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What Smegging Luck	By : melusinesara Category: M through R > Red Dwarf Views: 2133 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Red Dwarf, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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"Rimmer?"
Lister sat upright in his bunk, causing his dreadlocked head to slam into the
ceiling. 'Ow! Smeg..." he cursed, cradling his head in his hands. Beneath
him, the two sexually sated holograms cuddled together, frozen. They were
afraid to make a move, for fear of being caught together, naked, sweaty, and
sticky. It was too late to hide anything now, though, because 4 seconds later
Lister's legs swung over the edge of the bunk, and the human jumped down.
"Rimmer,
you alright? I heard a scream.." Lister peered into the bottom bunk. There
he found Rimmer, perfectly fine, along with their newfound friend.
"Listy...up
so soon?" Rimmer smiled a broad, fake smile, pretending nothing had
happened. Kiera waved shyly. The three of them stared at one another for quite a
while before someone finally spoke.
"Oh
for smeg's sake. I don't even want to know what happened...although I have a
pretty good guess." Lister rolled his eyes in disgust and shuffled into
the bathroom.

The rest of
the day on board Starbug was overcast with an uneasy feeling of tension between
Rimmer and Lister- not that they usually ever went a whole two minutes without
bickering and arguing. Today, though, it all felt very different. Lister spent
most of the day avoiding everyone, especially Rimmer and Kiera, the latter of
whom he regarded as the �Holoslut�. He wasn�t quite sure of what bothered him
about the scene in Rimmer�s bunk that morning. Lister struggled to push the
image out of his mind, but the harder he tried the longer it stayed. It was giving
him a headache.
�Hey, Cat,
do you think you can take over for a while? I don�t feel so good.� Lister sat
in the cockpit next to Cat, his head resting on his hands.
�You don�t
look so good. Then again, that�s not unusual for you, Buddy.� The Cat joked,
taking over the pilot controls.

Alone in
the darkened sleeping quarters, Lister lay on his bunk, trying in vain not to
think about Rimmer and Kiera. The image from that morning replayed in his head
again and again. He couldn�t get rid of it. Rimmer and Kiera. It just didn�t
settle well with him. But why? He told himself it was because Kiera was the
only female they had encountered in three million years that didn�t attempt to
eat or kill them on sight. And she was attractive. More than attractive, really.
Lister was jealous that Rimmer had her. It infuriated him knowing that the
biggest smeghead in the universe, Rimmer, had slept with possibly the hottest
woman Lister had ever laid eyes upon. Rimmer did not just sleep with Kiera,
though, in the literal sense. He had sex with her. Hot, passionate, deliciously
primal sex. Lister�s mind wandered, and before he realized what was happening,
he began to think about what they might�ve done before he found them. Was it
slow and sensual? Quick and rough? Lister pictured the two holograms together,
kissing, biting, and licking. He wondered if Rimmer was on top, or if he fucked
her ruthlessly from behind.
Why did he
think that?
Lister
opened his eyes, trying to tear himself away from the warped sexual fantasy that
was forming in his mind. Why was he suddenly having perverse thoughts about
Rimmer having sex with a woman? His mind
made up the sordid image of Rimmer kneeling behind Kiera, his hard cock sliding
in and out, glistening with her slick wetness. He imagined Kiera�s cries and
Rimmer�s intense, pained expression as he exploded inside her. Lister�s cock
twitched at the thought.
This was
sick. This was *really* sick. Lister had never had such vivid fantasies before.
Having vivid fantasies about Rimmer, someone he disliked yet spent nearly every
waking moment around, somehow made it much more arousing. Lister didn�t want to
think about why this was turning him on, or what it might mean. He just went
with it.
Sliding off
his pants and boxers, he lay on his back, slowly stroking himself. He closed
his eyes and pictured Kiera laying beside him in the
bunk, her hand wrapped around his hardening cock. Moving his
own hand up and down, he imagined it was hers, and began to stroke
slightly faster. He could imagine the heat of her warm body pressed against
his, watching every movement and expression on his face. This fantasy, though,
became monotonous, and soon Lister�s mind was digging deeper for something more
exciting. On the side of him opposite Kiera, he imagined Rimmer, watching them
intently. Kiera removed her hand from Lister�s erection and Rimmer took over,
his touch �Lister imagined- stronger, slightly rougher. Lister squeezed his
cock, running his thumb along the head. It was already slick with precum, and he
imagined Rimmer kneeling over him, and touching his lips to Lister�s while he
stroked him.
Lister
opened his eyes, startled and more than a little frightened by the perverse
change in his normally heterosexual fantasies. He nearly stopped stroking himself
altogether, but settled back into a slow rhythm as he brought Kiera back into
the picture. This time, he was a spectator, watching Rimmer as he entered Kiera
from behind. Lister tried concentrating on her more than Rimmer, imagining her
body facing his, her hard, pink nipples dotting the middle of her small, round
breasts. He kept losing focus, though, and his attention was drawn back to the
other man, his strong hands upon her hips, holding her where he wanted
her. The harder Lister stroked, the harder
he imagined Rimmer thrusting into her. It didn�t strike him as odd that he was
imagining Kiera with Rimmer, instead of with himself. He was too busy
concentrating on his quickly-approaching release to wonder why it excited him
so much to watch them. As Lister�s orgasm approached, flashes of images raced
through his mind. Rimmer and Kiera. Kiera�s hands on Lister. Lister�s mouth on
Rimmer. Rimmer�s cock inside Lister. The last one did it. With a stifled cry,
Lister came- warm, sticky semen splashing over his hand and stomach.
�Ah,
smeg�� Lister propped himself up on an
elbow, glancing down at the gooey mess all over him.
�Lister?�
He heard Rimmer�s voice, and quickly threw a blanket over himself to cover any
evidence of what he had been doing. Rimmer entered the room hesitantly.
�Listy,
there you are. I-� He paused, looking at Lister, who looked about as guilty
as�well�someone who had almost been caught jacking off. �Are you alright?� He
asked, looking at Lister strangely.
�Yeah,
fine, just had a nap.� Lister answered nonchalantly. Rimmer continued to look
at him suspiciously, but when Lister said nothing more, he continued.
�Well, I
just wanted to say�I�m sorry about this morning. Kiera and I�� He struggled to
find the right words. �..We didn�t mean for you to see that.� He finished flatly. Lister stared back at
him.
�It doesn�t
matter, Rimmer. Kiera obviously has feelings for you. That�s just the way it
is.� He mumbled.
�But�you�re
not upset?� Rimmer asked.
�Of course
I�m upset, man. I�m upset, and lonely, and incredibly, �credibly jealous.�
Lister replied. Trying, for once, not to look too smug, Rimmer smiled slightly.
�You�re
jealous of me?� He asked after a moment. Lister didn�t say anything, but looked
at Rimmer despondently. It�s not him you�re
jealous of, his mind said. Lister ignored it and fidgeted with the corner
of his blanket, avoiding any further eye contact with Rimmer.
�Listy�.�
Rimmer began slowly.
�What.�
Lister didn�t look up.
�Hmm�� Rimmer
paused, thinking. �No, you wouldn�t go for it. It�s a bad idea, nevermind.�
�What is
it?� Lister finally looked up, exasperated.
�Well,
Kiera and I wanted to do something for you, to show you we were sorry about
this morning and all. We sort of had an idea, but I wasn�t sure if you�d, er,
want to or not..� Rimmer spoke.
�Want to
what?� Lister was still annoyed, but curious as to what the two holograms had
planned.
�Want
to�..even the score.� Rimmer hinted. Slowly, Lister began to understand.
�What, you
mean you two seriously want me to�.� He trailed off, waiting for the answer. He
couldn�t possibly believe they wanted him to-
�Watch us?
Why not?� Rimmer smiled. �This way, you can get off on the visual of us
together, and I�ll still be having sex with a deliciously attractive woman.
How�s that sound?� Lister stared back at him. He wanted to punch that smug
smirk right off of Rimmer�s face.
�Is this
your idea of making things better? Taking the piss? Well it�s not funny,
Rimmer.� Lister spat, infuriated and more than a little hurt. If it hadn�t been
for the fact that he was nude from the waist down, he would�ve stormed out of
the room right then. Rimmer looked confused.
�Look, I
knew you�d never go for it. I was only offering!� This time Rimmer was the one
looking hurt.
�Well you
weren�t serious. You weren�t really offering that I�watch�were you?� Lister
questioned, unsure. Rimmer looked around, embarrassed.
�Listy, I
know that you and I don�t exactly get along that much. Well�ever, actually. But
I do honestly feel bad about the incident this morning. It was Kiera�s idea. I
wouldn�t have imagined ever asking you something like this. But the more I
think about it, the more I like the idea of sort of having an audience. Not
that I�m, you know..� He trailed off.
��Gay?�
Lister helped.
�Yes. No! I
mean. I�m not. Gay, I mean. Because, obviously, I enjoy being with Kiera, and
she�s a woman. And that would make me not gay..� Rimmer was rambling.
�I know
you�re not gay, Rimmer. And neither am I.� Lister sighed. �Look, if it�ll make
you feel better, and if it somehow sparks a fire in your perverse pleasures,
I�ll do it. And we tell no one this ever happened, ok?�
�OK.�
Rimmer agreed. �I�ll just let you clean up and put on some pants�� Rimmer added
before leaving.

Some time
afterward, Lister showered, spending the solitude thinking about what was going
to happen that evening. As keen as he was on the idea of a possible threesome,
the fact that it might be with Rimmer both excited and frightened him. What
exactly had the two holograms planned? Was it just a show, or were they open to
some audience participation? And how would this affect his friendship - if he
could even call it that - with Rimmer? Suddenly, Lister�s fantasy was becoming
a reality�and he was still unsure of how he felt about that.
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What Smegging Luck