Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

Adam	By : kattanon Category: S through Z > The Shield Views: 1482 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Shield, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
Disclaimer: - I don�t own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX.

Adam Chapter 14

Dutch had thought Claudette would never leave. She�d shown him around his new place, which was so small that that hadn�t taken long and then had prattled on and on about colleagues from work, how they�d asked her to remember them to him. Then she�d broached the subject of his returning to The Barn, but he�d just brushed her off saying he wasn�t sure what he was going to do yet and she�d seemed satisfied with his answer although he hadn�t missed all the little concerned glances she kept sending in his direction when she thought he wasn�t looking. He�d nearly added just for spite that she didn�t have to worry he wasn�t going to ask her to be his partner again, but he�d managed to bite his tongue. He was glad that he did since he felt much more relaxed now and much of the bitterness and anger he�d been harbouring had lifted.
After she had gone he�d quickly slipped out to the nearest Hertz and hired himself a car. If he wanted his freedom and to complete his escape then that was an essential part of his plan.
Then he�d spent an evening going through the boxes that Claudette had retrieved for him from Lucy. It was strange looking through it all, things that he hadn�t seen in years, letters and pictures that had been assigned to the attic a lifetime ago. A time before darkness had become a living, breathing thing that would swallow you whole and could make you loose yourself inside it. A time before fear meant he gave himself body and soul to a monster, and a clever mouth and fingers would cause him to betray himself and orgasms ripped from him by the monster would spatter themselves across his skin branding him forever as something weak and dirty. A time before he lost himself in the filth and the dark and he had to become someone else just to survive. Looking at the photos of himself relaxed and smiling in the warm sunshine he knew that that wasn�t the same person who looked out at him from the mirror these days. The Dutch in those photographs had ceased to exist the moment he�d opened his eyes to darkness.
He�d packed the letters and photos back into their boxes re-sealing them and pushing them away.
He�d been tired and had made his way into his bedroom where his new bed lay all made up with fresh linen. Hesitating for only a moment he eventually did what he�d been wanting to do all those nights when he�d lain awake pretending to sleep in Taylor�s bed, and all those night when he�d lain awake pretending to sleep in the hospital. He pulled the pillows and comforter from the bed and dragged them across the floor and over into a nice safe corner. There he�d propped the pillows behind his back and wrapped himself in the comforter, and with the light still on he�d had the best night�s sleep he�d had for a long time.
He�d risen early, before dawn, and had re-enacted a routine from the time before. When he�d had a difficult case, one that disturbed his sleep, and wouldn�t leave him alone night or day, he�d driven out on the Pacific Highway to a place he�d come to with Lucy before they�d married. You could park your car and walk down a coastal path to a secluded beach. But when he needed the think, to clear his head, he stopped on the path and from the edge of the cliff top he�d stare out over the ocean and watch the sunrise, listening to the waves crash over the rocks below. It was soothing and tended to let him organise his mind, put things into perspective. That�s where he stood now.
The first hint of daylight was already lightening the distant horizon as the mid-night blue of the night began to fade to a paler shadow of itself � a little like him, he thought with a slight smile. A breeze whipped in from the sea and his hair blew into his eyes until he had to reach up and brush it back. He never had gotten around to getting it cut into the shorter style he�d had before.
As he watched the sky lighten it was as if he felt some of the burden he carried lighten too. He could feel himself letting go of the bitterness that he�d been clinging to so hard. He�d thought he�d needed it to survive, but he realised he didn�t need it any more.
Looking inside himself he examined what he found there.
He�d thought that Adam had saved Dutch, protected him. He�d thought that Adam had taken the worst of it so that Dutch didn�t have to. He�d thought that when the time was right, when he was safe again, that Adam would fade away and Dutch would come back, take over completely, and he�d be normal. But Dutch was lost in the dark, too afraid to come out fully into the light again. Dutch wasn�t able to reclaim his old life and he wanted Adam to stay, to pretend to be him like he had been doing in the hospital. The problem was that Adam didn�t want to stay, he couldn�t. He�d done too much, suffered too much.
Before the darkness he�d known who he was � Dutch the cop. Before his rescue when he�d been with Taylor he�d known who he was � Adam the whore. Now he was neither of those people. He couldn�t be what everyone else wanted him to be, who everyone wanted him to be. He couldn�t be the person he had been before the dark. The person they remembered when they looked at him. The person who had looked out at him from those photographs back at his apartment.
The struggle, and the trying, and the smiles were all becoming too much. He wanted, needed, to escape. He had to be free. That was all he�d ever wanted.
Looking out towards the horizon and the sky streaked red and pink and gold, the rim of the sun already rising and sending shimmers of golden light dancing across the crests of the waves, he let his eyes skim across the surface of the sea.
Him and Lucy had gone sailing a couple of time with friends of theirs back when Lucy hadn�t needed a bottle of vodka to get through the day and he hadn�t started looking at her and feeling disappointment and confusion. Some of those smiling photographs he�d been looking at the day before had been taken on those days. Lucy hadn�t really enjoyed those days out on the water, but he had. The smell of the sea, the spray on his face, salt on his lips and tongue. The sharp snap of the sails as they caught the wind and billowed full, and the feel of the boat under his feet as it skimmed the waves bucking like something alive. Power barely reigned in, straining as if the boat wanted to fly. It had been invigorating. It had been real freedom.
Lost in the memory, his eyes caught up in the beauty of the ocean Dutch and Adam took the final step together and at last they escaped.

THE END

Author�s Note: - I know I didn�t put a character death warning at the beginning of this fic which was kinda naughty since I always knew how it was going to end, but I felt it would ruin the impact of the ending. I�m sorry if I�ve upset anyone.
- 21
- 22
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Adam