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Step by Step, We'll Get There	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: S through Z > Teen Wolf Views: 4677 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf nor profit of it. Jeff Davis owns it.

Chapter List
- 27
- 28
- 29
Author's note: Yes, I'm actually on time with this chapter, imagine that! That said I have an important notice for you all.
IMPORTANT: Starting next week I'll be back at university and I'm not sure yet how much I'll be able to write every week. I will try my best to keep the bi weekly updates going, but if an update is later than usual, just know it's because I'm swamped with studying and not because this story was discontinued. This story will get finished, I promise, it just might come with some delays, for which I apologise in advance.
Warnings: Hm, mostly angst I guess; a minor time skip
I hope you'll like it!
Chapter 28
It was surreal knowing that he actually had another human being currently growing inside of him. He knew he wouldn't see any physical changes until another couple of months had passed, yet after a few days he found himself checking himself out in the mirror every evening, paranoidly wondering whether anyone could see he was carrying a secret with him.
Of course they couldn't. He wasn't even two months pregnant yet. The knowledge, however, was like a heavy weight in his stomach, an insistent thought in the back of his mind whenever he talked to his dad or texted Derek.
He knew he should let them know soon, especially Derek, because this definitely concerned him, but … He couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to actually open his mouth and confess the truth, reveal that he was expecting a child.
Because if he did, if he opened his mouth and told them, he would have to decide. He would be forced to actually really acknowledge the situation he was in and he would be pushed to make a decision.
To choose whether he wanted to keep it or not. Whether he would give it up for adoption or whether he would remove it completely, snuff out its existence before it had the chance to properly grow into something more.
He couldn't make that decision, that damning choice, because he was utterly terrified. Scared out of his mind of what was happening to him, of what was expected of him now. Too anxious to think about it, worrying he would make the wrong choice.
Because what would happen if he let it be removed? If he went through an abortion? He could do that secretly. He was still at the point when it was possible. He could drive to a clinic a couple of towns away, get himself admitted for a day and boom, foetus gone. Neither his dad nor his friends would ever need to know. Well, Lydia would know, considering she would want to know what had happened after they had parted ways, but she wouldn't judge. She was just as practical as him after all.
Because let's face it: he was just on the cusp of turning nineteen – an age many considered too young nowadays to become a parent. They weren't living in the Middle Ages anymore after all. No need to start on children young. He was still studying, working to his degree. He'd only just started recovering from the horror Theo had put him through – would anyone blame him if he decided to get an abortion? Not that anyone would have to know if he didn't want to tell.
What if he did get one, though? How would he feel afterwards? Would he be relieved? Or disappointed? Or worse: would he come to regret his decision for the rest of his life? He only had one chance in this after all; this wasn't like a test he could retake, an assignment he could rewrite if it didn't end up being like he had envisioned. If the baby was gone, that was it. No way to redo it, no going back to start. If he chose this, it was final.
On the other end of the spectrum: what would happen if he decided to keep the baby after all? How would his dad react? Would he be disappointed that his only son ended up knocked up at such a young age? Would he be furious and kick him out? And Derek – what about Derek? How would he react if he told him the news? Would he be happy? Would he want to keep it? Or would he hate the thought of it, loathe the idea of being shackled to Stiles for the rest of his life through a baby he'd never wanted in the first place?
How would his other friends react? Drop him like hot coals? Consider him an idiot for wanting to go through with this when he was still studying?
More than that, though, more than the reactions of his family and friends – he was afraid. Scared that he wouldn't be able to handle it. Could he take care of a baby? Love him or her unconditionally, take care of them for the rest of their life? Was he ready to take on the huge responsibility that was the rearing of a child?
He didn't know and that scared him.
And so he did what he'd always done best: he ignored the problem for as long as possible.
Which turned out to be not that long.
When his dad asked him whether he'd made a decision regarding his classes yet, he told him he might as well finish the rest of his year with online classes, seeing as it was already February. No real point in attending the classes when there were only a couple of months left after all.
His dad agreed and left it at that.
When Lydia sent him a list of food he could eat which would be beneficial and healthy for both him and the baby, he thanked her and made sure to incorporate them in dinners often without making his dad suspicious about it. It was a good thing he'd always been nagging the Sheriff about eating healthy; the extra vegetables and fruits present in the household all of a sudden just made the older man sigh wearily and wrinkle his nose at them instead of growing suspicious. It was just Stiles going on another health binge, that was all. Nothing else. It couldn't be anything else after all.
When the time came to refill his prescription for his suppressants, he went to pick it up and then promptly chucked the bottle in the back of one of his desk drawers. Not much sense in taking them when he was pregnant after all. Even if he was still undecided about the baby's fate, it didn't seem like a good idea to keep taking the suppressants. Who knew what kind of impact that could have.
When his friends invited him for an afternoon of fun, he made sure the fun occurred in places where any possible changes in his scent or demeanour could be masked with the surroundings. He had no idea whether they would be able to smell something was different about him, but he wasn't about to take any chances with it either.
Better safe than sorry after all.
When Derek texted him, asking to come over to his apartment during the evenings, he either sent excuses in the form of his homework taking up a lot of time or he left earlier than usual, using early morning classes – even online ones! – as an explanation as to why he couldn't stay the night.
Maybe he was being paranoid. He still wasn't showing, so there was no way Derek would be able to tell he was expecting his child, but … He couldn't stop himself from flinging excuse after excuse, yet still making sure they spent enough time together so the older man wouldn't grow suspicious or hurt. It was a delicate balance, a fine line which was becoming progressively more difficult to tread.
He knew he should just confess to it, especially as he was slowly approaching the deadline before it became permanent, but … He couldn't. Not yet.
It was a mantra he told himself every day now. Not yet. Soon, but not now. The timing wasn't right, Derek looked a bit too stressed out with his work, he had this assignment to finish first, that chapter to read …
Excuse after excuse and with each one, he felt more and more guilty yet he still didn't feel brave enough to confess.
A knock on his window near the end of February had him yelping in fright, having become too absorbed into a wiki article about Atlantis to pay any attention to his surroundings. Looking up, his heart quickening, he was taken aback by the sight of Derek crouching in front of his window.
What the hell?
He hurried to the window and shoved it open, shivering when he was immediately hit by the cold wind. "What are you doing here?" he questioned, accepting the quick kiss before Derek climbed into his bedroom gracefully. He slammed the window shut to keep the cold out and pointed a finger to the floor. "You do realise we've got a door, right? You know that thing people use when they want to enter a place?"
Derek lifted his eyebrows unimpressed. "I do, yes, and I also know how to ring a doorbell – someone else here apparently doesn't know how to open the door, though, so I figured I'd get your attention in another way."
Stiles blinked. "You rang the doorbell?" he asked blankly. "I didn't hear anything."
"Obviously," Derek snorted and pulled off his leather jacket, chucking it down on the desk chair. "I rang it three times and then realised you were probably too occupied with whatever you were doing to hear the bell, so I climbed up to the window."
"Because that's the normal thing to do if someone doesn't answer the door," Stiles deadpanned.
"You didn't answer your phone either, I was getting worried," Derek defended himself, scowling slightly.
"Oh shit, really?" Shoving some papers out of the way, he plucked his phone from the desk and winced when he saw the five unread messages and three missed phone calls. Damn, he must have forgotten to put the sound back on after he'd gone to the cinema yesterday with Scott and Kira.
"Sorry, I'd forgotten to put the sound back on," he said sheepishly and quickly changed it. "Is there something wrong, though? For you to show up now, I mean." Had something happened to one of the Hales? Maybe to Laura or Cora? Or Erica or Boyd?
Before his worry could really grow, Derek squashed it by shaking his head and pulling him into his arms, nuzzling his cheek. "No, nothing's wrong. I just missed you and wanted to spend time with you. I thought it might be easier if I spend the night here, so you can go back to studying in the morning. If you don't mind?" He pulled back and looked at him questioningly; a hint of uncertainty lurking in the depths of his multicoloured eyes.
"Who says I'm not incredibly busy with studying now?" Stiles remarked innocently, but the corners of his mouth twitched with a barely supressed smile.
Raising one eyebrow, Derek looked at his screen and commented dryly, "Unless your homework has something to do with the history of Atlantis, I'd say you're not incredibly busy now. Besides, everyone knows it's healthier to take a break than to continuously study."
Stiles hummed and rested his arms on Derek's shoulders, playing with the soft tufts of hair. "That's true. Taking a break is very important," he agreed and smirked. "Although is it not my job to be the irresponsible one and distract my hardworking, older lover?"
"Changing roles every once in a while never hurt anyone," Derek muttered and caught his mouth in a deep kiss, pulling him along to the bed, which was for once free of any study books and his laptop.
"Or do you have some objections?" Derek murmured, sitting down on the bed and tugging the Omega on his lap.
"No objections whatsoever here, no sir," Stiles immediately retorted and kissed him eagerly; the nerves in his lips tingling when a tongue swept over them before parting them.
He hadn't realised how much he'd missed this, missed just being with Derek and kissing him; feeling those warm, strong arms resting around him. He'd been so paranoid lately that he hadn't really taken the time to enjoy just being with Derek.
What was there even to be paranoid about? It wasn't like he was showing already, his stomach still as flat as ever, so there was no harm in forgetting his worries for one evening and just focus on Derek. On him and those sinful lips brushing down his chin to his neck; hands slipped underneath his sweater and resting like hot brands against his sides.
Tilting his head to the side to give the other man more space, he released a shuddering breath when teeth touched his neck, lightly baring down before they were replaced by searing hot lips. The thought of being marked by his mate sent shivers down his spine and he pressed himself closer against Derek, gripping his shoulders tightly.
"Did I hurt you last time?" Derek suddenly asked, his voice low but tinged with a note of worry.
"Hurt? What? No, why?" Stiles asked confused, blinking rapidly. "Hey, how long can you stay? The whole night?" He rolled his hips suggestively against the wolf's, heat pooling into his lower belly.
"Your heart – it's beating quicker than I'm used to. Thought you were nervous or so," Derek replied, furrowing his eyebrows lightly.
Stiles was quick to smooth away his frown. "No, not nervous. Not at all even. Do I smell nervous?"
"No, but …" Derek cocked his head, carrying a look of concentration. "Your dad – is he home?"
Taken off guard by the odd question, Stiles blinked. "What? No, he got called away for some kind of traffic incident or so. Why?"
"I hear a third heartbeat," Derek replied absently, twisting his head from one direction to the other.
Clucking his tongue, Stiles made use of his distraction by pushing him down on the bed, settling on top of him. "Maybe you're hearing a neighbour or so," he suggested, placing his hands on Derek's shoulders. "So, staying the night?"
"It's not a neighbour," the Beta insisted, looking confused. "I hear mine," he pointed to his chest, "Yours," he tapped Stiles', "and the third one is really close. Almost like it's coming from - "
He stopped talking abruptly and suddenly sat up, causing Stiles to nearly topple off him and off the bed. A strong grip around his waist stopped him from tumbling onto the ground and he scowled, smacking Derek's arm.
"What's your problem?"
But Derek wasn't listening. He wasn't even looking at him, instead staring puzzled at Stiles' stomach. Out of the blue he placed his hand against it, covering the middle. "The third heartbeat is coming from here. Stiles, you're - "
Before he could stop himself, before he could think twice about the consequences, Stiles blurted out shocked, "You can hear the baby's heartbeat already?"
Derek stilled and Stiles closed his eyes, muttering a soft, "Fuck."
This was not how he'd envisioned informing the other man that he was pregnant. Not that he'd really been envisioning it as much as trying to avoid thinking about it, but if he had, this was definitely not the way he would have chosen. God, he was stupid. So stupid.
"You know you're pregnant?" Derek's voice was flat, devoid of even the slightest hint of emotion and shit, that didn't put the Omega at ease.
"Yeah, I know," he admitted with a sigh, because well, what was the point? He could hardly deny it now after what he'd just blurted out.
His stomach doing several uncomfortable flips, he got off Derek's lap and the man let him; the playful atmosphere of just now completely swallowed up by a loaded silence.
"You know how long?" Still without a single infliction in his voice and now he wasn't even looking at Stiles anymore, great. Just great.
"Around eight weeks now," he answered, stuffing his hands underneath his thighs nervously. He stared down at his sock clad feet, not daring to look up. Not courageous enough to look at Derek and be confronted by the look on his face.
"When did you do the test?"
"Three weeks ago." He could do this, giving answers. Stating facts was simple; it was what would come after this that would be the hard part.
He swallowed.
"How come … What made you take the test?"
Stiles licked his lips. "I was visiting the Nemeton and when I touched one of the branches, it – leaves grew on it. I freaked out and – went to Deaton and he told me in his roundabout way that I'd be better off taking a test."
"Deaton knows you're pregnant."
If possible, Derek's voice became even flatter and the younger man winced. "Y-yeah, he does."
"Does anyone else know? Does your dad know?" Derek stood up, taking a couple of steps away from the bed.
Even though there was less than two feet separating them, the distance felt a lot longer. Unable to sit any longer, Stiles stood up as well, but didn't dare to come closer, unsure of how the other man would react now.
"You think my dad wouldn't have visited you by now if he knew?" he asked in a forced light tone, hoping to break the tense atmosphere between them, but no dice.
Derek stared at him, a heavy frown cleaving his forehead in two, and a storm brewing in his eyes. Crossing his arms, he repeated tersely, "Does anyone else know, Stiles?"
He wouldn't be happy, Stiles knew. Not when it came to this. "Lydia knows," he admitted haltingly and bit down on his lip when Derek's face closed off. "It's not – I was panicking when I found out and she was – I just called someone and it ended up being her," he explained helplessly. "I didn't mean to – I just didn't know what to do, okay?"
"So you called her instead of me," Derek stated and dragged a hand over his face, turning away from Stiles. "So you've known for three weeks now that you're – pregnant. Is that why you suddenly got a lot busier? Didn't want me to find out?"
"That's not … Look, I know I should have come clean about this sooner, but Derek, what did you expect me to do?" Stiles burst out frustrated, throwing his hands up. "I was panicking, okay? Because I shouldn't be able to get knocked up now but apparently my Elemental side doesn't give a shit about that! So forgive me for panicking and not telling you immediately!"
"You've known about this for three weeks, Stiles!" Derek snapped. "You had three weeks the time to tell me and you didn't! When exactly were you planning on telling me? When you ran out of excuses to avoid spending time with me? When you couldn't hide it any longer?"
"Maybe when I had a fucking clue as to what I wanted to do!" Stiles shouted back. "You think this is easy for me? You think I haven't been trying to come up with a way to tell you? That's damn hard to do when I don't even know what I want to do with it, you know!"
The sudden silence that fell was punctuated by his harsh breathing and he cursed underneath his breath, turning his back to the other man. This was not how he'd thought this particular conversation would go, fuck. His hands trembled when he rubbed them roughly over his face, trying to calm down. He felt queasy, like he was going to throw up any minute now, and didn't know whether that was from anger or just morning sickness – evening sickness, whatever – rearing its ugly head for the first time. Who knew? Not him, clearly. Just like he didn't know what to do about the baby, like he didn't know what to say to Derek now that the secret was out.
He didn't know anything, it seemed like, and it made him feel pathetic.
"You haven't decided yet?" Derek asked softly; no trace left of his previous ire. "About the baby?"
Tired, Stiles dropped down on the bed, resting his head in his hands. "How could I have? I should, shouldn't I? I've known about it for three weeks and I still don't know what to do. Meanwhile the clock keeps ticking and ticking." He laughed bitterly.
Having more than a month to decide had seemed like such a long time back at the doctor's office, but it definitely wasn't – not when it came to this at least. With this, time was his enemy and it was definitely winning the battle, if not the war even.
"Nobody expects you to know what to do in three weeks, not when it comes to something as important as this," Derek murmured and there was a slight pause before he slowly came nearer.
"Maybe not, but it's not like I can take my time with it either. Not really," Stiles muttered, wrapping his arms around his waist. Sure, he still had a couple of weeks and this definitely wasn't a decision that could be rushed, but could he really take his time with it? Not exactly, given the deadline.
The hairs in the back of his neck rose up when he registered Derek's presence right behind him and he leant back before he realised what he was doing. Right when his back came into contact with the wolf's chest, arms wrapped around him and a nose nuzzled the left side of his neck.
"Sorry for getting angry just now. I shouldn't have reacted like that."
The fox shifter shook his head wearily. "No, Derek, it's okay. You were right: I was trying to avoid spending time with you and I shouldn't have done that. I should have just been honest from the start, but the thought of telling you – it scared the shit out of me."
"Why?" Derek started rubbing over his arms, his warmth seeping through the cotton layer of Stiles' sweater.
Stiles gnawed at his lower lip and admitted, "Because I wouldn't know what to answer if you asked me whether I'm keeping it or not."
Derek stilled; his hands wrapped loosely around Stiles' wrists. "You know it's entirely up to you, right? You're the one who decides what we're going to do. I'll support you no matter what," he reassured him; his voice low and soothing.
That was definitely nice to hear, but … "So … if I choose to remove it, you wouldn't mind?" he asked slowly, haltingly. He held his breath, all too aware of the tension seeping into the man behind him.
"You don't want to keep it?" Derek questioned in return, but his voice was neutral, not giving away what he really thought about that.
"I don't know, Derek. I really don't. What if I do, though?" This conversation was probably better held face to face, just so he could gauge Derek's emotions by looking into his eyes, but he wasn't ready yet to turn around. It was safer, easier, to speak like this. Easier to pose the question which had been on his mind ever since those sticks had coloured positive.
"I wouldn't mind," Derek replied eventually.
His heart told a completely different story.
This time Stiles did turn around, feeling a bit exasperated, and he poked Derek's chest; the man flinching a tad in surprise. "You know, I might not be as focused on heartbeats as you are, but I do know when you're lying to me and that blip just now, dude, was definitely the blip of a liar. You would mind."
"I wouldn't …" Derek sighed, a tad frustrated, and his lips thinned, but he still kept his arms around Stiles, his hands resting on the small of his back now. "Look, I definitely wouldn't mind keeping the baby, but that decision, that choice, is entirely up to you and I'm okay with whatever you decide, Stiles. Even if you choose to get rid of the baby, I'd still support you."
No blip this time. He was being completely truthful. Still …
Keeping his eyes averted to Derek's shirt, Stiles asked tentatively, "So – so you wouldn't hate me? No matter what I decide?"
The soft kiss Derek bestowed on his lips had hot tears stinging the back of his eyeballs and he squeezed his eyes shut, taking a shuddering breath when his mate pulled away slightly.
"No matter what, I won't ever hate you." The words were whispered, but full of sincerity, and those warm arms reeled him in for a hug, hands steady on his back; Derek's scent surrounding him like a cloak.
This was good: knowing that no matter what, his decision wouldn't drive Derek away from him, wouldn't make the older man hate his guts. That he would be there with him, whether he chose to keep it or not. It put him slightly at ease, settled his worries a bit. Derek wouldn't hate him, no matter what.
The question remained, though: would he end up hating himself once he made his decision?
AN2: Man, their conversation really wasn't easy to write *sweatdrops* I hope I didn't screw it up!
Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me!
I hope to see you all back in the next chapter!
Cuddles
Melissa
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