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The Lies we Tell Ourselves	By : ihatethesnow Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 2354 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or any characters. I will not be making any money from this story.

Chapter List
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Lori said she was going out for some fresh air. It was a cool spring morning. Nobody had calendars anymore. Lori kept track of the days with making check marks on pieces of paper every night she went to sleep. The check mark not only meant another day passed and nobody died, but that it was one year, she estimated, that she gave birth to Rick's daughter. She spent a few days unconscious after she fell, so she's guessing it's been a full year.
The area they used as a graveyard was between the fences. She sat down next to the only marker, a cross Ty made, and was talking to her baby girl. The tears started before she sat down.
"Happy Birthday, baby girl. Mommy's here. I love you so much, my baby girl. I miss you so much. I know Daddy comes out here. He doesn't tell me, but I know. I hope your big brother is taking care of you in Heaven. Give Carl a kiss for me and tell him I miss him. Grandma and Grandpa too. Your Aunt Katie. I'll bet they're all giving you big hugs today. I wish I could." Her voice cracked and she put her face in her hands, sobbing.
When Lori left to get fresh air, Rick went to the guard tower to keep an eye on her. He didn't know what to say to her. He looked at his wedding ring and asked himself if their marriage was worth saving. After two years of living parallel lives, could they go back to living as husband and wife? Rick looked again and saw Lori, crumbled over the baby girl's grave, her head down, her hands covering her ears, and he can hear her crying. He watched as Abe walked out and sat with Lori. He watched as the red haired man pulled Lori in for a hug. He didn't need the binoculars to see that her body shook with sobs. Abe was rubbing her back, and after a while he stood up and helped her to her feet, then put his arm around her and walked her back into the cellblock.
Thinking about everything and every word the members of the group had said to him, and the panic he felt when he saw another man's arms around his wife, Rick went back to the cellblock, determined to talk to Lori.
One year ago
Carol ran to get Rick, who, after hearing the news, ran back into the cell block and the infirmary, terrified when he saw a trail of blood. He was stopped at the door by Maggie, and told to take a hot shower. They need to keep the area sterile. Rick asked if someone can get him a change of clothes and ran to the shower room. He ripped off his gun belt and clothes, took a quick, hot shower, washed away the guts, dirt and shit of walkers and the new world. Someone left a bottle of body wash in the stall, and he used it to wash himself from head to toe. He dried off quickly and put on the tee shirt, socks and sweatpants that Daryl brought down for him. He ran into the infirmary, was given a mask to cover his face, and looked at Lori, bloody and bruised. He was told what happened, and sat down with her. She was still unconscious, and Bob started to talk to him.
"She's heavily sedated. We had to do a C-section, but she's patched up. Broken nose, I estimate two broken bones in her wrist. You have a baby girl. The trauma of the fall caused Lori's water to break. The baby needs more medical attention than we're equipped to give. She's underweight, malnourished, and may have sustained damage from the fall. Lori basically slid down the steps on her stomach and landed on the cement. Even if she delivered naturally the baby's lungs are underdeveloped."
Rick went pale, and managed to say "we got stuff from the hospital."
Bob snapped at them to bring the stuff in right away. Carol brought in the three large bags full of stuff they got from the hospital, and Bob started looking through it. They needed intubation tubes, which they didn't have.
Beth, who was sitting in the corner holding the baby girl, came over and handed her to Rick. He looked at how tiny she was. He instantly fell in love, and kissed his baby on the forehead, and said "baby girl...my baby girl...get stronger. Your mama and I need you." Tears poured out of his eyes as he started to sing "You are My Sunshine" to his daughter.
"Shit" Bob said.
"What? Do we need to go back out?" Rick asked.
"No. No, Rick. You need to stay with your wife. She was on an emotional rollercoaster during her pregnancy and didn't get support from the one person she needed. Stay with your wife." Bob snapped, thinking of how his two young children and pregnant wife were taken by those things. His frustration over how Rick treated Lori during her pregnancy hit its boiling point. "I'm sorry. We have to watch her closely. That's the only thing we can do. Just keep watching her, make sure she's breathing." Bob walked over to Lori and lifted up her eyelids, one at a time, shinning a light into them. She lifted her arm to flinch away, but didn't wake up. "That's a good sign. She responding to stimuli. She should wake up soon. You need to be here for her. I'm telling you, you need to man up. Forget about the past. What's done is done."
"I think too much damage is done at this point." Rick said, sadly. When he saw Bob shine the light in Lori's eyes he's remembered his coma. He couldn't move or talk, but he remembered that he could hear and feel everything. The feeling of the doctor shinning the light in his eyes was so painful he wanted to scream. He remembered feeling Lori's hand in his, feeling her breath near his ear when she was crying and begging him to wake up. Now he is wanting her to wake up. He wanted to put the pieces back together. He needed to put the pieces back together.
"So you're just gonna walk away? Right now? She could have died. That baby could very well die. I've been told the story. She hurt your pride. So what? Christ, Rick. I never thought you'd be the type who would throw away your marriage because you think 'too much damage is done.' Rick, you need to listen to me. I lost my pregnant wife and two kids. Hershel lost two wives. Carol lost her daughter. Abe lost his wife and two kids. There is not one person here who hasn't lost a big part of their life. Your wife is lying in front of you. She needs you. Stop being such a fucking jackass and be a God damned husband to your wife." Bob, surprised at how he spoke, left the infirmary, in tears. He went back to the cell he shared with Sasha and fell into the bed.
Hershel was sitting next to Lori, constantly monitoring her blood pressure. He looked tired, worn, and sad. Beth started to cry when she thought of the loss of her mom. She left the infirmary and bumped into Daryl, who put his arm around her and led her to her cell. She was upset about the entire situation. She missed her mom, her home, her room, everything. The group is like a family, but she missed her home. The two became very close friends, over the past year. Daryl was very attentive to Beth, and her flirting did not go unnoticed by anyone. She would gently touch his arm or hand whenever she could. Her young girl crush on Daryl turned into much deeper feelings. Daryl was smitten with her for more than two years, ever since they met at the farm, but he knew he couldn't act on his feelings...she was just a kid...just a teenager. But the years and her growing up have turned her into a hot young woman, and Daryl admired her curves when she wasn't looking. When they got to her cell he pulled her into a hug, and she went from gentle cries to sobbing on his shoulder. Daryl was uncomfortable with people showing emotions, and he refused to show any emotions himself. But he held her tightly as she cried on his strong shoulders. He started rubbing her back, and told her how sorry he was that bad shit happened to her. When she caught her breath, he took a plastic cup from a nearby shelf and turned on the faucet, then sat on the bunk with her as she took a few sips. She thanked him for staying with her, and they sat together on her bed for a few moments. He slowly stood up, and said that he should go...he didn't even realize that she was holding his hand.
"You don't have to."
"Everyone's awake."
"You can stay for a while."
He sat back down on the bunk, looked behind him to see the door and the privacy curtain wide open. He shut them both, then turned toward her and asked if she is doing better. She nodded her head, and thanked him for staying with her. They haven't broken eye contact. He suddenly leaned forward for a kiss, taking her mouth hungrily. She has never kissed anyone before. He was so strong, but so gentle. She felt his tongue in her mouth, and his hand crawled up...
They were interrupted by a loud cry, and commotion near the infirmary.
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The Lies we Tell Ourselves