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God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen	By : hatochiisai Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 7676 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor do I make any financial profit off of writing this story.

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God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Hatochiisai

Lots of Hotch/Reid Fluff and Slash

Disclaimer: I don’t own Criminal Minds. I do not make any money off of writing this. But I can dream… *sigh*

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December 24^th

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Hotch stood out in the living room with the morning paper, wafting the steam from the coffee into the bedroom, knowing that this was one of the best ways to wake Reid up without pissing him off and thus being stuck with Cranky Reid all morning. And he did NOT want Cranky Reid on Christmas Eve. He sat down and flipped on the news, watching. A few minutes later Reid stumbled in, making a beeline for the coffee. Hotch held up the mug, placing it in the boy’s outstretched hands. Reid accepted it and slowly sat, sipping the hot sugary goodness. Hotch wrapped an arm around Reid and continued watching the news. After Reid went through two mugs, he finally sighed and turned.

“Good morning.”

Hotch grinned and snickered. “Morning, Spencer.” He said, teasingly. “Eat your breakfast.”

Reid lifted the top off of the plate, and blinked. “… Oh, ha ha. Very funny.” Reid snorted, staring at the pancakes with fried eggs for eyes and a strip of bacon making up a smile. Hotch chuckled to himself.

“I’m gonna get dressed.” Hotch said, and went to do so. Reid wolfed down his meal, then got dressed as well.

“What are we doing today?” Reid asked.

“I don’t know.” Hotch said, shrugging. “What do you want to—“ He stopped when he heard his phone ringing. He pulled it out. “… It’s Garcia.”

“We’re on Christmas Vacation, she can call back in a few days!!!” Reid howled. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and answered the phone.

“Hotchner.” He said, sounding put out.

“Hey there, Boss.”

“… Garcia. Why are you calling? You should be on vacation.”

“I am. But I was bored, figured someone might be up to doing something fun. Morgan went home to Chicago, I called Emily and Rossi and JJ… But you and Reid weren’t answering your home phones. I didn’t remember you two saying anything about going out of town. Imagine my surprise when I find two plane tickets in your name to Santa Fe, New Mexico, and GPS in your phones put both you AND Reid there.” Hotch’s eyes widened, and mentally, he was cursing the woman’s nosy habits.

“… Garcia…”

“It IS my job to keep track of where everyone is at all times, Hotch.” Garcia pointed out, and Hotch winced, knowing that this was indeed true. “So tell me. What are YOU doing in Santa Fe with Reid? In the same hotel room nonetheless…? A room with a single, solitary king sized bed?”

“… I’ll call you back.” Hotch said, and snapped the phone shut. Reid looked at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“… Garcia being nosy, that’s what.” Hotch snorted.

“What do you mean?”

“She knows we’re in Santa Fe together, sharing a hotel room with one bed.”

“… Oh.” Reid mumbled, cocking his head, then sighed and rubbed his face. “Great.”

“So what now?” Hotch asked.

“Rossi knows about us. Now Garcia does too. We may as well come clean and confess it to her, or she’ll drive us crazy until we do.” Reid sighed.

“… Yeah… I guess…” Hotch sighed and dialed the phone. He sat down beside Reid and kissed his forehead, putting an arm around him. Garcia answered and Hotch put it on speaker phone.

“Hi, Garcia.” Reid called to the little device.

“Well well… So you ARE there.” Garcia said.

“Yes. He is.” Hotch said.

“… You’re BOTH there.”

“Yes.” Hotch confirmed.

“In Santa Fe.”

“Yes.”

“At the La Fonda Hotel.”

“Yes.”

“In a suite. With one bed.”

“… Yes.”

“You know what this looks like, right?”

“Yes.” Hotch sighed, rolling his eyes.

“And before you ask…” Reid announced. “It is EXACTLY what it looks like.”

“… Seriously?” Garcia gasped, sounding like she was hardly containing her excitement.

“Seriously.” Reid said, now looking amused.

“Oh… Oh my God! Oh my GOD!” Garcia squealed. “I don’t believe it! How long?!”

“… Since that weekend you took us home after the bar and we were snowed in.” Hotch said.

“The day Reid lost our drinking game?”

“That would be the one.” Reid said.

“Seriously?!” Garcia squeaked. “OMG, you two really WERE Batman and Robin, huh?!”

Reid groaned. “Garcia! Batman and Robin are NOT lovers!”

“Keep telling yourself that… Boy Wonder.” Garcia teased. Hotch coughed to cover up his laughter and Reid gave him a look.

“Garcia, you can’t tell anyone.” Reid said. “You HAVE to keep it secret.”

“Not even Morgan?!”

“No.” Reid said firmly.

“Kevin?”

“No.” Hotch said.

“… JJ?”

“NO!” Both men shouted.

“Okay, okay, jeeze… But oh my God, now that I think about it, you two make the CUTEST couple!” The woman gushed. “So tell your Goddess of All Things Loving, Both Naughty and Romantic… what have you boys been up to?”

“Touring the city. Visiting art galleries.” Reid said with a shrug. “We had lunch with John Black Wolf.”

“The guy who calls Hotch ‘Captain America’?”

“Hah!” Reid laughed.

“Shut up.” Hotch snorted. “Or I’ll tell Garcia about your first time snow skiing.”

“That’s hitting below the belt!” Reid whined, and Garcia grinned.

“Oh, Hotch, I hope you took pictures. You two have any plans for today and tonight?”

“Nope. We’re winging it.” Reid said.

“Hm. Well…” Garcia snorted, and they heard her tapping at her keyboard. “You do now.”

“What?” Hotch asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You now have reservations at two pm for a full spa treatment, and after that, you have tickets to see the Nutcracker Ballet!!!” Garcia announced. Hotch and Reid both just stared at the phone, blank expressions on their faces. “Sounds like fun, huh?”

“Spa?” Reid whined, at the same time Hotch blurted out “Ballet?” The pair looked at each other with raised eyebrows, then grinned in amusement at their nearly identical reactions.

“Come on now… Go on. Go play in the snow, then get some lunch and off to the spa! You’ll LOVE it! And if you don’t go… I’ll KNOW. And I will have to have a few words with you boys when you get home.”

“Garcia…” Hotch groaned.

“Or I might let the cat out of the bag to Morgan…”

“Garcia!” Reid squeaked, eyes wide. “Are you blackmailing us!”

“Sure am! Merry Christmas, Dynamic Duo! I’ll call you on Boxing Day!” And she hung up. Reid and Hotch stared at the phone. Then Hotch turned and leveled a glare on Reid.

“Come clean and confess or she’ll drive us crazy, huh?”

“… Guess I forgot…” Reid mumbled. “This is Garcia… she would drive us crazy either way…”

“… Eidetic memory, my ass…”

“… Damn straight. I remember every detail of your ass.”

“… WHAT?!”

“Nothing!”

“Spencer… do you stare at my ass?”

“You mean like how you stare at mine?”

“… Shut up.”

“HA!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hotch and Reid walked into the spa, looking around nervously. Both felt VERY out of place.

“Hello!” A young woman said, smiling brightly. “I’m Shannon. You must be… Reid and Hotchner?”

“… How did you know?” Reid asked, blinking.

“Well… aside from being our only double appointment today, the lady who booked it told us who to watch out for.”

“… Great. How did she describe us?” Reid asked.

“… The tall geeky sweetheart and the man with the Glare of Death.” The woman confessed. Reid and Hotch both blinked, then sighed and rolled their eyes. “So! Let’s get you checked in!!!” And she started to ask them questions. Reid picked up the “menu” and looked over the offered services.

“… I do NOT want a Nightingale Facial.” He blurted, suddenly. Hotch turned and looked at him.

“What?” He asked, blinking.

“… Look!” Reid cried, thrusting the brochure into the man’s face. Hotch blinked and read it.

“… Nightingale DROPPINGS?!” Hotch blurted, fixing a horrified look on the woman.

“It’s clean.” She said with a smile. “I promise.”

“… It’s fecal matter.” Reid said, blandly. “I do NOT want bird poop on me ANY where.”

“… I’ll make a note of that.” Shannon said, trying not to laugh.

“… Note that for me, too.” Hotch announced. She smiled and nodded.

“Alright. This is Jessica and Naoko. They’ll take care of you gentlemen. Oh, I’m supposed to give YOU this.” And she walked over to Reid, kissed her index finger, and pressed it to his forehead. Hotch stared, but Reid blinked, then grinned.

“Gotcha. Message understood.” He said, and then followed Naoko and Jessica. Hotch just stared at Shannon. She shrugged.

“The lady who made your appointment told me to.” She said. Hotch blinked a few times, then smiled and shook his head, chuckling, and followed after Reid.

They were given white fluffy robes and tossed into a Sauna for a while with some cool water and fruit, encouraging them to keep as hydrated as possible.

“Ooh.” Reid said, settling down. “This feels good.”

“After that snow and wind, yeah. It does.” Hotch said, then blinked when Reid flopped over on the bench and lay his head in the man’s lap, folding his hands on his stomach. Hotch chuckled at the pleased look on Reid’s face. He plucked a grape from the bowl of fruit and shoved it into Reid’s mouth when the boy opened to say something.

“Huh? Hey!” Reid yelped, chewing the fruit and “glaring” at Hotch. The man just chuckled and ate a slice of honeydew melon. Reid snorted and closed his eyes again. Hotch waited a moment, then lifted his water glass and tipped it slightly. A moment later, ice cold water dribbled onto Reid’s upper chest where the robe had fallen open. Reid let out a sharp gasp, thrashing and sitting up.

“HOTCH!!!” He howled and Hotch grinned, chuckling to himself. Reid glared. “Jerk.” He muttered.

“Here.” Hotch snickered, offering Reid the bowl of fruit. Reid picked up a piece of pineapple, still glaring daggers at the elder. But eventually Hotch and Reid managed to relax. And once they were, Jessica and Naoko returned. They were led down the corridor and into a room off to the side. There was a soft pale blue light coming from a tranquility fountain in the corner of the room, and two massage tables were set side by side with pipes over them, each with four shower heads on it. Hotch and Reid eyed these pipes and hoses, and their minds both went to the same place; looked like something one of their crazy UnSubs might have.

Five minutes later found them lying on the tables with towels draped over their hips getting something gooey smeared over their bodies.

“… You know…” Hotch mumbled after a moment. “… Maybe this is Garcia’s odd way of telling us what SHE wants for Christmas…”

“… I wouldn’t put it past her.” Reid snorted. Both men felt… VERY strange and a bit uncomfortable with the situation… They had their little “mud bath” and Reid just fixed a baffled look on Hotch when they were wrapped in seaweed and left to… “soak” for a while.

“What is the POINT of all this?!” Reid hissed as soon as Jessica and Naoko left the room.

“… I have NO idea.” Hotch snorted, squirming slightly in his muddy wrappings. “I thought you would.”

“Why they hell would I know?” Reid asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because you’re supposed to know everything.” Hotch chuckled.

“… Forgive me for never reading up on the benefits of being wrapped in seaweed and having my ass exfoliated.”

“… Oh, I can tell you the benefits of having your ass exfoliated.” Hotch blurted, grinning.

“… Oh, shut up.” Reid groaned, blushing. “Pervert.” Hotch chuckled. Eventually the women returned and they were freed from their little seaweed cocoons and rinsed off (much to their relief). Then they were bundled up in their little robes again and left to sit in a dimly lit room with soft meditational music playing and incense burning for relaxation time. Hotch soon found himself lounging on a large, wide plush sofa, his legs spread. Reid sat between them, cuddled into his chest. The young man had rested his head on the elder’s chest right over his heart. Hotch smiled, tightening his arms around Reid’s middle and bowing his head, gently pressing a kiss to the top of the boy’s head. Reid smiled, opening his eyes. Hotch held Reid close.

“… It’s nice, you know.” Reid murmured. Hotch blinked and cocked his head.

“What is?” He asked, softly.

“Being able to relax. And let down my defenses. On the job I have to be strong. With you, I don’t have to be. I can let you be strong for both of us. I feel like you take some of the weight off of me…”

“Good.” Hotch whispered, gently running a hand up and down Reid’s chest and stomach under the robe.

“I like being able to just… be me. Spencer. Not Agent Reid.”

“And I love you no matter who you are. Spencer. Agent Reid. Doctor Reid… Pretty Boy.”

“Hey!” Reid cried indignantly. Hotch chuckled. “… Not funny.”

“Yes it is.” Hotch said, grinning and nuzzling Reid behind the ear. “How do you feel when we’re together, Spencer?”

“… Content.” Reid sighed. “Safe. Warm… you?”

“… Protective.” Hotch said, holding the youth close. “Needed. Whole.”

“Protective?” Reid asked, lifting his head and looking at Hotch.

“Yeah…” Hotch sighed, tightening his hold. Reid lifted his face and Hotch kissed him, running his fingers through Reid’s hair.

“Aaron?”

“Yeah?”

“… I love you.” Reid sighed, resting his head on the man’s chest again. Hotch smiled.

“Love you too, Spencer.” He said, and the pair grew silent after that, having their relaxation time. When Jessica and Naoko returned, they took the pair to the Couples Massage Suite where they had an hour long massage. After that they were given a little snack, and then they got manicures and pedicures. Naoko smiled at the men when she saw their horrified looks.

“Miss Garcia told us to tell you that it’s NOT emasculating to take care of yourself and to get over it and she will inspect your nails when you get back and will know if you refused her gift.”

“Oh, God…” Reid groaned. Hotch didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. But forty five minutes later they were leaving the spa and it didn’t matter anymore.

“Wow…” Reid grumbled, squirming a bit. “I’ve had a mani/pedi… massage. Exfoliating body scrub treatment. Grape seed oil in my hair… I feel… disturbingly pretty.” Hotch laughed.

“Let’s just say I feel more feminine than I’m comfortable with feeling.”

“… I’ll second that.” Reid said, and promptly began chewing on his thumbnail.

“You’ll upset Garcia.” Hotch warned.

“I don’t care.” Reid snorted. They returned to their hotel and changed for the ballet, then went and cracked open the in-room bar and had a few drinks before leaving, hoping it would make things more entertaining. But it seemed that they didn’t need to. They actually were pleasantly surprised, and rather enjoyed the ballet. Reid went off on a rant about Tchaikovsky at one point and Hotch had to shush him before they pissed off the people around them, but other than that, it went smoothly. Hotch realized it had been a long time since he had heard the music from the Nutcracker. It was wonderfully familiar, and he found that it was actually nice to hear it again.

When they emerged from the theater, they had ANOTHER surprise. A man was standing before a limo holding up a sign reading ‘SSA HOTCHNER’. Hotch blinked and walked up to the man.

“… What now?” He asked, looking worried. The man looked past Hotch.

“That Dr. Reid?” The man said.

“… I am.” Reid said, walking up to stand beside Hotch. The man opened the door of the limo.

“There is a coffee inside for you.” The man said. Reid blinked and looked at Hotch. The elder agent sighed and shook his head, and got into the limo. Reid smiled slightly and followed, locating his coffee and sipping it.

“Oooh.” He practically purred. The limo pulled away.

“Where are we going?” Hotch called up to the driver.

“The Santa Fe Christmas Lights Tour!” The man called from the front. Hotch blinked as a moment later, Classical Christmas music began to play softly over the speakers.

“I think Garcia has outdone herself.” Reid snickered, leaning into Hotch. “… What did YOU get her for Christmas?”

“Oh, shut up.” Hotch snorted, and Reid grinned. Their limo tour lasted a couple of hours, taking them through the city to see the most impressive Christmas Light displays. It was very late by the time the limo dropped them off at their hotel. The man held the door open for the pair and smiled to them.

“Merry Christmas.” Reid said to the man.

“Same to you.” The driver said, nodding. “And… I’m supposed to tell you to behave yourselves, hope you enjoyed the tour, Love Dave.” Hotch and Reid stared.

“Rossi?” Reid blurted, turning and looking at Hotch.

“That’s unexpected.” Hotch said. “I have a feeling that Garcia DID have something to do with this, though…” And they watched the limo drive away before heading inside. Reid went to call Garcia and Hotch took a shower.

“Hey there, Boy Wonder! Do you know what time it is here?”

“Hi Garcia.” Reid said, smiling and sitting back. “And yes. I do.”

“So you’re purposely being an ass.”

“Yep. I just wanted to say… thanks.”

“Awww… You’re very welcome, baby boy.” Garcia crooned. “I’ll even forgive you for waking me up.”

“What, Kevin let you go to sleep this early on Christmas Eve? You are such a liar.”

“… God, I hate profilers!” Garcia blurted, annoyance and amusement in her tone. “So you liked everything?”

“Well… The spa was…”

“Amazing?”

“… Interesting.” Reid said, slowly. “Could have done without the mud bath and seaweed wrap.”

“Oh, but those are so RELAXING!!! And the exfoliating scrub…”

“A bit awkward.” Reid snorted.

“The massage?”

“Okay. THAT was amazing.” Reid admitted.

“Of course. I hear you threw a fit about the Nightengale Facial.”

“… I didn’t throw a fit. I just… firmly refused it.”

“Uh huh. Sure. Like how Morgan DIDN’T freak out when you two got stuck in the elevator a few years back?” Reid’s mouth flopped open and closed. “How about the Mani/Pedi? Was that not divine?”

“It made me question my masculinity.” Reid snorted. Garcia grinned.

“Awwww… No, you’re just as male as ever. You just match up better with your nickname.”

“Nickname?”

“Pretty Boy.”

“Oh no!” Reid cried in dismay.

“There’s nothing wrong with having well groomed nails, Reid.”

“… I’m gonna chew them ragged!!!” Reid snapped.

“Don’t you DARE!!!” Garcia yelped. Hotch got out of the shower then and walked into the room, staring at Reid.

“Oh, am I totally gonna do it.” Reid said. Hotch could hear Garcia shouting on he phone, but couldn’t understand what she was saying. Hotch raised an eyebrow, watching Reid stick out his thumb and hold it up before his face. “No, I’m doing it! Right now!” And he pressed it to his lips.

“DON’T. YOU. DARE!” Hotch heard Garcia roar. And then, Reid bit down on his thumbnail, teeth loudly cutting off the corner. And Garcia went NUTS. Reid was grinning and shaking in silent laughter as he listened to the woman lose it.

“Oh, wait… WAIT!” Reid said, and bit off the other corner. “Uh oh!” He sang, grinning. And Garcia went off the handle again.

“Reid!” Hotch cried, a scolding tone in his voice, but his face was filled with amusement. He snatched the phone from his lover. “Shower. Now.”

“But—“

“NOW!” Hotch ordered. And Reid shuffled off. Hotch smiled and lifted the phone. “Garcia?”

“… He is in SO much trouble when you two get home.” Garcia hissed. Hotch chuckled.

“Garcia, calm down. He hardly did anything. He’s just trying to piss you off.”

“… Permission to spank him?”

“… No.”

“… Will you spank him for me?”

“No!” Hotch cried, grinning. “Garcia?”

“Yessir?”

“Thank you. The ballet was wonderful.”

“… You’re very welcome. You didn’t like the spa either?”

“It’s not that I didn’t LIKE it…” Hotch said, slowly. “It just… a few of the treatments made me question my… Masculinity.”

“That’s exactly what Reid said.” Garcia giggled.

“If it helps, when we left the spa he said he said that he felt ‘disturbingly pretty’.” Hotch offered.

“Awwww… And I’ll bet he was.” Garcia cooed. “Was he?” Hotch chuckled.

“For the sake of my chances to get laid within the next 24 hours, I’m not going to say ANY thing.” Hotch said, and grinned as he heard the wicked chuckle from the Technical Analyst. “Goodnight, Garcia. Merry Christmas.”

“Same to you, sir! Give Reid a kiss on the forehead for me!”

“Sure thing. Bye.” Hotch said, and climbed onto the bed, leaning up against the pillows against the headboard and relaxing. A few minutes later Reid emerged from the bathroom in nothing but the towel around his waist. He walked over and slid onto the bed, snuggling up to his lover. Hotch kissed Reid’s forehead, and watched as the boy flopped down, laying his head in the man’s lap.

“That’s from Garcia.”

“Oh.” Reid murmured, softly. He looked at the clock, and smiled. It was 12:02. He blinked, looking confused, then with a strangely enchanted look on his face, he looked up at Hotch and said “Merry Christmas.” Hotch smiled down at him and began to run his fingers through the boy’s wet hair, combing out the tangles.

“Merry Christmas, baby…” Hotch murmured and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.

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God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen