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Adam	By : kattanon Category: S through Z > The Shield Views: 1482 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Shield, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Disclaimer: - I don�t own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX.

Adam Chapter 13

Claudette was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to be hopeful that the past really could be put behind them and everything was going to be fine. Instead she felt uneasy. That nagging feeling that people experience when they know instinctively that something�s not right. That feeling itched and gnawed away at the back of her mind giving her no peace and refusing to go away no matter how studiously she tried to ignore it. Suppressing a sigh she watched as a cab drew up at the curb outside and Dutch got out. Claudette was supposed to be happy because Dutch had finally been released from the hospital that morning, but as she watched him approaching the apartment building her sense of foreboding just grew.
She�d been visiting Dutch quite regularly for the past six weeks and he did indeed seem much better. He was definitely a million times better then the terrified stranger who�d looked at her with such horror just after he�d first been rescued. Even the underlying anger and unease she�d noticed at their next meeting had gone and for all intents and purposes the old Dutch was back. But something was different, something was incongruous.
She�d once told Dutch that he was a terrible liar and it was true. All his feelings were always written all over his face, there for anyone to read, and as she�d gotten to know him better she�d realised that his eyes were his most expressive feature and she could read him like an open book � much to his annoyance and her amusement. But that had changed. Dutch�s expression was no longer open and guileless, now it seemed to Claudette as if he were wearing a mask. He would still smile, the corners of his mouth turning up, his lips curving upward, the corners of his eyes crinkling with tiny lines just a little, but it wasn�t right. It was as if someone who�d never seen a smile had had one described to them and they were attempting to copy it. The facial muscles made all the right moves, but the warmth and feeling behind it was missing. And his eyes weren�t the same anymore, usually now they were shuttered and guarded. But on the few occasions she�d caught him unawares or unprepared it was almost as if a stranger were inside him looking out at the world. Claudette shuddered at that thought.
She had confided her concerns to Dutch�s psychiatrist Doctor Bennett who�d nodded and made some notes and had told Claudette how the family and friends of missing people often needed a period to re-adjust too when they re-entered their lives. Claudette wasn�t convinced though and as she watched the lone figure approaching the building her apprehension grew.
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He�d been patient and he�d been good and at last he�d gotten his reward, he was out of the hospital. An outpatient with scheduled therapy sessions and a bag full of medication, but he was finally free to make his own decisions.
Claudette had wanted to come to the hospital to pick him up but he�d managed to dissuade her by telling her that he wanted, needed, to take that step by himself. He didn�t feel bad that she�d looked disappointed, after all it had been the truth he really had needed to do it alone. He was taking back his life, deciding what he wanted to do with it and that had been the first step.
On the cab ride over to his new apartment that Claudette had arranged for him he�d spent most of his time gawking out of the window. He couldn�t help it. So many people, so much life, the city, the very air seeming to buzz with it. It was strange that he�d forgotten how alive urban Los Angeles was. For just over a year he�s seen so few different people he could count them on his fingers and not make it into double figures. Then the frantic rush of his rescue had so overwhelmed him that much of it was a blur. Even during his time in the hospital he�d gotten used to seeing the same staff members everyday, the same doctors and nurses. Yet out on the streets was such an infinite variety of people all busy with their own lives that it made his head spin, and for one crazy, frightening moment he had almost asked the cab driver to turn around and take him back to the hospital.
Yet here he was carrying the holdall of his clothes that Claudette had brought into the hospital for him walking up to his new home. He could see Claudette�s face peering out at him from the ground floor window watching him, she was always watching him. Even from a distance, even if he couldn�t read the expression in her eyes, he could see the tension in her stance. She hadn�t been as easy to convince as Doctor Bennett had eventually been, eager as the doctor had been for success. The good doctor nearing retirement without ever reaching the dizzying heights of Chief of Psychiatry and then having this unpromising case of the mad detective dumped in her lap. The fact that Doctor Kim had dumped him on her probably thinking that he was heading for a straight jacket and a padded cell must have annoyed her, not that she�d ever let it show. Dutch really had liked her, it wasn�t her fault that she didn�t know he was something of a talented amateur when it came to abnormal psychiatry having studied it to make himself a better detective, and it wasn�t her fault that he was more interested in escape rather than cure. He wanted out and she wanted to stick it to the man before she got her retirement party with crappy cake, a crappy present and a card filled with good wishes from people she didn�t know.
He knew Claudette still watched him warily just waiting for him to slip up so she would have the proof she needed that he was�unbalanced.
He didn�t trust her. He had once. Once he�d trusted her with his life. Once he�d trusted her to come for him. Once he�d trusted her never to give up on him. He�d been an idiot. She�d betrayed him. She�d said there�d been no leads, no witnesses, no motive, but he knew she just hadn�t tried hard enough, no one had. If it had been him looking for her, he would never of given up no matter what Captain Aceveda or the department said. He certainly wouldn�t have taken another partner.
As he got nearer to the building and he knew she could see him properly he carefully schooled his expression into something neutral. Although he had a bit of a hard time ignoring the doubting voice inside his head that whispered sadly that he was being unfair to Claudette, that she�d done her best and had had to move on. He pushed that voice away because it wasn�t what he wanted to hear. His bitterness and distrust had been what had gotten him here. It was what had made him able to plan and manipulate his way to freedom, it was what held him together and he wasn�t going to give it up just yet. He wasn�t going to be weak again. It was his trusting others that had fucked his life up to begin with. It was much safer to simply rely only on himself. That way his escape plan would be a success.
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Adam