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Safe Haven in the Chaos	By : IdrilsSecret Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 6517 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the walking dead or any of the characters. No money is being made from the writing of these stories

Chapter List
- 20
- 21
- 22
Chapter 21 New Beginnings

Daryl kept himself busy for the next few days. He visited Aaron from time to time, but not every day, and only when he knew Eric wasn’t there. Aaron was remembering things better, but his memories were sporadic. He still hadn’t remembered that they were a couple. He still thought that he and Eric were. Carol gave Daryl a hard time about it, told him to tell the truth, and stop letting Eric run the show. Daryl wished he could do that, but he knew that was the wrong way to go about it. There was a chance that he would chase Aaron away. At least right now they were friends.
Aaron was doing better, but he was still at the infirmary. He was suffering from severe migraines, the kind that made him throw up, where the slightest bit of light made his head feel like a hot iron rod was being shoved through his temples. Denise said it was an effect from the head trauma. He was lucky to have full control of his limbs. She’d seen patients like him, back when she was an ER nurse. Sometimes they lost the use of a hand, an arm, a leg, or all of the above. Therapy helped, but it wasn’t always a cure. Sometimes Daryl wished Aaron lost the use of one of his limbs in exchange for his memory. It was awful having him not remember. Daryl often felt like the outsider, especially when Eric was around. Yet, there was something missing between them, even though Aaron thought they were still together. That fire, that burning desire wasn’t there, not like it had been between Aaron and Daryl. If only Aaron would recognize that, but in his state of confusion, he was clinging onto Eric like a drowning man to a buoy. Eric was Aaron’s only stable object in his topsy-turvy world. To take that away from him right now might make his memory shut down completely. Daryl had to be smart about it, introduce familiar things to Aaron in a way that wasn’t pushy, and let him remember on his own.
It was the afternoon on this particular day, and Daryl knew Eric wasn’t at the infirmary. He’d seen him going home, probably to shower, eat and change. Daryl took the opportunity to pay a visit to Aaron. He didn’t stop by yesterday, and hadn’t been there since the previous morning. When he opened the door, he heard Aaron speaking loudly and sounding agitated. Daryl went right to the room to see what was going on. Denise was there, helping him with his therapy.
“But I want out of this bed,” Aaron was complaining.
“All in due time, but not yet,” she said trying to calm him.
Daryl peeked around the corner, and Aaron saw him. “Oh, thank goodness, Daryl, try to talk some sense into her, please.”
“What’s going on?” Daryl asked.
“I think I’m ready to start walking, but Denise says no. I don’t understand what the big deal is.”
“What’s the hurry?” Daryl inquired, going to the foot of the bed.
“I just want to go home, that’s all. Why can’t I just go home?” Aaron argued.
“For one, you can’t be alone right now, not with those migraines you’ve been having,” Daryl advised.
Aaron looked at him oddly. “What are you talking about? I’m not going to be alone. Eric is there.”
Denise glanced at Daryl with confusion. “But I thought he lived–”
“You just need to make sure you’re healthy enough to leave,” Daryl interrupted her. Internally, he wished to punch a wall. So, Eric was filling Aaron’s head with lies, or at least letting him believe that they were still together, even to the point of moving back into the house. That must be where Eric was headed. He was going home to pack his shit and move it back into Aaron’s house. “Have you even been out of bed yet?” Daryl asked, curbing his ire.
“No, but–”
“Then I don’t see how you’re going to leave just yet. Hell, when I was here, I tried my damnedest to get out, and they wouldn’t let me go until I could walk on my own,” Daryl said.
Aaron looked at Denise for an answer. “I want to start walking.”
“I’m not sure you should–” she started to say, but Daryl put his hand on her arm.
“I’ll help him. I know what to do. I’ve already been through this myself. And, after all, it was Aaron who helped me then. Time I returned the favor.”
Denise looked back and forth between the two of them. “Now?” she asked.
Aaron smiled wide and put his arms out to the side. “I’m ready. Got nothing else better to do.”
“We’ll just start with having him stand,” Daryl told her. “Trust me, I know what to do.”
“Alright, I guess,” she agreed reluctantly.
“If you don’t mind, can we do this alone, just the two of us?” Daryl said, gesturing with his eyes that he wanted some private time with Aaron. Denise was smart, and she picked up on it right away.
“Fine, but standing only, no steps, and if you need anything, I’m just up front. Holler,” she said.
“You got it,” Daryl agreed, and watched her leave the room. He turned back to Aaron. “Ready to do this?”
“Yeah,” Aaron said with relief that someone was finally giving him what he wanted.
“Alright, first thing is to get you sitting up.” Daryl pulled the covers away, revealing Aaron’s blue boxers and white t-shirt. He took his legs and swung them over the edge of the bed. Aaron twisted with him, his palms planted on the mattress, and he sat there a moment, looking down at his lap.
“Woah,” Aaron said.
“You alright?”
“Just dizzy. It’s the furthest I’ve been out of bed.”
Daryl stood directly in front of him, just in case. “Take your time. Let me know when you’re ready to stand.” After a few seconds, Aaron nodded. “Alright,” Daryl said. “First, you’re gonna move to the edge of the bed and make sure your feet are flat on the floor.” Aaron did as he said. “Ok, now I want you to put your hands on my shoulders or around the back of my neck if you need to. I’m going to hold you by the waist, and then together we’re going to stand.”
Aaron looked a little scared, but he nodded in agreement and did as Daryl said. Daryl bent his knees, Aaron put his hands on Daryl’s shoulders, and Daryl got a hold of Aaron’s waist. “On three,” Daryl said. “One. Two. Three.”
Aaron tightened his grip on Daryl’s shoulders. Daryl held him securely at the waist, and together they stood. Aaron laughed, amazed that he was out of bed after so long, and Daryl coaxed him with words of encouragement. “That’s it, man. You’ve got this.”
Aaron was caught up in the moment, and didn’t realize his leg muscles were already giving out. His knees bent and he started to fall. Daryl immediately surrounded Aaron’s waist with his arms, and took all his weight. Aaron’s arms hugged Daryl’s neck. They were front to front, holding each other tight. Daryl tried not to let it affect him, but it had been a long time since they were in each other’s arms.
“Alright, let’s get you sitting on the bed,” Daryl told him.
“No, wait,” Aaron protested. He concentrated on his wobbly legs and regained control. Soon he was standing again with little support from Daryl. Daryl didn’t let go, though.
They looked as though they were in a lover’s embrace, and Daryl let himself enjoy the feel of Aaron in his arms, even if it was just therapy. Then Aaron surprised him. “You, uh, you smell nice. You smell … familiar.”
“It’s called soap,” Daryl said with a huffed laugh.
“I know, but I feel like I’ve smelled it before.”
Daryl thought and remembered the time they’d taken a shower together at his place. They had taken turns lathering each other up, and it ended with Aaron up against the shower wall with Daryl plowing into him from behind.
“Why does it seem so familiar?” Aaron asked.
“You, uh … you took a shower at my place,” Daryl told him. “Do you remember that?”
Aaron thought hard and eventually shook his head. “No, no I don’t.”
“Too bad,” Daryl said to himself. He helped Aaron to sit back down on the bed. He’d let him rest a bit and then they would try it again.
“I don’t know, but it feels like there is something more, not just a shower, you know? I can’t put my finger on it though.”
Daryl wanted badly to tell him that they’d made love, and that’s what he was trying to remember. Should he just come out and tell him? He wanted to more than anything. Maybe if he eased him into the memory. He sat down next to Aaron and remembered that day as though it just happened moments before. “Well, we’d been out, you know, outside the walls. I was teaching you how to track.”
“You were?” Aaron said. He hadn’t known that before.
“Yeah, you said you wanted to learn to do what I do. Anyways, you, uh . . .” Daryl stopped to laugh as he remembered that day. “You were checking something out by a creek, animal prints or something, and you lost your footing when your boot got stuck in the mud. Ha, you went down on your ass, and you couldn’t get up because of the mud suctioning your shoe. I helped you up, and when you went to take a step, you went, but your shoe stayed. Then you lifted your other foot and it was stuck too. You turned and fell again. You were so damn dirty and pissed, probably because I was laughing the whole time. And then you started throwing mud at me. I’ll tell you, it was a sight to see, both of us covered in mud. Anyways, we got back to town, and … well, my house was closer and … we just … we went in and … and . . .” Daryl was so caught up in telling the story and reminiscing, he forgot that Aaron didn’t remember. Aaron was listening and smiling, laughing like old times. “You got in the shower first, but you were worried about the hot water running out. You, uh … you asked … me … to–” Daryl wanted to tell him everything. He wanted to tell him that they fucked in the shower, and when they were through, they went to Daryl’s bed, fucked all night, and didn’t get up until late the next morning. But Aaron wasn’t looking at Daryl with that same passion like he used to. He was looking at him with the trust of a friend. Suddenly, Daryl wondered if this was what Aaron’s life would have been like if his group had never come this way, if Aaron and Eric had never spotted him and invited them to Alexandria. Maybe this was Aaron’s chance to live the life he was meant to have, with Eric instead of him. Perhaps what Daryl and Aaron had was only meant to be a dream.
Aaron was still smiling, waiting for Daryl to finish the story. “What did I ask you?” he wondered.
Daryl looked down and away. “You don’t remember any of this, do you?”
Aaron shook his head. “I’m trying, but it just isn’t coming to me. But it sounds like we are really good friends, and I’d like to keep that. When you tell me about something we did, even though I don’t remember, I feel like I could easily put myself in the story. So that must me something. Right?”
“Sure,” Daryl said quietly. Then he found the courage ask something. “Are you happy with Eric?”
Aaron seemed a little put off by the question, but he answered it none the less. “Yeah, why? Shouldn’t I be?”
“I mean, are you really happy? Does he treat you right? Does he give you all that you ask for? Does he tell you he loves you without hesitating?” In other words, did he do all those things that Daryl had trouble doing and saying.
“Eric told me that we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve managed to work through the tough times,” Aaron told him.
What a crock of shit, Daryl thought, but he had to bite his lip to keep from saying it aloud. “Well, I guess that’s all that matters then. As long as you feel it deep in your own chest.”
“Yeah,” Aaron responded, sounding a little confused by Daryl’s line of questions.
“Well, listen, you did good, but you probably need to rest,” Daryl said to change the mood in the room.
“Actually, I was wondering if we could try it again,” Aaron said.
“I … uh, I gotta get going, but I’ll tell Denise before I leave. Ok?” Daryl stood and went to the door. He needed to get out of there. The whole place felt like it was closing in on him.
“Alright, if you have to. Uh, hey, Daryl?” Aaron called out as Daryl was stepping out the door. He stopped, but he didn’t turn to Aaron, and waited for him to speak. “Thanks for everything.”
“Yeah, it was good,” Daryl said and he left, closing the door behind him. He stood in the hall a moment, hand still on the doorknob. It was good … while it lasted, but it was all just a dream now. Daryl waited too long to say and do the things that were important to Aaron, and that were important for their relationship to move forward. That was over now. Aaron was back with Eric, and it was as though they’d never separated.
>>------->
A few days later, Aaron was well enough to leave the infirmary. His migraines were becoming less and less as his head healed. Denise was doing therapy with him, and he was walking again, having regained the muscles in his legs after lying in bed for so long. Of course, Aaron went back home, and Eric was there with him. The problem was, Eric was not helping him remember much. He was careful who visited Aaron, and who knew what kind of stuff Eric was letting him believe. Aaron knew people, and he remembered certain events. He remembered some of what happened when he met and convinced Rick and the others to come to Alexandria. What he’d blocked out completely was ever having been with Daryl.
Meanwhile, news in Alexandria was that Alison and a group of people who were following her, decided to take up residence on the other side of the lake, in a part of the community that wasn’t occupied. She wasn’t being exiled, and she wouldn’t leave the town voluntarily. Rick was keeping close tabs on them, and so far they weren’t a problem.
Daryl was meeting with Rick to find out what was on the current agenda. He didn’t trust Alison, and he told Rick as much. “She still preaching her Nazi bullshit about rebuilding a perfect society?” he asked as they sat at the kitchen table in Rick’s house.
“I don’t know, maybe. The fact is, we have more people on this side of the lake than she’s got on hers, and that’s good. But the real problem is what lies outside the gates. There’s more walkers all the time, like their gathering.”
“Or someone is gathering them for a war,” Daryl interjected.
“What do you mean?” Rick asked, wanting Daryl’s opinion, which he trusted more than anyone else’s.
“I keep seeing more walkers with a W carved in their heads. They’ve been marked, like someone’s property. And all those walkers at that warehouse were purposely being stored in those trailers. Why would anyone want to collect them? What purpose would they have for them?” Daryl said, to get the ideas running.
“Well, I guess if you had the manpower and the knowhow, you could control them to a degree. They’re attracted to sound. It would be easy to herd them all together, but why?” Rick wondered aloud.
“You get a big enough herd and they’ll trample anything in their path. Walkers only want flesh. They don’t want guns or goods,” Daryl suggested.
“Someone could be directing them, taking out established communities, rounding up the dead once they’ve decimated a place, and then going in and taking over. Remember Noah’s neighborhood? It wasn’t the most secure place, but they had security. They were overrun by walkers, though.”
“They were also cleaned out of any supplies and weapons,” Daryl added.
Rick thought about it for a bit. “You think they know about Alexandria?”
Daryl shook his head. “I don’t know, but if they did, I think they’d already be here.”
Rick nodded in agreement. “Well, winter is setting in, and we know walkers slow down in the cold temperatures. Now is the time to get ready. We have to get these people prepared. That’s all there is to it. They need to be taught to fight.”
“We need to get Deanna to agree,” Daryl told him.
“Leave that up to me. In the meantime, I want you to head up weapons training. Get with Glenn, Michonne and Sasha, and start forming groups to work with. We need everyone able to participate.” Rick paused and looked down at his rough callused hands. “I’ve done a lot of things to get us here. We all have. We’ve been separated and reunited for a reason. Alexandria is ours, and to keep it that way, we might have to get our hands dirty again. We’ve tried to keep ourselves and our place safe in the past, and we’ve been run off.” He stopped and shook his head. “I’m not running anymore. I’m not giving this place up to anyone, and I sure as hell ain’t letting no one take it away from me.”
“I get that, but who you planning on fighting against?” Daryl asked.
“Anyone who gets in my way,” Rick said, referring to Alison and her people.
Daryl wasn’t sure he agreed with Rick. After all, they needed as many people as possible for whatever might be coming to Alexandria. “We might need them, Rick.”
“You’re going to stand here and defend the same people who said you don’t deserve to be here because of who you are?” Rick argued.
“They can threaten me with words, it don’t hurt me none. They can hate what I am, and call me queer, so what. But if they’re willing to fight to protect this place, then I say we need them as much as they need us. Alison doesn’t want to lose this place any more than you. That’s what you need to focus on. There will be time for arguing later, but if Alexandria falls, there won’t be anything to argue over.”
Rick stood from the table and paced the floor. “You almost sound like Morgan. Life is precious and all that. What happened to don’t trust anyone? People don’t change, Daryl. I’ve seen it too many times. The Governor, Terminus, Gabriel … Shane.” He said the name quietly. “They all turned on us or fed us a bunch of bullshit to believe in. That’s why it has to be my way. I have to be in charge, and I need to know that you’ve got my back.”
Daryl watched Rick a moment. He was a man on the edge, and even though his intensions were genuine, he didn’t always make good choices. Of course, things worked out so far. They had all made it to this point in the aftermath of a fucked up world. Daryl just thought that there were some things that didn’t have to go down the way they did. He wasn’t putting all the blame on Rick. He’d never do that. Daryl was responsible for some poor decisions too, but he felt that he learned from his mistakes. He wasn’t sure Rick had. For now, though, Daryl was with Rick. He waited until Rick looked at him for an answer, and then nodded. “I got your back, man. I always do.”
>>------->
Weapons training was off to a rough start. There were people here that had never held a gun, let alone loaded one and shot one before. Daryl was frustrated, not only with the training, but with the fact that Eric had become overprotective of Aaron. A couple times, Daryl tried to visit, see how Aaron was doing, and Eric managed to have some excuse for him. There was no telling what kinds of things he was telling Aaron. Daryl worried that he was coming up with all kinds of lies to turn Aaron against him. Maybe that was why Daryl hadn’t seen him around lately. Of course, Daryl was busy with his own agenda.
Daryl and Glenn were taking a break from practice, discussing their situation with training. “You know,” Glenn said frustrated. “No one taught me how to do this shit. I had to learn it for myself.”
“My dad taught me how to shoot as soon as I was old enough to hold a gun,” Daryl remembered. He looked around at the residents. “Before this, these people didn’t know anything. They were accountants, lawyers, ad execs, nine to five white collar workers. They got lucky to find Alexandria, and they haven’t had to change all that much from their former lives.”
“They have no choice any more. Still, I’m worried at how prepared they will be when it comes down to it,” Glenn said. He looked out across the way, squinting against the sun. “People are going to die.”
“People have already died, and nothing’s happened yet,” Daryl reminded him. “We keep going like this, and there won’t be anyone left to fight.”
Glenn nudged Daryl in the ribs and gestured for him to turn around. Daryl glanced over his shoulder, and was surprised to see Aaron coming towards them. “Looks like you have a visitor,” Glenn said. He patted Daryl on the shoulder and walked away to get back to his group. He nodded to Aaron as they passed each other. “How’s it going, man?” Glenn asked.
“It’s good,” Aaron smiled kindly. “Getting better every day.” He glanced at Daryl. “You guys busy?”
“Just taking a break,” Glenn said.
“Mind if I, uh–” Aaron said carefully.
“Go ahead,” Glenn told him.
Aaron nodded in thanks and went over to where Daryl was standing, inspecting his gun. “Hey,” Aaron said, not sure what else to say.
“Sup,” Daryl responded, not looking up from his busy work.
“I, uh, I heard you were giving lessons,” Aaron said.
“Just helping people prepare.”
Aaron stepped closer to Daryl. “You still taking students?”
“Who? You?” Daryl stopped what he was doing and gazed at Aaron through his long hair, one eye trained on the man. “You don’t need it. You’re a good shot. Always have been.”
“That’s what Eric tells me.” Aaron seemed a bit embarrassed to be asking. “I was hoping for a refresher course.”
Daryl looked back at his gun and started messing with it again. “Group meets here every morning.”
“Actually, I was hoping for some private lessons,” Aaron said. That made Daryl stop what he was doing and look Aaron directly in the eye. Aaron explained. “You said we worked closely together, and that we saved each other’s asses along the way. I thought maybe working with you again might spark some memories.”
Daryl thought about it a moment. “How about this afternoon?”
“That would be great,” Aaron smiled shyly.
“You bringing Eric with you? Haven’t seen him down here. He’s another able body who needs to learn to fight,” Daryl suggested.
“Just me. Eric is working the pantry,” Aaron said.
Dare he let himself get excited about the opportunity to be alone with Aaron? “Alright then. See you, what, about two?”
“Make it three,” Aaron offered.
Daryl nodded. “Bring your gun.”
>>------->
“You always this tough on your students?” Aaron asked after Daryl yelled at him for the thousandth time.
“Do you want to make accurate shots, or do you want to ballroom dance with the walkers,” Daryl berated him. “What the fuck, Aaron? You gotta get your head in the game. You ain’t shooting for crap. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I don’t fucking know,” Aaron countered. He was pissed at Daryl and pissed with himself.
“You used to could take them out at this distance without blinking an eye.” Daryl grabbed Aaron’s gun from him and started inspecting it. “Did you do something to it?” he asked, as he checked the cylinder and other parts of the gun.
“This is the first time I’ve used it since the accident,” Aaron said.
Daryl glared at him a moment. “The accident? Is that what you’re calling it? It was a fucking attack.”
“Whatever,” Aaron complained. “I don’t even remember it.”
“Well, I do,” Daryl said quickly, making Aaron take a second to observe him. Daryl caught him watching him. “What?”
“I don’t know. I guess I never gave much thought about your involvement that night,” Aaron said softly. “I didn’t realize you were there.”
“I was there, front and center.” Daryl observed Aaron. “Hasn’t anyone spoken to you about it?”
Aaron shook his head. “No. Eric said he left before that. All he knows is that I was hit in the head, knocked unconscious, and brought to the infirmary.”
Daryl huffed cynically. “It was a lot more than that.” He shoved the gun back at Aaron. “Time’s up. You’re out of ammo.” Daryl started to walk away, but Aaron ran to catch up with him. They were outside the gates, in a place where they could practice shooting, and where they could see all around them in case they attracted any unwanted guests. It was only a ten minute walk back to town.
“Will you tell me what happened?” Aaron asked desperately.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Daryl said, continuing along the dirt path to town.
“Why not?” Aaron insisted.
“Because your memory is all screwed up, and I’m not sure telling you everything all at once is such a good idea.”
Aaron stopped walking and watched Daryl keep going. “I want to remember,” he called out. “It’s my choice. I know I can handle it.”
Daryl stopped and hung his head. “Why? It was horrible. Why would you want to remember that?”
Aaron walked forward until he was next to Daryl. “Ever since I woke up, I’ve felt like I’ve been living some else’s life. I feel like an outsider in my own body. I mean, some things I remember, but other stuff I don’t. Eric has been telling me a lot, and it helps, but I feel like I’m seeing it through his eyes, not my own. I just don’t feel complete for some reason, even with Eric’s help. Something is missing. Something’s not right, and I just don’t know what it is.”
Daryl watched Aaron, saw the desperation in his eyes. “You’ve got Eric. He loves you. Hell, he cherishes you. He can give you everything you need. So what if you can’t remember. Just be glad there’s someone in your life that won’t hesitate to make you happy.”
“You know, for someone who’s supposed to be my best friend, you’re not helping out much,” Aaron griped.
Daryl crossed his arms and stared at Aaron with annoyance. “Alright, what exactly do you want to know?”
“Well,” Aaron started. He didn’t think Daryl would give in this quickly, and he fumbled the questions in his head. “Tell me about what led up to my injuries. What did we do that day? Where did we go? Why was there a fight? How did I get hit?”
“Slow down there,” Daryl stopped him. “To start with, we had been out on a recruiting run for a few days. We came across a guy in a red poncho, and we were tracking him. The trail ran cold though. Anything sound familiar yet?”
“The red poncho, I think I remember or at least it sounds familiar.” Aaron closed his eyes and thought. “It rained while we were out, didn’t it?”
Daryl’s heart lurched in his chest. “How’d you know?”
“You said the trail ran cold. I remember being physically cold … cold and damp. I can almost smell rain in the air,” Aaron reminisced.
Daryl watched him, almost hopeful. “Yeah, it did rain, our last night out. We, uh, we found an abandoned camper, and stayed there to get out of the weather.” Should he have told Aaron about that? It wasn’t relevant to what led up to the confrontation, but it was important as far as Aaron remembering him and Daryl. It was the last time they had been intimate. “We didn’t head out until the morning,” Daryl added, his voice quiet as he spoke.
Aaron’s brows furrowed as he concentrated, but nothing came to him. “I guess it’s a good thing we came across it. We’d catch our death of cold.”
Daryl felt his heart deflate. “Yeah … well, the next day,” he went on. “We were trying to pick up that guy’s trail when we happened upon a warehouse.”
“What kind of warehouse?” Aaron asked curiously.
“Canned goods, fruits and vegetables. It was called Del–”
“Del Arno Foods,” Aaron said excitedly. “I remember the trailers, and the sign on the side. ‘How the harvest gets home.’ Shit, I remember, Daryl! I remember!”
“Yeah, that’s it,” Daryl said just as excited as Aaron was.
“So what happens next?” Aaron asked, as though Daryl was telling him a story.
“Well, we decided to check out the warehouse and see if the trailers were full. You went to check the lock on one of them and you saw a license plate.”
“Alaska!” Aaron shouted with pure joy. “Yeah, I found Alaska. Eric was dead set on finding one. He must have been ecstatic when I gave it to him.”
“Actually, you lost it,” Daryl told him, his excitement turning down a bit.
“I did? How?”
“We opened one of the trailers, but it was a trap. There was no food. It was full of walkers. They were rigged to open, all of them at the same time. Each one was full. The yard flooded with walkers. We had to fight for our lives, but luckily there was a car in the yard. We jumped in and closed the doors, but we were trapped.”
“What did we do?” Aaron asked anxiously.
“We sat there for a while trying to figure that out. It only came down to one thing. One of us would have to distract the walkers to give the other a chance to run for the gate.”
Aaron’s excitement dulled. “Let me guess. It was you who volunteered.”
“How’d you know?” Daryl asked, looking down and away.
“It just seems like something you would do, sacrifice yourself for a friend.”
“You’re right. I told you I’d go–”
“. . . but to just let you finish your smoke first,” Aaron said, repeating Daryl’s words.
Daryl looked up at Aaron, amazed by what he could remember. “That’s exactly what I said.”
“I can still smell the cigarette smoke,” Aaron added. “But I wouldn’t let you, would I?” Aaron said.
“No, you said we would do it together just like we did everything else,” Daryl answered.
Aaron closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Suddenly his lips parted and his eyes slowly opened, settling on Daryl. “We … kissed.”
Daryl watched him a moment before answering. He wanted to see what his reaction to the memory would be. He hoped it would all come flooding back to him, but Aaron was only remembering that one moment. He couldn’t read the man, and looked away from him, nodding his head in answer.
“But I … I thought we were just friends,” Aaron said. The confusion in his voice was unmistakable.
“We’ve always been friends,” Daryl answered.
“Were we ever anything more?” Aaron went on inquiring.
“I don’t think now is the time to–”
“I need to know, Daryl.”
“I can tell you, but you don’t remember, so what difference does it make. You’ve got Eric now. You should just leave it at that.” Daryl started walking away again. Aaron didn’t stop him this time, and Daryl didn’t look back to see if he was following.
That night, Daryl laid in bed, thinking about the exchange. Aaron was trying to remember, but why was Daryl shutting him out? Wasn’t this what he wanted, for Aaron to finally remember what they had? It would be a wonderful thing, but it might not be the best thing for Aaron. Daryl new he was hardheaded. He screwed up so many times too. He thought he could conform, and it was a slow process. He had even agreed to finally move in with Aaron, and now this happened. Aaron didn’t remember anything about them. And why? Why was his brain blocking that most important information? Perhaps it was because it wasn’t meant to happen to begin with. If Daryl had never come to Alexandria, Aaron would still be with Eric. He would have someone who loved him, who wasn’t afraid to show it or say it. Eric freely gave Aaron all those things that Daryl fought against along the way. Why would Aaron want someone like that? What bothered him the most was that when he finally admitted his feelings, it was because he though Aaron had died. What kind of shit was that? He was someone controlled by his past, led by his ghosts, someone who would rather live alone than feel. So maybe it was for the best that Aaron forgot about him. Perhaps he could find it in his heart to love Eric after all, but especially if Daryl was out of the picture.
>>------->
Aaron went home to Eric, who had prepared a candlelit dinner for them. Eric was right there at the door when Aaron went in, took his coat and kissed him hello.
“Where were you?” Eric asked, smiling.
“I was, uh, I was just out walking around, trying to see if I could get something to spark my memories,” Aaron said, deliberately not telling him about meeting with Daryl.
“Did you have any luck?” Eric asked, walking back to the kitchen.
“Not really.”
“Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I’d say most of your memory has returned, and although you can’t remember some of the minor details, you remember the important stuff.” Eric came back to Aaron with a glass of wine. “You remember us,” he said seductively, handing Aaron the glass.
They went to the dining room table and sat down across from each other. The candle flickered, playing with the shading of Eric’s red hair. Aaron watched him as he dished out the stew he’d made yesterday. Eric always made sure nothing went to waste, and tonight it was leftovers.
“It’s better the second time around,” Aaron said politely after taking a bit.
“It would have been better if I’d had fresh carrots, but I guess canned would have to do,” Eric complained lightly.
“Speaking of canned vegetables, I was talking to Daryl earlier, and I remembered the name of the food warehouse we came upon. Del Arno. Can you believe that? It just came to me,” Aaron said excitedly.
“That’s wonderful, hun,” Eric responded, but he wasn’t as excited. “You saw Daryl today?”
“Uh, yeah, he was heading out with a group for weapons training.” It was not too far from the truth, except that there wasn’t a group. “He said you should join in. Everyone should know how to fire a gun, you know, just in case.”
Eric laughed haughtily. “Honey, you know my feelings about guns. Besides, I’ve got talents that are needed elsewhere. We can’t all be warriors, isn’t that what you tell me?”
“What if I’m not around to protect you? What would you do? You need to know how to defend yourself. Daryl said that it’s just a matter of time before our luck here runs out.”
“Daryl is a part of Rick’s group, and those people are violent. They want everyone to conform to their way of thinking, but I say we’d do better without them.” The ire in Eric’s voice was evident.
“I’m starting to think they are right,” Aaron admitted. “I know you told me that I didn’t agree with what they were doing, but I’m starting to feel that getting knocked in the head had made me think clearer. We have been lucky, very lucky. We’ve managed to build this community and keep out the walkers, but we haven’t taken measures to improve our security. Daryl said–”
“Daryl said, Daryl said,” Eric mocked. “You’re starting to think like him, even talk like him. Since when do you call them walkers? We’ve always called them roamers. If you ask me, you’ve been spending too much time around those people. They’ll get in your head, and yours isn’t exactly working one hundred percent, not since the accident.”
“It wasn’t an accident. It was an attack,” Aaron corrected.
“Whatever, hon, the point is–”
“You’re looking at this too lightly,” Aaron said in a raised tone. “Someone tried to hurt me, maybe even kill me, and that someone wasn’t one of Rick’s ‘violent people’. It was someone who’s been in Alexandria for a long time, someone who doesn’t understand what the world outside the walls is like.”
Eric put his spoon down and leaned back in his chair. He gazed across the table at Aaron. “Why do you think I was trying to talk you into leaving this place? I knew what was coming. I heard the rumors. It was only a matter of time before they started weeding out the people who didn’t match up to their criteria. We will never fit in here. People like Pete and Gerrard want a utopia of perfect people to rebuild the human race. And people like Rick and Daryl only want people who can fight and kill. We don’t measure up to either of those standards.” Eric paused and shook his head. “I almost had you convinced to leave this place before the acci—, I mean attack. I still think we should go, but I haven’t pushed the issue lately. I’ve been giving you time to heal and get as much of your memory back as possible. Well, I can’t stay quiet much longer. I think you’re doing much better, and you’ve gotten back as much of your memory as you’re going get. Things are getting a little too tense around here lately. I honestly think now is our chance to go find that other community and start over.”
Aaron looked down at his bowl of stew, suddenly losing his appetite. Eric had mentioned this place before, but Aaron didn’t remember their past conversations. He didn’t know anything about another community, and he hadn’t heard anyone else speak of it either. “How did you come to find out about this place?”
“I was talking to some of the women in town who are concerned about this place for their children, and they told me,” Eric said.
“If they are so concerned, then why don’t they go?” Aaron asked. He was getting some very odd vibes from Eric.
Eric rolled his eyes. “Because, honey, their men won’t leave Alexandria. They are tied to this place, but we aren’t. We don’t answer to anyone but ourselves.” As he spoke, he turned sweet and smiled, coming around the table to stand behind Aaron. “In this world, we only have each other to watch out for.” Eric began massaging Aaron’s shoulders. “And we want what’s best for us, don’t we?”
“Well, yeah, but–”
“And what is best is for us to leave this place. We have a chance to start over somewhere new. Here, Deanna expects too much from you. We have bigots who don’t want us around. We have people who only care about themselves, who wouldn’t give a flying fuck how many people might die in order to protect their own. I don’t want to live in a place like that, do you?” He leaned down and laid light kisses on Aaron’s neck.
“N-No, I guess not,” Aaron stammered, enjoying the seduction. Outside of a peck on the cheek or the lips, Aaron hadn’t had any relations with Eric while he tried to regain his memory.
“It can be like it was in the beginning. Do you remember that?” Eric asked in a whisper, his warm breath washing over Aaron’s neck.
“Vaguely,” Aaron said.
Eric pulled Aaron and his chair away from the table, and then he walked around and straddled Aaron’s lap. He wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck. “You came to the pantry looking for honey. We struck up a conversation, discovered what we had in common, and–”
“And I left with a cup of sugar and you as my honey,” Aaron finished. “I remember.”
“You couldn’t wait to get me in bed. We went to your place, which was that apartment in one of the back buildings,” Eric continued.
“I’d only been in town for a few days. Everything was still new to me, but I felt a connection with you right away,” Aaron reminisced.
“It had been a very long time for both of us. You said, no games, and I let you have your way with me.” Eric kissed his jaw and his chin as his fingers began undoing the buttons of Aaron’s shirt. “I’ll let you have your way again … right now.”
Aaron wasn’t sure he was ready for this, but Eric was doing a good job of seducing him. Aaron’s body was answering for him, and he needed this. He needed to release his inhibitions and get back to his former self. Eric was reminding him of who exactly that was, a man with wants and needs, a man with desires that needed to be quenched. He shouldn’t feel anxious. This was Eric, his lover, his friend, the man he trusted. So why did something seem a little off?
“Eric, I don’t know–”
“Shh,” Eric said, his hands roaming over Aaron’s bare chest. “I know you want this.” He smiled fiendishly and undid Aaron’s belt, button and zipper. His hand slipped inside Aaron’s pants and took hold of him. “The cock never lies.”
He was right. Aaron did want it. He pushed away his doubts as he pushed away Eric’s shirt. Suddenly, he couldn’t move fast enough. Eric stood from the chair and undressed. Aaron pushed his pants off, and Eric straddled him again. They kissed fervently, reveling in the feel of naked skin and hardened flesh. They rubbed against each other, taking one another in their hands. Eric had thought ahead, and somehow came up with a small bottle, preparing each of them thoroughly. When he was done, Aaron lifted Eric by the hips and pulled him down onto his cock. Eric cried out with long awaited pleasure, as did Aaron. Eric writhed against him, and Aaron thrust up. They found their rhythm and came quickly, both men trying to catch their breath. Eric laid his head on Aaron’s shoulder, biting and nipping.
“I love you, Aaron,” he said between breaths.
“I love you to,” Aaron said without thinking about it, yet the words tasted strange on his tongue.
After releasing their built up tension, Aaron and Eric went upstairs. Eric seduced Aaron again, but this time they went slower and lasted longer. When they were both satisfied a second time, it didn’t take Eric long to fall asleep with a smile on his face. Aaron couldn’t sleep though. He laid there in the dark and thought about what had just happened. Something bothered him about their exchange of words. It wasn’t the first time Eric had told him he loved him, but it was the first time since the attack that Aaron had said it in return. The words just came out in reply without any thought, but as he said it, he couldn’t help but notice he didn’t feel it deep in his heart. He only said it because he thought that’s how he always replied. The truth was, he couldn’t remember telling Eric that before.
Daryl’s strange inquiry came back to him. He had told Aaron too look deep in his heart about his feelings for Eric. As he did this now, he definitely felt something missing. Perhaps it was just a piece of his missing memory, but it almost felt as though it had never been there.
The next morning, Eric awoke with a smile, nuzzling Aaron’s neck. Aaron couldn’t deny that it felt good to wake up in someone’s arms. “Good morning,” Aaron greeted him, kissing the top of his head. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Pleasantly sore,” Eric whispered in Aaron’s ear. He took the lobe in his teeth and gently bit. “Last night was . . .” He sucked a breath in through his clenched teeth. “It was magnificent.” Eric stretched luxuriously. “It’s been such a long time. I missed this, you and me, glorious mornings with you by my side.”
Since Aaron came home from the infirmary, he had been taking things slow, and that included his sexual relationship. The first few nights, he slept on the couch. And when he finally started sleeping in their bed, Aaron made it clear he wasn’t ready to make love. He was even gone before Eric woke up, usually downstairs making breakfast.
“When you said it’s been so long, do you mean since my injuries, or has it been longer?” Aaron asked.
“Honey, what are you talking about?” Eric asked nervously.
“I need to know, Eric. Last night was great. It was wonderful, but I can’t help feeling there’s a part missing, like a page torn from a book.” Aaron sat up on his elbows and looked over at Eric. “Were we having trouble before I got hurt?”
“Trouble? What kind of trouble?” Eric asked, trying to play it off like it was nothing. Aaron wasn’t buying it. Now Eric sat up, leaning against the headboard with his hands in his lap. “I was hoping you wouldn’t remember.”
“I don’t remember. That’s the problem. But I have an odd feeling about us. I just need to know what was going on with us before,” Aaron pleaded.
“Alright,” Eric started. “Your assumptions are right. We weren’t in the best place before you were hurt. We had our share of problems. Most of it was about the recruiting job. I got hurt. You got upset. I took my leave while my ankle healed. But somewhere along the way, you decided I shouldn’t recruit anymore, permanently. You said you couldn’t stand to see me hurt again, and that you didn’t want me risking my life anymore.”
Aaron put his hand on Eric’s thigh, and smiled at him sympathetically. “Sounds like I was scared for you. Sounds like I was just trying to keep you safe. Sounds like I cared. Why would that upset you?”
“Because it was Daryl who you were replacing me with,” Eric scowled.
Aaron pulled his hand away and turned his head from Eric. Now it made sense, the memories he had of Daryl and the warehouse, of being trapped in the car, and the kiss they shared. Had there been other times that they kissed? Had they done something more? Was Aaron … having an affair? His heart lurched into his throat at the thought. Daryl was supposed to be his friend. Maybe they were actually lovers. “I remembered something else that happened,” he said slowly to Eric.
“Oh, you … do?” Eric said hesitantly.
“You know, don’t you? It’s why we were having trouble before. Daryl and I … we … we had … an affair, didn’t we?” Aaron said.
Eric looked confused and shocked, and Aaron began to think that he didn’t know. But then his face softened. “Yes, that was it.”
“Oh my God, Eric, I’m so sorry. I honestly don’t remember it. Up until today, I thought Daryl and I were just friends. Jesus, now I understand why you’re so upset about me and Daryl working together again. I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry.”
Eric waved his hand in the air to ward him off. “We’ve had this conversation once already. I really don’t want to hash it out again. You made a mistake. It wasn’t all your fault, though. Daryl seduced you. He played upon your feelings. But we were mending our relationship before you got hurt. We were giving it another try. The only stipulation was that you agreed to never recruit with Daryl again.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” Aaron asked.
Eric fumbled for the words. “W-well, your head and your memories, and …. I-I couldn’t just dump all that on you. Besides, you didn’t know who Daryl was when you came out of that coma. I thought it would be better to never bring up your affair since you didn’t remember it anyways. It was our chance to start again without all that bad stuff hanging over our heads.”
“It might not have been hanging over my head, but surely it was hanging over yours,” Aaron pointed out.
“Honey, listen, having you back in my life has been the best thing to ever happen to me, and if you didn’t remember Daryl, then so be it. It was like it never happened, and we’d been together all this time. No one ever gets a do over in these situations, but we did, so I ran with it. Why do you think I’ve been trying to convince you to leave this place? It was our chance to start again without any complications. If you’re upset with me, I’ll understand.”
“Upset with you? I’m the one who cheated and you’re worried that I’m the one who’s upset?” Aaron took Eric’s hands and pulled them close. “I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry. If it means this much to you, I’ll ask for another recruiting partner.”
“What I’d like is to leave Alexandria all together,” Eric countered.
Aaron wasn’t sure about that. He could understand why Eric felt that way, but he was having trouble seeing that as a good idea, but it was something Eric wanted badly. “I guess we could–”
Eric leaned forward and touched Aaron’s shoulder, cutting off his words. “You would do that?”
“Well, I think we should investi–”
“No, let’s just go. Please, Aaron? You can make everything right again. Just say we’ll go away from here and start over someplace new,” Eric begged.
Aaron felt guilty, even though he had no memory of his wrongdoing. Eric seemed so happy to hear Aaron agree with him. Perhaps this was how they would heal. “If it means that much to you.”
A tear threatened Eric’s eye. “It does. Oh it really does.” He smiled and kissed Aaron. “I love you so much.” He pulled Aaron down onto the bed and slid beneath the sheets, coaxing Aaron to roll on top of him. They made love passionately to celebrate their new beginning, and Aaron gave no more thoughts to Daryl or what might have happened between them. Whatever it was, that was over. He was back with Eric now, and he would do his best to make him happy.
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Safe Haven in the Chaos