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Darkest Nights	By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1451 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this.

Chapter List
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Elliot scanned George's body as they got dressed, making a note of each wound. Each one was like a knife to his heart; it hurt to see the injuries. Elliot felt a wave of hatred well up for the ones who had done this to George.
He'd felt hatred for people before. He'd hated suspects, and he'd wished that he could hurt some of the rapists he'd encountered. But he had never felt fury this intense before. If he hadn't thought of George's disproval, he would have killed Keyes in the interrogation room, and he wouldn't have felt an ounce of remorse for his actions.
"Elliot?" George called softly as he caught Elliot's gaze. Someone else might not have noticed the gaze at all, but George was an FBI agent, and he was, despite everything, more perceptive than most people.
"Yeah?" Elliot replied as he pulled his shoes on.
George swallowed visibly. "Do my… injuries…" he shook his head, trying to make his thoughts clear. "Do my injuries bother you?" he finally managed.
"They bother me because they caused you a lot of pain and almost killed you. They bother me because they make me hate Keyes and every time I see them I want to kill someone," Elliot replied.
George nodded sadly and changed into a pair of slacks.
"You knew I felt that already, though. What did you mean by the question?" Elliot probed.
George sighed and looked down. "It's nothing. I was just thinking about what Keyes said… and I had a bit of an angsty thought," George explained.
Elliot frowned. "What did that bastard do to you that you didn't mention yet?"
His tone lacked condemnation- towards George, at least-but George still averted his gaze. "I didn't think about it until now because I was worried with surviving and keeping myself going. But now that I have time, and I'm not facing a life-or-death situation, you know?"
He waited for Elliot to nod despite the lack of a real question. "Now that I have time and energy to worry about it, I'm just thinking about how I'm going to get back to myself. And he told me- I feel stupid for even thinking about it, but I think it got to the point where I absorbed everything he said- he told me that no one would want or love me again even if I survived. I know he's wrong, you know? I know that you love me, but I feel so unsure about myself, that I can't believe that that's true. I can't completely believe that anyone loves me, let alone you," he admitted painfully.
Elliot gave a deep sigh. He sat down on the dark blue duvet and motioned George to sit next to him. He wrapped an arm around George's shoulder. "I do love you. I know Keyes did a lot to you, but for the most part, what Keyes tried failed, because it brought us together, instead of killing you or making you lose it mentally. And even if you can't get back to normal completely, the alternatives will be okay… if you can't work with SVU anymore, you could do amazing things for Major Case. It'll be hard, but you can keep yourself together, and I will always, always be here to help. I'm not going to say I'm going to be perfect, but I will do anything I can for you."
George smiled softly. "I love you too, and I'd do anything for you as well."
"You already did a lot for me," Elliot said simply.
George blinked. "What do you mean?"
"You survived. You held on. Even if you didn't do it specifically for me, I appreciate you holding on and being with me. I need you."
"Thank you for being my leaning post. I need you too," George said. He got a distant look on his face. "I love being with you, but quite honestly, if someone had told me, before all this, that I would end up with you, I would have told them they were nuts. Let alone if they had said that this would come about as a result of…" He swallowed and played with a loose thread on his shirt. "Let alone as a result of almost dying after being tortured and raped."
"I would've said the same thing if someone said I'd be with you."
"I'm happy with where we are, though. I mean, I don't think I ever would have asked you on a date…"
Elliot smiled wryly. "I wouldn't have asked you out either."
George gave the ghost of a smile and looked downwards again. "There's another thing that's bothering me, though. Despite what you said… To be honest, I feel like the smallest thing could tip me over the edge and ruin everything. I think I'm going to have to be extremely careful not to run myself into the ground and make myself snap."
George took a deep breath. "And that scares me. I've never been mentally volatile. I sympathized, but never understood, what my patients felt when they said they were afraid about not being able to keep themselves together. Well… I know now."
Elliot sighed and kissed George's temple. "It'll be hard, but like I said, I'm here for you. And I'm not about to let anything else happen to you."
"Okay," George said. After a moment he took a steadying breath and stood, grabbing Elliot's hand. "Let's go."
Elliot pulled George into another comforting kiss before wrapping an arm around George's waist, guiding him outside. They spent a moment reveling in the sunny weather before getting in the car.
George and Elliot ultimately decided to eat at a quiet Italian restaurant near the apartment. Elliot had been there before and he enjoyed the food, and the atmosphere felt relaxing enough for both of them.
"I've been wondering about something," Elliot began after they sat down and placed their orders. "Do you want to talk to Kathy and the kids?"
"I… well, the thought makes me nervous. But I have to eventually, I guess," George replied as he took a sip of cool water. "When were you thinking of doing that?"
"Today, actually. If you don't mind. I figure sooner rather than later, so that they won't think we've been lying to them, and so that it'll be less awkward when we take some time after the trial."
"Well, I guess…" George trailed off. "I'm a little nervous."
"Don't do it if you don't feel ready. It was just a thought," Elliot said softly. He looked down at the table, thankful that they were in an isolated spot.
"I know. I do want to try, I'm just afraid about nearly everyone on the planet except you," George said sadly. "I'm still adjusting."
"Why is that?" Elliot asked.
"That I'm nervous about most people, or that I don't feel anxious about you?" George asked.
"Both," Elliot clarified.
"Everyone else, because I'm still jumpy and edgy, and even though I know that not everyone is going to attack me, I still feel defensive. Again, I'm still adjusting. I'm not afraid of you, though, because you make me feel safe," George said.
Elliot set a hand on George's shoulder. "I'm glad I make you feel safe."
"It feels good to have someone there. I wish it had happened as a result of something less damaging, but like we said, it was just about the only way."
George gave a deep sigh. "Still, it's nice to have someone to talk to for once."
"There wasn't exactly anyone close to you before this, huh?" Elliot guessed.
George shook his head. "I had Nora to talk to, but that was rare. Otherwise, I didn't really have anyone. I didn't have any serious lovers- relationships with others don't work well for everyone in this line of work. Even friendships are hard to sustain."
"So… what did you do before this?" Elliot asked, taking a sip of water.
George mirrored the action. "Nothing, really. I immersed myself in my work. Occasionally an old friend from med school or the FBI would call me, but that wasn't too often."
Elliot nodded and was about to reply, but his cell phone vibrated. He read the text message over, but he didn't comment. He decided to wait until they'd left to tell George what he'd found out, but he couldn't help the small smile that appeared.
"What's going on?" George asked, seeing the look on Elliot's face.
"Nothing. Well, nothing bad, anyway. I'll fill you in after we eat," Elliot said. Their food arrived and they ate in silence.
"So what's going on?" George probed as they left the restaurant. They entered the car.
"I got a text message," Elliot began as he started the engine. "And I found out that Keyes will get life in prison instead of the death penalty because he gave us information. The other three were caught an hour or so ago. Their allocution is tomorrow and the trial begins in a few days. So we can convict all the bastards that did this to you, even if we don't give them the death penalty."
George didn't say anything for a minute. "We can make an appointment with Rebecca beforehand, at least," George finally muttered. "I'm going to need that and more to get through this."
Elliot wasn't surprised that George wasn't expressing a desire for revenge, but he still wished George would. It would give Elliot a sign that George was angry at Keyes and the others for what they did, which in turn would indicate that George wasn't blaming himself.
"You have a long way to go, but that doesn't mean your recovery won't happen at all," Elliot said softly. They arrived at the apartment and got out of the car slowly. Elliot wrapped an arm around George's waist possessively as they walked inside. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't stop his need to assure them both that George was safe. Keeping a physical connection seemed to satisfy him, as he'd found out since George had been back, so that's what he did when he was feeling protective.
George leaned into his touch before turning around and kissing him. "I love you."
"You too," Elliot replied.
A few hours later, Kathy, Maureen, Kathleen, Richard, and Elizabeth walked in. Kathy carried Eli and placed him on her lap.
"So what's going on?" Kathy asked after George had been introduced. Elliot sighed as he began talking.
"George and I have known each other for a while, and recently we became… involved. Right after he got hurt, actually," Elliot explained.
"But you're straight," Kathy argued.
"Not entirely…" Elliot mumbled.
"Okay, so you're not straight and you're with a man now," Kathy muttered to herself.
"Yeah. I just never felt the need to tell anyone… until George and I got together."
Kathy looked up and asked, "What were your injuries, George?"
George swallowed and looked down. No matter how many times he said the words, it never got any easier. "I was abducted from a subway station and held captive for a month. I was tortured and raped repeatedly." There was a long silence.
"Did you find the guys who did this to you?" Kathy and the kids asked, almost simultaneously.
"Yeah. Trial begins in a few days," George said softly.
"Good luck," they murmured.
"Thanks," George replied awkwardly.
The rest of the conversation was spent talking about Kathy and the kids, with occasional breaks to talk about George and Elliot's plans.
"That could have gone worse," George sighed when he and Elliot were alone a few hours later.
"Hey, it was awkward, but they accept us, at least," Elliot noted.
George nodded and sighed. "That's true."
"Are you okay?" Elliot asked worriedly.
"Yeah, I think so," George muttered.
"What's bothering you?" Elliot pressed.
"I'm nervous about the trial. It's all I can think about," George admitted.
"Sorry, doc," Elliot said softly. He wrapped his arms around George possessively.
"It was bad enough facing Keyes. But he was only one of my attackers- the leader, sure, but only one. Facing three of the others… I mean, it will be safe this time, but they'll still remind me about it."
"It's nerve wrecking," Elliot agreed. He leaned over and kissed George's lips gently. "But this will work, it has to. It's about time you got some closure."
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Darkest Nights