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Bridging The Past	By : IdrilsSecret Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1909 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters. No money is being made from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Chapter 3 – Reconstruction

I woke up to warmth and comfort, my head laying on a soft place, the rhythmic beating of a heart in my ear. I looked up to find Cas holding me, my head resting on his chest. His shirt smelled freshly laundered, which gave me that homey feel. My face was damp, and I tasted salt on my lips, and I was instantly embarrassed. I was a grown man. I didn’t cry, especially not around others, but I’d been crying in my sleep. It was those damn memories. I hadn’t thought of those days in a very long time.
“Hello Dean,” Cas said in his naturally soft voice, the one he used when it was only the two of us alone.
It occurred to me that he was in my room, and I didn’t call to him. “How’d you get in here?”
He pointed to the Pink Floyd poster. The top edge flopped over where the tape came undone. “You never redrew the symbol. You should be careful about that. Any angel can come in here, if they know about it.”
“Yeah,” I said groggily with sleep. “I’ll pay attention to that more. Glad you’re here though, but why? I didn’t call you.”
“I sensed that you were under some distress and I came. You were curled up on your bed, mumbling mostly about stuff I didn’t understand.”
“Oh,” I said quietly. “Yeah, I was having a dream, a nightmare more like it.”
“Well, it must have been terrible, because I couldn’t get you to wake up. You even called me a blood sucking douche bag, which I’m sure I am not,” he said honestly.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “No, no. I wasn’t calling you a douche. It was just a dream, Cas. Nothing personal.”
“I figured that much.”
I lifted myself up and sat next to him, both of us leaning against the headboard of my bed. We were comfortably quiet for a few moments, and then he looked at me, blue eyes full of inquiry. “Who is Aiden?” he asked.
The memories were still too vivid after reliving those parts from my past. I’d never told anyone about Aiden or what we meant to each other. “He was a hunter. He died.”
“Did you hunt together?” Cas asked.
“We did, for a little while.”
“He must have been important to you to have dreamt about him.”
“He was, but he’s gone now. Listen, Cas, I know you’re trying to help or get me to open up or whatever, but some things are better left buried.” My words came out a bit harsher than I had meant them to be.
“That’s your problem, Dean, you keep too many things trapped inside you.”
“Yeah, well, better there than unleashed on the people around me.”
“I don’t think it’s better.”
“What’s with the psychotherapy, crap? Drop it.” Now I really was beginning to get irritated.
Cas got up from the bed. “Maybe I should go.” He straightened the collar of his coat, ready to vanish.
“No, wait. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Don’t go, please,” I begged, and he sat back down on the edge of the bed. He didn’t say a word because he was waiting for me to say something. “Alright, fine … the short version, then. Aiden wasn’t just a hunter. He was my lover.” I paused to let the words hang in the air. I had never said that aloud to anyone.
“What happened to him?” Cas asked carefully.
“We were chasing a nest of vamps and things went wrong. Aiden got bit and was turned.” That’s about as much as I would say about it. I wasn’t ready to tell the story with all of its gory details.
Cas turned to me and gazed into my eyes, sharing my pain like he always managed to do. The fact that I’d been crying in my sleep must have helped him to figure out the ending to my story. “Oh Dean,” he whispered, slowly shaking his head. “It was you who had to kill him, wasn’t it?”
I felt a lump rising in my throat and swallowed hard, nodding my answer, afraid to open my mouth and speak. Cas instantly took me in his arms and held me against him.
“I’m so sorry that had to happen to you,” he said compassionately.
I pushed away from him. I didn’t want to he held like a child. I needed space. This was my burden to carry. “It was a long time ago.”
“And you’ve kept this to yourself all this time?”
“Who else was I going to tell? I killed a man, Cas. Not only that, but I killed someone I loved. It’s not exactly the kind of thing you share for story time.”
“You could have told me,” he said, almost a sternness to his tone.
“And when was I going to do that, huh? When you pulled me from hell? Oh, hey, thanks for pulling me from my fiery grave, but really, you shouldn’t have because I destroyed a precious life with my selfishness,” I said mockingly.
Cas’ eyes narrowed with anger, and suddenly he reached out and touched my temple. All I saw was a flash of white light coming from his eyes, blinding me. I felt like something was being sucked out of me, but I was paralyzed and couldn’t move. It all happened so fast, there wasn’t time to defend myself. Cas removed his fingers from my head, and slumped over, his arms resting on his knees. When he sat up again, he looked desolate.
“What the hell did you do to me?” I complained, a headache beginning to form.
“I absorbed your memory.”
“You can read minds?” I stood from the bed, feeling like I just woke from an all-night drinking binge.
“No, it’s not the same thing. I can latch onto a single event and pull it out of you. Then it becomes part of my memory,” he explained, standing from the bed as well.
“I don’t know about you, but where I come from that’s considered an invasion of privacy. Wanna stay out of my head?” I said angered, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“You weren’t telling me everything,” Cas said, defending his actions.
“Maybe it’s none of your fucking business,” I answered loudly.
“You want me to be with you, then it’s a part of my business,” he retaliated.
“You want to be with me, you let me decided when it’s time to open that can of venomous snakes,” I shouted, throwing it right back in his face. We were staring at each other, like two bulls ready to lock horns. Neither one of us was backing away, but I felt like I had the better argument. He just didn’t understand what a shitty thing that was.
“And when were you going to share this piece of your past with me? When have you shared your troubles with anybody? You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Dean. It’s going to put you in a bad place sooner or later.”
“I’ve already been in a bad place, or have you forgotten?”
“And you think this is the incident that landed you in hell?”
“No, but it sure set me on my path,” I said. I could feel it all coming to the surface like magma rising inside a volcano. If I let it explode, someone was going to get hurt.
Cas’ eyes softened as he searched my face. “You were just a kid then. It wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.”
I laughed cynically. “Are you sure you extracted the right memory, because that’s not how I remembered things going down.”
“I saw the same things that you saw, Dean, but you are remembering them differently. You want to put the blame on yourself, so you’ve been twisting the story over the years. What I pulled from you was the raw memory, your eyes acting like a camera, your mind like a recorder.” He cupped the side of my face. “I saw a boy, scared and on his own, having to make a decision of a grown up. There are men who wouldn’t have made it past the door after doing what you did. They would have taken their own lives in that mill. And there are some that might have made it for a few days or months, but eventually they would have succumbed to the guilt.”
“I might have handled it in the moment, but I never learned to manage it in my day to day life. The moment I stuck that needle in Aiden’s neck was the day my life began to spiral out of control. I didn’t know it, and it took years for me to hit bottom, but it weakened me, and I hate knowing that,” I admitted.
“You’re wrong, Dean. It made you stronger. It was horrible, but it helped shape you into the man you are today. Not only did you survive, but you took that awful moment and tried to right the wrongs. I know you don’t believe it, but I can see the good that came out of it.”
My anger was beginning to dissipate as he looked at me with an unforgettable stare, so full of love and understanding, not pity and disgust. “I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror for months after that. And I thought if anyone ever found out, they’d be … repulsed. You’re the only one who knows … and your still here.” I said, fearing that he might leave at any moment.
The corner of his mouth curled as he huffed a quiet laugh. “Of course I am. Where else would I be?”
“But I … I killed a man. I loved him, and I killed him with hardly a second thought. Doesn’t that make me just as much a monster as the things we hunt?”
“That’s not what I saw. I witnessed a man so full of love for another that he was willing to sacrifice his sanity. You say you killed him, but something more profound happened in those last moments you shared. When you put Aiden to rest, you saved him. Don’t you know, Dean? He would be in Purgatory right now if it wasn’t for you. Instead, you helped cleanse him so that he could find his way to heaven. You returned Aiden to the man you fell in love with. What you killed was nothing but a vessel with residual feelings for what you once had. The real man was gone by that time.”
“But it hurt no less, Cas. To me, he was still Aiden, even with fangs and the smell of that woman’s blood on his breath.” I felt a knot in my stomach and the lump rise again in my throat.
“Here is where you get confused. You didn’t kill Aiden because you wanted to. You did it because you had to, because there was no one else there to do it. But not even that is the full picture. There could have been a hundred other hunters there to do it for you, and you still would have done it. You know how I know this? Because you have always taken responsibility. You’ve done it with your dad, with Sam, with people you’ve met over the years. But you do it to the point where you blame yourself when something goes wrong. Sometimes things don’t go as planned, but it doesn’t make it your fault.” At that point, Cas walked away and focused his attention on the weapons hanging on my walls, a collection of knives displayed on a table, and then a crucifix laying on a shelf. I watched him transform to another place as he stared at the replica of Jesus nailed to the cross. “Do you know why I was chosen to save you from hell?”
“No. I just always thought it was because you are Castiel,” I said. “You know, because you’re important … up there?”
He laughed at that, a real laugh from deep in the chest. Cas didn’t laugh often, and never so heartily. Only I could make him laugh like that, and it warmed me to know it. “Well, you’re only partly right. I was called upon because I’m Castiel, but not because of my importance. I was never important, and for a long time I wondered why I was sent to retrieve you. I knew who you were, or at least what significance you played in the scheme of things, and I was told to do it because it was my duty as a soldier of God. But I had questions, and no one would answer them. They told me to just shut up and do it. I still didn’t understand. Why me? Something could go wrong. I might fail my mission and lose you to the fires, or I could be lost myself. Shouldn’t Michael have taken on this important mission, or maybe Gabriel? They were archangels, and they were much stronger than me. Going into hell and freeing you would have been a simple task. They were feared by the demons. No one would dare go after an archangel.
And then a thought came to me. They were sending me because I was expendable. They weren’t sure their plan would work, and they wouldn’t risk their most important angels. I was just Castiel, the unknown, the poor soul who got picked. It could have been any of us really. I think they were testing their plan when they sent me. They didn’t expect it to actually work. I went and I did my duty. I braved the demons and the fire and brimstone, and I grasped you, searing my grip upon your shoulder. And I was shocked by what transpired between us. In my hand, I held the life of a man who felt he didn’t deserve to live. Then it made sense to me, why I was chosen. It wasn’t me they had doubts in. It was you. Heaven wouldn’t risk sending an archangel for a man who might still refused to be saved. So they told me to go, and if you wouldn’t come with me, if I became trapped somehow, it was ok. It was just Castiel. Heaven would lose an insignificant angel, and know that Dean Winchester was not worthy.”
“Sounds like you got lucky, Cas. I probably wasn’t worthy. I’ve let so many people down,” I said, still reeling from my earlier emotions, the sadness of remembering it all.
“If you deserved to be there, as you’ve led yourself to believe, do you really think I would have been able to lift you up from those fiery depths? I was sent on a failed mission. They knew you couldn’t be talked into coming back. They were looking for a way to force you back.” Castiel charged towards me, stopping before me and roughly grabbing my shoulders. “I brought you back, but it wasn’t just me. I couldn’t have done it if you really believed that was your fate. I felt a spark, a tiny part of you that knew you didn’t deserve to be there. It was small, but it shined like a beacon. That’s what I focused all my energy on. I had to because I knew I couldn’t lift you by myself. No one would have been able to do that. I needed you to believe that you could be saved. That’s the only thing that could break the chains that bound you to hell. And so together, we built on that spark until it shined so bright that it melted the chains. And we rose up from that forsaken place, just you and me, and it was beautiful, Dean. It was truly beautiful,” he said dreamily.
The word struck me in my core. “You’ve said that before,” I said shyly, remembering it as though it just happened. “The first time we made love, you looked at me … no, through me, and you said that exact word.”
“I remember,” he smiled, “but I never explained.”
The tension between us was dissipating as we opened up to each other. “So it wasn’t just my good looks?” I joked.
“Well, there is that too,” he jested in return, lighting the dark mood in the room. Then he pointed his finger at my chest. “Beautiful is the light shining from within you. Beautiful is your soul, and the kindness in your heart. Beautiful is your love for family, friends … for me. It’s never faltered. It’s never faded. It burns bright, almost blinding. That’s the part of you that I’ve always seen or felt. It’s the same part that other’s feel. Your father, Bobby, Sam … Aiden … they all saw that shining light that is the purity of goodness in your soul, and it … is … beautiful.” Cas smiled then, a wide genuine grin that showed off his perfect white teeth, and made his eyes crinkle in the corners.
Cas didn’t smile like that often, only when he was really moved. It was a special smile. As a matter of fact, I’d only seen him do it one other time. It was not long after we officially met. At that point, I wasn’t sure whether I could trust him or not. He was the first angel I’d ever met, and he was nothing like the image that everyone had when they thought of angels. We were at a park or near a playground or somewhere. I can’t remember where, but as we were talking, a small child came up to him, and tugged on his trench coat. I could tell she sensed something unique about him. It was the way she looked at him. Cas stared down at the little girl, and she inched her finger, gesturing for him to bend down. He completely transformed, and forgot about our heated discussion or whatever we were arguing about. His eyes softened as he got down on one knee so he would be at eye level with the girl. He gave her his undivided attention, and she whispered in his ear, telling him her wish. He told her that her wish would take first priority, and then he smiled at her the way he was now. His bright blue eyes and winning grin not only lit me up, but they lifted my heart, gave me hope in a world full of horror. I could see that Castiel had a genuine affection for the human race. The other angels he was working with at the time didn’t. It’s why I was hesitant to trust him, because of the company he kept. But right then, at that exact moment with him and the child, I was witnessing the real Castiel. Not only did he see the good in humanity, but he understood it. And now I knew that he saw it in me too, that he’d always seen it even when I couldn’t.
This was the memory I was trying to draw on earlier today, but I railroaded myself and conjured up old ghosts. I was trying to remember the moment I decided to make a change, and pull myself from the darkness that I dwelled in at the time, and that was it … the first time I saw Cas smile.
Of course, I didn’t change overnight. There were a lot of cracks to fill and rusty bolts to replace. And at times I was very difficult to deal with, defiant and stubborn. I still made mistakes along the way. Hell, I’m still making them. But the one constant in all of this has been Castiel. I’ve lost friends and family. Sometimes even Sammy can’t put up with me and he leaves for a while. Not Cas. Never Cas.
“You’ve always believed in me,” I said, running my fingers through his black hair.
“And I always will.” He leaned in and kissed me. “Like I told you the day I met you, you’re a special man, Dean.”
. . . ‘You’re something special’ . . . The words rang through my head. It was the last thing Aiden said to me before he left me at the motel that night. Just before that, I had told him I loved him, and I did. But not until now did I really know what love was.
“After Aiden, I swore I would never love again. In this business, it’s a dangerous thing. It’s an emotion we can’t afford to give into. It clouds judgment, leads to wrong decisions. Some would say it makes a man weak. But without it, what is there to fight for?”
“You’re sexy when you’re trying to be philosophical,” Cas smirked.
“Hey, I’m having a moment here,” I complained jokingly. “Wait, were you just … trying to be funny?”
“That depends. Did it work?”
I grabbed a fistful of his shirt. “Come here you,” I said pulling him against me. I pushed the coat from his shoulders and threw it over a chair. I kissed him hard, wantonly, and I could feel him giving in to me as we fell onto the bed. It was not difficult to seduce Cas, one of the things I liked about him. Always ready at a moment’s notice. I straddled him where he lay, and carefully unbuttoned his shirt, unbuckled his pants. He slipped out of everything, his clothes scattered across the bed, until all he wore was his briefs.
“That’s not fair,” he growled low, kissing the palms of my hands.
“What’s that?”
“Somehow, I always end up naked before you do.”
I smiled fiendishly. “That’s because I like striping you.” I started to kiss him again and stopped. “Wait. I forgot to lock you in.” I jumped up from the bed and started towards the wall where the poster was. “Just give me one second to–”
“Uh, Dean?”
Shit! It was Sam. I spun around and there he was, standing in my bedroom doorway. Shit, I forgot to lock the door, and I didn’t hear him come home. Then I turned my attention to the bed. Empty. Wow! Close call. And I was just about to redraw the symbol. Cas barely made it out, but his clothes didn’t. Oh crap, and Sammy was looking right at them. There was no mistaking the white shirt, black pants, and tan trench coat. And where the hell did Cas poof off to in his underwear?
“Damn it, Sammy, don’t you ever knock?” I yelled, trying to look angry, but it came out awkward.
Sam walked over to the chair where the trench coat laid. He fingered the lapel. “What’s Cas’ coat doing here?” His attention turned to the bed. “And the rest of his clothes?”
Shit! Fuck! How the hell was I going to explain this one? “Those aren’t Cas’ clothes. What do you want, Sam?” I asked, trying to evade the question, but rushing the sentences together.
“I couldn’t find my laptop and figured you had it in here.” Yeah, it was here, on the table. I picked it up and shoved it at him. “Did you … find … anything?” he asked, distracted, as he kept eyeing Cas’ clothes. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour trying to come up with a reasonable explanation. Sam couldn’t ignore it any longer. “Dean, what the hell is going on here?”
“I …” glanced at the laptop. “Uh …” then the trench coat. “It’s, um …” come on jackass, think of something. “I got an idea …” stalling for time.
“And?” Sam asked, drawing the word out long.
“And … and … I … think we can catch whoever’s killing homeless men in this town.” I was really reaching here.
“Well, that’s what we’re already trying to do,” Sam said, confused. “Dean, did you get on some porn site instead of doing research?”
“What? No! What gave you that idea?”
“Oh, I don’t know. You’ve got my computer … in your bedroom … and you’re acting … weird.” He looked at the bed again. “And what about Cas’–”
“They’re not his!” I rushed to say a little louder than I’d meant to. “They just look like his.” Finally, I figured it out. “I thought I would dress up like a bum, go down to 20^th street and blend, keep an eye out, see if I can find this sick bitch.”
“Dressed like Cas?” He wasn’t quite buying it yet.
“Well, you have to admit that sometimes Cas looks a little rough around the edges. I’m just thinking off the top of my head. And don’t hobos wear trench coats?”
“That would be perverted flashers who hang around playgrounds,” Sam replied, but he seemed to forget about his interrogation. I thought my plan was working. “Impersonating the homeless is a good idea, but you have to dress right. Cas looks too ‘business man’. You would need to look more ‘unemployed business man’.”
“Huh. Yeah, now that you mention it, that makes more sense,” I agreed quickly.
Sam started to leave, but something caught his eye. I followed the line of his vision and noticed the flopped down corner of the Floyd poster. He pointed at it. “Isn’t that Dad’s old poster?” He was coming back into my room, heading for the wall.
“Yeah, I came across it in a box full of his things that he must have left somewhere. Don’t remember where.” I cut off his path before he got to close. “The corner came loose. Just needs some new tape.” Sam looked at me suspiciously, and I smiled wide. “Don’t you have work to do?” I pointed at his computer.
“No thanks to you,” he complained. He looked around my shoulder, squinting his eyes. “Is that–”
“Putty,” I interrupted. “Found a slight crack in the wall and filled it in.”
“It looks like … chalk.”
“Nope. Putty.” I smiled winningly and he rolled his eyes, then left.
I stood there a moment, waiting to see if he would come back in or not. When I was satisfied that he wasn’t, I started towards my door.
“Dean.”
I jumped and spun around. “Geez, Cas! You scared the crap out of me.”
“I’m sorry. Do you need to change or something?”
“What?” I said, confused a moment, then realizing that he still took some comments literally. “No, it’s just a figure of–” I stopped when I noticed his clothes. He was wearing a pair of extremely short and tight grey hiker shorts with the drawstrings hanging down, and a snug fitting blue tank top. “Where in the world did you pop off to?” I said, trying not to laugh.
“I didn’t have time to think, and went to the first place that came to mind where it might be acceptable to see someone in their underwear … the men’s locker room at a gym,” he said, looking down at his outfit. “It’s a bit ridiculous, I know, but it was the first thing I could find.”
I padded slowly towards him. “I don’t know. It’s kind of sexy.” I fingered the drawstrings, my eyes drawn to the very noticeable swell. “Nothing to hide, if you know what I mean.”
He looked down and turned a few shades redder. “It is a bit revealing, isn’t it?”
I slid my fingers around the waistband and dipped my hands into the back, sucked on the flesh of his neck, and pulled him against me. “Dean, what are you doing?”
“You have to ask?” I said between kisses.
“Your brother almost caught us.”
“I know, and I had to come up with a reason why your clothes were scattered all over my bed.” I continued my seductive ministrations.
“Then I think it would be a very bad idea to engage in anything sexual at the moment,” he complained, trying to get out of my grasp.
“Oh yes, a very, very bad idea, which means the sex will be very, very good.” As I spoke, I pulled him towards the bathroom.
“Where are we going?”
“Well, seeing you dressed in those tight shorts has all kinds of dirty thoughts rumbling around in my head, and I think I need a shower. You’re coming with me.” I closed and locked the bathroom door behind me. Then I proceeded to strip naked. “See?” I teased. “You’re not always the first one without any clothes on, but you won’t be clothed for long.” I reached into the shower and turned the handle, letting the water heat and steam up the room. When I turned back to Cas, he was already naked.
“I’ve never done it in a shower before,” he stated.
The water was at a perfect temperature, and I pointed towards the curtain. “Angels first.”
He stepped in with me right behind him, the water cascading down both of our bodies. I pushed him against the tiled wall and attacked him with kisses. But then I stopped and captured his eyes with mine. “Thank you, Cas, for always believing in me.”
“You’re worth it, Dean,” he said, and we kissed slow and passionately, tongues caressing. Our slick bodies slid against each other. Nothing felt better than this.
I turned him around, facing the wall, and grabbed him by the hips. “Brace the wall,” I demanded, and he put his hands out. My knee nudged his legs apart. From there, Cas knew what to do, and positioned himself. I took him slow and easy hoping he wouldn’t do that thing with the bright light and the scent of ozone. I just wanted him the normal way, but Cas was always afraid he wouldn’t feel anything unless he made love in angel form.
“Close your eyes, Dean,” he warned.
“Cas, can’t we just–”
“Do it,” he commanded.
It’s not that it was bad. As a matter of fact, it was the best sex I’d ever had, out of body and mind. It’s just that, well, it was the only way he could fully experience the act. I wasn’t convinced that he couldn’t feel anything through his vessel, but I think he was just afraid. I wished that he would let me take him as the human he portrayed, but then again, sex with Castiel in his otherworldly state was mind blowing. So I let him raise me up once more, and lost myself in the process. It’s the only time that I didn’t hurt anywhere, especially inside. When I was with Cas, I had no past, no burden, no bane. It was just me and him and nothing else. How did I get so lucky to have actually found something so real? I had no answer, but I didn’t care. He was mine, and mine alone.
* * * * *
Meanwhile . . .
Sam knocked on Dean’s bedroom door. “Hey Dean.” No answer. He knocked again. “You’re not mad at me for shooting down your idea, are you?” When there was still no answer, Sam tried the door handle and found it unlocked. “Can I come in?” He slowly opened the door and peeked inside. That’s when he heard the shower running and noticed that the bathroom door was closed. Sam let himself in and glanced around Dean’s room. He was still confused by the Castiel clothes. It was odd, he thought. It wasn’t like it was difficult to know how to dress like a homeless person.
He picked up the trench coat from the chair and examined it more closely. The tag displayed a size that would have been small on Dean. Sam furrowed his brow in confusion, and walked to the bed. It was still neatly made, a white shirt and dark pants thrown hastily on the comforter. As he reached for the shirt out of curiosity, his foot knocked something under the bed. Sam looked down and saw a black shoe. He glanced at the bathroom door again, and then bent down to pick up the shoe. After a closer look, he noticed the size was not Dean’s, and set it back on the floor where he found it.
Sam knew he shouldn’t be snooping on his brother. Dean was a very private person, always had been, but sometimes, the only way he could figure out his brother was to do a little investigating. Sam knew he kept secrets about his past and his present, but this was the oddest thing he’d found so far.
The shower was still running, so Sam took the time to glance around the room. Nothing else seemed out of the ordinary. There were the usual things lying around, hunting knives, an empty Styrofoam food container, the local newspaper with the story of another homeless killing circled. It was a case they had been following for a few days, but there hadn’t been any new leads. Then his eyes were drawn to the Pink Floyd poster. The top corner was still hanging loose. It shouldn’t stay like that. It would bend. So, Sam went over to smooth it back onto the wall. That’s when he saw what Dean had said was putty. Sam touched it and white came off on his finger. It was chalk, just like he thought it was. Why did Dean lie? Sam carefully pulled the other corner loose and revealed a symbol drawn behind the poster. It was an angel sign designed to keep them out, but part of it was erased, a broken seal. This would allow an angel to enter Dean’s room. Sam looked at the carelessly tossed clothes on the bed once more. Suddenly, there was bright light spilling from beneath the bathroom door, unnaturally luminous, blinding. He looked away, feeling his eyes water and burn. When he looked back, the light had extinguished, the shower water was still running, and Sam began to put the clues together.
“Holy shit,” he murmured.
Sam had always wondered about Dean’s personal life. His brother never brought anyone around. He was never in any relationships, and if he had one night stands, he had them somewhere else. Sam had suspected on a few occasions that Dean might be gay. There were very subtle hints that made Sam wonder, but not enough to prove anything. Not that it would matter. Sam knew homosexual couples in college. He wasn’t against that sort of thing. People were who they were.
He knew Dean was a good looking man. He’d seen just about every woman they passed eye him, but Dean never gave them a second look, and some of those women were extremely hot. Sam just played it off as being too busy with a job to think about pursuing any of them, though Sam had, on occasion, trailed some beauty to have his needs satisfied by sunrise. Dean never showed any signs of interest, at least not with pretty women. There was, however, an incident, and it was very brief, when he caught Dean watching a handsome twenty something male from over his coffee cup. Sam could have sworn there was lust in his brother’s eyes, and when he turned to follow Dean’s line of sight, his brother tried to distract him. Not before Sam saw the well-built dirty blond ogling Dean from afar. No, it couldn’t be, he justified. Now that he thought about it, Dean never came back to the motel they were crashing at that night. He had called and said he was staying with someone named Jamie. Sam just assumed it was a woman, but now that he thought about it . . .
He looked at the bathroom door again, feeling very awkward as he invaded his brother’s privacy. Could his suspicions be right? And if so, what would this mean? It was one thing to finally know for sure what his brother’s sexual preferences were, but to find out that he was screwing an angel . . .
Sam laughed nervously to himself. “No, couldn’t be. That isn’t possible, is it? Isn’t there some kind of rule or something against humans and angels fraternizing with–
“Oh Castiel,” came a moan from the opposite side of the bathroom door. There was no mistaking Dean’s voice.
The water turned off, and the metal curtain rings slid across the pole from which they hung. Sam heard the rustling of towels and panicked. He hurried to the bedroom door and slipped out, taking off for his own room, trying desperately to erase the image beginning to brew in his mind. Dean and Castiel. Is that what he witnessed? Sam tried to come up with an excuse, just someone who happened to dress like their angel friend, but how many people were named Castiel? And how could he explain that bright light? This was no coincidence. Dean was sleeping with Cas. But what was this, just a one-time fling, a drunken mistake, or was it something more involved? It was more than that though. Times were dangerous for all of them. Cas was being chased by angels who wanted to bring him back to heaven and lock him up for past mistakes he had made. They would stop at nothing to catch him, and that meant killing anyone who was hiding him. What the hell would they do if they found out he was screwing a human? Not only that, but Dean Winchester. “What kind of shit are you getting yourself messed up in this time, Dean?” Sam said to himself.
* * * * *
Castiel finished tying his tie while I zipped up my jeans. We were clean, sated, dressed, and wishing we had more time together. He had to go again, and I didn’t know how long it would be until we saw each other again. We came together, standing face to face.
“Be careful out there,” I warned.
“You too, Dean,” he replied.
I leaned towards him to kiss him once more before he vanished, but stopped midway when I noticed the poster had come undone from both top corners. Cas watched me, and saw the broken seal. “You didn’t seal us in? Dean, someone could have heard us. If they ever find out about–”
“It’s not just angels, I’m afraid,” I said, noticing a finger had been swiped through part of the chalk drawing. I turned and glanced at my bedroom door.
“What is it?” Cas asked with concern.
I went to the door. Damn it, I never did lock it. I was distracted by Cas when he came back wearing those tight shorts and . . .
There was a white smudge on the door frame. I looked at Cas with panic in my eyes, and confirmed what my suspicions had feared. “Sam.”
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Bridging The Past