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Resistance really is futile	By : goofball Category: Star Trek > Voyager Views: 7729 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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Janeway spent the next twenty four hours in Sickbay, right between the two Biobeds where Seven and Icheb rested. The first thing she did was write a sincere letter of recommendation, then she either worked on some reports, read a book or simply stared at Seven for what seemed like hours. Seven already looked much better. The Doctor had healed the split skin and her colouring had become healthier again.
B’Elanna came to sit with Janeway, Naomi appeared for a visit and so did Neelix.
Just before they were about to transfer Seven to Cargo Bay 2, the EMH revived Icheb, and of course the first thing he asked for was Seven.
Janeway stepped to the side so he could look at her. “Right here, on her way to recovery,” she said. “But we’ll take her to her alcove in a moment. She’ll need to regenerate for an extended period of time.”
“You on the other hand will have to stay with me for a while,” the Doctor said. “Since you’re no longer able to regenerate, you’ll need longer to recover.”
“I don’t mind,” Icheb replied.
“How are you feeling?” Janeway asked.
“Are you having any pain?” The EMH ran his scanner over Icheb.
“My head aches,” Icheb said. “And I’m feeling weak.”
“No surprise there. This transfer took its toll on your body.”
“That’s worth Seven’s life,” Icheb replied.
The Doctor stopped his scan. “I’m not denouncing that, Icheb. You have my deepest respect for what you did,” he said. “I’m simply stating that you have been weakened by the process and that you’ll need time to recover.”
“And you’ll need to be fit for your entrance-test,” Janeway said with a smile. “I already logged my letter into the data stream.”
Icheb smiled brightly. “Thank you, Captain.”
“It was my pleasure writing it, Icheb, even before you saved Seven’s life – for which I am very grateful.” She touched his arm. “Thank you.”
“Now it’s time for some more sleep,” the EMH stated. “I just wanted to check on you and thought you might like to see Seven before we transfer her.”
“I appreciate that, thank you.”
“Getting well soon is the best way to thank me,” the Doctor said and then injected Icheb.
Once he was asleep they relocated Seven to Cargo Bay 2.
For another twenty four hours Janeway made her home away from home and only left Seven’s side if B’Elanna or the Doctor where there to have an eye on Seven.
Then the EMH announced that Seven was out of the woods and that he expected her to make full recovery.
Which meant for Janeway that it was time to step back. She had to face reality, a reality in which they weren’t a couple anymore. A fact that she had ignored for the last forty eight hours, but couldn’t any longer.
So Janeway went back to her quarters and for the next couple of days got back into her daily routine.
The fact that Janeway had left Seven’s side and was back on duty had apparently been a boost to the crew’s morale, as Neelix explained to Janeway while topping up her coffee, because it could only mean that Seven was doing better.
Even though her heart ached, Janeway smiled at Neelix. Obviously nobody knew that Seven and she were separated. Small wonders.
Keeping herself occupied during the days wasn’t that hard. Without the threat of Seven’s imminent death looming before her, Janeway was actually able to concentrate on her work.
The nights, however, were another matter. Sometimes Janeway tried to read, but most often she simply stood in front of the window and stared out.
The third night after she had returned to her own quarters wasn’t much different. She’d had dinner with Chakotay but excused herself fairly early and since then had been standing there, looking out into space.
The sound of the door chime surprised Janeway.
“Who is it?” She asked and looked at the time. 2330 hours?
“Seven of Nine.”
“Seven?” Janeway repeated, even though she had recognised the voice of course.
“Yes.”
“Come in.”
The door slid open and Seven stepped inside, but just far enough to get out of the range of the sensor.
Janeway watched her every move , taking in that she was up and about, not caring that her symptoms were practically shouting at the sight of Seven.
“I’m glad to see you up,” Janeway said after a moment, “but shouldn’t you still be regenerating?”
“Apparently my physiology has regenerated enough for my psyche to interrupt the cycle,” Seven said, her gaze somewhere around Janeway’s feet. “I have been to Sickbay first, since Icheb was one of the reasons… I felt unsettled. The Doctor is aware of my whereabouts and is also monitoring me.” She pointed to one of the EMH’s little gadgets which was attached to the base of her neck. Her eyes made it all the way up to Janeway’s chin.
Janeway sighed. Evidently they were back to Seven not wanting to look at her. “Seven, it’s rather obvious that you don’t want to be here,” she said, trying to keep her voice even. “Why are you, if it makes you feel so uncomfortable?”
Seven’s gaze flickered through the room and Janeway saw her jaw-muscles move. “I am not uncomfortable because I am here,” she replied.
Janeway frowned.
“It is because I do not feel like I deserve to be here anymore.”
“Why…” Janeway tilted her head. “Why would you say that?”
Seven turned her head to the side and inhaled deeply. “Captain, the other reason why I feel unsettled is because of what has transpired between us.”
“Alright,” Janeway said slowly.
“I am aware that there is no excuse for the distress I have caused you,” Seven swallowed. “But I will explain my reasoning if you still want to know.”
“Slow down for a moment,” Janeway said, holding up a hand. “How about starting with the reason before deciding if it’s excusable or not?”
“But-“
“Please?” Janeway pleaded.
Seven’s eyes actually met Janeway’s for a moment and she gave a small nod.
“Thank you,” Janeway said quietly.
Averting her eyes again, Seven shifted her weight from one foot to the other, before she began to speak. “After the simulation of transferring the salvaged node failed, I felt the same way. Like I had failed you. I was damaged and couldn’t repair myself.”
Janeway looked at her in shock. “Why-“
“Please let me continue.”
Janeway still wanted to protest, to tell Seven that she hadn’t failed her, but she pressed her lips together and nodded.
“Eighteen days ago it was I who initiated the escalation of our relationship to make it more personal, to become intimate. You literally opened up to me,” Seven said, her voice almost like a whisper. “I was the reason my death would be even more devastating for you than it would have been before we got involved.”
“Oh Seven,” Janeway breathed and shook her head. Her heart ached for Seven and Janeway pressed a hand to her mouth so she wouldn’t interrupt her again.
“The least I could do was to spare you having to watch me die,” Seven said.
Janeway’s eyes burned with tears and she blinked rapidly before lowering her head. B’Elanna had been spot on about some obscure logic, which made only sense to Seven.
“After some consideration, I was unsure if my decision was as well founded as I had believed at first. But…”
Janeway looked up. “But?” She prompted quietly.
“I felt remorse and shame,” Seven said. “And I did not know how to approach you.”
“May I suggest something for the future, where there will be hopefully nothing as dramatic as this?”
“What are you saying?” Suddenly Seven’s eyes were on Janeway.
After hearing her explanation, Janeway had on some level been sure that they would come back together. But as she looked at Seven’s shocked stare, Janeway wasn’t so convinced anymore. “I’m sorry for assuming that you might want to continue our relationship,” Janeway said stiffly and crossed her arms in front of herself. But it didn’t help against the wrench of disappointment she felt and she faced the window.
“Are you…” There was a shaky inhale. “Are you saying that… would you really…”
“Would I really what?” Janeway noticed the sharpness in her tone, but had no more energy left to hide her feelings.
“Continue our relationship?”
“Seven, I never wanted it to end in the first place.” Janeway looked over her shoulder at Seven, who suddenly swayed on her feet. Worry replaced her disappointment and quickly Janeway moved across the room.
“Are you alright?”
“Please don’t.” Seven held out her hands to stop Janeway, taking a step backwards. “I am certain I am not able to cope with your compassion.”
“What do you mean?”
Several tears fell and Seven wiped them away. “I do not know what will happen if you touch me.”
“Please, Seven, don’t shut me out,” Janeway whispered desperately, shaking her head. “Not again.”
Seven’s blue eyes brimmed with tears. “But I will fall apart.”
All the things that came to her mind were so trivial that Janeway dismissed them at once. Then she remembered what Seven had once said as their roles had been reversed. Janeway locked eyes with Seven. “Do you trust me?”
Seven nodded, dislodging some more tears. “With my life.”
“I value your heart as much as your life,” Janeway quoted and held out her hands.
With a choked sound Seven came to her and Janeway wrapped her arms around her. Seven embraced her so tightly that Janeway was sure she’d be sore tomorrow. But damn, it felt good to have her in her arms again.
Heavy sobs racked Seven’s frame and in between were single words Janeway could make out, mostly about Seven being sorry, that she had felt ashamed and had been scared. As Janeway discerned something about Seven not being worthy of her affection, Janeway tried to move back so she could look at her. But Janeway had no chance, Seven’s grip on her was like iron. So instead, Janeway turned her head and whispered close to Seven’s ear that she loved her and that she was well worth the affection.
This had not the effect Janeway had intended and instead, Seven cried even harder. Like she had feared, Seven came undone and like Janeway had implied, she was there for her. Janeway held her, softly talking to her while rubbing her back soothingly.
Janeway was not quite sure what had prompted it, but at one point her hand was at the nape of Seven’s neck and she reached up to undo her hair. Once the pins were out, Janeway began to stroke Seven’s neck – a gesture she would remember for the future because it was the second time that after a couple of minutes Seven began to calm down. Her weeping became less and less and her embrace loosened.
Janeway just continued stroking and talking until Seven lifted her head.
“I… I have to… sit down.”
“Alright,” Janeway said and let go of her, intending to move over to the couch, not in the least expecting for Seven to simply sink to the floor and sitting there cross-legged with her head lowered. Janeway crouched down before her. The way Seven looked, it might not have been a choice but a necessity.
“Are you okay or do I need to call the Doctor?”
Seven lifted her head and looked at Janeway through puffy eyes. “No Doctor, please.”
Janeway reached out and touched Seven’s cheek. “Alright,” she said. “Do you need anything?”
Leaning into the touch, Seven closed her eyes. “For you to hold me?”
“That’s easy enough.” Janeway smiled softly. “But first I need you to tell me if you are functioning within expected parameters,” she said, purposely using Seven’s own vocabulary.
“I believe so,” Seven replied. “But I will have to regenerate soon. I am feeling weak. Even my brain and my eyes feel weak.”
“Are you saying you are tired?” This wouldn’t surprise Janeway all that much.
With a frown, Seven opened her eyes. “I don’t know how being tired feels.”
Janeway shrugged. “I guess it feels a lot like needing to regenerate really soon.”
“Then maybe I am tired.” Seven’s face fell. “But I don’t want to leave right now.”
Janeway thought for a moment. “Would it help if you had one of your nutritional supplements?”
There was a small smile. “That should be sufficient for a little while.”
“I’ll be right back,” Janeway said and moved over to the Replicator. “Is there a specific one you want?” She asked, knowing that Seven had programed several into the system.
“Number seven, please.”
With a smile Janeway relayed her wish to the computer. “I believe I don’t know that one.”
“I don’t have it very often.”
Janeway took the glass and went back to Seven, who had moved over to the wall and leaned against it. Once more Janeway crouched before her. Handing her the drink, Janeway asked if there was something specific about it.
Seven gave Janeway only a quick glance as she took the glass. “It… tastes like strawberries.”
Just how adorable are you? Janeway knew that Seven was quite fond of strawberries, and she knew that none of the other supplements tasted like anything else then, well supplements – at least the ones she knew about. So this had to be something like a comfort-drink.
Since Janeway wasn’t quite sure how Seven would react to being told that she was absolutely endearing, she didn’t say anything about this. “You mentioned you wanted to be held,” Janeway said instead. “If you move a little bit forward, I can sit behind you and have you in my arms.”
Seven started to move, then stopped again, her eyes on the glass, like she didn’t know what to do with it. As amazingly coordinated she was on her feet or in action, this was not yet her forte.
“You can either put it on the floor or I’ll hold it while you move,” Janeway suggested.
Without a word, Seven held out the glass to Janeway, who took it, and then moved forward.
Janeway sat down behind her. “I’m ready if you are.”
Seven looked over her shoulder and scooted back until she could lean against Janeway.
Moving her arms around Seven, Janeway offered her the glass.
“Thank you,” Seven said, took the drink and sipped on it.
As far as she could recall, it was the first time Janeway saw Seven drink something with pleasure.
“You should try a strawberry smoothie or shake sometime,” Janeway said quietly.
“Are they programed into the Replicator?”
“I’m not sure, but it doesn’t matter,” Janeway replied. “I might not be much of a cook, but I can make a mean shake.”
Seven glanced at Janeway over her shoulder. “Why does a shake have to be mean?”
Laughing softly, Janeway explained that in this case it meant that it was good or even very good.
“Then I will try one of your mean shakes one day.” Seven finished her drink and Janeway took the glass from her, putting it beside them on the floor, before she wrapped her arms around Seven again.
“Are you feeling any better?” Janeway asked. “Emotionally, I mean.”
Seven turned her head. “Much better than I had expected after talking with you,” she replied. “Would you release me for a moment, please?”
Janeway did as she wished and not much later Seven half sat and half lay sideways, leaning against Janeway – properly snuggled up.
Once more Janeway embraced her and rested her chin on top of Seven’s head, needing a moment to collect herself. Usually Janeway had been the one in Seven’s arms and she’d never thought much of it. But suddenly Janeway was the one doing the holding and it felt like she had earned a privilege.
“You have been very generous already,” Seven quietly said. “But may I ask for another favour?”
“What is it?”
“Would you stroke my neck some more?”
Janeway kissed the top of Seven’s head. “That’s not a favour but a pleasure,” she replied and followed the words with the action.
Seven sighed deeply. “I do like that a lot, thank you,” she said softly, then: “This is one of those moments where I cannot comprehend your behaviour, but I am very grateful nonetheless.”
Janeway thought about that for a moment and how to best respond to this. “I’m not denying that I was hurt and even angry, because I was.”
“I am-“
“Hush,” Janeway said, softly pulling on the lock of hair, which she had curled around a finger. “I’m not saying this to make you feel even more guilty. I am trying to explain why I’m doing what I’m doing.”
“Please proceed.”
“I was upset because I didn’t understand why you broke up. I only assumed that it had something to do with you being sick. But that didn’t make any sense to me, because in my world you usually don’t end a relationship because of something like this,” Janeway said. “But you actually tried to protect me because you thought I’d suffer more if we were still together. Is that correct?”
“That was my reasoning at first, yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I…” Seven took a deep breath. “Terminating our relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever done,” she said quietly. “I had no purpose anymore, I was useless to you and the crew. I believed that if I told you how hard it is to end our relationship, you would decide to stay with me for pity’s sake.”
Janeway frowned. “If I had known why you wanted to break up, I would have told you that there’s no reason at all for you to feel guilty. I was the one letting you in, I wanted to, no, I want you to be close, physically and emotionally.” A thought came to Janeway’s mind, not a pleasant one, but it might help getting a point across. “Imagine I’d be diagnosed with an illness that might mean my death in a couple of weeks.”
Seven stiffened in Janeway’s arms.
“Would you suffer less if I were to end our relationship because of this?”
“No,” Seven replied quietly. “That occurred to me as you found me in Engineering. But in my mind I had failed you so often by then…”
Janeway hugged her closer.
“I was apprehensive of dying but I was also… anxious about living.”
“Why of living?”
“Because the emotions were so strong, I did not know if I would be able to cope with them.” Seven took a shaking breath. “But even as distraught as I felt, I was selfish enough to ask the Doctor one last favour. I asked him to move to the other side before he sedated me, because if I were to die, the last thing I wanted to see were your eyes.”
Her own fear of never seeing Seven again welled up and combined with Seven’s confession, it had Janeway in tears. She tightened her grip on Seven and started to rock them back and forth. “That’s enough for now with the dark emotions,” Janeway choked out. “I need something positive now. You and Icheb survived and we’re back together.”
“You were anxious about me dying.”
Janeway nodded. “Terrified,” she answered with a soft sniff.
“The Doctor told me that you stayed with me for the first two days.”
Nodding again, Janeway said: “I couldn’t leave you while your condition was still critical. To me it didn’t matter that we weren’t a couple anymore. I had to know that you were doing alright.”
Seven moved her head so that she could look at Janeway. “Your willingness to stand above everything that had transpired and to be there during the transfer made me vow to myself, that if I survived, I would offer you an explanation, if you still wanted it. No matter the consequences.”
“I’m glad you came.”
“So am I,” Seven said. “Thank you for… everything.”
Janeway leaned in and gave her a soft kiss. “You’re welcome.” Janeway smiled as she saw the surprise in Seven’s face turn into pleasure. “Now come back here and let me stroke your neck for a little while longer before you have to go.”
Janeway’s smile grew bigger as Seven promptly put her head back down to let her play with her hair and stroke her soft skin.
Sighing softly, Seven snuggled closer.
It felt so darn good to have Seven back, even though Janeway started to notice the hard floor underneath her buttocks.
After a few minutes Seven sighed again, more deeply this time. Then one of her fingers twitched, and another.
Janeway held her breath. Was Seven falling asleep? Don’t stop stroking her! A goofy grin crept onto her face and Janeway had to force herself to breath evenly. She looked down upon the blond head. To think that Seven believed she was the one being privileged because of Janeway’s affection for her. Here she was, being allowed to witness the process of Seven delving deeper into her humanity; being allowed to experience so many firsts with her – and they weren’t all bad ones either.
Yes, Seven most definitely had the ability to cause Janeway a bunch of sorrow. But now more than ever, she knew Seven wouldn’t do so on purpose. And beside the heartache, there was so much joy, curiosity, vulnerability, tenderness and passion. Seven made Janeway feel alive again.
Janeway shifted her butt slightly, which was falling asleep.
There was a perfectly fine couch in this room and an even more comfortable bed in the other one. But there was no place on Voyager where Janeway would rather be than sitting here on the hard floor with a sleeping Seven in her arms.
tbc
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Resistance really is futile