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He's the One That I Want	By : KTT2123 Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 8526 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor its characters. I am making no money from this.

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Reid decides to take a walk to try to clear his head. He still doesn’t know what he is going to do. Should he tell Morgan, should he not? Spencer knows, logically, after what happened at work that Derek will find out, one way or another. He’ll either have to tell him willingly or be forced to. If nothing else, the older agent is tenacious. He will have no qualms at chasing after Reid, no guilt at forcing the truth from him. A transfer will not protect him, plain and simple. Logically, rationally, Spencer knows that. Derek will find out where to find him and will go after him. So unless he is willing to cut all ties, even from his mother and JJ and her family, and go into hiding, Morgan will find him eventually. Derek wouldn’t feel remorse for setting surveillance up for Reid’s mother or JJ, in an effort to find him. Spencer also realizes that abandoning everyone simply won’t work. He is way too unusual to be any good at hiding. It’s hard to hide a brilliant mind like his and he knows nothing about how to behave as if his mind is like everyone else’s. His many, many other eccentricities would make it difficult to hide for long. And Reid wouldn’t put it past Morgan to call in every favor and start a national manhunt for him. He can just picture his face flashing on the news as a vital witness to some crime, maybe even a reward for his capture. His facial features, body type, and personal mannerisms are unique enough that it would be hard for him to blend in and escape notice. He’d have two options: take steroids or disguise himself as a woman and he is not quite desperate enough to do either yet. With a groan and a heavy sigh, Spencer realizes sooner or later, he will have to face him. He is not looking forward to it.
After walking aimlessly for an hour, he has made no definitive progress. His rational mind is still losing the fight against his irrational heart. Love is decidedly irrational even for a genius. With a heavy sigh, he silently trudges back to Josh’s. As Spencer is getting close to his friend’s apartment, he spots Morgan in the distance approaching the apartment building. Thankfully the intensely focused man has his eyes intently on the building and thus hasn’t seen him. He’d never outrun Morgan if he spotted him even with a generous head start. Spencer quickly turns and leaves.
Meanwhile, Derek knocks on the door of a one Joshua Daniel MacWills, the owner of the phone that was used to talk to JJ several times over the past two days for hours on end. The door opens to reveal a short and surprisingly muscular man with slicked back blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. The man’s t-shirt, holey jeans and hands are paint splattered, and he has a smear of paint across his scruffy cheek. “Joshua MacWills?”
“Yeah?” His Jersey accent is noticeable even in that one word.
“You know Reid?”
“Spencer Reid? Yes,” the other man replies. He has a feeling this is the famous Derek Morgan, the BAU’s resident ladies man and Reid’s one true love. Josh can see why Spencer is attracted to the guy. He’s a gorgeous man who exudes intensity and power, much like Josh’s own love.
Cutting to the chase, Morgan demands as he tries to see into the apartment, “Where is he?”
With a little laugh at his lack of subtly, his baby blues sparkling with amusement Josh declares “Ah, you must be Morgan.”
“How do you know that?” the profiler asks suspiciously.
“He talks about you…uh…and the team all the time.” Josh quickly covers his slip-up, knowing he shouldn’t be revealing just how much Spencer really talks about Morgan. Reid has talked to him a lot about his feelings for the other profiler. He’s been tormented by his hopeless, unrequited love for his best friend and has cried on Josh’s shoulder increasingly over the last year. He barely knows anything about the others on the team, since Reid rarely feels the need to talk about anyone else.
Josh hadn’t really been surprised when Spencer showed up at his door two nights ago. Over the past year, he could only watch as his friend slowly started to unravel. Josh had known sooner or later he would crack. Reid is a very strong man but hiding his love for his best friend for almost five years, locking such an important part of his life from his love and his team, hiding his intense fear and insecurity, is enough to break anyone.
“He has never mentioned you,” Derek says accusingly.
“I’m not surprised. He seems to like to keep his work friends and his…um…other friends separate.” *Shit! I shouldn’t have said that.*
Morgan picks up on the obvious undertones of what Reid’s friend says, and questions, “What do you mean by other friends?”
“Uh…” Josh really shouldn’t be surprised that he doesn’t get away with that. Profilers are known for seeing what other people are hiding. Spending time with Spencer has made it perfectly clear that profilers are notoriously hard to fool and quick to pick up on clues that others easily miss.
Towering over the man, Morgan demands, “What do you mean other friends?”
“His…gay friends.”
“Why would he need to hide gay friends?” Morgan pauses to think about that. “Wait, is Reid gay?”
“I kind of figured he didn’t tell you. Spencer, he’s not big on labels for sexuality, his mom’s influence.” Josh shrugs as if that explains it all. “She taught him that love is love. The labels: gay, straight, bisexual, whatever. Spencer tends to focus on their social impact, the messages behind the labels. The whole idea that being labeled straight makes a person normal, while homosexuality implies that the person is deviant. You know, that kind of thing. Which is why he doesn’t like those terms. If you need a label to describe Reid, it’s pansexual. It’s not used enough by society to have a significant negative message behind it.” Josh is just as much a rambler as Reid is at times.
“What? Pansexual? What the hell is that?”
“Um…I guess it’s closest to being bi but much more inclusive in that it does not restrict attraction to societal classifications of gender or sex. Meaning, he wouldn’t be opposed to dating a transgender person, for example. If it was Reid explaining his sexuality, he’d tell you all about the Kinsey Scale. Of course, then he’d ramble on and on about it, in his adorably brainiac way,” Josh smiles at the thought. “But I’ll give the gist: Spencer says he’s between a four and a five on the scale. Meaning Spencer tends to lean much more toward men than women. But he has been attracted to and dated both women and men.” Josh feels compelled to tell Derek about Spencer’s sexuality. He can’t reveal how much he loves Morgan but he can give him a little information about the parts that Spencer hides from him. Reid never told Josh not to reveal his sexuality to Morgan, so he feels free to tell him.
“Why didn’t he just tell me? Why didn’t he tell us? We are his family!” Morgan is hurt that Reid doesn’t trust him enough to be open to him about his sexuality.
“I’ve asked him that before but he’s never really given me a solid answer why. In the beginning, I am sure it was because he didn’t trust or know any of you well enough to reveal it. But now, I’d guess from the things he’s said about you…all…that he simply lets you believe that he is…sort of asexual.” This view has certainly helped Reid keep his secret over the years. Josh continues “From what Spencer has said, he seems to think you…and the rest of the BAU believe he’s incapable of finding someone. That he’s a virgin or at least very inexperienced. And he’s okay with you believing that, I suppose. I can understand where you…and the team could believe that. Spencer tends to be socially awkward but that doesn’t mean he is always like that. And some people find his awkwardness…endearing. Regardless of what you…and the others think, Spencer does date and he’s definitely not a virgin.” *Not that he’s dated much since he fell in love with Morgan… Over two long years of one disappointing date after another certainly put an end to Spencer’s attempts to find someone other than Morgan.* Josh thinks wryly. “But with his trust issues and insecurities, a serious relationship with him takes more patience than most have. He’s not a one-night stand kind of guy either. Spencer actually turns down dates more than you would think.”
Josh watches as Morgan’s brow cocks in disbelief. “I’ve dragged Pretty Boy to clubs a bunch of times and it is pretty rare for anyone, woman or man for that matter, to come up to him.”
*Ah, there’s that nickname Spencer both loves and hates. The one that gives him both hope and crushing disappointment every time he hears it.* “That is with you…and your coworkers. When he isn’t hiding his sexuality or worrying what others might think, Spencer is much more relaxed and approachable.” *Going to a club with Morgan is utter torture for Spencer, having to watch him flirt, touch, dance, kiss others, take women home, all while hopelessly wishing it was him not some random woman. Who would want to approach a guy so obviously miserable? That is why Morgan never sees him relaxed at a club.* “Some nights Spencer has to beat them off with a stick. You aren’t the only one that thinks Spencer is…pretty.” The short blonde gives the other man a sly, knowing grin. That smile tells Morgan exactly what Josh thinks is the reason he gave Spencer that nickname.
Derek can hear the implications of that last statement and the infuriating grin. Morgan does not like this guy. The fact that Josh knows parts of Reid he doesn’t is enough for him not to like him. The insinuations certainly aren’t helping Morgan like him either. Derek can easily read the underlying message that insinuates he finds Spencer attractive. *That’s ridiculous! I don’t think Reid is pretty! Of course not, I would never! He’s my friend* He immediately buries the implications and his own resulting confusion. Derek has learned how to suppress things quite well over the years.
Morgan is then torn between skepticism and sadness. He can’t imagine Reid relaxed enough that people ask him out by the swarms. Yet, he’s also sad that Spencer has never been as relaxed and open as this Josh guy describes he can be. Derek feels almost jealous that this stupid, arrogant blonde has seen sides of Reid that he never has. It isn’t fair. It isn’t right!
“Personally, I think it’s easier for Spencer if you all think of him more as a robot. You know without sexuality, than as a real man, with desires. No one expects him to be in an actual relationship or be any good at relationships. It keeps you out of his personal life, his sexual life. Which from what he has said about you…and the rest works quite well. None of you ask him about dates any longer as you…all…just assume he doesn’t have one. It allows you…and the team to ignore or forget that Spencer has a sexual appetite like any other normal man. It makes it easy for him to hide his sexuality.” *And his love for you.* “It also makes it so he can't disappoint you or your team with his unusual, or deviant, views on sexuality.” Josh is relieved that the other man is perplexed enough that he doesn’t realize why he continually pauses before including the rest of the team. Morgan’s profiler brain must truly be rattled when he doesn’t notice or realize what those repeated slip-ups imply.
Morgan is reeling from all the things Reid has kept to himself, all the things he hasn’t told him. All the things this stupid, cocky blonde nobody knows about Spencer that he doesn’t. The agent is a bit offended that Reid believes that he and the team would reject or judge him for his sexuality. Derek is also saddened that Spencer doesn’t trust him enough to reveal such significant aspects of himself to him, to be open and honest. He hates that Reid can be open with this short, arrogant jerk but not with him. He thought they were close. Derek thought they were best friends, that Reid really trusted him.
Josh can see the hurt in dark agent’s brown eyes, the pain that Spencer had hidden such important parts on himself from him. Josh drops the smug, knowing attitude and simply wishes he could explain. That he could tell him that by the time Spencer had fully trusted Morgan, which admittedly took a long time, he was already starting to have serious feelings for him. Josh wishes he could say that Spencer hid his sexuality from him and the whole team because of those feelings. Not because he didn’t trust Morgan or the team. Josh longs to tell the man that Spencer’s hopeless love for him and his fear of rejection has caused him to hide from Morgan, from the team. Josh simply wants to tell him the truth, to give his friend a chance at love, at happiness. Yet, even if he believes Derek has the right to know, that Spencer should tell him, Josh can’t, not without his friend’s permission. He promised him he would keep it secret if Morgan ever came around to ask questions and he cannot betray his trust.
“He’s been staying here?” Derek asks with resignation and sadness.
“Yes.”
“Where is he?”
“I don’t know. He went for a walk.”
“Would you tell me if you knew?”
“Um…probably not, it’s Spencer. You’ve worked with him for a long time; you must be aware he has serious trust issues. I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to.” *And trust me, Agent Morgan, there is so much I wish I could tell you. But I can’t because I could never betray Spencer by revealing things I promised I wouldn’t.*
“Yeah, I know,” Morgan says dejectedly, and leaves with a heavy heart.
Josh watches the miserable agent walk away slowly. *Spencer might be wrong about him. Morgan cares about him, a lot. Maybe even more than he, himself, knows… Hopefully Morgan will figure that out soon. Before Spencer gets hurt, more than he already has been.*
Derek hangs around outside, and asks Garcia monitor the friend’s tech uses (phone, internet, etc.). Then, he goes home, so maybe his dog, Clooney, can cheer him up and distract him from his pain and fear.

Anybody recognize who I based the friend, Josh, on?
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He's the One That I Want