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Step by Step, We'll Get There	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: S through Z > Teen Wolf Views: 4677 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf nor profit of it. Jeff Davis owns it.

Chapter List
- 28
- 29
- 30
Author's note: Guess who's a night person and doesn't deal well with early morning classes? This author! I'm quite tired, but I figured I would try to finish this chapter anyway. I'm sorry if it's not up to par, but it's at least longer than I thought it would be, so you know, there's that *clears throat*
Warnings: Mention of abortion; some angst; some fluff; some very minor time skips
I hope you'll like this chapter!
Chapter 29
"How would we even manage it?"
For a moment Derek didn't move and he thought the other man hadn't heard him. He was about to repeat his question when Derek looked up, pulling his attention away from his laptop.
"Manage what?"
"You know, the baby." Stiles waved haphazardly at his stomach before gesturing at Derek's apartment as a whole. "Where would he or she stay the most? At my house or your apartment? How would we do it at night? Babies need to eat at night, right? Pretty sure they do, so how would we do it? If he or she stays at my place, does that mean you'll have to stay over every time if you want to help out? And if the baby stays here, that means I'd have to be here basically full time too, right? Is there even enough room for the baby here? At my place, I guess I could clean out the spare bedroom. Do you think dad still kept the crib they used for me? I should ask him, right? But I'd first have to tell him I'm pregnant then. Shit."
He cut himself off abruptly, all too aware that he was rambling and cleared his throat, staring down at the chapter he'd been reading before his mind had started wandering.
It had been two days since Derek knew about the baby and after that conversation they hadn't talked about it anymore, spending the rest of the evening wrapped up around each other in Stiles' bed. He was pretty sure dad knew Derek had slept over, even if the wolf had sneaked out early in the morning, but the Sheriff hadn't said anything about it when Stiles had come down for breakfast yesterday.
Today, Sunday afternoon, found him at Derek's apartment, studying while the older man worked on a translation project due within two weeks. He didn't even know why he'd suddenly started talking about the baby again. He'd been reading his chapter like a diligent student and then somehow his brain had made a leap to where on earth the baby would stay if he chose to keep it.
Really, though, where would the baby stay? They didn't live together, so one of their homes would be the main 'base camp' to raise the baby. They could hardly change between the two places every day after all. It made sense for the baby to stay at Stiles' house, considering the empty guest room which could be converted to a nursery, but a baby meant long, sleepless nights and his dad already had to go through those once when Stiles had still been a baby – he'd feel guilty as hell if his baby kept his dad up all night.
Dad couldn't afford to be sleep deprived in his line of work and it wasn't fair to sic a baby on him just because Stiles' genetic makeup had decided to flip its middle finger to his suppressants.
Keeping dad and his need for sleep in mind, the logical solution was for the baby to stay at Derek's apartment – but wouldn't that mean Stiles had to spend most of his time here as well? Not that that would be a hardship per se – far from it – but what about his dad then? Who would mind his diet then if Stiles spent most of his time here? Who would the old man talk to when Stiles would be busy with his kid here instead of being at home?
Man, he'd thought making a decision about whether or not to keep the baby would be hard – thinking of the possible consequences if he kept the child made everything twice as complicated. Why had nobody told him before how complicated having a baby was?
He twitched when Derek abandoned his laptop at the table and came over the couch, sitting down next to him. He looked a bit … nervous for some reason; his eyes downcast, fixated on his jeans, even as he reached out to grab Stiles' hand.
"I'd planned to ask you this when you'd finished your exams," he started slowly, wrapping his fingers around Stiles'. "Figured it would make things easier with how much free time you'd have during the summer - "
"Assuming I'd pass all my exams immediately," Stiles couldn't help but point out and he quirked a quick grin when Derek rolled his eyes.
"I have faith in your abilities to pass them immediately," Derek said dryly, before he sobered up again, growing more solemn once more. "I wanted to ask – if you wanted to move in here. With me." The scruff of his beard couldn't hide how pink his cheeks became.
"Move in with you," Stiles repeated blankly; his brain currently unable to compute what was happening. "As in – living with you together. Here. Officially. Like all the time."
"Yes, that's generally what moving in with someone means," Derek deadpanned, but his eyes couldn't hide how nervous he was.
"You realise you'd be stuck with me the entire time. Like now you can still kick me out – well, I suppose you could still kick me out even if we live together," Stiles backtracked, thinking of the fact that the apartment was in Derek's name, so if he wanted to kick him out, he could without any issue. "But do you think that you can handle me twenty-four seven? Because now you still get breaks, but dude, I even still drive my dad insane and that man has been living with me for nearly nineteen years now. He probably should get a medal for that, come to think of it."
His rambling was cut off by a soft kiss and he couldn't help but gape at the wolf shifter when he pulled back; a fond smile making his eyes shine.
"Yes, Stiles, I think I can handle you twenty-four seven. I'd love nothing more than that."
"Famous last words, dude," Stiles retorted, but shuffled closer nonetheless, feeling rather giddy. "You mean it? You really want me to move in with you? Even if you know …" He waved at his stomach, a tad nervous now.
Would Derek still want to live with him even if he decided not to keep the baby in the end? After all, he was only asking him now instead of right before the summer break, because Stiles had made that remark about the baby. If he didn't keep it in the end, would that make things too awkward between them? It'd be one thing if they still had their own place, where they could retreat to if they couldn't handle being around each other anymore; it'd be a whole other thing if they couldn't avoid each other because they lived together.
"Your decision about the baby won't affect our living arrangements," Derek reassured him, curling an arm around his waist to pull him closer still. "I want to live together with you with or without the baby."
There was nothing but sincerity running through his voice, but the position of his hand on Stiles' abdomen didn't escape the Omega's notice and he stifled a sigh. Sure, the decision about the baby was left entirely up to him, but it was more than clear what Derek wanted to do with it – him or her, whatever.
The problem was that he still didn't know what to do. Time was ticking away steadily and the moment neared that he would need to make a decision once and for all.
He just didn't know what to do.
He decided to try his to go to method for issues like this one: writing down the pros and contras. Perhaps seeing it on paper would make deciding a lot easier – he hoped.
Pros ….
He frowned, staring at the paper while he tapped his pen on the desk. Pros … Pros … Hm, it felt weird to write pros for keeping a child. Changing to contra for now; maybe that would make it easier to switch to the pro side after that.
Contra. His dad would be incredibly disappointed most likely. He winced when he scribbled that on the paper. As soon as Stiles had hit puberty, dad had sat him down for The Talk, making sure he understood just how important it was to protect himself – both against diseases and against pregnancy. Dad wasn't one of those parents who loved to pretend their children would never go past the whole hand holding stage, but he'd been more than clear about the fact that he wasn't expecting to become a grandfather soon.
Not that this pregnancy was really Stiles' fault – he'd been as careful as one could be, but it was hardly his fault that his genetics had decided to screw him over! Would dad see it that way, though?
He was far from an unreasonable man – god knew Stiles had tested him a lot on quite some occasions these past couple of years with some of his stunts – but again he wasn't expecting to become a grandfather any time soon.
That tied in to another contra point: his age. He was just about to turn nineteen; he was barely an adult – some might even claim he was far from being one – how the hell was he supposed to handle a kid? How was he going to combine his studying with a baby? He could multitask, sure, but a baby seemed like a level above of what he was used to with his regular multitasking. Would he be able to handle it? Would he be able to raise a kid without screwing it up?
He grimaced, sucking his lower lip between his teeth. Bracing his foot against the desk, he pushed himself away from it, letting the chair roll backwards until it slowed down to a stop in the middle of his room.
What was he even going to do with a kid? The idea of someone sharing his genes, of a little thing being entirely dependable on him … That thought was both mindboggling and terrifying at the same time. He could still hardly believe he was expecting a baby, even though the proof had been staring right at him both in the form of the tests and the screen at the doctor's office.
Who was he even kidding? There was no way him raising a kid would end well. That was just asking for a disaster! He was hardly dad material, not like Scott was for example.
He paused, thinking about his best friend. The other man still didn't know he was pregnant and the knowledge that he was keeping this a secret from him made him feel guilty. He and Scott had always shared everything, having sworn each other that there would never be any secrets between them.
A kid seemed like a pretty damn big secret.
He thought about taking his phone and calling Scott, asking him to come over, but … He hesitated, leaning back in his chair to stare at the ceiling. For all that Scott was his best friend, he didn't think he would understand Stiles' hesitation. If he'd been in Stiles' shoes, he'd probably already have decided to keep the baby, no questions asked, because Scott was crazy about kids and was probably counting down the days he could start a family of his own with Kira. Scott had always been great with kids while Stiles … Not so much. Not that kids hated him, but he was awkward around them, never knowing what to do, what to say.
Scott always knew, though. Scott would be an amazing father one day. Stiles on the other hand …
He felt like everyone would make a great parent except for him and that was an awful thing to say, when his dad was a very good example of how to be a good parent. If his dad could do it, even after losing the love of his life, then surely Stiles could do it too? He'd have Derek with him and if there was one guy made to be a father, it was Derek, he was sure. Derek would be an amazing dad, no doubt about that.
He, though … He was not so sure about himself. What did it even say about him, that he couldn't make this decision at once?
Nothing really good, he feared.
He stared at the ceiling for a while longer before he stood up, stuffing his wallet and his phone in the pockets of his hoodie. He had a place to visit.
Google had guided him to the nearest centre, which turned out to be a couple of towns away. It took him a bit to get there and when he was parked finally, all he could do was stare at the building right across from the parking lot. As he watched, he saw two girls enter the centre of Planned Parenthood, both appearing a bit nervous, but not particularly upset.
He could have driven back to the doctor Lydia had recommended, but he hadn't. This centre felt a lot more anonymous than the doctor's office did and it was probably a lot cheaper than Lydia's doctor as well.
Slumping back into his seat, he rubbed his hands over his face. "What am I doing here?" he asked himself tiredly.
Looking for the push to make the decision, a voice whispered in the back of his mind and he pulled a face.
He gazed at the building again, at the weak daylight being reflected off the large window, and tried to imagine walking inside, asking for … Yeah, for what? He was here now, but the revelation he'd been hoping for, still eluded him. Had he really thought he would immediately know what to do if he came here?
"Stupid," he muttered sourly, scowling at the building.
If he couldn't even make a decision on his own, why would visiting this place help? All it did was drive home the fact that he still wasn't capable of making a decision. God, this sucked so much. Why couldn't he just decide and be done with it? Keeping it or not – why was it that difficult?
He thought about grabbing his phone and calling Lydia or Derek. Considered calling his dad or Scott, confess to the shit he'd landed in now. He couldn't bring himself to get his phone out, though. There was no point in calling any of his friends about this or even his dad. This was something he had to do on his own, no matter how much he hated the thought of doing that. It'd be so much easier if someone else could decide in his place.
It started drizzling when he slowly exited his car. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and, keeping his head down, he briskly made his way over to the centre, resolutely not looking up until he stepped inside; pleasant warmth hitting him.
A sweet looking, older woman looked up from the desk nearest to the door and she offered him a kind smile. "Good afternoon, can I help you with something?"
He took a deep breath and approached her on unsteady legs. "Yeah, ehm, could you tell me how you'd go about – having an abortion?"
Her face softened and she pointed at the chair in front of her desk.
"I was thinking that we could all go out for lunch or dinner tomorrow, now that Kira will be coming over for a visit," Scott suggested enthusiastically; his happiness at being able to see his girlfriend soon practically spilling over through the phone.
"All?" Stiles repeated and snorted, kicking his door shut before wandering over to the front door. "And who's 'all' exactly? Lydia still has classes and she won't becoming home until the break."
"Oh true, I hadn't thought of that," Scott said and paused before asking, "What about Erica and Boyd? And Derek of course. Maybe Isaac if he wants to come?"
"You're going to make him the seventh wheel?" Stiles smirked, unlocking the front door and getting inside. "Not that it'd matter to me – at least this time I won't be playing the extra wheel."
He paused in getting his shoes off when he caught a heartbeat upstairs. His dad had started his shift half an hour ago, but a quick sniff informed him Derek was here, which was huh. He hadn't known the older man would be dropping by today; he must have been let inside by dad when the Sheriff left for his work.
"Maybe Derek could invite one of his sisters?" Scott offered uncertainly. "Cora, maybe – they know each other well, so it won't be awkward."
"It will get awkward if Cora doesn't want to," Stiles replied, wrinkling his nose. She and her brother had the resting bitch face down to a T.
"Well, we'll figure it out tomorrow. I'll give Erica and Boyd a call, can you ask Cora?" Scott asked cheerfully and continued without awaiting Stiles' reply, "All right, cool, I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Yeah, sure, give me the difficult one," Stiles muttered when the line went dead and he spent a bit of time scowling at his phone before stuffing it in his pocket.
He'd deal with asking Cora later; first he was going to ask Derek whether he was visiting for a particular reason or just because. He definitely wouldn't mind an impromptu visit, but if he'd known, he'd have stayed home instead of going out for a snack run.
"Hey Derek, didn't know you were stopping by," he called out, smiling, but his smile froze when he took in where Derek stood – and more importantly, what he was looking at exactly.
Derek didn't even turn around from the desk; the fingertips of his right hand resting lightly on the pamphlets he'd received from the woman of Planned Parenthood.
"Your dad let me in when he left for work," Derek muttered.
His seemingly light comment – an explanation as to why he was already here – was at odds with the look on his face. Or better said: with the lack of any sort of expression on his face. He looked utterly blank; his face nothing but a smooth canvas, betraying nothing of his thoughts.
"Ah, that's nice of him," Stiles answered weakly and gnawed at his lower lip, hesitatingly coming closer. "I didn't know you were coming over."
"No, figured I'd surprise you," Derek said, his voice still airy, but his eyes averted away, not allowing the fox shifter to see what he was really thinking.
Derek had been rubbing his index finger across the P of 'Planned' but he stilled when Stiles placed his hand down on the pamphlet. His hand retreated and Stiles hastily gathered the pamphlets and stuffed them in the top drawer of his desk, though it was far too late by now to attempt to hide them. Crap, he shouldn't have left them out here, but in his defence, he hadn't expected anyone to be in his room before him.
Heavy silence hung between them; Derek standing there as frozen as a statue and Stiles, awkwardly fidgeting, wishing he knew what to say, how to start the conversation anew. His usual big mouth and quick wit had completely deserted him at the moment.
Derek stirring broke the statue quo at last. He leant a bit backwards, his arms crossed almost defensively.
"I didn't know you'd gone to the centre," he said stiffly.
Stiles shrugged half-heartedly. "Nobody does. Didn't exactly advertise where I was going."
"Why did you go there?"
Before he could stop himself, Stiles rolled his eyes heavily and replied sarcastically, "Why would someone in my position go to Planned Parenthood, Derek?"
Derek clenched his jaw. "Does this mean that – you made your decision?"
Pursing his lips, Stiles stared at him. Stuffing his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, he said, "I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest. And when I say, completely, I do mean completely. I don't want you to consider my feelings in this, I just want the truth."
"When have I ever lied to you?" Derek demanded, irritation wiping away the monotone tone he'd been using.
"You haven't," Stiles conceded, "but you change some answers because you're thinking about how I feel."
"I didn't know it was a crime to be considerate of my mate's feelings," Derek retorted; sarcasm heavy in both his voice and his eyes when he finally looked at the younger man.
"I can't do shit with your consideration now, Derek," Stiles told him bluntly and the other man was slightly taken aback. "I need the truth now, not some sugar coated version to spare my feelings."
Derek pursed his lips. "Fine. What's the question?"
The Omega took a deep breath; his hands balling into fists into his pocket. "Do you want to keep the baby or not?"
"Stiles, I already told you I am - "
"Perfectly fine with whatever I decide, yes, I know," Stiles cut him off sharply. "But that's not what I'm asking, Derek. I want to know what you want to do. Don't think about my feelings now, don't think of how you don't want to hurt me – I want you to think of your own feelings now. If this all depended on you, what would you choose? Would you want to keep the baby? A yes or a no, that's all I want to hear. No 'I'm fine with whatever you decide'; just a yes or a no."
Derek swallowed and he turned his head away, looking like he was struggling with something. The silence which fell now was beyond stifling, making it almost hard to breathe, but Stiles remained standing a couple of feet away from Derek, waiting for the other man to finally give an honest answer.
Yes, Derek would respect whichever decision he made – but what did Derek himself want? If it was entirely up to him, what would he want to do? Stiles thought he knew the answer. It was there in the soft touches against his belly, the way eyes lingered when they swept across his body. In how eyes had looked ready to shoot fire at the pamphlets; claws briefly popping out and disappearing in a flash when the pamphlets had disappeared into the drawer.
Derek wanted to keep the baby. Plain and simple. Now he just needed to admit that truth aloud without thinking he needed to be considerate of Stiles' feelings. He needed Derek to be honest with himself.
"Yes, I want to keep the baby." Derek's voice rang loudly through the bedroom, bouncing against the walls. His face was a cross between frustration and shame as he stared with burning eyes at Stiles; the knuckles of his hands turning white with how tightly he was clenching his hands. "I don't want you to have an abortion, I want us to keep our baby!"
His breathing was a bit ragged, as if he'd been running a marathon at full speed instead of just admitting his true feelings.
"Even though we haven't even been a couple for that long?" Stiles remarked, rubbing the material of his hoodie between his left thumb and index finger.
They'd known each other for years now, but there was a difference in knowing each other and actually being in a relationship. For the longest time Stiles had thought he'd never have a shot with the second oldest Hale. Then Theo had happened right when his hopes had been answered and he'd lived in worry that Derek would give up on him before the six months had been over. He wouldn't have blamed him if he had – who would want to wait six months for someone who had to be courted by someone else because of an ancient tradition?
But they were together now, happily together, even after all the shit that had happened. Was their relationship strong enough to handle a baby already, though?
People would probably say no.
"That doesn't matter," Derek instantly retorted; his tone firm. "What does it matter that our official relationship only started in September? We've known each other for years now – this isn't some random fling, this is serious for me."
"Obviously," Stiles murmured, gazing at the wolf shifter. Nobody could doubt the amount of conviction in his voice nor the steady confidence in his multicoloured eyes.
Derek stepped forwards, enveloping him in his arms. "I don't care whether we've only been together for six months or six years; I've never been as sure of something as I am about us," he said resolutely; his warm hands rubbing up and down Stiles' back. "I want to raise this baby with you, but only if you want to."
"But you don't want an abortion," Stiles sighed, fisting his hands into the soft material of Derek's dark blue sweater.
"You asked me what I would do and that's my answer," Derek stated and kissed his forehead. "But my other answer is just as truthful as the one I gave now: I'm okay with whatever decision you make. I'd rather not have this baby than have you be miserable. This isn't worth losing you over."
Stiles was quiet, contemplating what he'd just heard, as he slowly rubbed his face back and forth against Derek's left shoulder. The Beta let him, never ceasing rubbing his back. Occasionally he scented the fox back; his nose brushing alongside Stiles' ear or the top of his head; the bristles of his beard scratching Stiles' scalp slightly.
"I'm not doing it," he finally admitted, pulling back slightly so he could look up at Derek. At the puzzled look he received, he elaborated, "The abortion, I mean. I thought about it; it's why I went to the centre and got all those pamphlets and such." He flapped his hand at the drawer.
"I've been thinking about it a lot and I tried to imagine going back to that centre – because there's no way I can afford Lydia's doctor, bless that girl for helping me, though – but. I just can't." He rubbed his hands over his face briskly and scoffed. "I just – can't. Because I was so stupid to start imagining how the kid would look like and whether I can forgive myself if I went through with it and I just." He breathed out harshly through his nose.
"I just know I'd forever regret going through with that. I would keep wondering how the kid would have turned out, whether it'd have been a girl or a boy, and …" he trailed off, worrying his lips between his teeth. He shook his head. "I'm probably the least qualified to take care of a child, fuck knows in which ways I'll screw this up, but – I want this. I want to keep the baby, no matter how stu-hmph!"
The rest of his sentence got swallowed up by a hungry pair of lips, the kiss urgent and all consuming; hands cupping his face like he was something precious to hold. He clung to strong shoulders as the kiss grew in intensity, turning his legs into jelly, and he gasped when he was pressed to his desk; his legs parting for the wolf to stand between them.
"You mean it?" Derek asked urgently; his thumbs stroking Stiles' cheekbones. His eyes were dark and sparking, bleeding gold near the edges, and the tip of his fangs poked through; stark white against dark pink lips.
"Yeah, I mean it," Stiles answered, his mind still a bit muddled from the kiss. "God knows how this kid is going to turn out with me as its parent, but - "
"You're going to be great," Derek promised him, gifting him with a full, bright smile that had Stiles swallowing and bracing his hands against the edge of the desk. "We're going to be great at this, I promise."
"I'll hold you to that," Stiles said weakly and moaned when Derek kissed him again.
"Everything's going to be fine, you'll see," Derek promised; his eyes positively glittering as he looked at Stiles before kissing him again and again, one hand cupping the back of his neck and the other resting against his stomach.
In that moment, drowning in Derek's kisses, in his presence, in his touches, Stiles allowed himself to believe him.
They were going to be just fine.
AN2: I hope it wasn't too bad! Next one will have them informing their family about the baby.
Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
I hope to see you all back in the next chapter!
Cuddles
Melissa
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