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Be A Man	By : cowgirl65 Category: 1 through F > The Big Valley Views: 3052 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I in no way own The Big Valley. I make no money from writing this, just the personal satisfaction of (hopefully!) entertaining those who love the show as much as I do.

Chapter List
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Nick spurred Coco faster, not caring where he was going. But as hard as he tried to outrun the images, they were burned too deeply in his brain for him to escape.
He’d been furious with his brother after hearing that he went with Sheriff Barrett to arrest Emmett Kyles. Sometimes it seemed that Jarrod didn’t have the sense God gave a gnat, at least in regards to his personal safety. His big brother had a penchant for rushing in where angels feared to tread if it meant helping his family or seeing justice done. Not that any of the Barkleys were any different, but Jarrod tended to take it to the extreme. It was as if he was trying to make up for their father’s disappointment where his path in life was concerned, regardless of how unreasonable that disappointment was.
But when he stormed over to the sheriff’s house to confront Jarrod about his reckless behaviour, what he’d witnessed made him see red. He was certain he’d come across Barrett abusing his brother, committing unspeakable atrocities on someone Nick loved. Jarrod’s reaction contradicted that though, and Nick bolted, unable to accept what he’d discovered about his beloved brother.
Coco stumbled and Nick pulled his faithful mount to a slow stop. He patted the sweat-soaked neck as he dismounted and murmured a soft, “Sorry, fella.” Coco followed willingly as Nick led him to a nearby waterhole after he’d cooled off and gratefully stuck his nose in the water to drink his fill.
The slow walk gave Nick time to think. His mind returned again and again to the vision of Jarrod on his knees, hands tied behind him as Barrett fucked him and nothing he did would banish the memory. So instead, he concentrated on the look on Jarrod’s face, a look that was one of pure pleasure rather than pain or shame. And the way Jarrod had defended his lover… It revolted him, that his brother would let another commit such an act, but at the same time, Nick knew ‘lover’ was an apt description. He’d seen the easy camaraderie between the two men, thought about the amount of time they spent together and realized that Jarrod had been a lot happier and more relaxed since Sheriff Barrett moved to Stockton.
Nick ran a hand through his hair and readjusted his hat as Coco bent his head to nibble at the long grass. Jarrod had been through a lot of trials and heartache, what with their father’s attitude, the fight against the railroad that Jarrod spearheaded after Tom Barkley’s death, his wife being killed…
Why the devil would Jarrod have gotten married if he liked men? It just didn’t make sense in Nick’s book. Not that his brother liking men made sense in the first place. Nick huffed in exasperation and Coco gave him a curious look.
“Not like you’re gonna give me any answers, old friend,” he told the dark horse. He gathered the reins in his hands and was about to mount when he heard hoofbeats. Nick turned to see the familiar form of his younger brother riding up on his favourite bay.
“Hot, ain’t it?” Heath said as he dismounted and let Charger drink.
“Yeah.”
Heath eyed Nick closely. “Boy howdy, what put a burr under your saddle?”
“Nothing,” came the curt reply.
“Uh huh.” Heath didn’t look convinced. “Nothing generally doesn’t have your face looking like a thunderstorm’s about to hit.”
Nick sighed. He wanted to confide in Heath, wanted to get what he’d seen off his chest, but telling someone, even Heath, felt like he’d be betraying Jarrod. The bold rancher wasn’t used to feeling so at a loss.
“I just found out something that I’m not sure I should talk about,” he said finally.
Heath bent down to fill his canteen. “Don’t want you to betray a confidence, Nick.”
“It ain’t that, well, not exactly.” Nick watched as Heath hung the canteen back on his saddlehorn. “It’s about Jarrod,” he blurted out.
Heath nodded and turned around. “Reckon our big brother’s a complex man,” he offered.
“Now that is a fact, Heath,” Nick admitted. He decided to take the bull by the horns. It was Jarrod’s place to tell if he wanted to, but Nick was no good at keeping secrets and knew Heath would get it out of him eventually. “What if I told you Jarrod and Sheriff Barrett are more than just friends?”
Heath regarded Nick carefully for a moment and then a lopsided grin came over his face. “I’d say our sheriff is a lucky man.”
“Now wait a minute.” Nick almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He stepped up until he and Heath were nose-to-nose. “Are you telling me you knew about Jarrod’s…” He couldn’t find the words, so just finished, “And you never told me?!”
Heath didn’t flinch. “Wasn’t my secret to tell, Nick. It ain’t the kind of thing a man talks about lightly.”
“But you knew,” Nick accused, jabbing a finger in Heath’s face.
“I found out,” Heath corrected. “Jarrod didn’t tell me because he wanted to. I don’t reckon he told you willingly, either.”
Nick wasn’t done. “And you’re okay with it?” Nick wasn’t sure what to think about his blond brother’s cavalier attitude.
Heath turned to check Charger’s girth. “Jarrod’s a grown man and so is Dave. As long as they’re both agreeable and make each other happy, who am I to pass judgement?” He turned back to Nick. “You can’t tell me you didn’t know that sort of thing goes on.”
“And how do you know?” Nick looked at him suspiciously and Heath just shrugged.
“I’ve done it. Prefer girls, but I’ve been with more than a few men.”
Nick grew silent at the revelation.
“I’m the same man I was at breakfast,” Heath added, “and so’s Jarrod.” He vaulted into the saddle and turned Charger’s head. “His family’s love is Jarrod’s whole life, Nick. Don’t take that away from him.” He urged the bay into a lope and left Nick alone with his thoughts.
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