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Home Unknown	By : katecooley Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 15190 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Same junk as before. See part one for all the jargon. The only warning I can think of for this part is a pee-related one and it�s just a morning whiz, nothing salacious. And FYI, know NOTHING about the local flora and fauna running around BC Greece - I�m using that lovely device called �fiction� to fill that in. That, and I wanted to write �crappie� somewhere.

Thanks to Dru and Layce74() for the lovely reviews! I�ll try to keep these coming! Just remember, feedback makes me work harder!

Part III - Wakey Wakey, Eggs and Bakey

"Owwwwww�"

Sleeping on the ground had taught Joxer all he ever really wanted to know about stiff muscles. Too many mornings, he�d woken up with a rock nestled somewhere it didn�t belong and then spent the rest of the day nursing a charley horse. Plus there was the whole sleeping-on-the-ground-in-the-first-place ache.

He rubbed his neck, trying to rid himself of the serious crick that had taken up residence there from sleeping in a cramped position all night. At least it wasn�t wet and cold. There were some mornings when he woke up covered in dew and the rest of the day just seemed off when you woke up with out-of-season sniffles. Stretching, he noticed that he wasn�t on the ground or up against a tree or a big uncomfortable rock.

Right. The temple. He guessed it was encouraging that he hadn�t been tossed out in the middle of the night or taken to some dungeon for poking around in someone�s private place. Maybe they hadn�t even noticed him. He gave himself a mental kick for handing over his breakfast as an offering, but really there hadn�t been anything else. Maybe the next village would have an inn. He had a few dinars socked away just in case.

Opening his eyes, he had to wince. It was just too damn bright. He wondered how late he�d actually slept to get that much sunlight in his eyes.

And then he remembered. The room he�d fallen asleep in hadn�t had windows.

He had to be dreaming, because he knew where he�d fallen off and this wasn�t it. Huge windows, stretching up to the heavens, loomed all around him, giving him several portals out onto lush landscaping. Trees and flowers and vegetation of all types flourished on what seemed to be a never-ending field. Joxer groaned and slumped back in his seat. "Oh, that�s perfect, I�m dead. I�m dead and that�s the Elysian Fields."

"Nuh-uhhhh," a little voice sing-songed not too far away. Joxer jumped in his seat and turned from the windows to find a mop of curly hair and wide blue eyes peering up at him over the arm of the chair. Little fingers gripped at the fabric and the soft flutter of feathers whispered in the air. "Dat�s Gammas� garden."

"Gamma?" a soft smile crimped the edges of Joxer�s mouth. He wondered what kind of fit Aphrodite threw at being called that. A nod made those curls bounce and bob softly.

"She yike petty fowers. You Josser?" Those eyes narrowed, examining him hard.

"Yeah, I�m Joxer. You must be Bliss." The wayward warrior unfolded himself and straightened up, letting himself be regarded by the little fella. Another flurry of curls accompanied the nod. Slowly, Joxer�s eyes adjusted to the light and the room and� well, it was beautiful. Serene even. While the attraction of the room was the spectacular view, the room itself was furnished comfortably, with a few fancy-but-comfy-looking chairs and divans, though none quite like the black one he was sitting in. The sunlight, while unexpected and eye-frying first thing on waking up, was lovely and warm, quite a change from the chilly morning air that usually greeted him. The whole thing was very welcoming. He�d have to thank� Cupid. That drove it home pretty quickly. If the future God of Joy and Pleasure was standing in front of him, his father couldn�t be too far away. And if Cupid had brought him here, that must have been his temple that Joxer passed out in. Though why Cupid would have a tiny, shiny black temple in the middle of the woods was a mystery. Joxer shrugged minutely. Could be worse, I guess.

Nature�s strong first-thing-in-the-morning call arrived only a minute or two late. Joxer�s bladder let him know it was awake, too, with an aching pressure. He shifted and fidgeted out of reflex, looking around. Ordinarily, he�d have strolled off to find a bush far enough away from the campsite that Gabrielle wouldn�t complain. But then, this wasn�t a campsite and he was sure as Tartarus not going to sidle up to one of the plants around here.

"Josser, you �K?" Those blue eyes scrutinized him again, too open and innocent to bother hiding the concern behind anything aloof.

"Yeah, I�m fine. I just�" Well, it is his Gamma�s garden out there, so he should know where� "Bliss, could you show me the, umm� facilities?"

"What�s �cilities?" Bliss�s round cherub face puckered in confusion.

"Umm, you know, when you have to� go?" He waited a beat and the puzzlement didn�t change. He didn�t want to get too graphic, so he put all the meaning he could into it. "You know� GO?"

Like the dawn, realization wrought a lovely glow on the tiny godling. For the millionth time in a lifetime, Joxer cursed his fool luck at never settling down and raising twenty kids. Just the look of priceless joy at understanding made Joxer�s aching heart leap.

"POTTY! YOU GOTS TO POTTY!" It wasn�t teasing, just plenty loud. Joxer turned a little pink, pretty sure souls in Asphodel had heard that one. With a quick flap, Bliss was off the ground, fluttering in the air next to the chair. And he was yanking Joxer up with him. "C�MON!"

He may have been a little kid, but there was no doubt he was a god. The power that he dragged Joxer along with was surprising and undeniable. Once he was old enough, Joxer had no problem believing that he was going to be a god to be reckoned with. His feet scrabbled along, trying to keep up with the breakneck pace Bliss was setting as he swooped through the main room. And if the antechamber he�d slept in had been beautiful, the main room just outside was magnificent. Circular, the chamber was a hub for a whole handful of other doors and halls and high-polished pink and blue marble reflected every bit of light that came in through the doors and glamorous windows. The ceiling was a huge, overly erotic mural that seemed to move as you changed positions under it. What had to be priceless pottery stood or sat at intervals and Joxer half-wondered if that was a great idea with a five-year-old zooming around. To say nothing of the nude statuary. And there was plenty he�d like to say about it. Mostly �wow� and �ooooh� and a horny purr. But he wasn�t getting the chance right now.

"Bliss, honey, I thought you were going to play in your room and not wake up Joxer," a deep but not unhappy voice echoed around them and it took Joxer a second to pinpoint its origin. And then he felt stupid. An oddly shaped nook sat on one end of the room, breaking up the circular perfection. In it sat a table, also oddly shaped, and chairs. At the table� well, you�d have to not be Greek to mistake that for anyone but the God of Love. An amused smile painted his handsome face and a giggle sounded next to the muscled god.

"I DIN�T! JOSSER WAKEDED UP ALL BY HISSELF!" Bliss didn�t falter one blessed flap, loping along through the air with determination. Joxer could smell the next part coming and suddenly wished that he could fly. Away. "AN� HE GOTS TO POTTY!" The word sounded fifty feet tall in Joxer�s reddening ears, bouncing around the room as if no other words existed. And now the God of Love knew he had to pee. And he wasn�t the only one gaining this knowledge.

The sight of the other man� er� god at the table, leather-clad shoulders shaking with forced-back laughter, almost made Joxer not need the much discussed potty anymore. He�d spent enough time around Hercules and Xena to know what the God of Mischief looked like. Even without that, he was sure he could�ve guessed that one out. And with Strife there, thinking that Cupid was the owner of last night�s shelter was silly. It just fit Strife, all the dark stuff and weapons and the fake broken things. That he had spent the night there, in Strife�s inner sanctum, made his stomach turn circles and now he HAD to pee very badly. Very very very badly

"OK, sweetie. You take him. When he�s done, bring him back so he can have some breakfast." Cupid�s lips pinched together as well, trying not to snicker at his mortal guest.

"�K!" With a tug, Bliss picked up the pace and ushered a mortified and not a little scared mortal to one of the doors. Embarrassment turned quickly into interest as they entered another brightly lit room, this one with a bunch of happy looking plants and sparkling tile. At one end, the room dropped gradually until it made a bathing pool complete with steps and seats and shelves carved into the side. Silently, Joxer wished he could try that out, a nice hot bath wasn�t always so easy to come by when you lived out of doors. He was almost positive that Xena the Conqueror, Destroyer of Nations and Cranky Ass Wench would never have slept in the woods. Sure, I gotta get her when she�s all noble and rustic. There was no way to keep from laughing at that image in his head and that really didn�t help the whole �having to whiz� situation. At least Bliss didn�t whirl around and look at him like he�d lost it. The little guy just yanked him along to a corner of the room where another door was. Finally, their parade stopped and Bliss landed on his little feet before pushing the door open. Joxer leaned to the door and saw a big chamber pot with a hole in the bottom and looked like it was fastened to the floor. Bliss pulled him inside and stood next to the pot, which had a big pull-chain dangling next to it.

"OK, This is the potty." Bliss put his hands on his chubby hips and slipped into instruction mode. One hand gestured at everything while he talked. Joxer was pretty sure he�d have figured out what was what, but the little godling had such a �big boy� glow about doing this� "Pee and poo go in HERE," a point to the pot "wipeys with the PAPER" a point to a supply of soft looking scrolled-up paper, "an� yank to FWUSH." The dangling chain got jingled for emphasis. "OK?"

"Got it." Joxer hoped Cupid and Psyche were very strong willed parents because he could easily see how hard it would be to ever say �no� to Bliss. He was just so cute and sweet and nice. It was hard not to pick him up and squeeze him all day.

"Need help?"

"I� think I can handle it on my own." Joxer caught the unhappy face before it could truly set in, though. Watching the God of Joy and Pleasure pout or cry was just so wrong on so many levels. "B-but you will stay right outside, right? Just in case?" Joxer made sure there wasn�t an ounce of sarcasm in a ten mile radius. He hoped it sounded just a shade unsure. Sunshine bloomed under his skin as that smile returned and curls bobbled. His posture full of pride, Bliss sauntered out of the little room, taking sentry position outside. Just in case.

Joxer swung the door shut and worked his pants around until� ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The pressure in him released in a satisfying gush. What a relief. He�d been sure he was going to wet his pants before he got there, especially seeing� He rubbed his face with his free hand, a little clarity seeping in. Cupid. Cupid and Strife. Outside. In a large, brightly appointed hall. Which, considering the décor and view meant� Olympus. Joxer let out a long, low, unhappy groan. This was SO not the way he�d pictured this morning. All he�d wanted was shelter and the chance to travel to the nearest town in peace. Maybe the good end of a reasonable plate of food. Now, he was facing not one but two gods, who were at least waiting for him to finish pissing before they turned him into a decorative fountain for Aphrodite�s garden outside. Maybe the Senior Love Deity would show up and save his carcass before they did too much to him. She�d always been nice to him, even when she�d belled him, she�d still been sweet. Maybe he could stay in the chamber-pot-room until she showed up.

A soft knock told him different. "Josser, everything OK?" How long had he been standing there? It couldn�t have been that long, though things were slowing to a trickle. He waited it out, shook off the last bit, and rearranged himself before giving that chain - a gold one, if the light wasn�t playing games - a tentative pull. The chamber pot water swirled and whisked away everything inside, sucking it down the hole. Well, that�s a neat thing to have! Making sure everything was tucked away snug and secure, Joxer eased the door back open to find Bliss waiting expectantly.

"Fine and dandy. Thanks for waiting!"

"You welcome." Bliss puffed up with pride as he took Joxer by the hand far less urgently than before. "Potty in the morning�s vewy �portant. Gots to go lots cuz you didn�t at night an� gots to run sometimes�" Bliss led him back into the main room, regaling him with all the things important about going pee in the morning. Mirth was still abound in the circular room as two pairs of eyes caught them at the door. Thankfully, it wasn�t mocking or disdainful, just amusement. And Joxer wasn�t so dense not to see the funny side of this. Besides, laughing gods are happy gods.

"Everything OK, you two?" Joxer immediately wanted Cupid to be his father. The love in his eyes for Bliss was very nearly overwhelming as he propped his elbow on the table and leaned into his hand.

"Josser�s a big boy, just wike me." the little godling couldn�t have sounded more impressed or proud if he tried.

"Well, I�m glad. You�d better hustle, Big Boy, or else Gramps�ll start without you�"

"GAMPAGAMPAGAMPA!" Bliss squealed and spontaneously blipped out in a yellowish flash that left little duckies quacking and waddling in its wake.

"Excited much?" Strife chuckled, waving someone over. It took Joxer a few seconds and a much more vigorous wave to realize he was being invited to the table. A chair slid out and he�d have guessed it was godly powers, but he could see Strife�s foot retreating from it. "Take a load off."

"You know he�s nuts about Pops," Cupid snickered, sitting up and pulling apart a sweetcake, popping a piece in his mouth.

"He is a spoiler, that Unc-a-mine." Strife agreed, lounging back in his seat.

"I thought he�d just about molt when I told him about training over there." The God of Love�s sandaled feet swung up onto the table and he leaned back in his seat. "Jox, sit, eat. We got plenty."

"Um, OK." Joxer slowly lowered himself into the proffered chair, scooting up to the table while trying not to scrape the floor too much. A plate materialized in front of him, loaded down with fluffy cakes like the one Cupid was munching on. A silver goblet followed, brimming with cool, white, shimmering� "Is that�?" Joxer could feel his mouth watering.

"It ain�t hay, bub." Strife smirked as Joxer grabbed the cup and downed the ice cold milk in one long swallow. Immediately, a dagger of pain lanced through his head and he clutched his temples, rubbing furiously. "Brain freeze as much fun as I remember?"

"Augh. It�s wonderful." His skull still throbbing, Joxer relished the cool slide down to his belly. "You know how long it�s been since I�ve had real milk? That didn�t come out from under a goat or sheep? That I didn�t have to go� �retrieve� myself?"

"Eww. Thanks for the visual." That answered a long-burning question for the two gods. Strife personally doubted that either woman Joxer had been traveling with ever did anything menial beyond hunting and cooking. Never mind foraging underneath livestock.

"Sorry. But�" A pale hand clapped Joxer on the shoulder companionably. Joxer was sure he should have been surprised, but somehow, it seemed natural and all right.

"I gotcha. Kinda had it with turnips in the morning, huh?" With a flick of a finger, Strife refilled the chalice.

The face of disgust was enough to make Cupid nearly choke. A quick sip from his cup quelled it easily. "I.." The look on both immortal faces prompted him to continue. "I�m not complaining."

"�Course y�ain�t."

"I enjoy traveling around, doing good, helping people."

"Who doesn�t?"

"Yeah?" A half-grin sprung up on the wayward warrior�s face.

"What, you think we sit around here all day scratching our asses and trying to overthrow each other?" One of Cupid�s eyebrows rose and reminded both Strife and Joxer of his father. "Getting people to fall in love is fun, sure, and it gives me a wicked power buzz, but I�m not doing it to get my jollies. It�s nice to be useful."

"Speak for yourself, Flyboy. I do it for the buzz," Strife spoke around a big mouthful of a very familiar-looking biscuit.

"Right." Cupid snorted, smiling anyway. "Anyway, Jox? You were saying?" He made a motion to continue that Joxer caught quite deftly.

"It�s just�" the mortal sighed, not realizing the floodgate having an interested audience would open. The looks on both the faces of Love and Mischief were so� interested and expectant. They wanted this, wanted to hear what he had to say. In an instant, he understood the lure of the barding profession. "There ARE other animals in Greece besides rabbit and fish, right? I know I�ve seen deer and boar and wild turkeys, so why am I stuck eating weasel and crappie? And can�t I ride Argo once in a while? I don�t think that�s fair at all. I have to fix my boots three times as often as they do. Does every campsite they pick have to have a rocky area just for me? And who says we have to get started at dawn? Can�t I sleep in just once? Is there REALLY anything in the next town worth trudging through unmapped badlands full of mud before the sun�s fully up?" He realized he was blabbering now, but he couldn�t stop. Everything was just falling out. "And when can I get in on the butt-kicking? I�m tired of watching the horse I don�t even get to ride! And why couldn�t they have just TOLD ME?" He felt beat and tired and wanted to lay his head down on the table.

"Told you?" Cupid�s emerald gaze was riveted on this mortal. He only hoped it helped. The last thing he needed was a complete meltdown.

"About� them." Joxer�s face felt hot just thinking about it. Not good-hot either. More like �I�m a big dope for not seeing it� hot. "Being together."

"Jox?" The voice was cool and calm, almost hypnotizingly so. "Did you�"

"Catch them at it?" The words seemed to float into his head softly, with no sting. Almost as if they couldn�t hurt him. "Nah. I just put six and nine together�" he chuckled at his own joke, his strangely calm voice joined by a higher-pitched laugh. He leveled his gaze at the God of Love, still feeling saddened by the reality he�d been wrestling with for a day, but not so strongly. "Why didn�t they just tell me?"

"Because my sister is an insensitive clod." Strife watched his cousin�s eyes flare darker, deepening to forest green and roiling with a tiny touch of anger for the briefest of seconds. then, back to sparkly and shiny an� I�m not ogling, I am not ogling, I�m just lookin�. "And that harpy she�s with isn�t much better."

"It�s all in the breedin�, cuz. All in the breedin�." Strife crammed more biscuit into his mouth, smacking his lips loudly and sucking his fingers clean with such exaggerated motions and noises. "Some people got no class at all."

"Yeah, I noticed." Cupid pursed his lips around a smile and rallied all his strength to keep from licking stray crumbs from his cousin�s chin as they fell out of his overloaded mouth. A waggle of ebony eyebrows teased him and made him laugh anyway. Right before Strife opened his mouth and showed him all the chewed up biscuit inside. "My point."

Bad feelings wafted away as Joxer watched the two gods kidding around. Somewhere inside, he was sure he shouldn�t have felt this relaxed in their presence, that he should be cowering and genuflecting or something, but the God of Mischief was playing the �see-food� game he and his brothers had loved so much as children. And Joxer was sure there was something about being in the Hall of Love that wouldn�t let you stay in a rotten funk for too long. Maybe unloading his troubles had helped. Whatever it was, he felt better. Better than he had in a while, actually.

Cupid nodded in Joxer�s direction, making sure Strife could see what he did. A warm glow swept through his cousin, making him look almost� Cupid shook it off. Not the time and place for that right now. He nudged Strife under the table, bringing those slate-blue eyes back to him. Another nod, this one speaking volumes. Strife rolled those self-same eyes and sighed. He�d been avoiding this�

"Uh, Jox, about last night�"

A mild spike of panic shot up Joxer�s spine. This was it. This was the part where he got turned into a dung beetle or got sent to muck out around Cerberus or something. All the other stuff was to lull him into a false sense of security before the big whammo. "I�m sorry about that. I tried not to mess stuff up."

"Oh, you didn�t. It�s just� I was wondering how you found it."

"Oh. I� don�t know. I was kind of just wandering along and -bango- there it was."

"Bango." Strife sniffed out a laugh. "Yeah, there�s kinda more to it than just �bango�. You gotta say a password."

"Password? But I didn�t say anything�" Joxer taxed his brain, trying to come up with what he might have said that would count. "I mean, I was talking to myself about �them� but I didn�t� Password?" The night before was starting to blur, his self-scolding and monologue running together until it was all just blather. "Maybe I said it and didn�t know I said it."

"Hmm. Maybe." Strife looked thoughtful, wondering how one just casually brought one�s aunt�s sleeping attire into conversation. "You could�ve just� yelled it out, I guess, without knowing why. There�s a bit of a compulsion in that forest."

"Part of Mom�s arrangement?" Cupid asked gently, earning a slight nod.

"It�s only s�posedta be for me, but I guess anyone freaking out might pick it up a little." That prickly, uneasy feeling was lessening as Strife pondered. The likelihood that Joxer stumbled onto his little temple without trying made him a little more relaxed. Though there was the issue of� "Um, an� about that prayer you said�"

"Joxer, you dedicated yourself to Strife." Cupid cut through the squirming. This could take until the Twilight if he didn�t step in.

-tbc-
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