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Home Unknown	By : katecooley Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 15191 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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See part one for all the semi-legal song and dance. Again, anything in // is mental discussion.

Thanks for the sweet reviews. You guys rock!

Tomatoes: foodreference.com/html/artloveapples.html Not in Europe until the 1600s, but when have Herc and Xena ever paid attention to timelines? I snirched the use from Scribe, who just rocks my socks with her fics.

Chapter 26 - Theta Gamma Iota and Double-Sided Dinars

"OK, now� drink it s-l-o-w-l-y. It packs a kick like a beestung mule."

Joxer didn't doubt that for a second. The brew in the tiny stoneware cup was black as squid ink and thickly fragrant. He was snapping to attention on the fumes alone. Gingerly, he lifted the steaming drink to his lips and took a tentative sip.

YOWZA!!!

He could feel every hair on his body stand on end as he swallowed. To call that drink a little strong would be like calling Mount Olympus a little tall. "Wow," he rasped, coughing a little. "No kidding."

"And now you know why the little cup," the barrista chuckled, leaning on the counter between them with his forearms. Joxer nodded - he'd given Falafel a skeptical look at the minuscule portion, but now he got it but good. A regular tankard could fuel a city for a month. "I'm thinking of trying flavors out. There's a guy in the marketplace that gets spice shipments."

"Maybe� it might depend on the flavor," Joxer cleared his throat and eyed the cup in his hand. Inexplicably, he took another sip. This time, it wasn't so bad. Still strong, but it didn't catch him off-guard. His voice was a half-octave higher when he spoke again, though. "You might need to cut it with something, though. This stuff is� wow."

"Hmm.. you may be right." Falafel cast an eye to his pot. "One of my regulars heads over to the dairy vendor with his. Maybe he's got the right idea."

Joxer nodded again, blinking hard as he drank some more. Well, you were looking to be alert, right? He cast a look next to him to see Bliss happily "um-mum-mum-mum"-ing his way through one of those 'hot-dog' things on the menu. He supposed it couldn't be TOO bad if the God of Joy and Pleasure was into them. Still, the 'dog' thing was a little off-putting, though no more so than the alternate 'wiener' tag their host had suggested. The little cherub's wings flapped happily as he ate, making a nice little breeze in the open-air eatery.

"So, Jox, tell me. You been a god long or is this a new thing?"

A swallow of that hot, thick concoction got caught halfway down his throat and decided to head in both directions at once, making Joxer sputter and cough loudly enough to make the other man scurry around to slap his back and lift his arms, trying to clear the way. Panic rose up with the coffee and tried to squeeze out a few words to explain, but Falafel wasn't having any of it, working to calm his friend down quickly before the other patrons of his inn got too involved in what was going on there. Mostly they'd kept to themselves, but Falafel was sure that Joxer didn't want a whole lot of attention drawn to himself or the little winged boy sitting next to him. Fortunately, his customers were a savvy bunch since he'd moved to Athens. The appearance of gods, even ones they didn't regularly recognize, may have raised an eyebrow or two, but didn't cause a scene the way it would elsewhere. "Easy, my friend, easy�" he quickly ducked back behind the counter, his multi-colored tunic and pants fluttering around him as he moved.

"Joxie, you OK?" Bliss asked, eyes wide and mouth full of food.

"Just� went down the wrong way," Joxer croaked as quietly as possible as the proprietor produced a cup of water for him. He managed to not cough and blow it all over the other man. "How�?"

"I'm a bartender, Jox. I pick these things up," Falafel gave a half a smile, watching Joxer's color return to pale from mottled red. "You don't look like yourself� I mean, you do and you don't. Obviously it's you. You have that look in your eyes that your brothers don't have. And I don't think either of them do the baby-sitting thing." He nodded to the young godling slurping up a cup of mixed fruit juice. "And besides, he's obviously a god. I don't know if he'd be left in the care of a plain old mortal unsupervised."

Joxer nodded. That was a good point. Even with the inhibitor bracelet that Hephaestus had shown up with before they'd left (he'd have to thank Aphrodite for prodding her husband for the delivery), he wasn't sure that he'd have been entrusted with this task prior to becoming a god.

"Plus, you have this glow-thing going on. Of course, it could just be that you've gotten laid," Falafel whispered those last words, keeping them from smallish ears. A grin broke out moments after Joxer's face flushed and a sheepish smile spread out on his lips. "Heyyy, things are looking up all over!" He produced a second cup and filled it with the murky drink. "A toast to us. May happiness linger long after the morning."

Joxer grinned and touched his cup to Falafel's. "Us?"

"Yeah," a brilliant smile touched the other man's face. "Congratulate me, Jox� I'm getting married."

"Yeah? No kidding? WOW!" the newest god on Olympus was quick to embrace his old friend in the standard manly back-slap routine as the youngest god on Olympus giggled and vibrated with the palpable joy in the air. "That's great!"

"It is," Falafel beamed. "She's an amazing woman. Roman, if you can believe that. I met her at this cooking festival there. She makes the most amazing pies out of this fruit she calls 'love-apples' and goat cheese. The coffee is her recipe too. And beautiful! Ah, she's this side of a goddess herself, I tell you. Royalty would bend a knee to her loveliness." Joxer had to grin - only love made you lapse into hyperbole like that. He could probably apply the same to himself - he was sure that Ares could make entire cities swoon with a loft of an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Joxer let his mind linger on the sun-kissed skin he'd been touching semi-innocently earlier. Had Ares not nodded off during his demonstration of Eastern massage technique, there probably would have been a very happy ending to it.

"From that smile, you must." Falafel nudged him and snickered genially. "She probably makes all of Troy say 'Helen who?' huh?"

"Would make sailors steer from the sirens, that's for sure." Joxer could feel the heat building on his cheeks already, mindful of those same little ears still nearby.

"Gives Aphrodite fits, right?"

"Nah, they get along well enough. After all, he is her brother�" The words were out long before Joxer could stop them, making Falafel's eyebrows launch up high on his forehead, his eyes bright and inquisitive, knowing a good piece of gossip when he heard it. Now the blush seized his whole face. "Ohhh� that was out loud."

"And fairly well enunciated," his mortal friend prodded him, teasing a little.

"It's� kinda new."

"It all is at first." Joxer was glad to see no harsh judgment in Falafel's face, only good-natured ribbing and mute acceptance. Of course, if anyone was going to not judge him for this, the much-maligned chef was it. "Be sure you make him treat you right, OK, Jox?"

"I don't think that's something I'll have to worry about," the new god fondly remembered their first encounter and Ares' reluctance to do any real bossing around.

Falafel mulled that over for a second. "Yeahhhh, that's probably true. I mean, you have to have both, right?" Now it was Joxer's turn to raise an eyebrow, this time in confusion. "Both sides."

That didn't help much. "Sides?"

"Of his godhood." Falafel rolled his eyes at the continued puzzled puss before him. "C'mon, Jox. I don't buy that 'Mighty Fool' business. You know." Not getting the reaction he wanted, he turned to the little godling still munching on his lunch. "Take him. He's God of Joy and Pleasure, right? So he's in charge of bestowing those things� AND withholding them. So, technically, he's also in charge of Unhappiness."

Joxer had never thought about it that way, not really. Though he guessed it made sense. "Like Aphrodite is in charge of Love and the absence of Love, which is Hate. OK. I get that."

"Of course. Hera's responsible for divorces, Athena's the bestower of ignorance� Hey, every dinar's gotta have two sides, right? It'd only make sense that Ares would be�"

"Oh no." Joxer clapped his hand over his mouth to keep a sudden burst of giggles from coming out. "He would, wouldn't he."

"Yeah, but you know Daddums. He ain't gonna wanna float that one around," a voice cackled behind Joxer, echoed by one very similar in tone. Two people plopped on the stools next to Joxer, matching grins and disguises in place.

"I thought you two were only supposed to be keeping an ear on me," Joxer, a little surprised to see the twins together and not engaged in harming each other.

"Yeahhh, welllll� we did that," the blond version squinted up at the menu board on the wall. "Then that got boring and we got hungry. We figured you wouldn't mind the company."

"Plus, we had to get out of Dodge, if ya dig. I felt Athena headin' our way." The brunette copied his twin's actions, examining the bill of fare, elbowing his brother in the process.

"Yeah, I'm sure she's found that smell by now," the blond giggled.

"Dei, we used almost 20 pounds. It'd be kinda hard to miss once the sun hits it." Dark eyebrows waggled naughtily.

"Um, guys? You two did�" Joxer made a waving motion over himself and the twins nodded.

"Oh yah. She won't follow us past the temple." The blond waved his hand dismissively, going back to eyeing up the food. "So� what's good?"

"Hawt gaaahg!" Bliss chimed in with a mouthful of same.

"Yeah, We can see that, ya little pig." A long arm reached around Joxer and ruffled blond curls into a riot. "How 'bout somethin' that ain't been chewed already?" An eyebrow lofted in Falafel's direction, launching the proprietor into a long-winded but happy spiel about the specials of the day, most of which had names like 'Vesuvius Poppers' and 'Minotaur Wings'. Several pairs of eyebrows launched up at the mention of 'Ambrosia', but settled back into place when they realized that it was just some wiggly kind of salad with cream.

By the time the voice invaded Joxer's consciousness, 'Dei' had some kind of sauce smeared on his cheeks from eating ribs and 'Pho' was negotiating a fried onion slice from his Olympic Blossom, Bliss fluttering around them, trying to snitch bites. And if that scene (and Falafel's beam of pride at his god-pleasing cuisine) wasn't enough to make Olympus' newest and as-yet-undecided god smile, the voice itself would have done the job.

Falsely falsetto, it chirped //Message for Cupid, God of Love!//

Joxer rolled his eyes and thought back at the 'speaker'. //He's not here.//

Now, the voice was familiar again. //Thank frickin' Zeus. I'm comin' in.// And before the words were even finished sounding in Joxer's head, a faint burst of light around one of the corners and around walked Strife, dressed much like his cousins were already. What, they have ONE image of how mortals look?

"CUZ!" the twins called out around mouthfuls of food. Both held their arms out, as if seeking a hug. Strife rolled his eyes and snickered as he did his best to avoid getting mucked up by grubby hands and faces.

"Can't take you two anywhere, can we?" A flutter of wings in his periphery made him start a little, but since those wings were definitely junior-sized, he didn't completely panic. He plucked the little cherub out of the air and gave him a long squeeze until the godling squealed and wiggled. "How ya doin', Squirt?"

"Good, Uncle Stwife! I eated a hot dog!" Bliss planted a big, loud kiss on his uncle-cousin's cheek.

"Smells good, kiddo," Strife beamed, shifting the little god to his hip. "So, what's the deal?"

"I was about to ask the same thing," Joxer muttered to himself, watching the god of mischief pink a little around the edges. A sheepish look, out of place on Strife's face, flashed for a second before disappearing again. "Are we expecting any more� 'arrivals'?"

"Unless Harm gets a furlough, no." Strife was quick to answer, though Joxer could see from his eyes that there was at least one god he was expecting to show up sooner or later in search of an answer. "But you know the family. They got no sense-a decorum. They'll just show up whenever the wind blows 'em the right way."

Joxer gave him a sympathetic half-grin - or at least one he hoped was sympathetic - and turned back to Falafel. "Maybe we should get a table?"

Faster than you could say 'gratuity', the proprietor and owner of the eatery was out from behind the bar. "I have just the one. Everyone follow me."

A short walk later and Falafel had them set up at a well-appointed table near the bank of big open windows that bore a light breeze into the room, their dishes transported from the bar and their drinks refreshed. And they were all settling down when something prickled Joxer's skin, like an unseen finger of ice tracing up and down the back of his neck. Something was about to happen. Something unpleasant. Something unstoppable. Something earth-rending. He kept a groan inside him as he focused and sent a trembling tendril of power out around them and found the source.

Knowing wasn't any better.

Tension sliced the air around them in honed blades, borne on the words of the littlest god.

"UNCA HERC!!!"

tbc
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