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Darkest Nights	By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1449 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this.

Chapter List
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George shifted nervously as he waited to give his testimony. Rebecca had spent the previous session noting how afraid he got when his attackers- and, by extension, the trial- were mentioned, and had dissected the various factors that went into his fears- but that didn't help now. He was afraid of facing his attackers. He was afraid of the reaction he would have.
And he was afraid of something he hadn't thought about before; the other victim's families would be there. They would almost certainly wish it was someone they knew on the witness stand instead, and that George was the one in the morgue. He knew they weren't as heartless as to actually wish he was dead, but they would wish it had been their own loved one who had survived… If the families spoke, it would almost certainly cause him some feelings of survivor's guilt.
"Just a while longer," Elliot said softly when he saw George's anxiety. George sighed and nodded.
"I'm not sure I can do this, though."
"We have to testify now," Elliot noted. George took a deep breath and they walked in the courtroom. Elliot sat on a bench; George was immediately called to the witness stand.
"Docket number 2463. State of New York versus Daniel Hunter, Martin Hunter, and Michael Bergin. Six counts of first degree murder, seven counts of rape in the first degree, seven counts of assault in the first degree, one count of attempted murder in the first degree," a woman announced.
"How do you plead?" The judge asked.
"They plead not guilty, your honor," Linda Thomas, the defense attorney, spoke up.
Alex Cabot walked forward and began her questioning. "Please tell us what happened."
"I was-" He swallowed. He didn't think he would ever get through his statement without causing fear. He was certain he'd have at least one full-out panic attack before the trial ended. "I was abducted at gunpoint from a subway station. I was raped, then drugged, and placed in an odd building. Over the next month I was tortured and raped countless times." He shuddered heavily.
"And besides Eric Keyes, who has already pled guilty to the charges, who else attacked you?"
"Daniel and Martin Hunter, and Michael Bergin," George stated.
"Thank you," Alex said. She walked away and Linda stepped forward.
"When you were with my clients," she began, "You must have had a lot of time to see their faces. But the description you gave police was severely lacking in detail, and you didn't even identify one of my clients. Why?"
"Because I was…" He tried to say how bad his condition had been, but the thought made his heart pound furiously. He closed his eyes, trying to ease the panic. It wouldn't do to break down on the witness stand and be declared incompetent to testify.
"I wasn't in the best condition, mentally or physically. And I know they attacked me, I just couldn't describe their faces well," George managed. His chest constricted to the point that he wondered how it was possible that he was still breathing.
"Is it true that it was Eric Keyes's word, not your description, that lead to the police finding and arresting my clients?" Linda asked.
"Yes, but like I said-"
"Is it true that the sex between you was consensual, albeit rough?" Linda interrupted.
"No!" George exclaimed heatedly. "I don't like rough sex, let alone sex that involves being held at gunpoint, drugged, and held captive for a month! Last I checked, consensual sex didn't involve someone almost dying, and it didn't involve withholding food and water. Last I checked, that was kidnapping and rape!" he was almost shouting, feeling more agitated than he ever had before.
"But we all know that some people fantasize about fake rape," Linda said coldly.
"Objection, your honor!" Alex cried.
"Sustained. Watch it, counselor," the judge said sharply.
"No further questions."
"You may step down," the judge said.
George trembled as he walked back to his seat. "I didn't want it, I didn't want it..." George whispered to himself. He felt completely shaken.
"I can't do this," he said to Elliot when he got close enough. Elliot made to embrace him, but he was called to the witness stand before he could.
"Hang in there," Elliot whispered as he stood.
"Detective Stabler, tell the court what happened when you found Doctor Huang," Alex requested.
"He was in serious condition on the side of a highway. He was showing symptoms of shock and he had numerous injuries all over his body."
"Describe the injuries."
Elliot looked over at George and noticed that George still looked shaken. He took a deep breath and explained. "He was bruised and bloody; there were at least a dozen bruises, cuts, and burns. He also had clearly been raped."
"Was there any forensic evidence?"
"Not on him, but it matched an MO we had in the system. And the MO later led us to Eric Keyes's DNA. He testified that the defendants acted with him."
George swallowed nervously and shifted, bracing himself for a long and exhausting day.
Hours later, they were finally done for the day. George was still feeling panicky.
"Just hold out for a while longer," Elliot encouraged as they walked inside the apartment. "Do you want something to eat?"
"No," George said. He didn't think he'd be hungry for a long time after talking about his ordeal.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Elliot asked gently, knowing that George was overwhelmed.
"I'm going to take a shower, if you don't mind. We can lie down together after if you want, though."
"I don't mind at all. And I'd like to lie with you," Elliot said softly. George retreated up the stairs. Elliot walked to the bedroom a minute later.
George stepped into the shower and closed his eyes. He ran the water and looked down at himself, giving a deep sigh. He began to scrub vigorously at his skin, knowing that what he was feeling was normal in his situation, but wishing he could get rid of it. He was still unable to stop the feeling of being dirty, however, and it would only be calmed when he had rubbed his skin raw. His skin began to hurt, but he still kept going, and let his thoughts wander as he did so- he quickly learned to ignore the sensation, because the need to feel clean was so overwhelming.
Now that he wasn't in a life-or-death situation, he was focused on getting back to normal. And, though he'd known for a while, it was still difficult to accept. He wasn't going to get back to normal. Not for a long time, and even then, it would only be partial. He wasn't going to have a regular sex life, and that upset him.
And he wouldn't be able to deal with suspects for years, if ever. He might be able to handle homicides, but sex crimes were going to be impossible. Elliot had said George would do well if he switched to the homicide unit, and George knew it was true, but the fact that he would have to switch at all still bothered him.
And there were even more problems that weren't related to sex. His PTSD would heal to the point that he could stop constantly reliving it, but he'd never forget what happened. The mental scars would fade slightly, but they wouldn't heal.
And there was the fact that he was physically scarred. The marks were on his skin, and he still had some pains in his muscles; he suspected that they would become chronic, like they did for most in his situation. He'd read about the effects of torture in medical school, sympathizing with, but never understating, what the victims felt. He knew better now.
How much worse would things get? He'd almost died. He was mentally and physically damaged and it was going to take years to recover and function again. Then again, he did deserve what had happened to him, his attackers were right about that-
He shook the thought out of his head. Thinking that way was the least helpful thing he could do. It would hinder his recovery, and it would do more damage than Keyes had- George shook his head again and swallowed nervously. Keyes had said that George was doing more to himself than Keyes had done… It just went to show how much Keyes had screwed him up, George thought bitterly.
George was still berating himself, attacking himself mentally, every chance he had. And right now, there was no question that he was harming himself physically- if he didn't stop, he was going to damage his skin. Like how certain parasitic infections could cause people to scratch their skin and damage it, but he didn't even have a physical explanation… just classic PTSD. Rape trauma syndrome.
He showed all the signs, including bonding with the one who had found him- well, that was different, because he knew Elliot and because the feelings were reciprocated. But he'd be lying if he said the fact that Elliot had been the one to take his statement wasn't a part of why he was so attached to Elliot.
But the fact that he was showing all the clinical signs still didn't excuse the way he was acting. He was being self-destructive- but he couldn't stop.
He bit his lip and leaned against the wall, still scrubbing viciously at his body- no, he most definitely wasn't even close to clean, despite the raw skin crying out in protest and begging him to stop. He wasn't even close- maybe if he scrubbed more- he bit back a cry of pain as he actually drew a little blood from his arm.
Then he let out a desperate, but quiet, sound of frustration. He was overwhelmed, and he didn't want to live with it anymore. He didn't want the physical and mental pain, and he didn't want to be haunted by the memories anymore. But there wasn't a way out.
Actually, there was one way- but that thought was shaken away too, with a nervous shudder. The desire to die had been there, first when he was being tortured and then again shortly afterwards, in the hospital. It had gotten somewhat better, but then he'd felt the desire again. He just couldn't deal with it anymore. It wasn't really that he wanted to die- he just wanted not to think or feel. It was confusing; he wanted to be with Elliot, but everything else…
He knew it was normal for people in his situation to feel exactly the way he did, but he was still concerned about his own mental state. He was showing some dangerous signs, and he wasn't sure if they were going to escalate or not.
George felt a wave of exhaustion come over his mind and body, and he leaned more heavily against the wall. He needed some time to back away and get himself together.
He had a feeling it would be far too long before he got that chance.
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Darkest Nights