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Undertow	By : kattanon Category: S through Z > The Shield Views: 1328 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Shield, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title: - I Wake Myself Thinking Of Him
Author: - Katt
Rating: - R
Pairing: - Vic/Dutch
Series: - Undertow � Part 3/?
Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know
Archive: - Archived at the Shield Fanfiction Archive
Disclaimers: - I don�t own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX. The song "Mulder and Scully" is performed by "Catatonia".

I Wake Myself Thinking Of Him � "The Sweep"

"I�d rather be liberated, I find myself captivated

Stop doing what you�keep doing it to�

I�d rather stay bold and lonely, I dream I�m your one and only

Stop doing what you�keep doing it to�
Things are getting strange, I�m starting to worry

This could be a case for Mulder and Scully

Things are getting strange, now I can�t sleep alone."

He was hot, and sticky, and uncomfortable. Turning over to his left side Dutch pushed the comforter down to his waist, and raised his head just enough so he could flip the pillow over. Burying his head in the now cool side of the pillow Dutch sighed, forcing himself to relax, trying to make his mind a blank, desperate for sleep.
His brain just wouldn�t shut down though. Thoughts, ideas, memories swirling through his mind one after the other; not in any coherent form, just a random sampling of his subconscious. One theme did seem to come to the fore more than any other though � Vic Mackey. Christ I�m becoming obsessed, Dutch thought with a sneer, feeling stupid and weak. God, just cause Mackey asked for his help here he was thinking about him, wondering about what Vic really thought of him, wondering if there might ever be a chance that� With a snort Dutch slammed the door shut on that line of thought. Yeah, Vic asked for your help, and then he sneered at your theory about a connection between the attack on his... His what? Vic's friend, right his crack whore "friend". His informant then? Yeah, that would work, because what else could she be? Not a lover, after all when he�d asked, in a not so subtle way that made him wince to remember it,

"So you and Vic are friends? Interesting."

She�d been quick to reply,

"Vic and me have a bond that transcends sex."

Thank God for that, Dutch thought.
Anyway whatever the connection was between Vic and his � what had Claudette called her a "bad bride" � Vic had certainly been quick to dismiss his theory that she might have escaped from a serial attacker. It still stung to think that although Vic had asked for his help, he hadn�t trusted him enough to let him get on with the case his way. Vic had felt the need to check up on him, to spy on him from the observation room, and then he�d wanted to muscle in and take over. Vic had only backed down because Claudette had stepped in and objected. If it had been him who�d said no, Vic would probably have just steam-rolled right over him.
Flopping over onto his back Dutch opened eyes that felt gritty and sore through lack of sleep, and stared up at the dark ceiling.

"I�d rather be jumping ship, I find myself jumping straight in

Stop doing what you�keep doing it to�

Forever be dozy and dim, I wake myself thinking of him

Stop doing what you�keep doing it to�
Things are getting strange, I�m starting to worry

This could be a case for Mulder and Scully

Things are getting strange, now I can�t sleep alone."

Not wanting to think about Vic only made matters worse it seemed. The harder Dutch tried to turn his thoughts to other things, the more Vic muscled his way into his brain. He found himself thinking about the other man�s strength, his "fuck you" attitude, his compact body, his face that could be so cold that when he looked at you you�d feel your heart freeze in your chest, or else Vic could smile, and Dutch would feel a little dizzy when he saw it. Not that he ever smiles at you like that, the sneer was back in Dutch�s head. No, Vic never smiled at him like that, with warmth, as if he was the most important person in the room. Deep down Dutch knew that Vic only used his charm, his smile, to get what he wanted. That if Vic did ever smile at him like that it would only be to manipulate him. Even though he knew that it didn�t stop him wishing, that just once, he could be on the receiving end of that look.

"My bed is made for two and there�s nothing I can do

So tell me something I don�t know

If my head is full of you is there nothing I can do?

Must we all march in two by two by two?
And as for some happy ending, I�d rather stay single and thin

Stop doing what you�keep doing to me

Things are getting strange, I�m starting to worry

This could be a case for Mulder and Scully

Things are getting strange, now I can�t sleep alone."

Of course where Vic was concerned Dutch found himself wanting a lot of things. He found himself wanting things that he�d never seriously considered before. Things that went a lot further than his previous experience with his own sex. The couple of dozen mutual hand jobs, and one, very clumsy, and over far too quickly, sixty-nine, that he�d shared with Andy Pritchard in the basement of Andy�s house over the course of one hot Summer vacation when they were both seventeen, didn�t exactly add up to a whole lot of experience. Not that he hadn�t thought about other men before, and had even indulged in a few fantasies, but he�d been too much of a coward to act on them, and had only had relationships with women.
Besides what did he really want from Vic? A hard, fast fucking bent over one of the desks in an interrogation room, or did he want romance, a relationship. Instead of fucking did he want them to make love. Shit, how dumb was he? Hadn�t his experience with relationships taught him anything? He had a crappy track record with women, and even though it was twenty years ago the pain he�d felt, when after the Summer vacation was over, and they�d gone back to school Andy had completely blanked him, never speaking to him again, still echoed in his heart.
What did he think he�d get from Vic? Hearts and flowers? More likely a stay in hospital if Vic ever found out. Even if by some miracle Vic would want him it would just be a one off, a buddy-fuck, a way for Vic to relieve some tension, and Dutch knew he didn�t want that. Better if he just kept his head down, tried to stay out of Vic�s way if he could.
Glancing at the clock Dutch felt his heart drop when he saw it was already 3:30am. He�d have to be getting up in a couple of hours anyway to go to work, so there wasn�t much chance of any rest tonight. With a groan he sat up and decided to take a shower, and drink a few cups of strong coffee, to wake himself up as best he could, before going over those hooker murders again. There was a connection there Dutch was sure of it.

"So what you got to say about that?

And what does someone do without love?

And what does someone do with love?

And what have you got to say about that?"
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