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In My Thoughts, Always	By : Amelia_Jade Category: 1 through F > The Big Bang Theory Views: 29330 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: In no way shape, or form do I own anything related to Big Bang Theory. I just play with the characters in naughty, naughty ways.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
This chapter is all Sheldon POV, but it also 80% flashback, I don't know if I got the star date correct, if anyone knows if this is correct or can point me int he correct direction to a converter let me know as I plan to have some more chapters in this format later in the fic. Thanks! As always reviews are welcome!
Hope you enjoy!
I OWN NOTHING, sadly :(
Italics are flashbacks
Chapter 2
S-POV
Thu, 26 Jan 2012 04:57:14 UTC
Star Date: -311068.87
I am Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper Ph.D., and I have a set schedule for almost everything. I use the term 'almost' for only one aspect of my life. Penny. She bursts through my schedule like a force of nature, a hurricane, typhoon, monsoon, whatever you want to call it. Hurricane Penny was definitely destructive and seemed to exist to push me to the limits of self control in all areas of my existence.
I have observed and been affected by her reign of chaos for the last 5 years now.
The fact of the matter is, I cannot lie. I don't even like to lie, even though it seems that all of my friends at one point or another ask me to. You would have thought they would have learned by now not to. As I have admitted to the aforementioned 'flaws' of not being able to lie (others, read Leonard's, opinions not mine), I have also admitted this to myself as well.
The lie I cannot tell myself is that I do not enjoy Penny's special brand of chaos.
Because I do.
Contrary to what most people believe about my schedule, it is not a compulsion that prompts me to be so adamant about this bit of stability. It is that I am a scientist, a physicist, and as I stated to Penny during our prank war, "When you understand the laws of physics, Penny, anything is possible." Knowing and believing that anything is possible is a thrilling and terrifying concept that I study and try to pin down every day. I have to have some form of stability, and here formed my schedule. I did not have the schedule as a child, I did not need it. I was not informed of the innate chaos that permeates our world at that time as I am now, but with my insatiable need for knowledge and my love for physics I learned quickly, as always.
As I sit here, on my bed, logging all of this in my interaction journal on a Tuesday after work before we head to The Cheesecake Factory, I smile. Penny is the chaos that I am constantly trying to tame and make stable, but I can admit that a part of me likes the challenge she provides. Too few things challenge me anymore and people are so predictable. Even if they baffle me, they are more predictable than they like to believe themselves. Not Penny. Classifying her continues to elude me as much as ever, and I enjoy it as much as it frustrates me.
She was made for me, chaos to my stability, irrational to my rational, beauty to my nerd. She even enjoys the same things as me: Pranking, Halo, Soft Kitty, Paintball, etcetera.
The reason I am writing this as opposed to my daily interactions as always, another bit of chaos she had injected into my life I muse, is simple. I will elaborate. The events occurred at lunchtime at work this afternoon.
Lunch is always a trying affair with Howard Wolowitz around. Between his uncouth remarks about various women he will never have a snowball's chance in a cat scanner with, and his constant complaining about his mother, he is a regular joy to be around over all. Hey! I am getting better at sarcasm.
"So, I was sitting there, real cool and suave like, and this totally hot brunette walks up to me and says, 'Howard, I want you' and I was like, 'Well, right here I am sweet thing'."
"And I am Shiva, god of death and destruction." Raj sighs while looking at the ceiling in apparent exasperation. "Why do you insist upon telling these fancy tales, when you know we know they are not true, Howard?"
"Because I am a sad, sad little man." Howard sighs as well, and poked at his food sullenly. "What about you Leonard? Got anything juicy to share with the class? You are our resident Casanova after all," he asks with a leer towards the bespectacled man.
I sit my glass down on the table with an extra bit of force behind it on purpose in order to grab the attention of the three men I am sitting with.
"How is Leonard anything like an Italian author, and famous womanizer who was associated with European royalty along with luminaries such as Voltaire, Goethe and Mozart?" I look at Howard with a raised eyebrow to convey my genuine curiosity and simultaneous disdain for this comparison. I know why Howard made the comparison; I just want to hear his explanation in his own words.
Howard pulls out his smarmy little smirk and replies, "Well he is the one who got to nail the illustrious Miss Penny, is he not? Knelt between the knees of the promised land. I believe that alone is enough for the label, huh? Right Raj?"
Raj raises his hands and says hurriedly, "Hey man, I like Penny, she's nice, and she doesn't make fun of me for my selective mutism. She even stands up for us!" At his defense of my Penny, I decide to mentally revoke one of Raj's strikes, and I add two more to Howard for his crass words about my lady.
Raj is right, and I remember what he is referring to. That terrible Zarnecki and his thieving ways. I scowl as my eidetic memory pulls up the time that Glenn was in someone else's possession for so long, and my stuff, over three thousand hours worth of gold and weapons. One thief, one high school student with an overactive thyroid gland almost managed to take all my stuff, but thanks to Penny, Glenn the ostrich is safely back in his pen and I am still questing with the best of them. I do not like people touching my things, even virtually.
Leonard finally decides to provide his commentary to the conversation. "Come on Howard, don't be like that, Raj is right. Penny is a good person and she helps us all the time. She isn't a piece of meat. Plus, I hope, eventually, to get her back. She just has to see that I am the perfect man for her and then we can start making our beautiful, smart babies," he says tilting his head back in that way he does that exposes his throat to the others of the table.
I have always theorized that he does this as a habitual tool from being so short and having to look up at others all the time, but he does the same thing with Howard who is at least 1 and 1 half inches shorter than he is. Psychology may be a hokum science for the most part but I believe it has a basis in this behavior for Leonard. I have observed that when he is trying to be superior or more knowledgeable on a subject he displays this behavior, indicating, nonverbally, that he is looking (or trying to look) down at the person he is speaking to. Really though, if you know anything about animal behavior, and I do, because I have a working knowledge of the universe, it is that when an animal, a wolf, or dog, for example, is trying to show submission they bare their throats as a way of showing their Omega status. Leonard unconsciously does this because he is an Omega playing at being an Alpha. I know that this is only one of the many reasons he is not the perfect man for Penny.
She is an Alpha female, she needs a partner and mate, not a subordinate. I know what she needs.
"This subject is tiresome, gentlemen, as you getting Penny back, is not as likely as you believe it to be Leonard, and Howard you have a disrespectful attitude towards women, and while I normally do not care to let you spin your little Penthouse fantasies, because frankly, I barely listen to you as it is, but," and I point my plastic spork as emphasis this following point, "if I hear you disrespect Penny again, you will not care for the consequences." With this suitable chastisement offered I turn back to my food and continue eating, not looking at those around me.
What I chose to ignore as I turned my attention elsewhere, were the looks of bewilderment and shock on the faces of the three men around me. Perhaps the looks were in response to my aggressive handling of the Penny situation. It is Howard who finally broke the brief silence.
"You know what Penthouse is! How do you know what Penthouse is?" Howard screeches out.
I am quite bothered by the decibels he reaches with this question as I have superior hearing anyway and he is sitting within two foot distance. Not to mention there are others looking at us in confusion for them overhearing Howard's statement with no context. Not that I feel the need to provide them with any. I just look back at them until they look away.
"Howard, be quiet!" Leonard whispered quickly, blushing. He responds for me as I am not going to respond to Howard's inane questions. "He was cleaning the apartment one time and he found my, um, my collection. Ok? Now be quiet!"
Howard is practically bouncing in his seat, staring at me with a slightly manic gleam in his eye. "So how did you like them, Sheldon? I personally like the one with the..." I interrupt him before he can go any further.
"Stop. Now. Howard. I will not listen to your nasty thoughts, and I very much doubt that Raj or Leonard will find them very appetizing either." I look at them and they both look slightly green at the thought of what was about to come out of Howard's mouth, and they sigh almost simultaneously at my interruption of what would have probably proven to be a tale most foul.
Lunch continues on with a pouting Howard and a daydreaming Leonard. Raj and I discuss our upcoming research paper that, if done correctly, could obtain a sizeable research grant. I want that grant; it could be great tool in helping me acquire new equipment to prove string theory and thus winning my Nobel Prize.
After lunch, I perceive time to pass quickly as Raj and I are uninterrupted in our work and we get a great deal of research finished before work ends.
As I head home with Leonard I can't stop thinking about one of the Penthouse magazines that had been mentioned. What Leonard didn't know was that I had confiscated one of those magazines, one with a woman inside that looked just enough like Penny to be upsetting to me. I have always found those publications to be crass and in poor taste and below one such as I. I had found a Playboy in my brother, George's room when I had been looking for a part of my death ray he had stolen. I found the images intriguing in a purely analytical way, as I had never seen a naked female before except for Missy, but she is my sister and we had been nude in the same room since the last time we were bathed together.
It upset me that Leonard had very obviously purchased a 'dirty' magazine that had a Penny look-a-like in it for his own pleasure. It made me sick, and angry. It made me want to hurt Leonard for being so disrespectful and pathetic. I hold and control these feelings, tightly to my chest. Now is not the time to allow reign to these more negative aspects of myself, aspects no one else knows of. I know that there is a right time to release these feelings and now is not that time, so I breathe deep and exhale slowly to calm myself. I direct my mind away from the troubling thoughts.
The drive ends as we pull into our parking garage and Leonard turns off the vehicle. He turns to me and says, "I know you have been quiet for a while, is it what Howard said at lunch? Because you know how he can be. He's a pervert, but he's our friend." Leonard looks at me then I sigh at Leonard's words. I wasn't quiet because of Howard's comments, those were commonplace and slightly expected, if not dreaded, at this point. If Leonard knew what thoughts had kept me quiet, he'd pass out and then how would he drive me to The Cheesecake Factory later for my barbecue bacon cheeseburger: barbecue, bacon, and cheese on the side.
"What makes you believe that I am quiet over Howard's words, Leonard?" I ask inquiringly.
"Well, I just assumed—" Leonard began.
I interrupt him and say, "That's your problem Leonard, you assume too much. Now let's go inside. I need to finish some research for my paper before we go to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner."
"Ok..." Leonard trails off uncertainly.
End Log.
"Sheldon! Come on! We are meeting Raj and Howard at the restaurant in 20 minutes!" Leonard yells through the door, quite unnecessarily I might add.
"Leonard I am right inside the door separated by an inch of wood and 6 feet of space. I can hear you just fine," I say as I put away my interaction journal and straighten my favorite Flash t-shirt. I want to look nice for Penny.
First and foremost I want to thank MyOwnStar for her help with this fic, I plan on this being a long term fic and I hope for her to be my editor if she will have me lol if I get favorable reviews and even if I don't I may finish anyway as this is something I wanted to get out.
WARNINGS: This is an M fic for a reason and WILL include many subjects others may find upsetting or offputting. Such as: disturbing thoughts, sexual situations(both imagined and real), these will definitely be involved in the fic other warnings will be posted as they happen. PLEASE DO NOT read if you believe this will upset you if you do I will not take your flames to heart as this is my warning to you to STOP READING NOW! If you have constructive reviews and criticisms I will be more than happy to speak with you about them. Thank you.
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In My Thoughts, Always