, we have to get it back or we'll be stuck here forever.

Stanley: I know, I know, but Lyekka's not on the Lexx, we've looked - I mean, she could be anywhere, I don't know. But I do know, that the key is gonna get back into me, where it belongs, and then we're gonna fly away from this place, forever! But look, enough about that - captain Stan hasn't eaten for days and days, and I am getting mighty, mighty hungry.

Xev: Well, Lyekka could be dead. Vlad could have killed her.

Stanley: Yeah, OK, well where's the body?

Xev: Well, the Lexx absorbs all available protein, you know that. Oh, we should have loaded up with food before we came back here.

Stan and Xev head down the passageway off the bridge.

790: Stanley, Xev - it will be the pleasure of my life watching you both slowly starve to death.

Stanley: Yeah? Well before that, 790, we're gonna fry that little cube of a brain in that, that tin bucket you call a head - you know, it won't taste good, but it's gonna feel good!

790: I hate you.

Then Xev, Stan and Kai go to the galley.

Stanley: I am getting really really hungry here, in a serious way.

Xev: So am I.

790: Why don't you two cannibalize each other? That would be fun.

Stanley: And why don't you just short circuit your big ugly mouth?!

790: Only Kai can do that (kisses).

Kai: I will retire to cryostasis to preserve my protoblood (he leaves).

Xev: Stan, this is silly. Why don't we just get in a moth, go back to Earth and get some food there?

Stanley: No way, I'm not going back there. I mean, there's gotta be some way that we can make food here - come on, Lexx, just help us out, will ya?! Just a little food, that's all, just a little food?

Then, Stan and Xev start massaging the feeding nozzles in the galley. After a while, Xev’s hand starts to get tired. This is a first that Xev got easily exhausted.

Xev: It's no use, Stan - my hand is getting numb.

Stanley: Oh come on Xev, just a little longer - you're a love slave, you got the touch.

Xev: It's not working!

Stanley: But it's gotta work. I mean - listen, it's getting close! Come on, pump it, pump it!

Xev stops, stands up. Xev is starting to a little moody.

Xev: No! I'm done. Face it Stan, if we want food we have to go back to Earth.

Prince: That's not necessary, we have plenty of food.

Prince has arrived in the galley, along with Priest and Bunny.

Stanley: Prince!

Prince: Stanley. Xev. You remember President Priest and First Lady Bunny.

Xev: Sure we do. What do you want?

Prince: We were in the neighborhood and we decided to drop by for a picnic.

Xev: Lovely. Thanks for the food. Goodbye.

Stanley: Yeah, thanks for coming, now go!

Prince: Now now, that's no way to speak to your dinner guests.

Xev: Guests? I don't remember inviting you.

Prince: Nonetheless, we're here - and just in time, it seems. Having a little trouble with our food supply, are we?

Xev: See, the Lexx hasn't eaten in a while, and so it can't make food for us.

Prince: Well, why don't you take the Lexx to Earth for a nice meal?

Xev: (quickly, walks up to Prince) Which is that we don't want the Lexx attracting any kind of attention from people down there, so we're planning around it basically.

Prince: Indeed. Wise. But, tell me Stanley - you did get the key back from the porn star who stole it from you, what was her name?

Stanley: Lyekka - oh, well LooLoo actually. Yeah, well, you see what happened there was...

Xev: Perhaps, he doesn't need to know.

She puts her arm around Stan's shoulder, tries to hint for him to stop talking.

Stanley: See, what happened there was, I turned on the old Tweedle charm and I brought her to the height, I mean the very peak of sexual ecstasy, and then the key flowed out of her back into me - she was satisfied, so she left.

Prince: Excellent. Because as it happens, the Earth now has a slight little alien problem. And as far as I'm concerned this is as good a time as any for all of us to disappear into the great unknown of space.

Xev: Us all?

Prince: Absolutely. It's always been part of the agreement, that I would be a passenger aboard the Lexx once it resumed its travels.

Stanley: You know, I had an agreement too, with First Lady Bunny, to have a romp in the sack - on a couple of occasions - and that didn't work out either.

Prince: Well, maybe we can make it work out this time.

Priest: That's my wife you're talking about!

Prince gives him a look.

Priest: But, you know, whatever.

Xev: Tell us about this tiny little alien problem you've got there on Earth.

Prince: Well, why don't we discuss that over dinner?

Stanley: Oh yes, food!

Priest: Yes, food!

Everyone looks at Priest.

Priest: I'm awfully hungry from the trip.

Xev: I'm gonna wake up Kai, just to be on the safe side.

Clearly, Xev could smell leftover chicken, on Priest and darts out of the room, covering her mouth. In the cryochamber, Xev presses buttons on the control unit. As Kai’s cryopod opens, Kai sees her slumped over the control unit, dry-heaving.

Kai: Xev, you don’t look well.

Xev: It can’t be my mating cycle again. I had that way over a month ago.

Kai: Clearly not. Since you “mated”, it’s clear that you could be pregnant. Morning sickness, as well as mood swings and fatigue is common during the early stages of pregnancy.

Xev, then, remembers her mating encounter with Prince.

Xev: That’s just great. That’s not why I woke you.

Kai: Why did you wake me?

Xev: Prince is here. He had brought Priest and Bunny with him too. We’re all gonna be on the bridge.

Everyone is on the bridge, enjoying the picnic. Prince starts a conversation.

Prince: So, Stanley - tell me about the bad carrots that you encountered on Zig Zig Island.

Stanley: What, you mean those little robot things? They almost killed us, they're completely evil!

Prince: They are a serious problem, and they appear to have spread.

Prince gets up onto the pedestal.

Prince: Probes have been found in many locations - too many. Our projections indicate a rather overwhelming infestation before long, which is something that the poor unfortunates on the planet can hardly savor. So it appears to me that our best option is to go...

He gets down from the pedestal.

Prince: The only question is - where?

Xev: I'd say there's two questions - where to go, and who should go.

Prince: The latter part of that question has already been settled.

Xev: Not with me.

Prince: We have a deal.

Stanley: Hey, when has one of your deals ever helped us?

Xev: We've made deals with you before, and they've all gone sour - because you're evil. So you can offer us whatever deal you want - we won't bite.

Prince sits beside Xev, who is sitting cross legged on the floor.

Prince: I have different ambitions from you, it's true. But, as a member of the crew of the Lexx (pats her leg) I promise to behave myself.

Xev offers him a tomato. Apparently, Xev is having a craving for them. He leans over and whispers in her ear.

Prince: Xev, I hadn’t forgotten about our ordeal, that happened, a few weeks ago. You might as well except what has happened between us and learn to get along with me.

In her mind, Prince is right. But, how will she tell Prince that she had no control of her body during their encounter? Not only that, but tell Prince that she’s pregnant by him. Then, Prince looks over to Kai.

Prince: Anyway - you can always have Kai to protect you. He can kill me, if I step out of line.

Prince gets up, walks over to Kai.

Kai: You were killed many times on the planet Fire. Each time, you quickly returned to life. Why do you fear the probes, if you are immortal as you claim to have been in the past?

Prince: I was immortal on the planet Fire, yes, but now I will admit to being more uncertain about my status.

Kai gets his brace ready.

Kai: That question can be settled this instant.

Stanley: Hey, wait a second, wait a second there - before we do anything, I wanna know what those carrots are doing on Earth, I mean - what do they want?

Kai: 790 knows, don't you 790?

790: (sigh) Anything for you. The probes are actually a first scouting wave of robot drones sent by an alien species to taste test various things on Earth - particularly human beings. They are studying the planet to see what is worth eating and what dishes go with what - presumably in preparation for the feast planned when the real aliens arrive to devour the planet.

It wasn’t long before mostly everyone started to get tired. Especially Xev, since baby-making is leaving her more exhausted than ever.

Stanley: Yeah, me too. If you're on board in the morning, let's talk about fixing up First Lady Bunny with first man Stan.

Xev: I'll show you where you can sleep - actually I'm a bit tired myself. Kai, would you please keep an eye on Prince?

Kai: I will.

Stan, Xev, Priest and Bunny leave the bridge.

Prince: Goodnight to all. Tell me, do you play chess, dead man?

Kai: What is chess?

Prince: A struggle between kings. A game of strategies and counter strategies, in which it is sometimes necessary to sacrifice lesser participants - rather like life, actually.

Kai: It sounds similar to a game I enjoyed on Brunnis 2, when I was alive.

Prince: I'll teach you.

It was only minutes before Kai and Prince are sitting by a chessboard on the bridge. They hear the shouts, and get up.

Xev: Kai! I need you!

Bunny: And I need my husband back!

Everyone meets up in a passageway.

Stanley: What's going on?

Xev: The President has a carrot - he's infected.

They all rush to the toilet, where Priest is screaming as the carrot leaves him. They find him on the floor.

Bunny: Baby!

Kai: He is still alive.

Xev: Is the carrot still inside him?

Kai: I do not know, though I expect not.

Prince: Then let's get him up.

Xev: How?

Bunny: He always responds well to oral stimulation.

Stanley: Yeah. Me too.

Priest regains consciousness. Bunny is cuddling him.

Priest: Where - where am I?

Kai: You are on the Lexx.

Priest: The Lexx, how? But I was just in the Oval Office being briefed about killer carrot probes and then...

Stanley: Well, it looks like while you were in the Oval Office, something got into your Oval Office.

Bunny: How do you feel, my love?

Priest: Oh, dizzy, weak - sore.

Bunny: Quick! Massage my breasts, you'll feel better.
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Lexx: Xev's Ordeal	By : lexxfan4life Category: G through L > Lexx Views: 1088 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Lexx or make any profit from it.

Lexx: Xev's Ordeal