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Darkest Nights	By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1449 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this.

Chapter List
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Nora had to leave after only a few hours; she hadn't been able to get enough time off to have a long visit. However, she promised that she would come back as soon as she could get time off.
Elliot and George had just sat down after escorting Nora outside when Elliot got a call that they were going to search for Keyes. He embraced George gently.
"I have to go," he informed the smaller man.
"Alright, then," George agreed. He returned the embrace. Elliot rubbed his back and kissed his forehead.
With a nervous and edgy voice, George whispered, "Don't kill them, okay?"
Elliot smiled wryly. "Don't worry. I think I'd rather just hit them and then see them go through prison."
George swallowed visibly and looked away.
"What's wrong?" Elliot asked worriedly.
"Just… I think they're going to get the death penalty, and I don't approve of it," George admitted. Elliot looked at him incredulously.
"Not even after what they did to you and the others?"
"No," George said firmly. He bit his lip. "It goes against what I believe in, as a doctor and as a human being. I don't feel anyone has the right to decide that they should die."
Elliot was astonished that after all he'd been through, George still had the ability to be compassionate for anyone—let alone his attackers. He wondered briefly about the possibility of Stockholm syndrome, but that didn't quite fit—George didn't like his attackers at all, he wasn't attached to them, and he didn't want to see them ever again. George was just a kinder, better person than they were- he was kinder than almost everyone Elliot knew, really. Even before he'd been taken, George's limitless compassion had amazed him, but now it felt even more astonishing.
It made Elliot feel guilty, too- guilty that he'd failed George by not being there when George needed him, guilty that he hadn't been able to protect him, and guilty that George was the one who was hurt and yet Elliot was the one who was desperate for revenge.
"Sorry," Elliot said softly. George nodded his acceptance, though he clearly didn't know what Elliot was being forgiven for. Elliot pulled George closer with a sigh.
"George, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," Elliot whispered. George gave him an incredulous look.
"None of you could have stopped it," he stated. Elliot shook his head in protest.
"No, I should've-"
"Should've what, Elliot? Should've predicted the future and not let me leave? Acted as my bodyguard? You had no idea of knowing. I'm the only one at fault here."
Elliot blinked in shock. "I thought you were done blaming yourself. How and why do you think this is your fault? If I'm not at fault, you aren't either."
"I didn't fight back-" George began.
"Because they had a gun against your head, obviously!" Elliot argued indignantly.
"I didn't try to escape-"
"Again, George, they had a GUN. As in, a weapon that could kill you. Of course you should have stayed put!" Elliot interrupted.
"They would've done it anyway—it was pretty much inevitable. The only reason they didn't do it is that I didn't think to try to stop my cuts from getting infected," George retorted.
"Now that's your fault too? What were you going to do, make an antibiotic appear out of thin air?"
"I should-"
"GEORGE! Listen to yourself!" Elliot ordered vehemently. George startled and recoiled slightly at Elliot's raised voice. "Why do you refuse to believe that you aren't to blame? Are you trying to find a reason to hate yourself?"
George looked away. "Quite frankly… that's not too far from the truth."
Elliot's eyes widened. His voice softened, but wavered slightly as he spoke. "You were doing better when you talked to Nora. What happened?"
"This is going to be the most stupid, ridiculous, angst-filled whining you've ever heard," George warned.
Elliot shook his head. "No it won't. 'Angst' isn't the same as your PTSD."
George tensed in anticipation of Elliot's reaction to his words. "I don't know why- I tried to talk myself out of it and convince myself that I'm wrong- but no matter what, I feel like I deserve this, somehow."
"How the hell could you believe you deserve that? I can't think of anyone LESS deserving of that shit than you! You don't deserve any part of what happened to you!"
"But that's the problem! I've tried to tell myself that. How do you think it feels, being a psychiatrist and having learned about how dangerous those feelings are, but being unable to stop them? I shouldn't feel it at all, but I can't convince myself that I didn't have it coming! I can't stop thinking that I brought it on myself… I don't even have a rationale for it. I don't have a reason for why I deserve it- I just do."
"No you don't!" Elliot exclaimed heatedly. His throat constricted. "I don't know what it feels like to have all this training that gets cast aside from trauma like what you went through- it must be awful, though. But what you learned is still true- you can't convince yourself that what they did was okay. It wasn't."
George closed his eyes. "I'm trying… god, I hate myself right now," he admitted.
The words stung. Elliot pulled him in, not caring that his hands were probably uncomfortably tight. He squeezed George's shoulders, desperate to communicate how much he loved George.
"George, you have no idea how much I wish I could make you see that you're wrong," Elliot whispered. "I never told anyone growing up that I was bisexual, but I knew, and I tried to fight that. Then I fell in love with you and tried to fight that too, until I saw you hurt. I know now just how much I love you, and it hurts seeing you go through so much pain. I love you… I don't want you do more damage to yourself mentally. You've been through enough already, without you beating yourself up."
"I'm trying," George said again. Elliot set one hand on George's cheek and George leaned into the touch. "I hoped they wouldn't be found. I'm not ready to testify. Not yet, at least," George confessed suddenly.
"I'll be there for you. During the line-up, whenever you're waiting to be called to the witness stand, while others are testifying- you won't be alone during any more of the trial than what's absolutely necessary," Elliot promised.
"I just never thought I'd have to deal with it on this side of things, you know? I thought I'd only ever testify as an expert witness, maybe as an outcry witness once or twice. But never as a victim... I'm not sure how well I'll cope."
Elliot gently pressed his lips to George's. George sighed at the comforting, feathery touch. Elliot pulled away after a moment and stroked George's hair. "I love you. We'll get through this," he whispered.
"I love you too," George replied softly. A long moment passed before Elliot pulled away and reluctantly started walking towards the door.
"See you soon, doc. Be careful," Elliot sighed.
"You too, Elliot," George whispered. Elliot slowly walked outside, where Olivia was waiting for him.
The drive was mostly quiet, though in a reflective rather than awkward way. Eventually they arrived at the entrance to the national park that matched the description.
"NYPD, we need to know where all cabins and similar structures are," Olivia told an employee. He nodded and handed her a map.
"We'll have to have the units split up," Elliot observed. "There's too many here." Olivia nodded and relayed the order to the uniforms.
His heart pounded as he and Olivia drove to the first cabin. They burst in, but found nothing. Then the second cabin, the third one- he began to lose hope by the fifth, but his heart still pounded each time.
He lost count of how many cabins they searched. With a sigh, he and Olivia opened up another cabin.
"Hello there, detectives," a man's voice purred. "I'm so glad you're here, I was getting bored."
Elliot barely managed to keep his composure. "Eric Keyes?" He asked. The man nodded silently.
Elliot stepped forward and handcuffed him. "Eric Keyes, you're under arrest for assault, rape, and murder. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law…"
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Darkest Nights