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Domestic Bliss
By : Ellixer
Category: S through Z > Xena
Views: 3201 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0Disclaimer: I do not own Xena or its characters. I make no money, this is purely for entertainment - Chapter List
I think I say it just to hurt her, mean I know. I know the words will hurt and I also know she won’t fight me on it. Maybe that’s part of the problem, I want her to fight. Her face is somber but resolute. If I am going to do this, it’s all on me.
‘You really mean that don’t you?’ I can hear the hurt in her voice. ‘Yes, I do.’ I don’t. I’m not going to waste time talking about this though, she might just change my mind with another pained look. I stalk back towards the hut and I wonder why I refuse to even try for her. She forgives me at every turn, stands at my back with ready weapons, and cares for my child. Why can’t I give her this one thing? I’d just hate it, it’s just not me and I don’t want to conform. Packing my things I feel a little off, a little like I’m running away. And for what? I need a break, need to get away from her and her Amazons. A couple of days is about all I can stand, and if I need to leave her here I will. There’s this little tiny part of me that is berating my decisions. There’s no place for me here, and I can only hope that she will come running to me. I’m a warrior, fighting is what I do. If I’m not fighting then what am I doing? I have no purpose beyond that. I sit down with Eve to read the scrolls I have piled before me. I don’t know why I’ve decided to look at these now, but upon reading the first words of the first scroll I instantly feel like an ass. The words she writes are almost reverent towards me. Each scroll tells of us, our friendship, our faith in one another, and this love the God’s can’t even ruin. These aren’t simple words either. There’s a flourish that adds meaning, gives a hint to what she’s feeling as she writes. I look at Eve. I’m beginning to waver in my resolve. I have to go see her one last time, I don’t want to leave with any regrets. I hand Eve off to Eris and make a search for the Amazon Queen. She’s standing in the sweat hut talking to herself as I walk in. ‘What made me think I would be a good Queen?’ ‘Your heart.’ She turns at my words, only slightly surprised to see me standing there. ‘Did you pack?’ The question holds hope in it that I’d say no. ‘Yeah. Almost done.’ She just looks at me, no expectations, nothing. ‘Listen, Eris found some of your scrolls in my saddle bag.’ My mind is made up as soon as she looks at me. ‘I must of left them there at the last camp. You can leave them in the hut, Xena.’ She’s trying to be nonchalant, but she also begins to divert her eyes, as if her fingers were really interesting. ‘That’s just it, I can’t.’ Confusion appears on her face. ‘I read them.’ ‘You read my scrolls?’ ‘I always said I would.’ How many times did I say that while dying? ‘I didn’t think that….well?’ There’s a mixture of emotions in her eyes and on her lips, but mostly there’s this smile that speaks a thousand words. ‘I think anyone who writes like you can, who can find the grace in everything that happens, she’s sure to make a wonderful queen. And that’s worth sticking around to see.’ She smiles and wrinkles her nose, looking to her fingers again. She doesn’t believe me, but she welcomes the words. I’ll try, that’s all I can do. All it took was some words, and a look of disappointment to crumble my resolve. I hate to be the one to cause anything other than a smile. I’ve forgotten all she has given up just to stand by my side. I’ve thought of nothing but how I feel because I’m an ass and she deserves so much better than that from me. When she exclaims that she is leaving with me, the relief is instant. I know I don’t have to try and pretend to like it here. But yet again she’s giving up something of herself, a chance to be a great leader just to be with me. I have to make it up to her, show her that I really do love her. I’ll try and leave my selfish tendencies behind, try and be the person she needs me to be.- You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
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