Brother's Keeper | By : Bloodylocks Category: G through L > Heroes Views: 3679 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I don't own Heroes or the characters, and no financial gain is made from this story. |
"I don't know if this is a good idea..." Peter suddenly said, causing Nathan to lower the journal he was reading and gaze at him quizzically.
The brothers were already in bed, and though Nathan had offered to turn the night lamp away so that it wouldn't bother Peter, the boy insisted to stay awake for as long as the older man was reading.
Peter was sitting up, leaning against two stacked pillows, just like his brother. His hands were no longer in his lap; he was in fact chewing on the fingernails of the right one. This Nathan recognized as a sign of anxiety in his brother.
"What isn't a good idea, buddy?"
"Seeing the doctor tomorrow," Peter replied in a small voice, muffled by the fingers in his mouth. "I... I'm not sure I want to."
Nathan nudged at his brother with his elbow, partly to get his full attention and partly to distract him from chewing his nails.
"Nothing's set in stone," the older man said with a smile. "If you don't like the guy, we'll try someone else. Otherwise... we could at least give the guy one chance, right?"
Peter looked at his lap as he thought over the choices he had.
"Right?" Nathan asked. "If you back out, then we're back at square one. But if we show up and give this a chance, then at least it's progress. That's another step further to recovery, buddy."
Resting his head against his big brother's shoulder, Peter blinked slowly, sleepy despite his need to stay awake with Nathan. "Okay."
Nathan put the journal away - it was beyond boring, dealing with world economics - and instead put his full focus on his brother. Peter gratefully leaned against the bigger man's chest when Nathan wrapped an arm around his shoulders, but the lawyer could feel that his body was still tense. Peter's mental state affected his physique, as well.
"This is for your sake, Peter," Nathan explained, loath to think his brother agreed to see the psychiatrist simply because Peter wanted to please him. "He might be able to help you. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
The boy nodded slowly, hesitantly. "But I'm scared..." he whispered, lips against his brother's neck. Nathan could feel the warm puffs of his exhales on his skin.
"What are you scared of, sweetheart?"
"To... to talk about... To even think... He'll ask questions, and I'll have to answer them, and it'll all come back..."
Nathan knew what his brother was referring to, of course; the consensus in psychology seemed to be that in order to move on after a traumatic event, you must first face the trauma.
"It's okay to be scared," he told the boy. "But think about it this way: it's better to be scared now for a little while and get over it than do nothing and still be scared in a year. See what I mean?"
"I guess..." Peter said, though he didn't sound very certain.
Nathan decided to switch gears. Therapy sessions with Peter would be the doctor's task, not his. "Buddy, you're awfully tense. Would you perhaps like a backrub?"
At first Peter was about to decline the offer, knowing Nathan was doing so much for him as it was. But the sensation of such a gesture from the older man proved to be far too irresistible to pass on.
"Sure," he answered, nibbling the inside of his bottom lip. "I'd really like that."
Peter sighed contentedly when he felt those beautiful hands push against his flesh, kneading at the tense muscles until they were soft and compliant on his body. Lying on his stomach allowed Peter to fully succumb to the serene enjoyment of the contact without arousing any suspicions like he would were the two standing. Though he was not aroused to the point of an erection, here on the bed, with his back turned to Nathan, the young man could conceal just how much he loved the rub.
"How's that?" he heard behind him, and he gave an audible sigh. "I guess that means it's good," Nathan stated with a smile.
After fifteen minutes of heaven, the treatment suddenly stopped and Peter was disappointed to hear his brother say it was enough now.
"Just a little more?" he begged, now so relaxed that lifting his head off the pillow seemed like an impossible thing to do.
"My hands are getting tired," Nathan replied. "Besides, we've accomplished our goal. You're no longer tense."
"Yes, I am!"
The older man chuckled at the obvious attempt at trickery. "Don't you try. Your muscles feel like spaghetti boiled too long."
Peter made an obvious pout as he turned his head to gaze at his brother, causing Nathan to chuckle.
"I'm tired anyway," the lawyer said. "How about you? Ready to go to sleep?"
Still nervous at the notion of tomorrow being the dreaded appointment, Peter still could not help feeling a little bit of joy at the idea of sleeping in his brother's arms. At least he did not have to sleep alone. In addition, he was now in a state of tranquility from the back massage he had received, and he found himself eager to retire into slumber.
"I guess so," he replied, weakly wiggling underneath the sheets until he was completely covered. Smiling warmly, Nathan turned off the bedside lamp and pulled the blankets over himself as well, making sure the boy was comfortable before wrapping arms around him.
"Sleep well, buddy," he whispered into his little brother's ear and kissing the crown of his head.
Peter fell asleep within a few minutes; Nathan could tell this from the way his breathing changed into a slow and even exchange of air. His brother never snored, but due to the position he was in or something else, even Peter emitted the occasional snuffling grunt.
To Nathan, sleep came slowly. Though not nearly as anxious as Peter, the lawyer himself was also concerned about tomorrow and what the future would bring. This doctor they had been referred to was rumoured to be one of the best. If he couldn't help Peter, then who could?
He had not spoken with either of his parents since their mother came to drop off Peter's possessions, and that was over a week ago. Every day a part of him feared Arthur would make truth of his threats and have the authorities take Peter away. Nathan's hold on his brother instinctively tightened at the mere thought. No one was taking Peter from him.
His thoughts then moved on to what their mother had said about his little brother's biological father. Though the information was scarce, Nathan couldn't help but wonder whose genes Peter carried. A natural assumption was that the man had been beautiful. Slender, fair-skinned, possibly rather short. Peter had most certainly inherited his physical beauty from his father's side. Arthur's features were all sharp and rough, and their mother, though a handsome and regal-looking, could not be called beautiful any more than Nathan himself.
Then again, Nathan had seen photographs of his mother in her youth, during the earlier years of her marriage to her husband, even as a teenager. She used to smile much more often back then and the lines of her face were not those of someone who felt the need to guard her emotions and inner desires from the world. Would the same thing happen to Nathan and his brother in time? If so, would it be because of their father?
Though Peter did not stir from his apparently pleasant sleep, Nathan's submission into sleep was nothing but troubled.
*
The alarm seemed to go off immediately after Nathan had fallen asleep. He felt like hell, but he knew he had to get up and face the day like any other. If he was unhappy, it would spread to Peter like a germ. And Peter being anxious and miserable on the day of his appointment was the last thing they needed.
The brothers did not talk much during breakfast. Peter merely poked at his food with little enthusiasm, and Nathan had to insist that he eat so that his already small weight would not take another dive. It was his responsibility to make sure of that now that they were no longer at the hospital. Grumbling, the boy finished two thirds of a cheese and turkey sandwich plus half of the cereal on his plate, which he washed down with a glass of fresh orange juice. It would do to get the day started.
"Chin up, buddy," Nathan said, doing his best to sound optimistic. "It's gonna be fine."
"I hope so," the boy muttered.
A few minutes later the two brothers decided to leave early with making it to the doctor's office ahead of time in mind. They were about to leave the apartment when Nathan's cell phone rang.
"Hello, Nathan," a female voice addressed him.
It was his girlfriend.
"Heidi!" Nathan answered, faintly surprised. He had not spoken with her since before he and his brother left town for the ill-fated camping trip. At the time, she had left as well to visit relatives in Portugal. Her travel, of course, had gone far more pleasantly than that of her boyfriend and his brother.
"Where the hell have you been all this time, Nathan??" she demanded to know, her voice reading of both bewilderment and anger. "I've been trying to call you for weeks upon weeks and ended up giving up! You haven't even tried to call me whatsoever!"
Nathan glanced toward the bedroom where his brother was getting dressed and ready for the doctor's appointment; figuring this would most likely develop into a conversation of a "private" nature, he went into the kitchen and closed the door. A part of the lawyer felt guilty for not contacting Heidi, but an outburst from her was the last thing he wanted to deal with right now.
"Mom said she'd explained to you what happened..." Nathan started, keeping his voice low. "We came home just recently, and there's been a lot to deal with."
"That won't do, Nathan," Heidi said from between clenched teeth. "I'm your girlfriend. When Mrs Petrelli said not to bother you at the hospital - fine. I didn't. I just assumed you would call me eventually. I know what happened to you was terrible, but you can't just shut me out of your life! We're still dating, aren't we?"
The anger in her voice had been replaced by sadness, and she sounded on the verge of tears. Considering how the past few weeks were going, Nathan had to wonder how in the world he could date anyone, what with Peter being in the condition that he was.
"Hey, hey, Heidi..." he said gently into the phone, trying to calm her. "I'm sorry. I should have told you how things were going. I know you must have been worried sick, and I didn't think of it at the time."
Deep breathing was all he could hear on the other end of the connection. She was either quietly weeping, or attempting to pull herself together.
"Sweetness," he tried, but the word sounded strange on his tongue now, despite the frequency he used to use it for her long ago. "I apologize deeply for hurting you. I've hardly even known about the outside world at all since what happened. It's made me into a real dumbass."
"You've got that right," Heidi said, her voice resuming a more stable tone. "So... I was wondering if we could at least see each other again and catch up. I really do want to know what's been happening. I still want to have a part in it."
"Of course, absolutely," Nathan found himself saying, then wondering whether or not it was a good idea. Although he did owe Heidi as much. "When would be a...?"
"Why don't I come over right away," the woman suggested. "You're at home, right, Nathan?"
"Heidi..." He rubbed his forehead, feeling an impending headache approaching. "Today is not a good time... You see, Peter and I are on our way to an appointment with his therapist. He's awfully nervous, and..."
"Peter?" Heidi asked in disbelief. "Why do you have to accompany him? He's an adult, isn't he?"
It then occurred to Nathan that Heidi most likely knew nothing of Peter's regression or fragile mental state. Of course that was not the kind of information Angela would share with an "outsider", even if the person in question was Nathan's girlfriend. Explaining it to her now was something Nathan preferably would have skipped.
"Peter is... not as he was. He was hurt badly and his mind... He's gone into a regression. He can't take care of himself."
After a several second pause, Heidi finally answered, "Oh... I see... well... perhaps I could stop by afterwards, see how the two of you are doing?"
"Well..." Nathan glanced out of the kitchen to the guest bedroom and saw Peter exit, dressed and ready to go.
"Well, yeah, sure," he said. "His appointment is at nine, and they'll be a while just talking... you could meet us back at the apartment when we get back."’
Peter watched Nathan in uncertainty, wondering who his brother was talking on the phone with. Was it a colleague from work, someone he did not know? When his brother saw him, he motioned to Peter to wait outside, but curiosity got the better of the boy, and he lingered in the kitchen doorway, trying to grasp who the voice on the other end belonged to.
Nathan appeared bothered by the fact that he had a spectator and turned his back to Peter as he continued his conversation.
"Alright, by noon then... Absolutely. I look forward to seeing you again... Of course I've missed you! Yes... yes, I promise. I'll see you later, honey. Bye bye."
Peter's were wide open and staring by the time Nathan finally ended the call and he realized how confused his brother must be.
"That was Heidi," he explained slowly. "She, uhhh, wanted to see me."
"Oh..." Peter replied, still looking slightly puzzled as his brother approached him, arm out.
"Let's go then, we don't want to be late."
"I'd forgotten about Heidi," Peter noted aloud as he waited by the elevator door with the older man. He hoped the tone in his voice did not sound too disappointed. The two brothers entered when the door opened and Nathan immediately selected the button for the ground floor.
"All this time, I had told Mom and Dad, the DA's office..." Nathan explained, "…but I totally forgot about Heidi. Some boyfriend I am, huh?"
In truth, Peter really was disappointed. Back when the signs of how serious Nathan's relationship had become with Heidi were getting clear, Peter had always felt a tiny stab of jealousy within him. Of course, Nathan was free to live his own life like any adult, but time with Heidi meant time away from Peter himself.
"So when are you going to see her?" Peter asked, trying hard to sound normal instead of jealous and accusing. Or desolate. He despised himself for these feelings, but they were present nonetheless. He was just too dependent on Nathan.
"By noon today at my place," the lawyer replied. "She wanted to see me as soon as possible."
Peter frowned at his brother's tone of voice. Did Nathan sound apologetic, or even guilty just now?
"Don't worry, I'll stay with you throughout the appointment," the older man added, mistaking the boy's frown for anxiety. "I won't leave your side, bud."
Peter smiled, leaning his head against his brother's shoulder as the elevator continued its slow descent.
Nathan could not help but smile, and he patted his little brother's head. Even if what Peter did was a childish gesture, it made Nathan's mood brighten a little, to know his brother really cared for him that much.
*
Upon arriving at the doctor's office, the Petrelli brothers were handed a form to fill out while they awaited their appointment. Peter had difficulty with some answers, which were assisted by his older brother, but otherwise he completed the paper himself.
"Nervous?" Nathan asked him as they sat in the silence of the waiting room. Peter clearly was on edge, based on his bobbing knee and wrenching hands alone.
"Yeah..." Peter would have finished his reply with "a little", but that statement was not true. In fact he was nearly terrified out of his mind. "Yeah, I really am."
"Why, sweetheart? He only wants to help you. We all do."
Peter did not answer the question. Instead he looked imploringly at Nathan. "Will you stay with me? All the time?"
Nathan wanted to promise his brother that he would, but knowing that some therapists preferred to talk to their patients between four eyes, he could not make such a promise.
"If it's alright with the doctor. Otherwise I'll be out here, waiting for you. Alright?"
Peter, now frustrated, started gnawing on the nails of his left hand, which were now bitten down almost to the point of raw flesh. Nathan took the shaking hand in his own, holding it firmly to prevent Peter from bringing it back up to his mouth.
Holding hands helped, but the boy wanted more. Preferably he would have liked to crawl into Nathan's lap and curl up just as he had done as a small child, but such behaviour, especially in a public waiting room, was not acceptable.
A nurse dressed in white suddenly called out Peter's name and gestured at the brothers to follow her. By the time he was standing, Peter was hyperventilating and did not feel steady at all.
//Please, don't let me get a panic attack here...//
Nathan could feel his little brother's body tensing up, just from holding his hand alone, and he rubbed at the smaller hand with his thumb. "It's okay buddy. You're strong, I know it. You can do this."
Peter's face was scrunched up in fear and frustration, so his brother halted their walk to a dead stop. With strong hands gently yet firmly turning the boy to face him, he looked straight into Peter's fearful eyes.
"Okay, relax, buddy." Nathan gave the slightest of smiles to help comfort his brother. "Breathe, nice and slow..."
Peter forced himself to slow down his breathing, though he found it difficult at first. His chin and lip trembling, he slowly inhaled, then exhaled. He felt his heart slow from the jumping pace.
"That's it..." Nathan whispered.
It was not five seconds later that the brothers realized they were being watched. Looking up, they saw that a man in his mid-forties was standing in the doorway, observing them.
The man was tall and lean with chestnut hair and a goatee that was becoming slightly grizzled. He wore thick glasses on the bridge of his nose, making the eyes behind them seem almost impossibly small. It was an obvious sign of myopia, which Nathan figured out immediately.
"Nathan and Peter Petrelli?" the man asked, giving the brothers a professional yet oddly warm smile. His teeth were yellow, most likely from overt nicotine consumption.
"Yes," Nathan answered for them both. "Doctor Stockwell?"
"In flesh," the doctor said, still smiling. "Why don't you two come into my office and have a seat, hmmm?"
Peter, shy around the strange man, gripped his brother's hand once more. His large, youthful eyes were still red and glassy, and the doctor noticed them right away.
"Oh, what's the matter?" Stockwell inquired, his voice suddenly caring. He reminded Nathan of a childhood friend's father who was always good natured and protective of everyone, especially the neighborhood children.
"He's really nervous," Nathan explained.
"You don't have to be nervous, kiddo," the man said, gesturing the two to enter the room.
Stockwell's office was dimly lit, despite it being sunny outside. Some lamps were on to make up for the closed shutters, and a stereo was playing soft string music at the far wall. Otherwise, the atmosphere of the room was calm, and not untoward in any way.
"I... I want Nathan to stay. Is that okay?" Peter asked, now chewing on his nails again. A gentle nudge from his brother made him stop momentarily.
The psychiatrist raised an eyebrow. "I don't see why not. Your brother can accompany us if you feel more secure having him by your side."
Some of the tension poured off the boy's frame almost immediately, and Nathan himself also breathed a sigh of relief. What Peter had feared most was being left alone with the doctor - a man he didn't know - for a full hour.
"I'll be alright, little buddy," Nathan whispered to his brother as they walked, Nathan's arm around Peter's shoulders, after Stockwell only to have the doctor halt by two big, soft-looking leather couches standing opposite each other. Nathan figured that he and Peter were to sit on next to another, facing the therapist.
"Gentlemen, have a seat," Stockwell said with an overtly grandiose gesture that appeared almost comical to the brothers.
Peter, still on his guard but no longer nervous to the point of a panic attack, actually found himself smiling.
*
Nathan had said ten AM.
Heidi's memory had always been good, and her friends and family had told her so since she was a child. Her boyfriend had clearly said ten o'clock in the morning, an hour after his younger brother's appointment. Yet here she stood at the ground floor of the apartment building, at 10:17 with no boyfriend or boyfriend’s younger brother in sight. Surely, they needed time to get home following the appointment, but Nathan was not the type of individual who ran late.
Perhaps they had arrived early, she thought, and she walked to the elevator and entered, pressing the button for Nathan's floor. For all she knew, the lawyer was up in the apartment and waiting for her.
Halfway up, she realized her assumption was idiotic. Nathan would have called her by now if he was home already, wondering where she was. Exiting the elevator on the intended floor, Heidi made a beeline for her boyfriend's apartment door, forcibly rang the doorbell several times, and waited. By the time Nathan did come home, he would be hearing several words of disappointment from her, that much was certain.
Just to be certain, she dialed his home number on her cell phone; she did not have the number to Nathan's new cell, so unless he was home, getting a hold of him was impossible. Heidi let it ring seven times and when no one had answered by then, she hung up, practically throwing her phone back into her purse.
Even though she knew there were several plausible reasons for his absence apart from the one that he had forgotten about her, Heidi did not believe any of them. Sure, they could have gotten stuck in traffic. The appointment with Peter's supposed therapist could have run late. Doctors had loads of patients to deal with and were sometimes left behind schedule. They could even have had an accident of some kind. The way some people drove in NYC...
Heidi briefly weighed between waiting further or going back home, but leaving now would be the same as admitting defeat, and she was not willing to do that. Nathan had promised to see her, and she intended to make him keep that promise.
Another thirty seven minutes passed before the elevator finally signaled an arrival to their particular floor, and Heidi, seated on the floor outside Nathan's apartment, sprung to her feet in less than a second.
As the two figures stepped out of the elevator, she could instantly hear the soft chuckle and happy voice of Nathan Petrelli, who was clearly sharing in some sort of joke with none other than his brother Peter. Not two steps down the hall, Nathan looked up and instantly he stopped dead in his tracks. His little brother followed his gaze and saw the reason for the halt.
"Oh no," he muttered.
"Clearly in a hurry to meet with me, aren't you?" Heidi asked, her voice low but nonetheless filled to the brim with anger.
"Heidi," Nathan said, taking a step towards his girlfriend. "I know it's gonna sound stupid, but I for"—
"You forgot!" Heidi interrupted, her voice shrill and loud. "Is that what the big holdup was?? You FORGOT?? How the hell could you forget?!"
Peter's gaze moved between his brother and the now furious woman blocking the way to their apartment. Heidi's normally pale face was nearly crimson with anger, and the elegant, ladylike demeanor Peter had come to associate her with was totally gone. So was Peter's sense of joy over the doctor's appointment which had gone much better than expected.
"I'm sorry, alright!" Nathan said, now also raising his voice. "We were both wound up about meeting Peter's new therapist, and time just kind of got away..."
"That's not good enough, Nathan," Heidi growled, tearing through her long ebony hair. "I've waited for you over an hour! That's an hour of my life thrown away! I... I just don't get it..."
Her explosive anger had gradually been replaced by a sense of despair, and now she was weeping. Peter had always felt uncomfortable being around a weeping person, and this applied to women in particular.
"If you don't want to see me, you could just have said so!" Heidi sobbed, her eye make-up causing smudgy, black streaks on her cheeks. "It certainly seems that way."
"No, no, Heidi... it's not that, I promise you!" Nathan said, continuing to approach the woman.
He could not help but wonder if the neighboring tenants could hear the commotion, and if so, if they would be joining in to stop the noise at any given moment.
"Come on, honey," he said, his voice lowered in an attempt to calm the woman. "The time got away, things went so well for Peter. If you just come inside, I can explain..."
"NO!" Heidi suddenly shouted. Peter flinched from the surprising volume. "There's no need to explain yourself! Clearly I don't even matter to you anymore, if I ever did in the first place!"
Peter was beginning to hate the sound of Heidi's voice. He had never heard her yell, much less with this sort of anger added to the words.
"You want to just waste your time worrying about your brother, then fine!"
"Leave Peter out of this," Nathan snapped with a sudden edge to his voice. "The blame is mine, not his. Understand?"
"Why do you keep acting like he's a little kid?!" Heidi demanded, speaking of Peter as though the boy was not even present. "He's eighteen years old! When are you gonna realize you can't watch every step he takes?"
Peter shied away from the loud yells reverberating in the hallway. Listening to Heidi and his brother screaming at each other was hurting his ears, and he did not wish to be present if they were going to argue about him.
"You don't know what he went through!" Nathan yelled back, unable to control himself anymore. "You have no idea!"
Heidi refused to back down, still holding her ground. "Perhaps I would have if you gave a shit about me and"—
"How DARE you," the man roared. "He went through HELL and you're still concerned about how much attention I'm paying to YOU?"
Peter would have hidden behind his brother were it not for the lawyer's explosive reaction. He instinctively grabbed at the older man's sleeve, the force of such a reaction getting Nathan's attention. Nathan instinctively turned to quickly assess the situation, and though he was not violent in his actions, the movement made Peter flinch violently. Sobbing as though he had been struck, Peter collapsed, his back against the wall as he sunk to his knees, hands over his face.
Realizing he must have frightened his little brother, Nathan knelt next to the curled up little form and tried to make eye contact with Peter.
"Baby, look at me, look me in the eye... Peter, come on, don't cry..." Of course the shouting and screaming had frightened his brother also. Especially when they were shouting about him. Nathan realized what an easily provoked idiot he had been, letting Heidi drag him into his argument, in front of Peter no less.
“Sweetheart, it's not your fault," Nathan softly whispered, wiping tears from the boy's cheeks. "It's not... Please don't cry, Peter. It's alright..." He finally managed to coax Peter into standing up, keeping an arm around his back for support. "Happy now?" he asked Heidi, sending a reproaching glare her way.
The woman supposed to be his girlfriend still stood leaned against his door with a sullen look on her face, but at least she had the decency to look slightly ashamed.
"That's it, huh?" Nathan insisted. "I lost my temper, but so did you, and now my brother's upset."
Indeed, Heidi had hardly even seen Peter in a sullen mood, let alone crying and in the state he was now. Come to think of it, she had never seen him upset.
"If this is how it's going to be, then I most definitely would rather see to how my brother's doing than spend time with you." Nathan looked at his little brother and tenderly patted a small shoulder. "Come on, little guy. Let's go."
Leading the boy toward the door, Nathan did not even want to look at Heidi, but he had to, so he used nothing but ice in his voice and expression. "If you could please excuse us. That's my door you're blocking."
After a moment of slight hesitation, Heidi stepped aside. Her visage no longer sullen, she instead looked deeply shameful.
"Nathan, I'm sorry," she said in a low yet still noticeable trembling voice. "I was out of line, I know that now. Please, forgive me."
"Heidi, I'm sorry I forgot about the time," Nathan replied gravely. "I really am. But none of it was Peter's fault. He's... really sensitive. He doesn't need much stimulation, and this fight got him really upset. Do you understand now why I have to take care of my brother?"
Heidi nodded mutely.
Peter, though silent now, was still crying. A tear would stream down his face every few seconds as he pressed his face into his older brother's shoulder, staring off into space and avoiding the woman's gaze.
"Peter, I'm sorry I..." Heidi started, but the young man winced and tugged at his brother's shirt.
"It's okay," Nathan whispered to his brother, and then looked up again to regard the woman. "Excuse us."
Looking nothing but hopeless, Heidi hesitated, but finally stepped aside, allowing Nathan to unlock his door and lead Peter inside. The door closed in Heidi's face as she stood alone out in the hallway.
TBC...
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