The Trade Off | By : LotornoMiko Category: M through R > Once Upon A Time Views: 5409 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the Once Upon A Time fandom. Nor do I make any money off of it or this story. |
His heart was no longer quite so buoyant. It hadn't been for hours now, the uplifted feeling inside of him, starting to wither, to die with the realizations of his mistakes. It hadn't out right started in the clothing store, not when he had been too blinded by his lust. Not there, when the skimpy garments on display, had left little room in his head to think of anything else but the idea of dressing Belle in one of those outrageously sexy outfits. He had actually visualized it, Belle in one of those outfits, it’s fabric not so much covering as enhancing an already lovely as sin body. The fiercest of wants had hit him, and had only grown worse when the woman herself had appeared before him in the flesh. It hadn't mattered that she was frantic, that she was upset, even angry. Hook had wanted, and wanted now, and it had taken a self control the man hadn't realized he still possessed, to not pounce on the beauty then and there.
Lusting more strongly for her than ever, his heart had been wild. HE had been wild, leaning in to whisper in her face, to steal as close as possible before her words had made him freeze.
“Why are you like this?” Belle had asked. Her voice had been too soft, the strain of it choking with the emotions that she was feeling, the blink blink of her wet eyes getting through to Hook on some level, as the man realized the woman was trying not to cry.
Some of the lust had left him then, retreating to some shadowy corner of his soul. It wasn't gone completely, Hook still wanting Belle and wanting her badly. But her whispered comments, that plaintive cry had gutted him more thoroughly than his hook with their revelations. Because it wasn't just that Belle was refusing him, so much as the realization that for an all too brief moment he had somehow behaved in a way that had made her forget about her established notions of him.
For one second, by her own admission, Belle had seen Hook as something other than a lecherous pirate. And it had HURT her to be reminded of otherwise, that aspect of his nature an ugly, cruel desire that left him as well Belle ashamed. Because it wasn't his desire to hurt her, or to humiliate her, but more than that, Hook had been alarmed to realize how much it had bothered him to have upset her. But it was more than just her upset, Hook having realized he was uncomfortable with just how MUCH he was coming to want and need Belle. Even more uncomfortable was in admitting it out loud, for the woman herself to hear and acknowledge.
Worst yet, he had seen by the look on her face, how much that level of desire had bothered her. As though Belle had felt safe when thinking his lust was born only of his revenge, and not because Hook had wanted HER too. She might have been the catalyst for achieving his revenge, but the kind of qualities she possessed, the kind of woman Belle was proving to be, had made his success all the more sweeter a satisfaction for it.
He didn't love her, hell, Hook didn't think it was possible for his heart to care for anyone to that strong a degree. Not now, not after three hundred years of wallowing in misery and hate. But he LIKED Belle, and wanted her to like him in turn. That was a revelation in of itself, Hook actually caring enough to want her to be happy with him. It had subdued him, Hook having turned quiet, as he had shadowed Belle about the clothing store. He had let her buy what she had wanted, without any input from him, the man achieving a level of restraint the pirate was not used to reaching.
The next soul gutting revelation came at the diner. He had felt horrible for how he had made Belle feel, for how he might have messed things up between them, especially after she had started to see a glimpse of something beyond his lusty pirate side. Hook had tried to apologize. Hell, he had tried several times, reaching out to touch her hand, and speak quietly with words of regret, but also with a kind of hope. He wasn't used to that last, a true and genuine kind of hope something that had been in such short supply where his heart had been concerned. That hope he held on a breath, waiting, waiting for Belle to assure him in that much at least.
“I want to know I haven't completely fucked up everything between us.”
It had all come tumbling down, like a wave crashing into his heart. For one, one brief second, she had let his hope soar, and then Belle had snatched her hand out from under his.
“There was nothing left that you could mess up any further.” It was then, then that Belle had reminded him of their deal. Reminded him of how she was with him only because the beauty was a person who honored such things. Hook could barely remember what he had said in reply to her, too stunned, too full of the feeling that was now hurting in his heart. The regret that was trying to bloom, a new ache on top of old losses, Hook wondering how or if there was any way to salvage his hope, and his dreams.
Dreams! Astonishment had flared to life inside him then, Hook having stared shocked across the table at Belle, with his lips slightly parted. She really was having an effect on him, awakening him to more than just lust, if he could ever, even for a single second, hold the rumblings of a dream in his heart. He had stared at her, and wondered what kind of magic she might have possessed, something that was strong enough to affect not one but two beasts of a men. There was just something about her, some quiet appeal beyond the beauty of her face, and the sexy curves of her body, that drew a man in. That made him want things, both real and impossible, Hook realizing then that now more than ever he wanted her future and her happiness tied together with his.
The cheeseburger Hook had ordered at Belle’s urging, was like ashes to him, the pirate’s senses dulled, taste and smell lost. He still ate, the motions of his mouth mechanical, as he sat there staring off into the distance of his thoughts. Belle didn't once try to talk to him, but then Hook didn't once try to engage her himself. He was too busy thinking, worrying. Knowing he had messed up, and wondering how or if he could turn things around.
His lust was a problem. It’s level of strength, the want that it made him feel when he so much as looked at Belle, it made a ruin of his ability to behave. Worse yet, was that Hook wasn't used to trying, the man hardly a person to hold back on taking what he wanted, and when. He was completely out of practice with controlling himself, with wanting to, Hook never before having had any reason to hold back. He wasn't even sure if Belle herself could be that kind of incentive, not when he was going half mad with the wanting of her. He really was a man starving, and his appetite was only growing worse the longer he went without.
He shut his eyes with a muted groan, blocking out the sight of the beauty before him, but not the memory of Belle at her most passionate. The writhing phantoms of the beauty at the peak of her pleasure, the remembered feel of her fitted snug around him, the honeyed taste of her arousal on his tongue, Hook was aware of how long it had been. Right down to the minute it seemed, Hook knowing it had been more than three days since, and every second without threatened his sanity just a little bit more.
He was glad for the bags in his hand. They kept him from reaching out to her, from trying to touch her. From grabbing and kissing Belle right in the middle of the somewhat empty docks. Because Hook knew, KNEW, he wouldn't stop at just one kiss. He almost never did, content to go further than what Belle was comfortable with, which wasn't saying much, when the woman wanted little to do with the pirate and his lusts. That much had always been clear, no matter how much he had tried to arouse her, Belle had somehow always managed to resist. Not even at her most breathless, her luscious body writhing under him, a soft sheen of sweat beading on her pale skin, Belle’s breasts heaving, her voice a tortured moan, and she had never once begged him to do anything but stop.
She tormented him with her refusals. He tortured her in turn with his sexual expertise. His devastating skill left them both crazed, Belle wet and aching, Hook’s cock harder than he could have thought possible. He didn't understand how Belle could resist him. But then Hook didn't understand how he was supposed to resist her.
His breath was ragged when he remembered to exhale, Hook staring at Belle, at her back and her body, the dress snug around her hips. Her skirt was short, but not to the point where anyone could consider it indecent, and it covered the worst of the rips Hook had made in her stockings. There was an angry bounce to her steps, a slight sway to her hips, Belle being sexually provocative without even trying. He found himself locked onto the hemline of her dress, watching it’s skirt bounce and rustle with her motion, Hook spying glimpse of pale skin through the worst of the tears that he had done. He was still staring when she abruptly stopped, Belle’s voice an angry, snarling gasp of sound.
“YOU!?”
He had nearly walked into her, Hook not having expected that snarl or that she would just stop without warning. Somehow he managed to avoid her, and to tear his eyes from the tantalizing visage of her skirt’s hemline, just in time to see just what, just who, had attracted the beauty’s anger.
The man was a familiar sight, though the nervous expression on his face was worst than anything Hook could remember the old pirate wearing. Not even the time when Hook at his most furious, had threatened to gut the man for his incompetence, had Smee come close to looking like this. He was nervous, but it wasn't so much that he was scared, but that he was completely full of regret, anxiously looking at the beauty as though he would welcome a slap from her.
It was the same kind of subservient energy that had spared him many a man’s wrath, Captain Hook’s included. The old pirate Smee wasn't the type to fight back, not with words, and not with his fists, the man ready instead to submit to all manner of abuse if it meant it would keep him alive. That he was clearly waiting, even welcoming of Belle’s imagined rage, made Hook wonder what Smee could have possibly done to her and how.
“Smee...” Hook said in a level and guarded tone. “Is there something you neglected to tell me?”
“You know him?!” Belle had turned slightly, standing in such a way that she could keep an eye on both of the men. She was beyond upset at this point, a wary light in her blue eyes, Belle suddenly flinching when Smee shifted in place. The old pirate had snatched off the red knit wool cap he normally wore a top his head, choosing instead to crumple it between his hands. He still looked so apologetic, so subservient and submissive, glancing at Belle, then looking with real fear at Hook.
“Captain...it wasn't that I was neglecting to tell you...” He began. “I just...”
“You just what?” At this point Hook decided to carefully set down the many bags he had been carrying, Belle not flinching quite as much as she had when Smee had moved to take hold of his cap. “You can't possibly expect me to believe that you forgot. That it slipped your mind to mention you had a dealing with a woman as beautiful as her. A woman who has had a close connection to the enemy we had been hunting for some three hundred years?”
“Um well.....that is....”
“Just what did you do?” Nothing but a stammering from Smee, Hook never taking his glare off of him, as he then addressed Belle. “What manner of foul encounter did you have with him?”
“He...”
“It was a month or two back!” Smee cried out over Belle. “Long before you made your way to Storybrooke and made Miss Belle your woman! I...I had no idea, no way of knowing if you even stood a chance of finding your way here, let alone what role she would play, or ust how important the young miss would be to your revenge!”
Belle had visually bristled when Smee had called her Hook’s woman, the woman glaring at the older pirate.
“What did you do?” Hook repeated in a harsher tone of voice.
“I would have never done it if I had thought there was even a chance of you coming!” Smee cried out. “But Captain, the curse had just broken, and I was so LOST, and then her father had approached me, and had offered to pay me a handsome sum to send Miss Belle away!”
“Away?” Hook echoed with a frown. “Away HOW?”
“By sending me over the town line.” Belle spoke before Smee could. She sounded bitter and upset. “Not even my own father wanted me to be with Rumplestiltskin.”
Smee was nodding rapidly. “He'd rather she forget everything, then be with that monster!” He glanced quickly at Belle, but his attention was all for his captain. “I would have never done it, not knowing what your revenge means, not knowing that you were going to find a way here!”
He finally looked away from Smee, to stare instead at Belle. Her eyes were angry, but more than that feeling, she looked upset. Sad even. It was then that Hook wondered about her father, about what might have happened to HIM.
“Belle, love...?” Hook started to step towards her. “Where is your father now?”
“What do you mean?” Belle asked in a careful tone of voice. “What exactly are you asking me?”
“Well, it’s only because it’s obvious you weren't cursed OR sent away. I am wondering what happened. Wondering what that monster did in retaliation.”
“He DIDN'T kill him!” Belle protested, blinking so hard because she was fighting her tears. “He didn't lay so much as a finger on my father.”
Now that, Hook found hard to believe. The crocodile had a temper, was known for violent displays when things didn't go his way. Hook couldn't imagine Rumplestiltskin leaving Belle’s father alone. Not when the man had almost cost Belle her memories and sense of self.
“I really am sorry.” Smee was saying.
“Why?” Belle asked, then shook her head. “it doesn't matter your reasons. All the regrets that you can feel, all the apologies that you can say, won't bring back my father....my relationship with him!”
“Belle?”
But she was already moving, barreling past Smee, to run towards the invisible ship. She had to slow down some, to find the hidden steps, and make her shaky way up into the ship, but soon enough Belle had disappeared from sight too.
“Captain, I am SORRY.” Smee repeated. “I wasn't trying to hurt her, I was trying to help her. Everyone agrees. Everyone knows that that monster is no good for her.”
“No he’s not.” agreed Hook, still staring after Belle. His hand was out, arm extended in her direction, though he had never gotten to actually touch her. She had moved to quickly, too suddenly, but not fast enough for Hook to have not seen the tears slipping down her face. “You should have told me, Smee.”
“But I...”
“I'm not angry with what you tried to do before I got here.” He paused. “Well not as angry as I could be.” He admitted gruffly. “But I don't like your secret keeping, especially when it hurts Belle.”
“Captain?”
“This is NOT how I would have introduced you to one another.” Hook stated. “At the very least you should have given me the advance knowledge to prepare her and let her know just who you really are.”
“And that is?” Smee asked. “Just what am I, captain?”
“Right now?” Hook asked, and the older pirate nodded. “Right now you're nothing more than my errand boy.”
“I suppose it’s a start.” sighed Smee, as he put his cap back on top of his head. “But Captain, how long before you get the crew together?”
“Hmm?”
“I'm not the only one feeling lost. There’s quite a few of us in town, that would love the chance to stir up some trouble. And with you leading us, there wouldn't be a ship safe in these waters!”
“I'll keep that in mind should I ever decide to risk the curse.” Hook told him, watching the frown take over Smee’s chubby face. “But until then, I think I am retired from my days of plundering ships...”
“I don't understand....”
“No, I suppose you wouldn't.” Hook agreed. He had finally lowered his arm to his side. “But I'm not like you Smee. I'm not lost any more...”
“Not lost any more?” Smee sounded like he was working his brain over time to understand. “Because you've finally managed your revenge? Or because....because of that woman, Miss Belle?”
“Yes.” But Hook didn't make clear just what he saying yes to. He didn't feel he owed Smee that complete an explanation, and Hook was still too new to the feelings Belle was stirring inside him. He couldn't even smile, finally blinking and looking Smee’s way. “Did you get the stuff?”
“Oh yes!” Smee seemed happy to be able to confirm that he had done something right. “It’s in my car. I would have already brought it on board, but I wasn't sure where exactly the Roger was.”
“Well, you know now.” Hook said, bending to pick up the bags he had set aside. “Bring it and then be gone with you.”
“Captain?” Smee appeared crestfallen. “I was thinking I could stay.”
“You thought wrong.” Hook’s voice and expression was cold. “I'm wanting my privacy, and I doubt Belle would want to see you any time soon....”
“But how can I smooth things over with her if I stay gone?” Smee asked.
“That’s one thing you might not be able to do, regardless if you stay or go. Don't worry Smee, you're still my errand boy. That means I will be in touch.” The older man didn't look happy, his eyes stormy, his lips pressed together with his displeasure. But Smee slowly nodded his head in acceptance, his shoulders sagging somewhat as Hook walked on by.
The pirate then made his way up to the ship. He felt the ripple of magic hit him about mid waist, a slight breeze stirring through his hair, the bags rustling from the force of it, as the ship came into view. He couldn't help smiling to see the familiar sight of his beloved Jolly Roger, of the soft gold's and rich browns of the enchanted wood’s colors, and Hook’s flag of choice flapping about in the wind. But what he didn't see was what made him frown instead, Hook wondering just where in the ship Belle might have gone. He thought to try the galley first, the fact not lost on him that the beauty had taken to baking when at her most depressed. In the past three days, the ship has been filled with all manner of delicious smells, Belle creating one mouth watering treat after another, to the point she had actually made a dent into the ship’s stock.
It hadn't yet reached the point where the two would go hungry any time soon, and yet Hook had paid Smee to bring to the ship some more food. That wasn't the only thing Smee had been ordered to buy, a sundry of supplies from this world, some cloths and fabrics, and various odds and ends of which Hook hoped to somehow appeal to Belle. It bothered him to see her moping, to see her wallowing so strongly in her depression. He wanted the tears to stop, he wanted her mind distracted from her pain, and most of all, Hook wanted her to learn how to be happy again.
She wasn't in the galley, though the ship’s kitchen showed signs of her earlier presence in the banana bread and cakes that lay out on the counters. Belle really had quite the sweet tooth for a woman as slim of figure as she. Or maybe the decorating the cakes just took her mind off her troubles for a little while. He just didn't know, Hook having spent more time trying to seduce and tease her than question Belle about her odd habits.
Still carrying the bags, of which the radio and clothing were inside, Hook began wandering slowly through his ship. Most of the rooms were dusty and abandoned, Hook not having the time or inclination to keep the whole ship clean and in tip top shape. It was simply too much work for a man with only one hand, and Hook hadn't minded the dust too much. Now it embarrassed him, and he made a mental note to order Smee to clean the ship from top to bottom next time around. Hook would make sure to take Belle somewhere, certain the woman wouldn't appreciate Smee and the painful reminder he so clearly was to her. Hook didn't know exactly what had happened, but he could guess as much from what little Belle had said. Something about how all of Smee’s regrets and his sorry, could not bring back her relationship with her father. Hook took that to mean Belle and the man were on the outs, the father turning his back on her, or the woman cutting him out of her life in return for what he had tried to have Smee do to her. Hook found himself wondering if he could somehow help, and then almost laughed out loud in a sardonic fashion at the idea.
“What has she done to me?” Hook muttered under his breath. He was no healer of rifts, no uniters of families. He was the one tearing them apart, the kind of bad man that fathers would and had disowned their daughters for associating with. Belle’s father would most likely be no different, a pirate not much better than a monster to most people’s eyes.
Then again, the man might be grateful. To the point he'd feel indebted to Hook, Belle’s father ever so grateful that his beloved and only daughter was free of Rumplestiltskin and his twisted influence. That kind of thought remained in the back of his mind, Hook heading towards the luxury that was the captain’s cabin. He hadn't expected Belle to go to his—THEIR bedroom, and indeed it would have been the last place he would have check. But he had heard a sound from that direction, a kind of muffled thump and muted sob.
The door was still damaged, Hook thinking it just another thing to task Smee with. Not that he spent much time thinking on Smee once Belle was in Hook’s line of sight. She wasn't crying, not exactly, though her chest heaved, and her breaths came out on a shuddery sound. Occasionally Belle would use the back of her hand, to rub at her eyes, but other than that, the woman busied herself with the clothing she had unpacked from one of the three bags she had been carrying.
“Belle...” Hook set down the bags he had brought with him, but she didn't so much as look his way. She was too busy trying not to cry, trying to decide where she should stick the clothing she had just folded. Hook stalked towards her, and even at the sound of his footsteps approaching, she didn't look up. She wouldn't until after he had wrapped his arms around her, the beauty actually jumping with a startled fright to find herself in the pirate’s embrace.
Her hands dropped hold of the clothing, her delicate fingers touching on Hook’s arms. But she didn't struggle too badly, didn't outright try to pull away. Hook crooned softly to her, rubbing his cheek against her hair, and for once he wasn't trying to be sexual but comforting instead.
“It’s okay, love.” He told her. “It’s okay to let go and cry. It won't make you any bit weak for giving in to such feelings.”
Her breath hitched in her throat, but Belle still did not actually start crying. He wouldn't let go of her, wouldn't stop trying to will comfort to her, whispering softly in her ear. “It might help to talk about it at least....”
“Why?” She asked. “It won't repair what was lost.”
“It might not.” He agreed. “But your father is still alive, is he not?” A slow nod yes from her, Belle’s fingers tightening on his sleeves. “Then there’s still a chance...”
“A chance to do what?” She let out a sound, and it was this much closer to an out right sob. “My father DISOWNED me for my love.” The woman shifted enough in his embrace, so that she could glance over her shoulder at Hook. “Because I wouldn't give up on or leave Rumplestiltskin. He made me CHOOSE between them....”
Belle had been trembling, and now she outright shook, her pain and her sadness, her frustration, and even her anger manifesting in the quivering motion of her body.
“I can't say I blame him for that...” Hook admitted, hearing her choke on a sob. “What man in his right mind would WANT his daughter with that monster.” She had already turned her face away, so now Hook shifted his grip on her, to make Belle turn towards him. “But Belle, love...” He kept one arm around her, his other lifting so that he could brush his fingers over her wet cheek in a caress. “I don't agree with HIS choice. Or the pain that he’s caused you...”
She was staring at him, and even her lips were trembling with her pain. Hook wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to caress her mouth with his lips and his tongue, to tease and torment her, and divert Belle from the pain that she was feeling.
“But you have to realize the pain you've caused him.” Hook murmured, and his lips were dangerously close to hers. “It was a terrible choice he forced on you, but it doesn't mean his pain is any less for what resulted of it.”
“How would you know that?” He literally felt the movement of her lips, the warmth of her breath on his face. “You've never even met him, have you?”
“I may not know him, but I know you. And the effect you have on people.” His smile was strained, Hook needing every ounce of his flimsy will power to not actually kiss her. “I'd be hard pressed to find someone who DIDN'T want what’s best for you...”
“What’s best for me…” She repeated it in a dull tone of voice, as though the thought had never occurred to her. She suddenly jerked back, her violent motion almost freeing Belle from Hook’s embrace. “That’s not true!” She protested. “No one wanted to have anything to do with me so long as I was with Rumplestiltskin!”
“There was Ruby.” He reminded her, not letting her flee from him or this truth. “And there is the savior and her little family of heroes.”
“Ruby….”
“You have more friends than you want to realize...and could make even more, now that you're free of that monster.” She sniffled, and Hook pulled her closer. “You could make new friends, and make a go at making amends...”
“Amends….”
“I understand that you're scared.” continued Hook, his tone still soothing. “It’s always difficult to admit that you've been wrong, to take that first step to correcting things. But more than that...”
“More than that, it would be worse not to try.” Belle admitted, and she crumpled against him, the tears flowing more freely. Hook gathered her to him, cupped the back of her head with his hand, and staggered a few feet to the nearest available chair. He ended up seated with Belle on his lap, the woman burying her face against the crook of his shoulder. He kept right on petting her hair, Hook crooning soothing nonsense to her, as Belle shook and sobbed. He listened to her pain, to her sadness, wondering when, IF, she would have the courage to try and take that first step. Because it wasn't just admitting that she was wrong, that Belle would have to have a fear of. Not when making amends with the people who had shunned her, meant learning their stories, the crimes and misdeeds Rumplestiltskin had committed against them. Hook knew she'd need more than just courage, but the strength and the willingness to listen. Hook wasn't sure Belle was quite ready, the woman still so in love with the monster and hurting because of him.
It was quite a situation on his hands, but then Hook was used to picking up the pieces where women and Rumplestiltskin were concerned. He could even remember comforting Milah in a similar fashion, but with better results than he was currently having with the beauty on his lap. Beautiful Belle was so hurt, so distraught, and it wasn't all just because of Rumplestiltskin. Hook had played his fair share in handing out the hurt, using, even abusing Belle as a result of their bargain. He had manipulated things to his advantage, and the worst thing was, Hook knew he wouldn't have hesitated to do it again. It wasn't just his sought after revenge, but Belle herself, that was such a treat, the pirate staking so much on the life and purpose that she now gave him.
In a way, just as she had given him his life, Hook wanted to give Belle back HERS. He wanted her eyes open, wanted Belle to not only realize she was better off without Rumplestiltskin, but that she could still have a happy life. A wonderful life with HOOK. He wanted that more than he could have ever imagined wanting something that wasn't his revenge, Hook determined to make Belle his not just in body, but in soul too.
To be Continued…
I think you can tell, this chapter kinda got all rambly, did not want to end by the time I got to the last batch of paragraphs. Good Lord, did I kinda give up and just abruptly end the chapter where I did. I am having mixed feelings about this one. I had a lot of difficulties with the Smee scene...actually trashed several attempts, before I got one that I was sorta happy with. Right now...it’s like I don't love this chapter the way I like 23 and 24, but I don't hate it the way I loathe 22...so yeah, mixed feelings.
On the plus side….okay I fleshed out my notes some more! I was rereading the last five chapters again, and just getting inspired. But some of what I am inspired for, I am not sure how or when I will get the story to those parts. X_X (Quite a bit of it involves Cora and Regina related story stuff!)
I feel like this is such a weird chapter. Would love some feedback. Trying to show Hook is not in love with Belle (yet! XD) but he’s def having feelings. Maybe possessive obsessive feelings….I hope it’s not a mistake to have him like this, like I worry maybe it’s too soon...but the way I have been trying to write him, he did think of her as giving him a new life and purpose, so I can definitely see him getting obsessed and possessive of her. Maybe without actually realizing it.
As far why he didn't mention to her she would have to face the other people’s stories about Rumplestiltskin, in my head it’s cause he is still trying to adhere to the little truce thing they made at the end of 22. To manage one day without him bad mouthing Rumplestiltskin, making insinuations and saying hurtful things. He tried his best, though he did slip up by constantly calling him a monster...but he didn't do it as bad as he might have normally. So maybe some points for Hook there!
Okay, I should shut up now!
---Michelle
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