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You Can't Fight a Tidal Wave	By : madradena Category: Star Trek > The Next Generation Views: 1693 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own ST:TNG nor Dreamland, nor the characters from either. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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After finishing with the rehearsal for that day, Emma asked Data for a word. The whole day was a mess. Everybody was distracted, and they could advance very little with the play.
Data turned back from the door and walked up to where she was standing on stage, while the others filed out and left them alone on the holodeck.
"What can I do for you?" he asked on a silent voice - his face as usual unreadable.
"You could start by talking to me." she replied looking into his eyes.
"I am talking to you right now."
"Come on, Deadpan. You can do better than to tell such a lousy lie. You've been avoiding me at the breaks and have been distant throughout the rehearsal. I couldn't even look into your eyes while dancing. Spill it. What's wrong?"
Data looked away uncomfortably then back at her now letting a slight resentment on: "I have been relieved of duty."
"I know." Emma said softly and nodded ruefully.
He nodded too then looked away and started walking around on the stage aimlessly.
Then suddenly an idea struck her, and she looked at him frowning "Are you angry at me?"
He turned back to her and looked at her from the other end of the stage "I have no compellingly good enough reason to be angry at you, Ms. Jones." he replied. His tone flat, almost cold.
She tried to walk up to him, but he started walking about again, and she stopped mid-stage. "Still. You ARE angry at me." she concluded.
"That ...is a correct observation. I feel a certain... resentment towards you." he turned toward her "However, it is an unreasonable emotion to feel. Your making me admit my mental state to the Counsellor was a wise choice. A responsible one. And I should feel grateful to you. It is highly irrational to feel anger toward you or anybody else in relation to my relieving of duty."
"So let it BE irrational!" Emma told him forcefully "Data. Emotions are many times like that. Unreasonable, irrational, ambiguous, even wrong! But they're part of us. Accept them! Accept that you're angry, and try to find out why... so we can make up..." she added silently. She barely dared to admit even to herself how much she missed him.
He stared ahead for a long second then crossed to her: "I was relieved of duty. Because YOU made me go to Counsellor Troi! This will be included in my records. I am a carrier officer. I never cared about promotions because that kind of ambition is against my programming, but I hold on to what I have already achieved! If I lose my carrier at Starfleet, I have nothing much left in my life."
"You will not lose your carrier." Emma tried to sooth.
"How do you know?!" Data snapped at her suddenly "How can you possibly be so arrogantly sure?!" he shook his head helplessly "I am an android. Built to exceed human capacity. And not to be overwhelmed by humanity's failings."
"You don't have a carrier because you're an android. You have it because you are a good officer!" Emma tried, but it was plain he would not listen.
"I am an adequate officer BECAUSE I am an android... I could have managed to overcome my fears and memories alone. Now I am left with only hope that when I do overcome them, I will still have a life to claim back."
Emma looked at him with guilt in her eyes then bowed her head: "I'm sorry..."
"You must not be." she heard his cold voice and raised her head sharply at this. He went on "My anger is unreasonable. You did the right thing. Even violated several Starfleet regulations by not reporting any of it to your superiors right away. And still. I am angry." he took a step backwards "I do not believe I can manage with all my - as Counsellor Troi calls them - 'issues' together with pursuing the possibility of a relationship with you, especially not now, when I am having so ambiguous feelings towards you. It is clear that I am having serious difficulties in assessing and differentiating amongst all of these contradictory emotions. It would not be fair neither on you nor on myself to pursue our mutual attraction under the circumstances."
Emma snorted and shook her head in disbelief "We're not even going out. Haven't even kissed. And you're dumping me... Swell."
"It is fortunate that we have not consummated the physical aspect of our supposed relationship. I understand that it would cause us a lot more pain to abandon the possibility of a relationship, if we have been acquainted in that fashion."
She swallowed hard and gave him a look full of scorn and the usual smugness: "So just run away, android exceeding human capacity! Run from your fears, run from your anger, run from all your emotions, and run from me!" she hissed "Exceed human capacity by being the most cowardly man humanity could never have produced!" she couldn't cover that her voice broke at the final word, and she ran off stage and out of the holodeck as quick as she could so he wouldn't see her tears.
Data was left alone. Into his anger and resentment a profound sense of loss mingled, that he was not prepared for, leaving him more confused than ever before, since he had known her.
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You Can't Fight a Tidal Wave