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Be A Man	By : cowgirl65 Category: 1 through F > The Big Valley Views: 3052 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I in no way own The Big Valley. I make no money from writing this, just the personal satisfaction of (hopefully!) entertaining those who love the show as much as I do.

Chapter List
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Jarrod was grateful his mother had kept his things in his room after he’d left as he pulled on clean clothes after his bath. He didn’t feel like he could sleep yet, so chose a plain pair of pants and shirt. As he was fastening the buttons, he heard the familiar sound of his father’s tread in the hall and a knot of anxiety grew in his stomach. He didn’t want a repeat of the confrontation from the day he left. But as he stood there, mustering the courage to leave his room, Jarrod realized he didn’t want to avoid it. If he couldn’t stand firm in front of his father, face-to-face, how could he ever expect to confront opposing council or a hostile witness in the courtroom? Even if he did decide to stay on the ranch, he had to stand up for himself or he’d lose his own self-respect, never mind gaining the respect of his father.
Jarrod took a deep breath and opened the door. He met his father coming out of Nick’s room.
“How is he?” Jarrod asked in a steady voice.
“Sleeping,” was the curt reply.
Jarrod could feel Tom’s steel blue eyes boring into him. His father’s stare had intimidated many a grown man, but in that moment, it only served to fuel his son’s resolve. He stood his ground. “It’s good to see you, Father.”
Tom raised an eyebrow. “So finally came to your senses and came home, Jarrod? Realized you couldn’t do it on your own?”
Jarrod bristled, but kept his irritation off his face. “I came because of Nick,” he said evenly.
“Jarrod, you couldn’t have even known,” Tom scoffed. “Don’t try to make excuses.”
Jarrod kept a firm rein on his simmering temper. “Father, Nick’s been through a lot. If we’re going to do this, we should go downstairs so we don’t wake him up.” Jarrod didn’t wait for an answer, he just turned abruptly and walked downstairs, making sure to keep half a step in front of the taller man. The brief exchange made him realize that he couldn’t turn back and return to work on the family ranch. The only way to prove to his father he was a man was to act like one. Tom Barkley never compromised his ideals for what anyone else thought. Jarrod knew that was one thing he was proud to admit that he and his father shared, even though Tom had lost some of Jarrod’s respect through his callous treatment and hard-headed opposition to his son’s choices.

Victoria was waiting for them downstairs. She took a step forward to embrace her son, but stopped when she saw the rigid set of his shoulders. He was different, she realized. Gone was the appearance of youth that she remembered; in front of her stood a man, a young man, but a man all the same. It had only been a couple months, but she knew without a doubt that Jarrod was coming into his own.
She saw the hard expression on her husband’s face. Tom wasn’t willing to admit that Jarrod needed to set his own path in life and her heart quailed to think that the rift in her family was something that might not be overcome. She loved both of them and hoped she could mediate some sort of understanding. However, she knew how stubborn Tom was. Victoria remembered trying to get him to ease up on Jarrod after the accident two years ago. But Tom wouldn’t listen and Jarrod turned away, avoiding ranch work when he could and immersing himself more and more in academic pursuits.
She’d been brokenhearted when she found Jarrod’s note the morning after he’d left, but realized she should have seen it coming. The guilt she felt over not being able to make Tom understand warred with the pride in her son for striking out on his own and that pride swelled as she saw the confident man now standing in front of her.
“It’s good to have you home, son,” she said. “Are you here for long?”
She noted the sideways look Jarrod gave his father. “No, Mother,” he said and she could see the sadness as he tried to smile. “I knew Nick was in trouble and I had to come. The horse I borrowed needs a rest, so I’ll stay until the morning, but I have to get back to my job.”
Tom turned on his heel and strode quickly through the door to the library. Jarrod closed his eyes, but not before Victoria saw the pain of his father’s rejection in them. She took the two steps up to him and laid her hand on his arm. “Give him time, Jarrod,” she told the young man softly. “He’ll realize that he has a son to be proud of, even if your path in life doesn’t match with what he envisioned for you.” She eyed him carefully. “Are you getting along okay? I hope you’re taking care of yourself and getting enough to eat.”
Jarrod kissed her cheek. “Other than having to eat my own cooking, I’m fine, Mother. I’m making enough to get by.” He gave her that smile that she loved so well. “I know I’ve made the right choice. The work I have at the law office is exactly what I want to be doing and where I need to be. I just wish…”
Victoria saw the glitter of tears in his eyes. “I miss you too, sweetheart. In spite of what happened between you and your father, this will always be your home.”
Enfolding her in a warm hug, Jarrod said, “I love you, Mother.”
She wrapped her arms around him. “I love you too. Now why don’t you go sit with your brother if you’re not going to sleep?”
He nodded and Victoria watched as he headed up the stairs. She then went into the library and found her husband staring into a glass of amber whiskey.
“What’s the matter with that boy, Vic?’ Tom asked. His arm moved in a wide sweeping gesture. “Isn’t all I built here good enough for him?”
Victoria fought the urge to slap the self-righteous expression off Tom’s face. Instead, she said coolly, “There’s nothing wrong with Jarrod, Tom, other than the fact that he’s his father’s son.”
“His…?” Tom snorted. “Now that’s a laugh.” He took a swig of his drink.
“Is it, Tom?” Victoria challenged. “Jarrod is doing what he knows is right, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Our son is out there, making his life his own rather than tamely doing what someone else wants of him. Isn’t that what you did when you came out west?”
Tom slammed the glass on the table. “It’s not the same thing at all!” he snapped. “I had nothing, came from nothing. What did I build all this for if it wasn’t for my family, my sons?”
“So you’re just going to condemn your son for not grovelling at your feet and thanking you for letting him live in your shadow?” Victoria snapped back. “I for one am proud that my son has the guts to stand on his own two feet. If you drive him away, Tom, so he never comes back, I will never forgive you.”
With a swish of skirts, Victoria turned and marched out of the room. She paused for a moment and sagged against the wall before gathering herself together and heading upstairs to check on her sons. She smiled when she opened the door and saw Jarrod in the chair beside Nick’s bed, his brother’s hand in his. Both of her boys were sound asleep and Victoria moved quietly to get a quilt and drape it over her eldest. She placed kisses on both brows and stole out of the room as quietly as she came.

Tom didn’t come to bed that night and he was gone the next morning. Biting back her disappointment, Victoria took a tray with breakfast up to Nick’s room and was pleased to see her younger son awake. She wasn’t pleased that his older brother had to forcibly push him back into the bed.
“Nick,” Jarrod was saying, “if Mother catches you trying to get up, she’s liable to come after you with her wooden spoon.”
“Jarrod’s right,” she told them as she set down the tray and turned a stern look on Nick. “Now Dr. Merar sent word that he’d be out soon and I don’t want you stirring from that bed until he says it’s okay.”
“Yes, Mother,” Nick muttered, eyes downcast.
“Now I bet you’re both starving.” She saw them both look over to the food. “Eat up, you two. If you’re still hungry, Jarrod can come down and get you some more.” She left them to their meal, knowing the brothers probably needed a bit more time alone. Going down the back stairs, Victoria stopped at the small closet at the bottom and pulled out a set of saddlebags that were stored there. With Tom unwilling to see his son’s side of things, Victoria knew it would be futile to try and talk Jarrod into staying.
She packed the saddlebags full of essentials; cured sausage, canned vegetables and fruit, some rolls from the previous day’s baking wrapped in a napkin along with a few of his favourite cookies. She went back upstairs and took some blankets out of the closet before going into Jarrod’s room and pulling a few items of clothing out of his dresser. Those she rolled tightly into the blanket and took downstairs before wrapping the whole bundle in a waterproof sheet of canvas. Then she poured herself a cup of coffee, sat at the table and waited.
Jarrod came downstairs about half an hour later with the remains of breakfast. “Nick fell asleep again,” he said as he set the tray on the table. “I guess he’s still pretty tired.”
Victoria could see the dark circles under Jarrod’s eyes and the shadow of a beard on his cheeks. “You look tired yourself.”
Jarrod gave her a small smile. “I’ll be okay.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss. “I should get going. They won’t keep my job for me forever.”
Victoria nodded and rose to her feet. “Write when you get there so I know you’re okay,” she ordered, fighting back a tear as she handed him the saddlebags and bedroll.
“Yes, Mother,” Jarrod affirmed as he took the supplies gratefully. He took a step towards the door before turning back and holding her tightly. “A part of me will always stay here,” he whispered and then he opened the door and stepped outside, shutting it behind him.
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Be A Man