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Blind Chess	By : madradena Category: Star Trek > The Next Generation Views: 1334 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own ST:TNG, nor the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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After saying goodnight and good luck to the others, Emma wordlessly took Data up to her room and pulling him inside, she turned on the light. A soft, orange light shone warmly at the far end, leaving the other side of the room in an intimate semi-darkness. She closed the door behind them, while Data took a few steps inside and looked around curious. The room was at the top of the building and a wonderful view of the city could be seen through the tall windows running from the floor to the ceiling. She had a desk and a dressing table at the far end of the room, while a double-bed was standing right under the tall windows. The light barely reached that part of the room where the bed stood, the dark starry sky shone in on the blanket through the glass.
Emma watched as he was standing there in the middle of her large room. He seemed small and lost, if she didn't know better, she'd say he was tired. He must have had a difficult day too. She needed to drag him out of his blue.
She crossed to him and sliding her hand up his arm, she walked around him to stand opposite him. He seemed to tense up from the touch but then relaxed after a fraction of a second. She then slid her hands over his chest, where his jacket was open right over his heart and smiled up at him. He put his hands on her arms a little clumsily as if he was reluctant to hold her to him.
She looked over at him and frowned smiling, taking the sides of his jacket in her two hands and pulling them together to see it better "Now, what have you been doing, while I was not around? What is this? Were you ran over by a tram?" she asked examining the torn and dirty material.
He bowed his head looking at the material with such a troubled frown that Emma couldn't resist, and she poked his nose upward playfully with her fingers. She chuckled searching his surprised gaze, trying to make him laugh too, but he was just too wound up to laugh at the tiny practical joke.
He gazed into her eyes with a deadpan expression "No. By an automobile." he replied on a flat tone.
Her mouth opened in surprise "Ohmygosh..." she stuttered, but then turned her palms up where they were still resting on his chest, not being able to resist an apologetic smile "I-I know I should be asking, 'are you alright'? But the first thing that pops in mind is: were there any survivors in the car?"
Data rolled his eyes exhaling an impatient breath, let her go and just walked to the tall window to look out of it.
Emma watched him for a moment longer and could tell that he was not in the mood for jokes at all, but she tried one last time anyway "What a day, huh? You get hit by a car, get shot at and learn that you're living with a practising lunatic. Who'd envy you? It's a lot even for somebody exceeding human capacity, isn't it?" she asked smiling gently.
Data turned to her with an annoyed expression "The car did not manage to hit me, and it was Captain Picard who got shot at, but otherwise, no, it wasn't a particularly easy day. And for the last topic... it is definitely not a laughing matter. At least, not to me." he shook his head frustrated "Not that the others are."
Emma sighed grimacing as her good spirits suddenly left under his all-consuming gloomy mood "Alright, we're not in the mood for any teasing tonight." she acknowledged wryly then sighed "With your permission, Mr. Commander, I'd like to retain the privilege of making fun of my own mental state, if it's alright with you." He went on looking at her with his usual neutral expression - the one she hated so much, because she could always project something terrible into it. This time, there was hurt and confusion and maybe even fear.
She sighed resignedly and crossed to him again, putting her palms on his chest "Ah, just stop sulking already! I'm trying to lift your mood." she told him stroking him through the fabric of his jacket. She slid her arms around his neck and looked deep into his eyes "I'm so happy that you're here." she told him on a tender whisper and then standing on tiptoes she pushed her lips to his gently.
He wanted to pull away. He wanted to talk to her. To somehow reconcile their differences. But her soft body was pressed to his, her hot mouth was locked on his and, ah, did she know how and where to touch him to make him discard all his rationality. Before long, she stripped him of his torn jacket, and her hands travelled down his chest and abdomen to arrive at his pants. She was about to undo them, when he suddenly broke away and put a hand on hers, where it fumbled at his groins.
She gazed up into his eyes curiously, breathing heavily through her slightly open mouth "What is it?" she asked on a voice somewhere between a whisper and a moan, which made it even more difficult for Data to concentrate on anything else but undressing her...
He shook his head reluctantly "We... we should talk first."
She smiled and naughtily slid her hand over his groins feeling his body responding to her touch immediately "Isn't it enough that our bodies talk, Deadpan?" she asked on a hushed voice and reclaimed his mouth with hers. He responded with a grunt of pleasure, not being able to resist her, he pressed her hand where it was on his pants. She drew him closer, pulling his head down to hers as she went on kissing him passionately.
Then suddenly, he just pulled her hand away from him and broke away from her forcefully. He held her by the wrists holding them tightly in his fists. She watched him as he took a long, deep breath to calm his senses.
Her lips curled upwards in wonder seeing him struggling with his urges so mightily. Her gaze dropped from his eyes so hazy with desire to his still moist lips then locked her gaze again with his "Do you know how sexy it is that you're so strong-willed? That you can fight your desires even though I know how much you want this?" she asked trying to catch her breath and licked her lips - his taste was still there, and she felt herself turning even more on.
He stared into her eyes longingly for a few seconds then let her wrists go and took a step backward. He shook his head "No matter how much I want it. I'm not giving in, Em. Not until we spoke."
She took a long moment to answer "I know..." she whispered and then finally smiled faintly "Thank you." and there was a stunned edge in her voice. He gazed at her puzzled, and she glanced away gloomily, hugging herself, where she stood there by the window. "You know..." she began shrugging thoughtfully "I don't think many guys would try to discard their bodily needs, especially if the opportunity gives itself, just to straighten some stuff with their gals first. Most would just fall for it..." she told him finally looking back at him searching his eyes reluctantly.
Fall for it... Fall for what? The last remark left Data puzzled for a brief moment before, he gaped stunned as the realization hit him: "A test." he whispered "This was another test." Just as Doctor Crusher told him! He frowned as he felt anger welling up in his heart again "And I would have failed it, had I not been adamant about us reconciling first!" She just glanced away again, this time a little irritated hearing him getting angry - or was it just because he realized what it all was about even when SHE herself didn't quite comprehend what she was doing?
He stepped to her clearly very upset, making her look at him again "You keep doing this from the first moment we've met! You keep testing my bond to you: am I worthy of your trust? Is there ever going to be an end to your testing? Is there ever going to be a time, Emma, when I can finally feel just an ounce of trust from you? When you'd finally stop looking for opportunities to make me fail?"
She frowned now agitated too "Just stop this, will ya?" she told him and tried to step away from him, but he took her by the arm and made her stay opposite him.
He stared into her eyes trying hard to make her understand "I cannot always read between the lines, Emma. Most of the time, I can't even get jokes or the figurative meaning of what people say!" he told her on an ever more desperate voice "When you cuddle up to me, or kiss me, I'm not looking for other purposes you might have with that, I take it as it is: an act of affection! And you interpret my reaction into something I cannot even fathom."
She pulled her arm away forcefully "I'm not doing this on purpose!" she retorted "You know that I don't!"
"Then why? Why are you doing this, if you have no particular purpose with it?" he asked feeling his emotions again overwhelming him as a tremor ran through his body.
She pushed the fingers of both of her hands through her hair impatiently "I don't know! It's just because I'm screwed up, Data! I'm screwed up! That's all I can say." she told him exasperated feeling a catch in her throat. She dropped her hands with a long, shaky sigh.
He watched her for a moment longer and shook his head "This is not an answer." he told her bitterly.
She shrugged trying hard to stop herself from crying "It's the only one I can give you."
He shook his head again "It wouldn't be so, if you trusted me. If you really trusted me. Just a little. But... you don't, do you." he wanted to ask, but it became a statement. His voice was low and full of disappointment, and she felt her heart broke under it.
She looked into his eyes feeling her own filling with tears then she ran her hand up her arm glancing out of the window. That was it, wasn't it? What she'd always feared came true: he realized how incapable she was. She sighed. Even though she did trust him more than anyone... it wasn't enough - she wasn't enough! She wasn't even in the vicinity of what normal people were like and now, he finally understood... the way she'd always known he would.
She knew she had to ask the question. The inevitable. The one she'd always feared. But it was just so difficult. She couldn't look at him, she gazed out at the beautiful double-moons as she finally asked on a whisper "Are we... over, Deadpan?" her voice broke, and she quickly wiped away a tear. She already knew the answer. The only answer there could ever have been. She'd known this moment would come, from the first time she realized he took an interest in her - there could've been no other end to something as good as this in her life...
The question made him realize what a hard slap on the face could have felt like, though he never had the first hand experience. This was the very last thing he'd have expected her reaction would be! For an instant, he tried to imagine what it would be like to let her go - it was a peculiar realization, that he wasn't even able to picture that in his mind! He watched her standing there in the moonlight. She tried to seem strong, tried to hide how tortured she was by that single question, by her incapacity of trust. And in that moment, he realized he had to take the lead. He had to be the one more courageous. He had to be the one more trusting. To show her it was worth it. Because the only answer to that dreadful question he could imagine to be was a firm no!
He took a small step to her and gazed right at her "Is this another test?" he asked on a soft voice.
She chuckled tearfully and wiped another stray tear but didn't - couldn't - look at him. She shrugged, and her expression turned pained again. She didn't really know the answer, but then again it didn't really matter what he believed, if the outcome was the same: him walking out the door forever! She swallowed hard. Just leave already! Just leave. Please! she prayed, because she didn't know how long she could bear it without breaking down sobbing - but she just couldn't bring herself to say the words.
But the moments passed, and he didn't leave. He just stood there for a minute and then another and another, and finally started to speak on a silent, distant voice. "I was unfair to you." he started slowly. She shook her head wanting to protest, but she knew she'd just sob if she uttered a word, so she just went on staring stubbornly out of the window. Her hands came up into tight fists on her crossed arms, and she bit her lower lip so much, it hurt. And he just kept going on "We had an agreement. I didn't keep myself to it. When I had to go to the court martial, I didn't tell you. My reasons were not right either. I kept telling myself that I just wanted to protect you. And I did! Believe me, I did! But it was just part of the truth... I-I was scared how you'd react. I was scared that you wouldn't understand."
She slowly turned her gaze to his and saw him standing there rigid, lost - and maybe even afraid. What was he doing? What was this confession? And he kept going!
"I was scared because I thought you wouldn't understand why I'm so bound to the Enterprise, to this crew that I'd give up the one thing I've always coveted above all. I thought, you had the strength to give up your home. To change. When life required of you." he shook his head "I'm not as strong as you are... They are my family. The only family I've ever known. The Enterprise is my life. The only life I've ever had. I don't have the strength to give it up. At least not yet. And I was not ready to confess this to you. To you, whom I admired so much, that you were so brave that you could change your life. I didn't trust you. And when you shouted at me about it... you failed MY test. Just as I suspected you would. Even though you just tried to view my best interest, nothing more."
She stood there speechless, petrified. He went on timidly bowing his head:
"I never did it on purpose." he told her on a thin voice and gazed into her eyes turning his palms up "If this is what it means to be human..." he shook his head with a tiny tearfilled smile "I never ever thought it was this hard!"
She sighed and was about to tell him to just go, leave, because she didn't deserve him! He deserved someone so much better, so much... and then she realized it didn't matter. He - for some unfathomable reason - chose her. It was now her who HAD TO at least try to reach up to the heights she saw him climbing, almost flying to just now. She may fail, but she couldn't let him down by not even trying.
She wordlessly reached out and touched her hand to his taking it gently into hers, raising it slowly. She stepped close to him watching as their palms touched and fingers entwined. She then turned her head up and searching his gaze, slid her arm around his neck as he slid his around her waist. They stood there in the moonlight, holding each other petrified into the timeless posture of an intimate waltz. The way their journey began. She cuddled her face into his collarbone, and he buried his into her hair as she drew their entwined hands close between the two of them.
She sighed. Who am I kidding? I love this man. I'll never love anyone more... She shut her eyes and let herself be cuddled into the most tender embrace she ever was held in.
Data stood there inhaling her fragrance, touching his cheek to her silky hair, holding her so gently, he was filled by her presence completely, and he wished he could spend the rest of eternity with her like that.
She then pulled away slightly to look into his eyes - she wished she could tell him something, something big, something important! Like how amazing he was, how grateful she was for him - or that she did love him! But she felt words were just so inadequate, so meaningless, so small... and in that same moment, looking into his honest gaze reflecting the same emotions she herself felt, she understood why he never said the words. There were no words to express what they shared!
She just smiled then, her eyes sparkled against the darkness "We both owe each other a story. Now would be as good a time to tell as any, wouldn't it, Deadpan?"
He tentatively returned her smile and another tremor went through his body - his resources were almost completely claimed by his emotions. He nodded wordlessly, and she stepped out of his arms "Come!"
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Blind Chess