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Scully, Where's My Car	By : Beaverhausen13 Category: S through Z > X-Files Views: 1019 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. I make no money from this. Fo' shotally.

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                I'm in an episode of "Josie and the Pussycats". True, Scully and I are riding around in the Mystery Machine, but Pepper and her friends seem more of a "Josie" type of toon. We're sitting in the back of the van with Nicole, on bright beanbag chairs, and Nicole is packing a two-foot glass bong with more marijuana.
                I am already pretty high. It did occur to me that we could just say that we were cool on the weed, however, I am not sure whether or not we did it last night. Probably. No wonder we can't remember shit. Nicole and Pepper are talking on and on in a constant stream of words, Dorothy making a guest appearance every once in a while. These girls are insane. There's sort of a rightness to their madness, though. Kind of like they're doing it on purpose.
                (Nicole) "....So dude, like the other day me and Kevin went up to the cliffs by the river and shit to smoke some kind bud, and we started hocking loogs on the rowing teams! I got better distance!"
                (Dorothy) "No shit, did you nail one, Dude?"
                (Nicole) "Yeah, right in the eye! Blalalalala!"
                (Pepper) "That reminds me of all those times me and my sister would go to the overpass and shit and try to hock some on random cars. You have to time it just right to nail one, dude."
              (Dorothy) "Motherfuckin' Macgyver and shit."
                (Nicole) "We should be recording this, dude!" (whips out a small tape recorder) "Okay dude, we're rolling in the Mystery Machine with Pepper and Dorothy, and back here with me are my new pals, Dana and Fox. We're all smoking out of the bong. Pepper dude, it's your hit, man."
                 (Pepper) "Thank-you, girl. Dorothy, take the wheel, Dude. We're going to Cosmic's right now. A whole bunch of people are gonna be there, because Hammer, the dude that's throwing the barbeque, lives over it."
                 (Dorothy) "So, who do you think is gonna be there?"
                 (Nicole) "I dunno, Lakeisha, maybe Freddie, Bubbles, maybe that bitch, Jeff..."
                 (Pepper) "HE IS STU-PID! Dude, if he is there, we'll make fun of him. Our amusement!"
                (Nicole) "Because he is stu-pid!"
                 I look over at Scully and start to laugh, "We're turning into them. See, you're even dressed like them."
                 Scully raises her eyebrow, "Mulder, I'm only wearing this because I don't have any clothing at your house. Or don't you remember that's where I woke up this morning?"
                 Yep. That little shocker's still fresh in my mind. So is the visual of Scully and Pepper kissing this morning. I knew it. Scully goes both ways. I wonder if Scully and I have sex anymore if we could throw Pepper into the mix. I know, it's such a guy thing and how piggish of me, but I'd be doing it for Scully, too.
                 Heh, Heh, Heh.
                 "I knew you wanted me, Scully." I chuckle.
                 Scully rolls her eyes and snorts. There's a little smirk on her face though, and I could swear she's blushing. My, did I hit a nerve? "Sure, fine, whatever." she laughs, acting indifferent.
                 "Dude, we're here!" Pepper hollers, parking her van in front of a two-story brownstone that proclaims Cosmic's Coffee on the bottom half, and the upstairs looks like what could only be apartments. We climb out of the Mystery Machine and head inside.
***********************************************************************************************
               The indoors of Cosmic's Coffee is designed for kids. The floor is bright blue and decorated with white stars, and this place is littered with pinball machines, computers with internet access, touch screen games, and a turntable in the very front window. A jukebox by the "South Park" pinball machine is currently blaring "November Rain" by Guns-n-Roses. I feel sort of like I regressed back to high school, although we weren't as technologically advanced.
               "Hey, it's the table dancer!" a giant hulk of a guy hollers from the end of the bar, "And the beer-bong king!"
               "What?" I say. I'm sort of high right now. Those girls smoke a lot of weed.
               "Hammer!!!" Dorothy, Pepper, and Nicole scream in unison, pushing past a few people to attack the big man.
               "That must be Hammer." Scully leans in and whispers as we make our way over.
               "Dana, Fox, glad you could make it." Hammer greets us, "The way you two partied last night, there's no way it's gonna be all sleepy and gay today."
               "Dude, they can't remember last night." Pepper laughs.
               "No doubt!" Nicole chimes loudly, throwing her forefinger and pinky into the air.
               "Really? Well, Spacejew's got it all on tape." Hammer says, "He likes to record the partying. You guys were doing some classic shit, dude."
               An Asian girl wearing a tuxedo shirt and men’s trousers strolls in, stops, and hollers, "Table dancer! Twenty dollars!" at Scully.
               "Lakeisha!" Nicole hollers, rushing over to her and hugging her, "What's up?"
               "Not much. Courie's parking." she answers, flipping her extremely long ponytail behind her, "Hey Fox. Did you want that spanking now, or should we do it later?" she says to me, then winks at Scully, "Or I could always loan Dana the whip."
               "Yeah, you all were destined to do the freak nasty last night, the way you were acting." Hammer laughs, Dorothy and Pepper flanked on either side of him and rubbing his belly.
               "So, where is this Spacejew?" Scully asks.
               "Out on the patio playing pool." A small brunette behind the counter with blonde streaks in her hair informs us.
               "Dude, that's Katie." Nicole introduces, "Katie, you remember Fox and Dana, right?"
               The brunette squints a little, "I *was* sort of wasted...oh wait, you were in the wet t-shirt contest, right?" she asks Scully.
               Wet T-shirt contest?
               "Yeah, dude, remember, she *won*." Pepper urges.
               "Oh, Table dance! Yeah, dude!" Katie laughs in remembrance, "You rock, girl, have a redbull."
               "What about me?" I ask.
               She studies me for a second, and then it's as if the light dawns, "Beer-bong King! Right on, dude, you guys are together?"
               "Yeah, Dude." Nicole says.
               "Wet T-shirt Contest?" I whisper to Scully.
               "Beer-Bong King?" she whispers back.
               All we have to do is find this Spacejew guy, and we'll have some specifics to go along with some of these sketchy details. I accept my complimentary redbull from Katie, "Which way is the patio?" I ask.
               "Go past the jukebox and hang a right."
               Scully follows me through an open-air hallway to a pool table surrounded by lawn chairs in a fenced in area with ivy growing up the chain link. A cute petite raver girl with dark curly brown pigtails sits on the lap of a more statuesque, punk rock girl with bee stung lips, jade eyes, and spiky short dark hair. They're watching the game played by two boys, one is blond with blue eyes wearing a backwards khaki baseball cap, and the other is a boy with dark brown hair and eyes framed by thick black framed glasses.
               "Beer-Bong King!" the pigtailed raver girl greets me.
               "Sexy Tabledancer!" the boy with glasses leers at my partner, "Good game, Jimmy." he say to the blond.
               "Are you Spacejew?" Scully asks.
               The boy drops his cue to the ground, "You don't remember me, Table dance? After all we meant to each other?" he grabs his heart mockingly, "Yeah, I'm Spacejew."
               Dorothy rounds the corner just in time, "Hey Jew! You got that tape of last night?"
               “Of course. We're doing a show of it at the Barbeque.” he answers.
               "Well let's drag Hammer's happy ass on up there, then. Angelina, Kate, are you guys coming?"
               "Yeah dude." the cute raver girl says.
          *************************************************
               We've all ascended up to our host for the barbeque, Hammer's, apartment upstairs. Pepper and Nicole immediately monopolize the stereo, popping in a cd called "Daft Punk", so of course they're dancing around. Pepper drags me off the couch next to Mulder, "Girl, get on your dancin' shoes!"
               I am grinning a bit loopily, I'm sure, on account of the marijuana, but I comply. No false pretenses now, especially since I apparently *won* a wet t-shirt contest last night.
               Wet T-shirt contest?
               What was I thinking?
               This song has a good beat, and Pepper uses this as a perfect excuse to grind into me from behind. I find myself moving with the music. I had forgotten how great it feels to dance on this stuff. Yes, I'll also admit that I smoked pot before, but the last time that occurred I was a senior in high school and listening to Butt-rock.
               It's fun catching Mulder's reaction to this. Wow. I think he may be turned on by our little display.
               The cd changes to Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'" and I turn around to face Pepper. Dorothy gets behind me and sandwiches me into a three-way grind.
               "HO, get yo' ass in and let's ri-i-i-i-ide!" Pepper and Dorothy sing along, causing me to giggle.
               "Beer?" Hammer asks us.
               "We know Beer-Bong King wants one." Jimmy, the blond boy from the patio who is 18 and happens to be the proprietor of Cosmic's Coffee chortles, "You want me to get it, dude?" he asks Mulder.
               "Sure." Mulder agrees.
               Dorothy, Pepper, and my audience is an amiable bunch; there's Angelina, the amazon from the patio and her girlfriend Kate, also from the patio, they are currently lounging on the loveseat, on the big long couch with Mulder is Lakeisha, Courie, a pretty girl with a black bob with red streaks and a face like Molly Ringwald's, and Bubbles, a cute girl wearing a Powerpuff girls tee and long brown hair pulled into a poufy ponytail. Since Hammer lives in an efficiency, his bed is in the living room as well, holding Nicole, packing a bowl with Jimmy, Freddie, a slight young party kid D.J., and Nick, a taller young man with brown hair and eyes.
               Spacejew enters from the bathroom and lays claim to the Barcalounger between the couch and loveseat as Hammer returns from the kitchen with three bottles in hand.
               Dorothy squeals in delight, "Little Kings!" she exclaims as he hands us the bottles.
               "Thank you, Hammer." I say, accepting mine, and smiling a bit at Pepper, she's nibbling my neck and it feels good.
               "No prob, Table dance." Hammer answers, giving me the once-over and turning to Mulder, "Beer-Bong King, good ups on your girl, man. I just wanna spank her ass and pull her hair."
               Mulder, who's currently sipping on his beer, snorts with laughter and thusly gets beer all over his face. Hammer hands him a paper towel, "Yeah, me too." he laughs, wiping himself off.
               "Hey, don't forget she's mine, too." Pepper comments, squeezing my bottom for emphasis.
               I giggle loudly. Strange how I'm treated so blatantly like a sex object. Stranger how I'm not really miffed by Hammer and Pepper's crude mannerisms. It *so* on purpose that it ends up just being funny.
               "I didn't forget." Hammer answers the girl currently rubbing her groin on my leg and nibbling at my earlobe, "In fact, you two are starting to get me excited, so slow your roll, turbos. Hey Jew, that tape almost ready, Dude?"
               Spacejew reaches beside him and pulls his camera from the side of the chair, "I'll start setting up. It should be ready by the time you get those ribs on the table."
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Scully, Where's My Car