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Falling Apart	By : cowgirl65 Category: 1 through F > The Big Valley Views: 1167 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Valley and make no money from writing this

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“Well, that about does it for me.” Dave stood and handed the keys to his deputy. “Everything’s in your hands ‘til Monday.”
Billy grinned. “You know you can count on me, Sheriff.”
“Yep.” Dave retrieved his hat. “Don’t know what I’m gonna do if you get a notion to run for a sheriff’s job of your own someday.”
Chuckling, Billy assured him, “I still got a lot of learning to do from you. Besides, I like Stockton. When I get a notion to run for sheriff, it’s going to be here.”
Dave clapped him on the back. “Reckon I should start saving up for my retirement,” he said with a grin. “Hope it’s a quiet weekend.”
Dave stepped out into the bright California sunshine. He heard a train whistle in the distance and smiled to himself just as a pretty lady walked by and smiled back at him. Dave tipped his hat, pretending the smile was actually meant for her, but it was only for one who should be on that train. He strode purposefully towards the station.
The San Francisco train was still a few minutes out and Dave leaned back against the depot wall. He never could get over the way he felt knowing he was going to see Jarrod, even if it was just a casual handshake in public, even if they’d just seen each other an hour before. Pushing his hat back as the locomotive came into view, he thanked his lucky stars yet again. He’d loved the warmth and generosity that was Daniel’s mother and would have remained faithful to her until the day he died if she hadn’t gone first. But a sheriff lived from day-to-day with an uncertain future and he’d always felt guilty over the possibility he might leave her to raise their son alone.
It was different with Jarrod. He was a strong, successful man and would be able to take care of himself, and Daniel, if the worst happened. It wasn’t as if Jarrod’s life was much more secure, not with the way he sometimes made enemies over the causes he decided to pursue and the prominent nature of his family. Dave knew he’d be devastated if something happened to Jarrod and reckoned it wouldn’t be any different for his lover, but both of them had the tools they needed to go on.
And the love he’d felt for Mary was like the gentle glow of a hearthfire compared to the raging inferno of his passion for Jarrod. He briefly considered that it was the forbidden nature of their relationship that made him feel that way, but just as quickly discarded the notion. He’d lusted after men ever since his first hard-on and he found out early when he was serving in the war that he wasn’t the only one. Only in his deepest dreams had he considered finding the type of love he shared with Jarrod and sometimes he wanted to pinch himself to make sure it was real.
Oh, it’s real, all right. Dave watched the train chuff to a stop. And you have the weekend off, your son’s away at school, he’s home and once he’s said hello to the family, you can whisk him away and lock yourselves in that secluded cabin until Monday morning. Dave’s heart beat faster in anticipation as he watched for the familiar form to disembark.

*

Jarrod’s gut clenched as the conductor called out Stockton. He wished he’d taken the private car; the first-class carriage was full and every time someone next to him shifted, he had to force himself not to cringe back into the seat. He also had to endure the suspicious looks of his fellow passengers at his appearance. The altercation in his office had left him with a large abrasion on his forehead and what he figured was a broken nose. Puffy and with two black eyes, he hoped it wouldn’t be left misshapen but he wouldn’t know until the swelling went down. He’d thought up a story about being robbed to explain his injuries and hoped it would ring true.
The train lurched to a stop and he waited until the other passengers had disembarked before standing up. He retrieved his suitcase from the rack overhead, made his way to the door and down the stair only to freeze when he saw the man sauntering over to him with gleaming blue eyes and a wide smile.
Please, no. He wasn’t prepared to see Dave yet. ‘Fucking sodomite’ rang through his head and Jarrod felt as though he was going to be sick.
“Jarrod, what the devil happened to you?”
He tried to smile and shrug it off. “Wrong place, wrong time,” he said. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about?” Jarrod looked awful. Dave wondered if he’d slept at all recently, never mind the obvious signs of a fight. “C’mon, let me take you over to the doc’s.” He reached out to take Jarrod’s case but Jarrod pulled it away.
“I’m fine, Dave. Leave it alone, all right?”
“Jarrod…” Dave hadn’t missed the fact that Jarrod hadn’t yet looked him directly in the eyes and it wasn’t like his lover to be so testy.
“Just leave me alone!” Then Jarrod took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Sorry, Dave,” he apologized, but his gaze was still elsewhere. “I’m just not feeling myself. I was robbed on the way back from my office the other night. The doctor said I just need some more rest.”

It was a lie, but Jarrod had been injured enough times to know that was what a doctor would have said if he’d been to see one. But doctors were able to pry out even more information from patients than a good lawyer could get from a reluctant witness, so he hadn’t sought one out. “I just need to get home and lie down,” he repeated before he made the mistake of looking into Dave’s blue eyes so full of concern. His heart lurched. Will he even want me if he finds out? And should he really be wanting me at all?
“Do you want me to drive you home?”
“No, it’s all right.” Jarrod didn’t want to be around anyone, let alone Dave. He didn’t know how he’d hold his family off when he got back to the ranch, but the lonely drive home was all that he wanted right then.

Dave didn’t think Jarrod should be alone and wanted to insist that he accompany him home, but something made him stop. Even angry or troubled, Jarrod’s innate charisma usually showed through, but it was painfully absent. It was like something was missing inside or a wall had been thrown up and Dave was at a loss. So he decided to respect his lover’s wishes for the moment. “I’ll come by tomorrow and see how you’re feeling.”
Jarrod started walking towards the livery. “I think I’m just gonna sleep all day, but I’ll come in if something changes.”
Dave watched Jarrod walk away without another word. Something wasn’t right, but he was willing to take Jarrod at face value and see how he was after he’d rested from his injuries.
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Falling Apart