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Home Unknown	By : katecooley Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 15190 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 26
- 27
- 28
See part one for all the semi-legal song and dance. Again, anything in // is mental discussion.
And thanks for being so patient. My computer bit the dust and I�ve had to scramble to get things right again. And then RL decided to be a biatch.

Chapter 27 � This�ll Only Herc a Bit�

"Gentlemen! Welcome to Theta Gamma Iota Falafel!" the lanky owner immediately launched himself at the wandering heroes, who'd managed to wander close enough to get pulled in by a vigorous warrior's clasp. "Come, come. I have the best seat in the house for my good friends."
From where he sat, Joxer could see the smile on Hercules' face, genuine with a hint of humoring. He'd had it directed at himself on more than one occasion - at least it wasn't out-and-out phony. That was something, he guessed.
"Theta Gamma What Now?" the shorter blond next to the son of Zeus chuckled.
"It stands for 'Thank Gods It's Falafel'," the chef-cum-proprietor puffed up proudly. "Catchy, huh?"
"It's� something, I'll give you that," Hercules intoned, turning just in time to catch a double-armful of nephew. "OOF! Hi Bliss!"
"Unca Herc!" A big hug and a noisy kiss greeted the hero. "Come sit wif us!"
"Uhh�" Hercules cast an eye over to 'us' and couldn't place anyone there. They looked vaguely familiar, but were, for the most part, strangers. What was his nephew doing with a bunch of strange men? A hand shot up and waved at him�OK, Joxer was there. That was� at least a little relieving. He was sure Joxer would have been looking out for the little guy.
"Hey Jox!" Iolaus waved back, happy to not have to occupy whatever "best table" Falafel had in store for them. There was nothing like being on display to ruin your appetite. Not his, of course. But Herc got a little high strung sometimes� Iolaus pivoted quick to catch the flurry of feathers heading at him at top speed with a spirited 'Unca Yolas!' "Hey, Squirt! You behaving yourself?"
Back at the table, Joxer could feel a faint tingle of nervousness in his belly. He could easily see Bliss announcing his tablemates, still currently in disguise, and the demi-godly son of Zeus not being very happy about it. He started to get up, but a hand at his shoulder kept him seated.
"He knows."
Eyes turning a shade wide, Joxer turned slightly to Strife, the faint twinkle of an applied glamour still lingering around Mischief's ears. He guessed that was for Hercules' benefit - the hero would naturally be able to tell his own family without it. But if Herc knew� "And he's not smashing the table to bits to get at you because�?"
"Not Jerkules. Bliss. He knows not to say anything. He thinks it's a game we're playing with them."
"Yah, and that little bugger HATES to lose." Phobos snorted a laugh quietly.
Strife squeezed his shoulder and gave a low chuckle. "It's cool. We done this before. Herkie-baby ain't ever the wiser." Somehow, a chortle from Mischief didn't make Joxer feel too much better about the situation. Especially as the heroes were making their way to the table.
"Hey, Joxer," Hercules smiled fondly as they sat down, Bliss still clinging to Iolaus. It wasn�t long before he was bouncing between the two men, regaling them with the merits of Falafel�s cooking. They didn�t look entirely convinced, eyeing the various plates spread out on the table.
"Hey guys!" a round of warriors� arm-clasps passed between the two men and Joxer. "It�s been a while, huh?" A sharp throat-clearing noise to his left made Joxer almost wince. This was going to be interesting. "Oh, let me introduce. This is�" he gestured toward Strife in disguise and his tongue fell dead in his mouth. What was he supposed to call the god? Surely not�
"Erin." Strife rose in his seat and Joxer�s view was full of the surreal image of him greeting his least favorite relative (as far as Joxer knew, anyway) with a wry grin and grasp of arm. "And these are my cousins Paura and Dolore." Giggles were stifled as the twins greeted the heroes.
"Interesting names." Iolaus chimed in, giving the boys the once over. Joxer�s stomach was starting to feel funny.
"Mom always did like the interesting ones." Phobos/Paura grinned. "So, what brings two heroes such as yourself out this way? Athens in trouble?"
"Actually, no," Hercules readjusted his nephew on his lap, either unaware of or used to the godling�s wiggling and unmindful of the faint glow around him. "We�re just winding our way toward Delphi. We always like to make the celebration."
"I can't wait for the festival," Iolaus threw in with a wide grin. "First thing I do, I'm eating a pie. First one I see. Then I'm finding that embroidery stall that was there last year."
"You into the art of the thread?" Deimos-in-disguise asked, still negotiating his way around a rib bone.
"More like the artist," Hercules faked a gruff voice, but Joxer (and anyone else within 50 feet) could see a sly twinkle in his eyes that matched his childhood friend's.
"Melodia," Iolaus sighed with a touch of lust winding its way playfully around her name. "She's�" a cough and head nod to the littlest (and to their eyes the only) god at the table nudged Iolaus away from whatever descriptor he'd been pondering. "�one of the best talents with a needle I've ever seen." The demi-god at his elbow snorted out an indulgent but teasing laugh. "She IS! You tell me someone who's better. And DON'T say Alcemene, because that's cheating." Iolaus jabbed a finger in the air at his best friend.
"How is that cheating? Mother is very good with a needle." A hint of smile lingered on the son of Zeus' lips.
Blue eyes rolled wildly, an unconscious homage to a goddess who lent a little more than just favor to the Golden Hunter. "Because I'm not talking about your MOTHER, Herc. I'm talking about a pretty woman who wanted�" *cough* *nod* "um� to show me her wares?"
There was almost a shower of food as Phobos AND Deimos had to recover from a bout of laughing and choking rather quickly. And, fortunately, amidst backslaps, the demigod and his friend joined in the laugh. For a fraction of a second, Joxer felt himself relaxing.
It didn�t last long.
"So, Jox, you hitting the festival this year?"
Well, he WAS planning on attending, but as a chaperone for Eris and Hermes. Not that he could tell THEM that. "Yeah, I was thinking of it. I haven�t been for a while."
"Yeah, I know what you mean", Iolaus continued, nudging Hercules in the ribs jestingly. "These big hero types don�t give us normal guys a chance to rest."
"Right," Hercules scoffed. "It�s me running YOU around."
"Well, the hydras and random cranky gods don�t follow ME around, y�know." Iolaus snickered, not realizing the focus he�d just drawn to himself from the other side of the table.
"As if that�s MY fault. You know as well as I do that THEY� OW!" Just as Joxer was going to remind them of the little ears paying rapt attention to what they said, Hercules started straight up in his chair, rising off the seat like a frog on a frying pan.
Iolaus � and all the others at the table � peered down at the smooth, polished chair that the son of Zeus had jumped up from. Nothing there seemed capable of injuring a demi-godly posterior. All eyes drifted back to Hercules again, who examined the seat himself. Ran his broad hand over the almost shining-smooth wood. No gap to pinch, nothing poking out�
"I don�t get it. Something just� and HARD too!"
"Here, swap with me, Herc." Iolaus, who had caught Bliss on the godling�s last flutter over, gave the chair a final look before shifting them both over.
With a wary eye, the hero did switch. "Weird."
"Hey, maybe it was a cramp. We�ve been hoofing pretty hard lately." Iolaus shrugged when he caught the skeptical look from his friend. "I dunno. It�s not the chair, that�s all I�m saying. Actually, it�s pretty comfy." And he shifted his butt a few times to demonstrate.
Hercules mumbled something unhappily and settled into the chair Iolaus had been occupying� to the tune of a long, dangerous, ominous-sounding series of creaks and squeaks. The demi-god tried to settle in as gently as he could, but every movement produced a groaning noise that sounded like it would be the chair�s last. A few breathless moments passed before he actually relaxed.
"Anyway, as I was saying, you really should go, Jox. We can all use a break sometimes. And I know Xena � she never wants to slow down and smell the roses. It�s all work, work, work." Iolaus sighed, giving their friend the once over. "Though, it looks like you�ve been getting some rest."
"Yeah, well� Xena and Gabby had to head out and I had some stuff to do myself, so I�ve kinda been on my own� sorta." Joxer shrugged one shoulder. "It�s been� nice." The cough and snort that came out of Strife� Erin� whoever he was being right now� was enough to make Joxer wish he had something resembling control of his powers. Of course, he was also sure that both mortals would have noticed a gag appearing out of nowhere.
"Whatever you�ve been up to, I�d say keep at it. It definitely suits you."
"I agree," Deimos/Dolore piped in, his face a mask of seriousness. Almost. His eyes were all afire with mischief, which was no doubt feeding Strife very well.
"Here here," Phobos/Paura chimed along, slapping the table.
"Yeah, well� we�ll see how much more of it comes my way." Joxer was sure he was purple with embarrassment, but if anyone noticed, they didn�t let on.
"All you can handle, if I�m any judge," Strife surreptitiously nudged at the former mortal out of the general line of sight.
"I�ll� see if I can break away for the festival. It does sound like fun."
//Nice swerve.// Strife snickered inside his head.
//Thanks// Joxer thought back to the young god, hoping the others would take the hint. This was veering dangerously close to someone announcing something very private and potentially mood-killing.
"It should be a real ground-shaker. We heard something about even Athena showing up this year, didn�t we, Herc?" Iolaus nodded to his friend, spurring him from the precariousness of his chair and steering him back into the conversation.
"It was just a rumor. I�m not putting too much into it until I hear more. Festivals and public parties aren�t really her style."
"I don�t know. Those were her priestesses talking outside her temple. Sounds like a solid source to me," Iolaus shrugged.
"Athena?" Joxer felt Strife/Erin nearly bolt up straight next to him.
"It�s not like it�s out of the ordinary. Gods show up to these kinds of things all the time." Hercules reasoned.
"Yeah, but HER? I can see Aphrodite or Cupid, but�"
"Well, it IS Apollo�s festival. Maybe there�s some kind of solidarity there." If Hercules or Iolaus noticed one of the hidden gods faking a cough over his laughter, they didn�t show it. "The House of Intellect at least shows its loyalty." One of the twins � Joxer was so beyond keeping track of which by now � thumped the other on the back to help �clear the obstruction.� "Not like some of the others." A hand further down the table flicked in the air, out of the heroes� direct line of sight. "I can�t see Ares or Eris giving each other the same� OW!" the hero scooted his chair back quickly, avoiding something beneath the table. "Something bit me!"
"That�s nuts, Herc, there�s nothing� OW!" Iolaus jumped, scootching a bit away from the table and pulling his legs up under him. Gingerly, he peered under the table, but only saw knees staring back at him. "Falafel," he waved over the cook-cum-owner, who�d long since departed to the bar to tend to more customers. "You don�t have a cat, do you?"
"At home, sure. But he�s too pushy to bring to work. Why?"
"No reason�" Iolaus peered under the table once more, making sure they were alone� no, only feet as far as he could see.
Joxer didn�t bother looking under the table. All the action was happening above, as far as he could see. He didn�t know how he�d missed those poker faces on Strife and his two cousins before, but now he couldn�t see anything BUT them. Not that he could REALLY blame them for messing with the two heroes. It wasn�t easy as a mortal to hear anyone talk down his god in front of him. To have someone do it to family� well, he remembered the look Jett used to get when he caught someone pestering either of his brothers. Joxer imagined that he had that look in his arsenal somewhere as well, if not the blind violence to back it up.
Fortunately, he wasn't going to get to find out today, either.
"Hercules! Thank the gods we found you�" a disheveled man ran up to their table, looking worried and harried. Joxer could almost see the hero and his friend sag in their chairs as the prospect of a meal in peace fled out the window. He felt a twinge of pity for them � he couldn�t imagine his life not being his own. Though he supposed that it wasn�t anymore, not if he was a god. A weird shiver rolled up his spine. "�and there�s nothing any of us can do! Could you�? I mean, will you�?"
"Of course," the son of Zeus nodded, casting an apologetic look to the others at the table.
"It's OK, Herc. We understand." Strife/Erin waved genially, collecting his young, flying cousin as he flapped over. "Duty calls an' all that. I'm sure Falafel can keep yer stuff warm for ya."
"Thanks guys," Iolaus gave a half-hearted grin as he and Hercules stood and headed off with the harried looking man who'd come in for them.
"That must suck," Deimos grumbled as they all watched the heroes depart. "I mean, do mortals got radar or somethin'?"
"Yeah, or somethin'..." Strife snickered heartily. He caught the almost scolding look from Joxer and blew it off. "Hey, I'm not sittin' here listenin' to them badmouth Unc and Ma all day. An' besides, they know how to deal with angry hydras."
"You didn't." Joxer didn't know whether to be angry, surprised or amused, so he settled for a mix of the three.
"Hey, you gotta go with what works. And nothin' gets people riled up and in need of those two like an attack by something toothy and hungry."
"But a hydra?"
"Oh Jeesh..." Phobos slapped his cousin's shoulder loudly. "You sent Eensy, didn't you." Strife only smiled a broad, cheesy grin and the cousins, Bliss included, broke into laughter.
"Eensy?" the newest god got his answer in the form of two fingers held about five inches apart. And then he had to laugh a little, too. The image of a five-inch-tall hydra terrorizing Athens was too good. "And he was under the table too, wasn't he."
"He's a handy little bugger," Strife beamed. "I've had him for years. He's the best familiar a guy could ever want. They'll have a Tartarus of a time findin' him. Not that they will. He'll poof back home if they get a foot away from him. Meanwhile, we're Herc-less."
"And that's always a benefit," a deep voice came from behind them all, sending Strife almost through the ceiling in a panic.
"DADDY!" the squeal from the youngest godling was almost as physical as the wind of his swoop to his father
Cupid�s face softened into a loving expression as he held his son. "Hey, Bliss. You havin� fun with all these� *ahem* mortals?"
The little blond winged boy giggled as his father swept the crowd assembled with a gaze. Deimos and Phobos were back to eating with their entire faces and Strife was� trying to will himself under the floorboards with no luck. The frown-line between Cupid�s eyebrows that Aphrodite had tried several lifetimes to stave off made itself known again. What was with him anyway? Hadn�t he been the one to leave the note in the first place? All this chasing and hiding crap� since when was Strife shy? OK, maybe around other people, but around HIM? That was just silly. Cupid took a deep breath and was careful not to let it out in a big aggrieved sigh as he refocused his attention on his son�s playful chattering, adding some of his own to it as well.
This was good, Strife supposed. Cupid wasn't even paying him any attention. Which meant his butt would come out of this unscathed. More's the pity there, his brain chimed in. Most of the rest of him had to agree. What little relief he was feeling was fast becoming overshadowed with disappointment and defeat. His carefully worded scroll had fallen on deaf ears� eyes� whatever. Or, Cupid didn't care enough about it to pursue. Either way� Strife didn't like the raw, hollow feeling settling into his stomach. Rejection sucked the big one.
So, he wasn't paying any further attention to his cousin, too busy wallowing in his own self-pity. Which worked out fine. Just not for him.
A flick of sharp green eyes assessed the situation in a split second, taking in the entire party, their proximity, general position and mood. That razor-sharp gaze, passed on from the man who'd honed it centuries ago, flicked for one blink on the target. OK.
Cupid looked up and out the window, assessing the sun's position. "Wow, that late already? I'm sorry folks, but I gotta jet off again." Hugs and kisses and words of familial affection passed between the father-and-son love gods, Bliss giving Cupid a long squeeze before leaping up into the air and fluttering over to land on Joxer's lap.
"Joxer. You don't mind keeping an eye on Bliss for a little while longer?" Cupid asked, winding his way closer to the former mortal with slow, casual steps.
"Sure. You still have some business to take care of?"
"Something like that." A nod and a nibble on an olive from the bowl in the center of the table. "Thanks, man. I appreciate the help. You need anything, you just ask and it's yours."
"I'll keep that in mind," Joxer canted a half smile, wondering what favor the love god was going to be willing to part with. The possibilities were impressive.
Cupid nodded and faster than anyone in the room could register, his arm shot out to the side and grabbed a tight handful of black leather and metal fastenings. A loud squeak erupted from his captured prey and fiery green eyes narrowed slightly before they both disappeared in a quick red flash of light.
tbc
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