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And then the petals fell	By : Eva Category: CSI > General Views: 2433 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title:Author: Mary Eve
Parker ms.parker@gmx.at
Spoilers: �Lady
Heater�s box�

The
hard bit will be telling him that we have to try. And I am more than a little
afraid of having this conversation, afraid he�ll see that I want to be with
him. That I want sex with him. It�s been a long time for me, and I have to
admit I miss sex. I am afraid of how I might react when we are together, that
my body will betra, th, that he will make me cry out his name in pleasure. But
that�s something that I musn�t do, Grissom wants us to have sex at the office,
so screaming his name would be bad � anyway, �.I will do my best to remove
myself from this moment, to ignore the sensation running through my body. I
will be silent; I will bite down the words. It�s just sex, I have to remember
that. It�s what he wants, no feelings or comfort involved. Its sex I have to
remember the reabehibehind it and not lose myself in his touch.�

(Eva,
Ie sue suggested a few changes for that diary entry, the ones in the beginning
are just short, grammar related etc. The
longer part I've written out is a suggestion because I think that Catherine
would perhaps be a little less clinical about what she was doing with him, we
need to believe that she DOES want him. Also I suggeou tou take out the word '
fucking' not because I'm a prude, but because I don't think what they are doing
is fucking. If that were so then they would be having a passionate affair, this
is sex with a purpose, to make a baby. This isn't passionate, this is
functional, that's why I've suggested using 'sex' instead.)

He read this
entry over and then over again, trying to understand her thoughts. What was she
saying? What was she confessing here?
The sun was
beginning to rise, it was beautiful. He wished Catherine could see it.
&;�That
could be it. But what if I can't do that? What if he guesses? What if its so
obvious how I feel? I fear, I really far, my love will be written all over my
face. But, but I know he isn't in love with me, and I don�t blame him for it.
No, I don�t. Why would he love me?
Every
single day that I see him I think that maybe it will happen, he will realise my
feelings, that he will change his.
But
it never happens and I come home to my empty bed. I think that�s why I can
barely sleep more than four to five hours at a time.
Today
when I spoke to him he was so cold, his beautiful smile was gone from his lips.
I could never have imagined he would make me feel like that, that he could be
so cold, distant. But I have to remember what I am asking for, I am changing
his life. Asking him to change his life to satisfy my needs.
What
if this is the worst kind of mistake? I need to sleep on this, need to find the
clarity I thought was already there.�

He remembered the
next after, the day after this entry. She came to his office after the shift,
but he hadn�t been there. She placed a note on his PC �We will start next week
if you are still in it. C.� She always
signed her notes to him with a smile �C�. For all the others she wrote Cath or
even Catherine if it was something for Sara but this �C� belonged to him and
only him.
There has never
any anybody else in his life that cared like her for him and now he was
refusing her to be with him, not in the animalistic sexual way, he gave her his
body. No this wasn�t right. She gave him hers. He didn�t care that much. He was
angry, angry about himself.

The sun was high
on the sky now, the shade of red filling the room. The colour made him think of
her, and what he had done. Now he realised that he had been the biggest asshole
on God�s earth.
>&nb>

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
FLASHBACK
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cath was wearing
a pink knee length skirt and a white top with it. It had taken her nearly an
hour to find the right outfit for the �after shift meeting� with Gil. She
didn�t want to look cheap but on the other hand not too impressive either. He
had made it clear that this was business for him and nothing else. So she had
to work with it. She could do it, that�s what she told herself every few
seconds.

She entered the
office but he wasn�t there yet. She didn�t sit down on the sofa or a chair at
his desk; no she was studying the bugs on the wall. She was nervous as hell,
but she was doing the right thing. Wasn�t she?

He came half an
hour later. She was still standing at the wall, studying one of his books.
Gil studied her
carefully. He hadn�t seen her in a skirt for a long time. But it was easier to
get rid of, he told himself, she was
helping him.

�Catherine,� he
said with a monotone voice.
�Gil,� he could see in
her posture that she was nervous. Honestly, he didn�t care about her nerves, he
had himself to protect. She wanted something from him, and he was about to give
it to her. Catherine did look vulnerable to him, a look perhaps only he would
have recognised. It�s the look she wore when she told him she was pregnant with
Lindsey, but that was long ago.

Slowly she looked up from
the book, put it back on the shelf and moved to him.
He noticed that the white
top she wore was practically sheer, that he could see the white lace of her bra
underneath, the bra that covered her breasts, hiding them, caressing them.
Despite himself he thought of her body, though of how sensitive she was.
Thought of how she would respond if he were to reach out and touch her the way
he yearned to.

cla class=MsoNormal style='mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none'>She stopped in front of him
and looked up at him. Her sea blue eyes stared at him. He had never seen such a
shade of blue, never. Suddenly she smiled.

Before he could think of
anything else she went to the door and locked it. Good, he wouldn�t have been
able to think of it. She came back, slowly, and he noticed her hips how they
softly swung with every step.
Tell me what you want, he
thought while watching her. She was a beauty and the years had made her even
more beautiful. When she was younger she was beautiful but differently, she was
rounder. Now she was a real woman with her own taste, shape, instincts and
opinion. She had changed a lot since she�d found out about Eddie�s betrayal.

�Do you want to talk
before?�
She shook her head. She
couldn�t think of a topic. �Do you want to?�
�I guess we don�t need
to.�
�Do you need me to �?�
�No, I will take care of
it.�
�Where?�
�I thought maybe �.� He
looked around the room, �the desk?�
Catherine also looked
around the room. She�d preferred the couch but it was his decision she was just
thankful for his help. She nodded, AND slowly went to it. Cath had no clue
where or how he wanted it. No words were spoken.
The moment she was in
front of him, between him and the desk he studied her lips carefully.
Does she want me to kiss
her? But the reply came to him straight away, of course she didn�t. She just
wanted sex; it�s what she asked for. So his hands reached for her hips, turning
her round so that she was facing the door, her back in contact with his chest.

So this was how he wanted
it? His hands on her hips. Slowly. One hand suddenly left. She heard the sound
of a zipper going down, belt and button being opened. And then the trousers
puddled around his legs.
Softly she leant forward,
her hands on his desk. There was no talking, still. She wanted him to tell her
anything, anything she didn�t care what.
Gil yanked his boxer
shorts down and the next thing she felt was his erection pressing against her
butt.

�Thanks baby.�
�I am not a baby,� she
returned.
She was like her mother.
So cute. Why did he have to say that, how cute Catherine was. Why hadn�t he
etoldtold Catherine this before?
Slowly he pulled him
together and went to Catherine�s bathroom taking a quickwer.wer. He even
borrowed her white fluffy robe, he didn�t care.

When he came to the
living room Lindsey was staring at him with her big blue eyes. She was looking
such a lot like her mother � unbelievable, he thought.

Gil knew that he would
need to talk to Catherine�s little daughter, speak to her like to an adult. He
had to tell her that her mum was in hospital and that she will remain there for
a little while to get well again.

He grabbed a cup of
coffee and sat down next to Lindsey, silently, watching her plith ith the
spider.
�Lindsey, I have to talk
to you.�
n lan lang=EN-GB style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Ver;
m;
mso-bidi-font-family:Verdana;mso-ansi-language:EN-GB'>She sat down next to him
with the box in her hands, watching the spider move FROM one side to the other
- he was quite a hairy thing.
�Your mum ��
�She cried a lot Uncle
Gil.�
He looked at her and put
a stray curl of her hair behind Lindsey�s ear. �I know�, he didn�t, but he
didn�t want Lindsey to know that. �Do you know why?� The little girl shook her
head
�No I had a bad dream,
and I wanted to sleep in bed with her, but she wouldn�t let me into the room.
She told me I was old enough to sleep in my own bed,� she was silently crying,
and it broke his heall all over again.
�You are a big girl Linds.�
�Oh ��
�Warwick brought her to the hospital again last night
and she has to stay there for a little while.�
�Will you stay with me? I
don�t ��
�Of course,� he replied
softly and pulled the now crying girl into his lap and his strong arms
encircled her, pressing the sobbing form against his chest. �Daddy left �.�
�She will come back I
swear it Lindsey, she just needs a little time to get better. And I will stay
with you till then, okay?�
The sobs stopped and she
stayed silently in his arms, her face pressed against his chest.

He wasn�t too proud of any
of that. He had never had done anything like that before. But over the last
year he had done a lf nef new things, and a lot of things he wasn�t proud of.

He held the child as he
now wanted to hold her mother. He wanted to hold Catherine and tell her how
wrong he had been. He wanted to tell her that she was the most perfect woman in
the world to him. He wanted to tell her how he loved all of her, the swing in
her hips, the width of her smile. God, he even loved the way she chewed gum
when she was nervous. He wanted to tell her that he loved her. He wanted to
tell her that he wanted to make love to her, in a bed, and with love. He wanted
to kiss her skin, and hear her sigh his name. He wanted that, more than
anything else.
He new this would not
happen easilhat hat he would have to work hard to even make her talk to him
again. He had been so distant these last months and he had shamefully neglected
her. Brass had tried to tell him of the changes in Cath, but he had ignored
him.
How could Brass have ced ced
and he, the man that shared the most intimate of all experiences with her, have
noticed nothing? Or did he just ignore what he couldn�t bare?
Finally he surrendered to
the tears, he couldn�t stop them anymore. Soft little rivers poured down his
unshaved cheeks, dropping onto Lindsey�s sweet head.
But Lindsey didn�t move,
she was brave like her mum. She let herself be comforted and be a comfort. She
let herself feel loved and cared for, so did he.

Maybe there was a chance
that her Christmas dream was about to come true?

XxXxXxXxXxX
End Part 3

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And then the petals fell