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Cries of a Shadow	By : OpenPage Category: 1 through F > 21 Jump Street Views: 2757 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own 21JS or the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is coincidental.

Chapter List
- 23
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- 25
The late afternoon sun played hide and seek with the dark arcus clouds rolling over the city, the fast-moving formations hinting at an evening storm. Passing through St. Mary’s glass doors, Booker’s muscles instinctively tensed. He hated hospitals, but it was the thought of seeing Tom again that had his nerves jangling, and his brain triggering a primal flight response. The urge to flee was so powerful, he almost turned and walked back out the door, but the memory of his friend’s tortured eyes had him rethinking his actions. Fuller, in his wisdom, had been right about one thing. Tom did need a friend, and he was the best—if only—candidate. Therefore, as much as he’d rather work the Westview case, he knew he owed it to Hanson to at least offer to help him through the trauma of his rape. They did have a bond, albeit a shaky one, and although he felt ill-equipped to deal with the subtleties needed to help someone deal with such a life-changing ordeal, he felt proud his captain had shown faith in him. It was this unexpected honor that fueled his inner determination and pulling himself up to his full height, he strolled toward the elevators. He might not know the right words to say to take the hurt away, but he could provide Tom a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on, even if he didn’t understand how a grown man could have allowed his abuse to carry through into adulthood.
When the lift doors pinged open, Booker stepped in and pressed the button for the third floor. He barely had time to get his thoughts in order when the doors opened, revealing the softly lit corridor. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out onto the waxed floor and turned right. As he walked past the unattended nurses’ station, he could see Penhall sitting outside Tom’s room, his nose buried in a magazine. Booker’s pace slowed, his nerves once again getting the better of him. From this point forward, there would be no reprieve. He and Tom would spend every moment of his seventeen-hour shift together until the police arrested Will, and despite his best intentions, the dark-haired officer wasn’t sure he was prepared to forego his normal, easy-going life to take care of a psychologically damaged man. But whether he liked it or not, he had no choice. His fate—as he saw it—was now in the lap of the Gods. Que sera, sera…yada, yada, yada.
The sound of footsteps caught Penhall’s attention and looking up from the latest issue of ‘Popular Mechanics’, his lips tilted into a lopsided grin. “How’s it goin’, Book? Ready for babysitting duty?”
Booker’s muscles stiffened, and he returned a tight smile. “Is that what you call taking care of one of our own? Nice one, Doug.”
Shame reddened Penhall’s face. “Hey, man, I didn’t mean—”
“I know you didn’t,” Booker replied with an apologetic sigh. “And I didn’t mean to overreact. I guess I’m a little uptight.”
Not one to hold a grudge, Penhall dismissed Booker’s apology with a wave of his hand. “Forget it. From what I hear, Fuller’s given you a rough gig. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.”
Booker didn’t want to be in his shoes either, but unlike Penhall, he didn’t have the freedom to walk away. But thinking about it only intensified his gloomy outlook, so he pushed his self-pity aside and nodding toward Tom’s door, he asked the obvious question. “How is he?”
Rising to his feet, Penhall tossed his magazine onto the chair. “I dunno, I haven’t spoken to him. I wanted to, but...well, you know how it is, I don’t know what to say.”
“Yeah,” Booker sighed again. He did know how it was, but keeping Tom at arm’s length wasn’t an option. The last thing his friend needed was judgment, and although challenging, he was determined to give the ol’ supportive friend thing his best shot.
Stifling a yawn, Penhall stretched his aching back. “Well, I guess I’ll be going. Good luck.”
“Thanks,” Booker mumbled, his eyes focused on Tom’s partially open door. He had no idea how to initiate contact, and as Penhall sauntered away, he remained in the corridor, his mind silently contemplating the best way to announce himself. Lost in thought, he didn’t notice Janet until her pleasant voice broke the silence. “Aren’t you going in?”
Booker spun around, his eyes registering surprise. “Huh?”
Janet’s face broke into a smile. “I said, aren’t you going in?”
“Oh,” Booker replied, his hand rubbing nervously at the back of his neck. “I...um...I dunno. I’m not sure if he wants to see me.”
The smile faded from Janet’s face. “Did something happen? The only reason I ask is because Tom’s become very withdrawn and it would help if we knew what was going on so we can give him the emotional support he needs.”
“Oh,” Booker replied again, a rosy glow heating his cheeks. “I can’t really say anything. It’s kinda personal.”
The statement compounded Janet’s concern, and her eyes wandered to Tom’s door before settling back on Booker’s face. “If you’re going to upset him, I strongly suggest you don’t go in there.”
It was a valid point, but one Booker chose to ignore. He wanted to make his peace with his friend, and although he knew it wouldn’t be easy, the longer he left it, the harder it would become. “Don’t worry,” he reassured with a strained smile. “I promise I won’t do or say anything that’ll hurt Tom.”
Janet cast another worried glance at the door before slowly nodding her agreement. “Okay, but I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”
Booker couldn’t fault the nurse’s willingness to protect her patient, and the muscles around his mouth relaxed into a cheeky smile. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Janet.”
Secretly flattered by the handsome officer’s not so subtle flirting, a light blush colored Janet’s cheeks. “Stop it,” she laughed, and with an amused shake of her head, she left for her rounds.
Alone in the corridor, Booker turned toward Tom’s door. He had no idea what type of reception he would receive after his unceremonious exit the day before, but his inner voice told him the outcome wouldn’t change no matter how long he procrastinated outside. Tom would either reject or accept his apology and worrying about it was a waste of both time and energy.
Ill-prepared but with a clear head, he took a deep breath and rapped his knuckles on the partially open door. “Hey, Tom, it’s Dennis. Can I come in?”
The absence of sound sent a shudder down the length of the dark-haired officer’s body, and pushing open the door, he stepped into the unlit room. The bed was shielded from view by the blue curtain, and unsure whether to approach or retreat quietly, he stood for a moment, contemplating his choices. Eventually, he made the decision to try again, and moving forward, he called out to his friend. “Tommy?”
“What do you want?”
There was no warmth in the angry response, but Booker did notice a slight quaver in Tom’s voice, the shaky delivery of his words indicating a level of pent-up emotion. His friend was hurting, and at that moment, he wasn’t sure if his presence was a help or a hindrance to the young officer’s well-being. But the niggling need to right his mistakes soon overrode any misgivings, and stepping forward, he stood at the foot of the bed. “I want to apologize.”
“For?”
A weighty sigh preceded Booker’s heartfelt acknowledgment of past wrongs. “For not being there when you needed me.”
When his words were met with stony silence, Booker exhaled another sigh. “Tom, if I’m going to apologize, can we at least do it face to face?”
The seconds ticked slowly by before Tom’s whispered answer filtered out from behind the curtain. “Okay.”
Relieved he had made some progress, Booker stepped forward and pulled back the drape. His eyebrows arched in surprise, the mask of pain etched on Tom’s face triggering the involuntary reaction. He stared at his friend, and his dark, expressive eyes softened with sadness. “Oh, Tommy.”
Tears glistened in Tom’s eyes, but he managed to swallow down the surge of emotion before it enveloped him. “I’m okay,” he choked, his lips tilting into a brave smile. “It’s just...I’ve stopped taking my pain medication so…”
The rest of his sentence remained unspoken, but Booker knew enough about rough anal sex to know his friend was suffering. Pulling up a chair, he sat down, his gaze fixed on the young officer’s pained expression. “Why aren’t you taking your meds?”
Tom’s lower lip pushed into a stubborn pout. “Because I don’t do drugs.”
“Jesus, Hanson,” Booker huffed, his eyes rolling for effect. “Taking pain medication for an injury isn’t the same as doing drugs. Why are you putting yourself through all this suffering when you don’t have to?”
A single tear rolled down Tom’s cheek. “Because I deserve it.”
The whispered revelation sent shockwaves through Booker’s body, and taking hold of Tom’s hand, he gently squeezed his cold fingers. “No, you don’t. I know I reacted badly yesterday, but none of this is your fault. Will took advantage of you when you were too young to fight back. He’s the one you should be blaming, so stop taking responsibility for his behavior. You’re the innocent party in all this, not him.”
A glimmer of hope shone from Tom’s eyes. “Is that what you really think or are you just trying to make me feel better?”
Sensing victory, Booker squeezed Tom’s hand. “It’s what I think, and if you ever want to talk about what happened, I’m here for you, man. Okay?”
Tom’s mood immediately shifted and snatching his hand away, he stared at Booker with unveiled hostility. “Is that right?” he snapped, his voice dripping with rancor. “Is that ‘cause you want all the juicy details? I bet that’d really boost your popularity with all the other officers. Imagine the laughs you’ll get when you tell them the whole sad fucking story of how little Tommy Hanson allowed his brother to fuck him up the ass.”
Although shocked by the vulgar outburst, Booker understood why his friend felt the need to lash out. But that didn’t mean he was about to let the spiteful accusations go unchallenged. “If you think that, you don’t know me at all,” he replied in a quiet but firm voice. “There’s nothing funny about this, Tom. Everyone’s beating themselves up over this because they didn’t see the warning signs, especially Fuller. We all feel guilty because deep down, we think we should have known. So, if you’re going to accuse me of something, at least get your facts straight. Otherwise, I’m outta here, and you’re on your own.”
Ashamed, Tom lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I don’t know why I said that.”
Taking Tom’s hand in his, Booker offered his friend a smile. “Forget it. I think we’ve both said and done things we regret. Let’s put it behind us and move forward.”
When the dark-haired officer’s thumb fluttered against his palm, Tom’s breath caught in his throat. The strange sensation he’d experienced in Booker’s bathroom returned, the tenderness of the touch elevating his heart rate. Moments later, a pleasant warmth spread through his body, pulsating outward from his groin. The radiating glow heated his skin, the prickly warmth raising his body temperature. Flustered, he withdrew his hand, the rapid thump of his heart causing his fingers to tremble uncontrollably, and he quickly shoved the offending digits under his armpits. Inexperience had him misinterpreting his arousal as something more sinister, and he started to hyperventilate. Had Will’s attack damaged him internally, and if so, what were the consequences? As fate would have it, at that moment, blood seeped from his anus, dampening the sheet beneath him. Fear widened his eyes, his anxiety squeezing the air from his lungs. In his mind, something was wrong...very, very wrong, but he remained trapped in a bubble of silence, unable to voice his rising panic.
Concerned by Tom’s odd behavior, Booker climbed slowly to his feet, his expression fearful. “Jesus, Hanson, is everything okay?”
“Get a doctor,” Tom eventually managed to gasp.
A surge of adrenaline pumped through Booker’s body and pushing past the chair, he ran to the door. “I NEED A DOCTOR IN HERE!”
Within seconds, Janet arrived, followed closely by a young intern. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave the room,” the young nurse informed Booker.
“But—”
“Go!” Janet instructed in a no-nonsense voice, and grabbing the worried officer by the arm, she steered him toward the door.
With no choice but to comply, Booker exited the room. The door closed, muffling the voices within. Immediately, the familiar urge for a cigarette crawled over the dark-haired officer’s skin, the ghostly sensation making him jittery. He had no clue what had just happened, but it had scared the bejesus out of him, and he needed something to calm his frazzled nerves. He quickly glanced at the closed door. His craving for a cigarette was steadily mounting, but it was his job to protect Tom, and going outside, even for a few minutes, would give Will the window of opportunity to act if he were keeping a watch on the hospital. Frustration had him swearing under his breath, and he toyed with the pros and cons for several moments before accepting what he knew all along. If he succumbed to his addiction, Tom could end up paying the price for his grave error in judgment, and no matter how strong the urge, he wasn’t about to put his friend’s welfare in jeopardy. He’d deserted Tom once, the revelation of childhood abuse too much for him to cope with. It was a grave mistake on his part, and no matter how he tried to sugarcoat it, he knew it was a dereliction of duty. But he’d learned his lesson. He was there to do a job and nothing, not even a threat to his own safety would have him abandoning his post again.
And so, with that thought in mind, he did the next best thing to try and stave off the cravings...he started to pace. It wasn’t the ideal solution, the nicotine craving continued to coil through his body like a hungry python squeezing its prey. But he did have peace of mind knowing Tom was safe, and so he focused on the positives while his mind counted the steps until he could see his friend again.
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Cries of a Shadow